my brief thoughts on.... 'Dead Tone'

i had NO clue that this movie was going to be hosted by Flava Flav.... not that he really had much more than a 30 second cameo at the beginning.... but it still set a tone for the movie right off the bat that it was going to be sub par.... it ended up being not quite the steaming pile of crap that i was expecting.... but it was by no means good.... as a matter of fact, if you've ever seen any of the movies put out after 'Scream' came out.... then you pretty much get the idea what this movie is going to be like.... yet another 90's horror movie rip off.... however, this was made in 2007.... a few years too late.... or a full decade.... the killer runs around in a hooded parka kind of furry thing.... there's a twist ending.... pretty girls, pretty boys.... a predictable plot.... there's just nothing original here at all.... but yet i watched the WHOLE thing.

some kids make prank phone calls.... one of the people they call comes to their house and kills everyone but the kids.... (the kids parents were having a party, so there were lots of adults to slaughter).... the kids grow up and get moved around into foster homes or are adopted.... one of them insists on continuing to make prank phone calls and calls it '75'.... if you can keep the person on the line for 75 seconds without breaking any of the rules, you win.... at a big party they play the game and end up calling the wrong person again and soon a large amount of killing with an axe occurs.... things happen, a twist happens, another twist and then (thank god) it ends.i'm not sure it deserves 2 out of 5 stars.... but i did it anyway.... perhaps i was just feeling jealous.... who knows....? i wouldn't recommend it.... even if you're damn bored.... or you're a big fan of 'I Still Know What You Did Last Summer'.... then you might just dig it.... either way.... i wouldn't bother.... let's just say i took one for the team by watching it for you....

if you like this, watch: 'I Know What You Did Last Summer', 'I Still Know What You Did Last Summer' and 'I'll Always Know What You Did Last Summer'

my thoughts on.... 'I Spit On Your Grave aka Day Of The Woman'

first off, i just have to clarify one stupid point.... the cover of the DVD used here is NOWHERE to be seen in the movie....! it's a stock shot to sell the movie based on a sexy half naked woman.... which actually kind of defeats the purpose of what the director was trying so hard to make the focus of the movie.... the power of a woman bent on revenge.... not how sexy she looks with a knife.... but that's marketing for you.

Roger Ebert and the late Gene Siskel both felt that this was the worst kind of garbage to be ever put on the screen.... and the extra features boast their entire reviews for you to read.... i guess in a way it's kind of a badge of honor.... it also shows a list of the cast, producer and director's filmographies and for most of them, this was the only movie they ever made.... it ruined some careers.... have i peaked your interest yet....? and i haven't even scratched the surface.... this movie also has the dubious honor of having the longest gang rape sequence in movie history.... granted, it's not over 30 minutes of the poor woman being raped over and over again by the 4 evil men.... it's more of a chase, rape, chase, rape situation.... which makes it no less abhorrent.... it actually makes it that much worse in my opinion.... because every time you think that our heroine is safe, the men re-appear and do more horrific things to her.... and Camille Keaton (great grand daughter of of Buster Keaton) makes it so believable that you almost feel like you're watching a snuff film in the making.... the only other rape scene that ever bothered me more was the 9 minute unflinching rape scene in 'Irreversible'.... that one still wins the prize for most disgusting and hard to watch.... (i dare you to watch that film and not feel sick by the end.... it's purposely designed to make you ill.)

now let's take a short break from everything and talk about the plot.... a woman from New York heads out to a cabin on a lake to write her first novel.... the townsfolk all seem extremely nice.... too nice.... and over time they become increasingly more and more involved in her life and she soon realizes that perhaps it's not kindness on their minds.... one day while sunning herself in her canoe, two of the men drag her and the canoe to a remote location where they meet up with the other two men who proceed to chase, taunt, rape and brutalize her.... once it's finally over, they leave her for dead.... but what they didn't realize is that she survived the attack and for the next two weeks begins to plot her revenge.... and boy does she exact an eye for an eye.... okay.... so we've covered some of the major points of this movie, but what we haven't discussed was the director's intentions and why he made the movie in the first place.... Meir Zarchi set out to make a movie about the power of a woman.... he even called it 'Day Of The Woman' because of this.... but the studio felt that it wasn't punchy enough.... they wanted something that would sell tickets, thus 'I Spit On Your Grave'.... and as far as this movie goes.... i have to admit, despite my sickness with the subject matter of rape, i understand the point he was trying to make.... perhaps he didn't go about it in the right way....? who's to say....? ultimately the woman did hold all the power.... and she knew how to weild it.... her biggest weapon being the power of sex itself.... (and some choice weapons, including a gun a knife, some rope and a speedboat).... she used her own body and lure to get the men to trust her so she could in turn destroy them.... why didn't she call the police....? why didn't she just leave after it happened so it didn't possibly happen again....? it seems that she felt like the only real justice had to be carried out by herself and no one else.... this was her way of regaining her power as a woman.... and to prove that no man had control over her or her body....

as a movie, it is 100% 70's low budget horror/thriller.... the production values are fairly low and the film itself doesn't have too difficult of a plot.... however, it was so influencial that it started a wave of rape/revenge movies.... yet another way for Hollywood to cash in on something over the top and that caught the media's eye and pervert it into a cash cow.... it's slow in some places, but never dull.... the acting is above par.... especially Camille Keaton.... i can't say that i hated it.... but i find rape disgusting and very difficult to watch, even if it's just pretend on a movie screen.... so all in all it earned 3 out of 5 stars for me.... however, i knew a lot about it going into it, so i knew what to expect.... that's part of the reason i'd been putting it off for years.... i'd seen some of it's offspring in my youth and just never found them too appealing.... granted, i enjoy a good revenge movie as much as the next guy.... but let's leave the rape out of it.... however, i'll make an exception in the case of this movie and 'Irreversible'.... as it served a purpose and there was an end to the means.... does that make it right or does that make the actions of the women in the film right....? no.... but it gives the power back to those who've lived through something like this and never had the chance to exact their pound of flesh.

if you enjoy this: just throw a rock at a wall of 70's movies and you'll hit two more movies that are very similar to this one.

my brief thoughts on.... 'Sex Drive'

James Marsden has come a long way in his brief career.... and his most recent passion seems to be comedy.... and i have to admit, he's damn funny.... and between him and Seth Green, they made this movie well worth the time to watch it.... James plays a "Stiffler" like character from 'American Pie' and plays it well.... Seth Green plays a non-average Amish man.... but i haven't even mentioned the actual cast or plot yet.... and the cast, although most are unknown, are perfect.... there's so many things about this movie to love.... and to think i passed it over for a long time.... but when it showed up OnDemand i couldn't resist anymore.... not too mention, i think the guy in the donut suit is a big selling point all on it's own.... and he's hilarious in his opening scene in the mall.... let's just say giant penis and a moving mouth.... you'll understand when you see the movie.... i laughed out loud....

a teen meets a girl online and decides to travel cross country to meet her.... so he drags a couple of friends along, steals his brothers car and heads out.... along the way lots of goofy stuff happens.... as it always does on road trips and road trip movies.... and when he finally meets the girl, all hell breaks lose and let's just say the donut costume re-appears and a gun is involved.... it's genius....all the way around this is a pretty damn funny movie.... if you like teen sex comedies, then this is one for you to watch.... i gave it 4 out of 5 stars.... and i would watch it again and probably pick it up for a few bucks at Target, once it makes the cheap DVD shelf.... (which it will).... if i haven't convinced you to watch it yet, then at least reconsider for the sake of James Marsden.... he's worth the time.... merry christmas everyone....!

if you like this, watch: any of the 'American Pie' movies

my brief thoughts on.... 'Waiting For Guffman'

i've already seen this movie.... but i enjoyed it and decided to watch it again since it was OnDemand.... if you haven't seen it, it's worth watching at least once.... Christopher Guest always has a biting bit of satire on a certain segment of society.... in this one he targets small town theater.... and in some way, theater in general.... granted it's not nearly as classic as 'Hamlet 2'.... but what is....? this still received high reviews from me for just how quaintly funny it is.... there's something sweet about it.... it's not mean spirited in any way.... and is very enjoyable....

a flamboyant director begins to work on a plan on the history of the small town where he's located.... and they learn that a famous man named, Guffman, would be coming to see the show and that it could possibly make it to Broadway.... so they put on the best show that they possibly can.... and what happends next....? you'll just have to watch it to find out.... damn it.if you like your comedies subtle and funny.... this is one you should see.... 4 out of 5 stars.... a 'classic' in it's own right.... and one of the better of Christopher Guests movies.... throw it in the queue.... what have you got to lose....?

if you like this, check out: 'A Mighty Wind', 'Best In Show' and 'This Is Spinal Tap'

my brief thoughts on.... 'Revenge of the Nerds'

i remember this was the first movie that i ever snuck into, if even for a brief moment.... just to see what all the fuss was about.... i mean it raised a bit of an uproar when it came out.... this was around the same time as 'Porky's', when teen sex comedies where at their peak.... it seemed like every other movie was either a low budget rushed horror movie or a sex comedy.... but never did the two meet for some reason.... seems to make sense in retrospect to put them together.... it could have been a blockbuster.... maybe i'm forgetting something and point it out if i am.... anyway.... this movie did so well that it spawned 3 sequels, each one worse than the last.... and luckily Anthony Edwards made it out when he did, so he could go on and have a career on 'ER'.... the rest weren't so lucky.... sadly, they may not be the only ones.... as a remake is in the possible works.

here's the plot in a nutshell.... nerds + jocks = hatred.... jocks push nerds too far.... nerds get their revenge against the jocks.... jocks lose, nerds get the girls and cheesy music plays us out.... the end.despite the simplicity of the script and the basic nature of the story.... this still stands out as a classic in the genre.... and what allowed me to give it 4 out of 5 stars.... it still makes me smile whenever i watch it.... it's just got some of that pesky 80's charm.... and holds up over the years.... i guess in a lot of way the themes are universal.... and are still relevant today.... or perhaps it's just because it has a main character named "Booger" and the classic line, "We've got bush!".... either way.... it's something every fan of 80's comedies needs to see before they die....

if you like this, check out: 'Weird Science', 'Real Genius' and 'Porky's'

just my thoughts.... on remembering the past.

they say you can never go home again.... and the older i get, the more i realize that this is true.... over the years, the house that i grew up in was sold, my high school no longer exists, many of the buildings and places i went are gone or remodeled.... so no matter how much i wanted to relive the past or just visit, it's not possible.... it's kind of sad when you think about it.... sometimes the best medicine is having a sense of belonging and place in the world.... and sometimes the best way to do that is to visit familiar places.... but if they're no longer there what do you do....? that's something that's bothered me for quite some time.... as i seem to lose a sense of these places and forget what they were like and also i've found that the older i get the more my memory fades and this is sad.... i suppose this also holds true for other memories.... it scares me to think that as we get older the things that once seemed so important can just vanish and be gone.... this is why i tend to hang onto things to help me remember those important dates, places and people.... so they'll never truly be gone and i can go back and visit there whenever i want.... it's why if you went through the boxes of things that i've carted around with me from house to house, apartment to apartment and dorm to dorm.... you'd see a collection of odds and ends and nick nacks and various things that may not make sense to the average viewer, but to me have all the meaning in the world.... sometimes i joke that, "If it wasn't for muscle memory, i'd have no memory at all.".... that honestly rings true a lot of the time....

now before you think i'm some kind of hoarder.... keeping every single piece of paper i was ever given.... i keep things to a bare minimum.... just enough to keep that shred of life still alive.... and not only does it keep it alive, but it keeps it grounded.... as over time we all tend to romanticize things.... right....? we remember them not as they were, but as we wanted them to be.... or how our mind has transformed them over the years.... like the time you were on a moonlit dock in Colorado, up in the mountains and watching multiple falling stars with no light but the moon, when you shared your first kiss with the girl that changed your life.... it sounds too good to be true.... but when you keep the right things to remind you of that experience then you know exactly what happened.... sometimes trinkets are not enough.... i find that writing helps.... almost like journaling.... but a bit more creative to give it some flair.... this way you have an on the spot account of exactly what happened while it's fresh in your mind.... it's like carrying around a video camera to record every important event in your life.... because i don't know about you, but i always want to have the memories to hold on to.... as what has happened in the past has made us who we are today.... and also, we don't want history to repeat itself with the bad stuff, right....? i think we've all been there before.... so what's the point of all this....? it's just something that's been rattling around in my head for days now.... and something i just had to get down somewhere to think it all out and put in in some semblance of order.... and with this blog, what better way to do that.... and maybe, just maybe.... i'm not alone in what i do.... maybe everyone does it in their own way.... i think it's just human nature to want to relive the past.... the good and the bad.... i find that at least once a day, i'm recalling something from some part of my life.... and applying it to the day at hand.... whether it be something from the day before or 20 years before.... it doesn't matter.... the joy of living is just that.... and is something that we should always have to hold on to.... because we are the sum of our parts and i think in order to truly understand ourselves we have to understand where we came from.... it's just that simple.

my brief thoughts on.... 'Blood On The Highway'

here we go again with yet anothe vampire movie....! okay, okay.... i admit it.... i like the genre again.... well, as long as movies like this one keep coming out.... this movie is very much in the vein of 'Evil Dead 2' or 'Dead Alive'.... plenty of blood, comedy, action and great characters to love.... (Tom Towles steals the show just a bit.).... this was a surprise of a movie.... i just happened upon it on one my regular horror blogs i frequent.... and i saw an ad for it.... since i'd never heard of it, i did a little research and decided that i had to see it for myself.... it was a happy day when i saw it and realized that people were still out there capable of making this kind of movie on a low budget and pulling off a worthwhile product.... i mean, i haven't had this much fun at a vampire movie since 'From Dusk Till' Dawn'.... it's that kind of movie.... sort of.... you've got all your stereotypes represented.... you've got a unique take on why the vampires exist in the first place.... and you have a group of kids that get involved on accident and turn it to be less the victim and more the hero.... i guess i'm just saying this was a refreshing movie to watch and enjoy....

3 friends are on their way to an annual music event and end up getting sidetracked and lost.... they end up in a little town called 'Fate' and soon find out that the town has been over run by vampires.... and the small population of humans that are left are battling to survive against overwhelming odds.... (sound pretty serious so far, but in reality it's not.).... the three friends get mixed up in the whole mess and soon find themselves smack dab at ground zero for the final showdown between the humans and the vampires and learn the ultimate truth as to why the whole horror story started at all.... and let me tell you, it's not what you think.... (but after you watch the movie, check out the special features for some funny tie ins to the storyline.)i highly recommend this for fans of any of the movies i've mentioned so far.... this received 4 out of 5 stars even before it was over.... it was such a strong little piece of filmaking that i couldn't help but love it....! not too mention the frat boy character is hilarious....!!!! (played by one of the writers of the movie.).... you also have Nicholas Brandon from 'Buffy' in a small but important role at the end.... and he's not typecast at all.... he's playing against his normal grain.... and he does a good job.... so if you've got time to rent a movie online or at the video store and you can find it.... please take my word for it and pick it up.... it's a diamond in the rough and soon to be a cult classic.... you want to get in on the ground floor of this one.... so you can be one of the cool kids.... right....? it's blood soaked fun and sometimes laugh out loud funny.... low budget filmaking at his best.

if you like this, check out: 'Evil Dead 2: Dead by Dawn', 'Dead Alive aka Brain Damage' and 'From Dusk Till' Dawn'

my brief thoughts on.... 'Futurama: Into the Wild Green Yonder'

in the final installment of the 'Futurama' movies.... and the one that would eventually tie directly into the opening episode of the new season, they saved one of the best for last.... and they made it fairly complicated, so i'll skip the plot details.... i'll just let you watch it for yourself.... but needless to say, Fry steals the show in this movie.... he wears a tin foil hat for most of the movie.... and it keeps changing during the course of it all.... it just tickled my funny bone for some reason.... and his importance to the storyline is great.... not unlike 'The Beast With A Billion Backs'.... where he was the focus there too.... it's like we got two Bender movies and two Fry movies.... well, sort of.... i've honestly run out of things to say.... i'll just say that i enjoyed it.... i gave it 4 out of 5 stars.... and highly recommend it to fans of the show.... and you should especially watch this one before starting the new season.... or watch it and then go back and watch the first episode again.... it'll make a bit more sense.... i kind of hope that they make more of these in the future.... maybe inbetween seasons....? it would be nice filler.... and i would love to add more 'Futurama' to my collection.... it's a great series that never got the audience it deserved and i'm so glad that it's back.... maybe this time it'll get a fair shake.... watch it and you'll see....

if you watch this, also check out: 'The Beast With A Billion Backs', 'Bender's Game' and 'Bender's Big Score'

my brief thoughts on.... 'Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter'

i'm surprised how many people have heard of this and seen it....! first advice for you, if you watch this, watch it with friends.... and beer.... it's not fantastic.... it's poorly acted.... the special effects are below low grade.... it's silly and poorly scripted.... not too mention it's overdubbed.... i suppose to get a better sound quality.... but it's kind of distracting.... the only real saving grace of this movie is the Mexican wrestler.... Santos....! (and even he's not that good.).... i guess the point of this brief review is that this is a guys night out kind of movie.... plain and simple.... for b-movie lovers only....

as the story goes.... lesbian vampires are running wild.... a couple of priests go and get Jesus from the oceanside.... and he cuts his hair, gets his ears pierced and sings a song then goes out to kick some ass.... the ass kicking is sub par by the way.... it's entertaining in a way.... especially the scene where he fights all the Atheists.... it's the crowning moment of the movie.... i gave it a low 2 out of 5 stars.... the only thing that raised it out of the gutter was Santos.... other than that.... this does not come with the Uncle Joel seal of approval.

if you enjoyed this: i'm sorry

my brief thoughts on.... 'The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo'

here's another example, kids, of when Netflix knows best.... and by now you'd think i'd listen when it points out a film to me.... that i'd just put it in my damn queue and get it over with instead of fighting it.... however, for 'The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo'.... it took finding out that Hollywood was remaking it for me to finally watch this.... i guess i assumed that it must be pretty darn good if they're bringing it to American audiences.... i mean, look at 'Let The Right One In' and it's soon to be released American counterpart 'Let Me In'.... i rest my case.... anyway, the plot held little interest.... the poster was eye catching.... i just couldn't bring myself to add it.... my point is that i'm glad i finally saw this film.... despite my earlier thoughts about it....

the plot revolves around a decades old murder that was never solved.... or perhaps it's just a missing person.... nothing was ever found out either way.... so Mr. Vanger hires a man who's 6 months from serving a jail sentence, to find out the truth.... Mr. Vanger thinks it might be someone in his family.... but has no clues to go on.... somewhere else in the city a woman is starting her own investigation into the man who's working on the case and gets wrapped up in the mystery by accident.... they soon meet and begin to work together to find the truth.... i don't want to give away too much more as once again, it's better to just watch it unfold on your own....the movie is thankfully subtitled not dubbed.... it's beautifully filmed.... the actors are well chosen and enthralling to watch.... as a matter of fact, they sold the film they were so good.... it took what could have just been another mediocre murder mystery and raised it to another level.... i couldn't take my eyes off of them.... and by the end of the movie i was so wrapped up that i didn't even see what was coming next....

an easy 4 out of 5 stars.... the thing that doesn't elevate it to something mor is the story itself is not entirely original.... not that i've seen this done before, but it didn't feel fresh in a lot of places.... it felt like something i'd seen before.... however, don't let that keep you from watching it.... 'The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo' is pretty darn excellent.

if you like this, watch: more foreign films damn it! there's a lot of good stuff out there.

my brief thoughts on.... 'Futurama: The Beast With A Billion Backs'

the third in the series of "in-between" 'Futurama' movies.... they just kept getting better and better.... and this one hits all the notes.... the plot may be a bit simpler to explain, but that doesn't mean it's a simple movie.... it's funny, creative and i really enjoyed it alot.... i wish i hadn't waited so long to see it.... there's a lot going on and a lot of the movie is subversive and sublime.... but it still hits you over the head with the obvious sexual overtones....

a giant tear in space threatens the earth.... the Planet Express team investigates.... soon Fry ends up going into the tear on his own and brings back a million tentacled creature that begins to overtake the planet.... but with love.... and not a regular love.... things get insane and it just gets funnier as the movie progresses....4 out of 5 stars.... a solid entry into the 'Futurama' lexicon.... it's tied with 'Into the Wild Green Yonder' as my favorite of the 4 movies.... and it makes me so happy that the series is back.... as this would have wetted my appitite and not made me full.... i highly recommend this for fans of the series.... you can't go wrong.

if you like this, watch: 'Into the Wild Green Yonder', 'Bender's Big Score' and 'Bender's Game'

my thoughts on.... 'Daybreakers'

i used to love vampire movies.... back in the day i lived for them.... but then i found zombies.... and i kind of fell out of love with the whole gothic horror thing.... but recently there has been a new crop of vampire movies that have begun to renew my interest in the genre.... like the masterpiece 'Let the Right One In'.... simply amazing.... now we come to 'Daybreakers'.... i'm a fan of Ethan Hawke as an actor, musician and writer.... i'm also a fan of Willem Dafoe.... he's got an amazing body of work.... so when i heard they were the primary cast in this film, it made me want to see it even more.... despite the vampire angle.... but the directors took such a different take on the whole theme that it's something new.... something fresh and in this genre.... that's not easy.... it's almost like everythings been done.... obviously, it hasn't.... i enjoyed this film so much that i watched it twice and it already has a spot on my DVD shelf and i don't even own it yet.... but i will.... and by now, i guess the secret is out that i really enjoyed this film....

the plot goes a little something like this.... in 2009 a vampire epidemic took over the world and the majority of the population turned.... and over the last ten years the humans have dwindled down to a very small percentage.... almost to the point of extinction.... as the vampires need to feed and haven't found another substitute for human blood.... some of the vampires feed on their own and themselves just to survive.... and with interesting results.... i never even thought of what would happen to a vampire feeding on other vampires before.... but these filmakers did.... Ethan plays a doctor trying to find a blood alternative.... and is doing it because he's sympathetic to the humans.... as a matter of fact, he never even wanted to be turned.... Willem plays.... well, that's a secret.... and Sam Neill plays the head of the corporation that Ethan works for and he's not a nice guy.... some humans show up starting a colony to save the population and then things get messy.... that's all i'm giving up plot wise....i didn't really love '30 Days of Night', but it had a unique premise and i gave it credit for that.... this movie was what i wanted that movie to be.... something unique that lived up to the hype.... this did that and more.... it's entertaining, action filled, thought provoking and bloody.... it has all the elements that a good vampire movie should have, but one that's in the future.... not the past.... and i think that's the final ingredient that makes this work.... the fact that it's almost presented like something that could happen.... 4 out of 5 stars.... a success of a film.... and one i recommend to the jaded vampire fan.... those who want to fall in love with the genre again.... granted, it's not 'Let the Right One In'.... but nothing could be.... but for what it is, it's pretty damn good....

if you like this, check out: '30 Days of Night', 'Let the Right One In' and 'Blood on the Highway'

my brief thoughts on.... 'American Zombie'

let me just start by saying this isn't your traditional shambling zombie movie.... or even your "BRAINS!" zombie movie.... these zombies are undead, walking, talking near humans.... as a matter of fact, you could barely tell they were undead unless you knew it.... it's an interesting premise to do this in a documentary style and to get some questions answered that you've maybe always wondered about.... it bothered me at first that they were normal talking people.... but they kind of explained it all by how there are 3 different kinds of zombies.... and each one functions at a different level.... the base level zombies are more of what we're all familiar with.... the next level can do basic things and work jobs, but aren't really high functioning.... and the highest level are basically human.... either way, over time i got used to it and just enjoyed the movie for what it was.... a mockumentary about zombies just trying to fit in and their annual gathering 'Live Dead'....

the plot involves several featured zombies and their different lives.... and it all leads up to the big gathering at the end.... it's hard to describe a plot to a documentary.... right....?all in all a worthwhile film.... 3 out of 5 stars.... for another take on an old theme, this my be for you.... just be prepared for something new.... i don't think i could enjoy a full length movie where the zombies are this human like.... i think the zombies in 'Return of the Living Dead' are about as verbal as i want them to get.... anyway.... check it out.... it's unique.

if you like this: call the director and ask them to make a sequel, because there isn't anything else quite like this.

my brief thoughts on.... 'Carver'

it's OnDemand.... it's not original.... it's shot in a very low quality, but they tried.... the acting is mediocre at best.... special effects are decent.... overall, nothing to write home about or much to write a review on.... however, it wasn't entirely terrible.... it's not a bad horror time waster.... and it has it's "cringe" moments.... but that's about as much as i can say....

some campers go out to camp.... they become the focus of some backwoods hillbillies who want to make snuff films about them.... a lot of violence ensues, people die and the end happens.... that's about it.... i still gave it 3 out of 5 stars, because they tried really hard.... and pulled off an above average low budget flick.... i don't ever need to see it again however....

if you like this: 'The Hills Run Red', 'The Texas Chainsaw Massacre' or any other hillbilly killer family movie

my brief thoughts on.... 'It's Alive' (1974)

Netflix summary of this reads that it's full of "giggles and gore".... i found no giggles and no gore.... as a matter of fact it's rated PG....! it's kind of dull, dated and slow.... the baby was done fairly well, but that was about it.... the only saving grace of this movie was the last line.... otherwise it wasn't really worth the time to invest in it....

a mutant baby is born.... kills all the doctors and nurses in the birthing room.... escapes.... goes on a killing spree.... the entire police force are out looking for the baby mutant.... things happen and it ends....2 out of 5 stars.... the extra star is strictly for the final line of dialouge.... otherwise not worth the time.

this movie has sequels and a remake, if you're interested: 'It's Alive 2: It Lives Again', 'It's Alive 3: Island of the Alive' and 'It's Alive' (2008)

my thoughts on.... 'Kick-Ass'

i had THE worst day.... and i was so happy when i came home and found 'Kick-Ass' in my mailbox from Netflix.... i made sure i got it the day it came out, because i wanted to see it since i first heard about it.... and let me just start by saying.... this movie does exactly what the title suggests.... it kicks ass....! it had bloody action, comedy, cool superheros, great storytelling, a good plotline.... everything that a superhero movie should have.... and with the new trend of making these movies for adults, not just for kids.... it brought this to a whole new level.... i thank god often for 'R' rated hero movies.... this wouldn't have been the same if it was PG or PG-13.... not the same at all.... and i was so happy to see my heroine from 'Witchblade' Yancy Butler in a minor role.... it floored me.... but that was just an added bonus.... everyone else in the movie was perfectly cast.... right down to Nicolas Cage.... for once he made sense as an action hero.... which i think is the way he's been trying to go for years now.... but with not much success.... they made the hero's costumes realistic.... something that someone could actually make and wear if they wanted.... granted their are people running around in this world dressed as superheros and doing good deeds (look it up on the net').... but nothing quite like this i think.... or if they are, they're pretty quiet about it....

our hero, Kick-Ass, is just another faceless kid in high school who longs for something more.... he's a comic book loving bit of a geek kind of guy.... who dreams about his fantasy girl.... oogles his hot teacher.... jerks off a lot.... is on the internet constantly and yet it's not enough.... he wonders why no one has ever tried to be a superhero.... so he takes it upon himself to be the first.... granted, he's wearing a wetsuit.... but it looks pretty damn cool.... we see him go through the growing pains of becoming a hero.... and some pretty serious ones at that.... more so than most heros when they're starting out.... soon other heros begin to emerge and we find out that there's a bigger plot behind everything.... involving a major crimelord.... and throughout the entire movie we watch Kick-Ass go from zero to true hero.... and we see the reality of putting yourself in this position.... no candy coating here.... what i really enjoyed about this movie is the wide range of characters.... granted you find several stereotypes portrayed.... but what do you expect from this kind of movie....? and since this is based on a comic book, i think that's why it has such a rich storyline.... i just wonder what they had to leave out to make this fit into it's 2 hour time limit....? and they even left it open for a sequel (which is in the works already).... i loved this movie from start to finish and it ran the full range of emotions.... and never had a dull moment.... it almost makes you want to become a hero yourself.... granted, after seeing what happens to the heros in this movie, i'm not sure it's the wisest move.... you'll find out what i mean.... unless you've already seen it.... i'm just glad that i finally had the chance myself to see it....

i give this a strong 4 out of 5 stars for originality and grit.... it's what 'Spider-Man' could have been if he didn't have super powers and was just Peter Paker in a suit without the special abilities and the movie was 'R' rated.... this one will be added to my DVD collection as soon as money floats into my hands and i can afford it.... between this and 'Watchmen', it's renewed my faith in the genre.... granted i'm leaving the 'Dark Knight' out of the mix here.... and i probably shouldn't.... i think it helped to open a lot of doors for the darker superhero movies.... and i'm sure they're more to come.... as a matter of fact, i know there is.... in summary, if you haven't seen this already.... you're missing out.... it's got something for everyone and i can't say enough good things about it.... i've already got it in the Netflix envelope, but i think i may just hang on to it a bit longer so i can watch it again.... yes, it's that good.... plain and simple, it kicks ass.

if you like this, watch: 'The Dark Knight', 'Watchmen' and 'Punisher: War Zone' (although none of these are funny.)

my brief thoughts on.... 'Tokyo Zombie'

take 'Shaun of the Dead' and mix in Jujitsu and you've got something like 'Tokyo Zombie'.... a Japanese zombie comedy.... the first thing i should mention is that for Netflix OnDemand users, this is dubbed.... so if that annoys you, don't watch and just rent instead.... but i watched it regardless.... and the dubbing was pretty good for once.... the guy playing the Fujio's voice was hilarious.... it fit perfectly.... not too mention, how many Japanese guys do you see with an afro....?!?! there's a lot of your typical Japanese themes in this.... and they all work really well in this movie.... it does borrow a bit from George A. Romero's 'Land of the Dead', but it's all in good fun, right....? i laughed at this and loved every minute of it....

Fujio and Mitsuo are two best friends who work in a fire extenguisher warehouse spending most of their days practicing the art of Jujitsu.... until the zombies begin to attack and they have to use their skills to fight of the oncoming hordes.... this movie takes place over a 5 year stretch and covers a lot of ground.... so the rest of the plot will just have to wait until you see it to find out the rest....the ending was silly and a true Japanese over the top ending.... the characters are very likable and you can't help but root for this underdogs.... the zombies start out a little questionable, but get better later in the movie.... although they do take some liberties with how much ass kicking the zombies can do.... but it's all just one big horror fantasy, so who cares....? it's not as funny as 'Shaun of the Dead', but it's just as fun to watch.... i gave it 3 out of 5 stars.... but a high 3 stars.... it sets out to tell a story in a certain way and it gives you everything that the opening promises.... so if you like zombies and Japanese comedies, this one may just tickle your funny bone.... or at least spank it and fondle it.... (see the movie.)

other movies like this: 'Shaun of the Dead', 'Dance of the Dead' (2008) and 'Stacey'

my brief thoughts on.... 'Blackballed: The Bobby Dukes Story'

who doesn't love Rob Corddry....? everything i see him in makes me laugh.... i'm loving his show that's on now, 'Children's Hospital'.... and i especially loved his episode or 'Curb Your Enthusiasm'.... very funny stuff.... the man just tickles my funny bone.... i came across this one and had to watch it.... granted there's a reason it was straight to DVD.... not meaning that it's not enjoyable.... but it's not got a lot of high production values and feels pretty low budget.... i still dug it....

Bobby Dukes was the ultimate paintball player, until the infamous "wiping" incident occured that put him out of the sport for 10 years.... after spending some time working around the world, he decides it's time to get back into the sport.... so he begins to put together a rag tag team of players.... and begins to train them for the championship paintball tournament.... a fairly funny movie.... it has some laugh out loud moments and some ones that just make you smile.... it's the first movie i've seen focusing on paintball.... and it makes me want to play watching them do their thing.... it's well done for what it is and is a fun little romp for a Saturday afternoon.... i say 3 out of 5 stars.... mainly for the Corddry factor.... but you'll recognize a few other faces from other movies.... mainly character actors, but all funny in their own right.... if you enjoy sports movies or kind of goofy comedies, check this one out....

other movies like this: 'Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story', 'Semi-Pro' and 'Blades of Glory'

my brief thoughts on.... 'Jesus Camp'

this documentary came recommended.... and i still don't know quite what i thought about it.... i can't tell if it was pro or con on the subject matter.... it seemed to walk the fence and was out to let you make your own decisions.... they never poke fun of or put the Christians in a bad light.... but for those not familiar with the lifestyle and how serious about God these people are.... it may seem strange and over the top.... even comical at times.... it was an eye opener, that's for sure....

the movie focuses on a camp for kids who are born again and becoming part of the new generation of "Jesus warriors".... or something along those lines.... it follows a few specific kids and the leader of the kids youth ministry.... it also follows George Bush's nomination of the new supreme court nominee.... and ties it all together....i gave it 2 out of 5 stars.... as i don't feel it got the point across.... or maybe i just missed it.... either way, it wasn't amazing.... for interested parties only.

other documentaries like this: none that i can think of

my brief thoughts on.... 'Futurama: Bender's Game'

during the brief hiatus before 'Futurama' was brought back to television, there was a series of movies put out.... four of them total.... i just watched this one finally and i have to say it was a lot of fun....! it makes a lot of references to pop culture of the recent past and things i did as a kid, like 'Dungeons & Dragons'.... if you're a fan of fantasy movies and games there's a lot of little nods to the genre.... not too mention if was pretty damn funny....

the plot is long and confusing and is best just to be seen.... plus it won't spoil any of the surprises.... if you're a fan of 'Futurama' and haven't already seen them.... add them to your queue and sit back and enjoy.... it's well worth and hour and a half of your time.... i gave this one 4 out of 5 stars.... it's just too damned entertaining.... and boy am i happy the show is back on the air.... thank goodness.

the other three 'Futurama' movies: 'Bender's Big Score', 'Into The Wild Green Yonder' and 'The Beast With A Billion Backs'

my brief thoughts on.... 'Delicatessen'

for those of you who've never seen a Jean Pierre Jeunet and Marc Caro film.... you're missing out on near pitch perfect filmaking.... sadly, they don't work together anymore.... but they're still putting out amazing work on their own.... now, i've seen 'Delicatessen' many times before.... but i just re-watched it this week.... and it's still as strong as it ever was.... i highly recommend you watch it as soon as possible.... the story, the cinematography, the acting, the script, the characters, the music.... everything is amazing.... however, that can be said of anything with their name on it....

this movie tells the, what seems to be, post-apocalyptic tale of an apartment where the butcher runs the place and continually hires new handymen to fatten them up to serve to the tennants as meat.... food is in short supply and all has gone to hell in this world.... the tennants know the deal and are in on it.... it's no secret.... however, when the new handyman moves in, the butcher's daughter takes a shine to him and doesn't want him killed.... he's a former circus star and a very likable guy.... the rest of the story just has to be seen to be believed.... it's bizarre and wonderful....i put this in my top 50 films of all time.... as with their other film, 'City of Lost Children'.... if you can stand French subtitles and like your movies off the beaten path, then this is one for you.... 5 out of 5 stars hands down.... i only wish i could watch it again with fresh eyes so i could experience the joy of not knowing what was going to happen next.... but it still holds up as an amazing piece of art....

other Jeunet and/or Caro films: 'City of Lost Children', 'Amelie' and 'A Very Long Engagement'

my brief thoughts on.... 'Antichrist'

Lars Von Trier is the master of creating beautifully tragic scenes and moving visual pieces of art.... only to be matched by David Lynch.... granted, his films are not for everyone.... this one especially.... this one has pushed his boundries to a near breaking point.... but he still walks a fine line.... this is classified as a horror film, but it's more than that.... it has elements of a supernatural horror film.... a stalker/slasher film.... but in a lot of ways, it's just the study of a couple dealing with the tragic loss of a child.... it's just an extreme example of how someone might deal with it.... very extreme.... i don't know that i can put into words what this movie is.... or was.... or even what i saw.... i can't sum it up into a simple string of sentences.... it's like when i saw 'Dancer in the Dark'.... it moved me so deeply.... and it was beyond description.... or 'Dogville'.... such a unique movie with a unique vision that needs to be seen to be understood.... but i digress....

this movie starts with one of the most amazing opening scenes ever filmed.... where the couple is wrapped up in their own lovemaking that they don't notice that the window of their apartment has blown open.... they live about 6 stories up or more and their son is not asleep.... he soon gets out of his crib.... past the baby gate and up on the desk in front of the window.... where he proceeds to slip and fall to his death... unable to deal with her grief, the wife breaksdown.... her husband, a therapist, begins treating her.... which is against everyones better judgement.... soon they decide to face her fears and head to a cabin in the woods where the movie just plummets off the deep end into insanity....it's strange, but in this movie.... there really isn't anyone but the couple and their son.... i can't think of one other person you see throughout the film.... it's really a meditation on their lives.... it's graphic, it's brutal, it's extremely sexual.... it's unlike any movie i've seen in a while.... i still can't say that i've made my mind up about it.... as i only gave it 3 out of 5 stars.... mostly due to the ending being a little vague.... but maybe that was the point....? i really think it deserves far more stars for it's shear creativity and boldness in filmaking.... it's unlike anything you'll see this year.... give it a shot.... but you have been warned, it's not for the weak and it's not for a large segment of the population.... this is a study in film appreciation.

some other Lars Von Trier movies i recommend: 'Dancer in the Dark', 'Dogville' and 'Manderlay'

my brief thoughts on.... 'Mother's Day' (1980)

this is a Troma Team release, so you already know what you're getting.... violence, nudity and a low budget.... and that's exactly what this has to offer ie: the usual 80's horror movie themes.... it's nothing new or special.... it came about as part of the trend of making movies based around holiday themes.... although, truth be told, this movie DOES NOT take place on Mother's Day.... not that it really matters.... i have to admit i was enthralled with this movie.... i'm not sure why.... i guess i'm just a sucker for the cheesy 80's horror....

3 former college roomates go on a camping trip and get kidnapped by a couple of psycho hillbillies who love their mother.... they torture the women, but eventually the women escape and have their revenge.... and that's about it....not a hard sell for fans of the genre.... but still only a 2 out of 5 star attempt.... the ending was piss poor.... and could have been much better.... however, it was just an example of what the 80's was.... there are a slew of these types of movies out there that are easy to find and are all about the same.... so if you're into that kind of thing.... this may be the movie for you.

other examples: 'My Bloody Valentine' (1981), 'April Fool's Day' (1986) and of course, 'Friday the 13th' (1980)

my brief thoughts on.... 'Confessions of a Porn Addict'

i don't know what it is with me and mocumentaries this weekend.... but this was my second one.... a very tragically comedic look at porn and all of it's dangers.... it makes most porn lovers look like boy scouts in comparision.... this man really loves his porn.... to the point that he loses everything because of it.... the movie has many ups and downs.... but a strong storyline throughout with a good 1st, 2nd and 3rd act.... the main character actually has an arc in his personality and you feel for him and all of his troubles....

Mark is obsessed with all things pornographic.... he sometimes watches things on the TV, his computer and his laptop all at the same time.... he has an extensive collection of DVD's and videos as well as the first book and 16 mm movie he ever saw when he was a kid.... this man loves his porn.... but when his wife gets tired of him being so self centered and focused on the sex industry and the fact that he gets caught masturbating in a video store.... she leaves him.... he has no job and the threat of jail looms over him.... so he enlists the help of his filmaker friends to make a documentary about him so that maybe the courts won't throw him in jail.... which is his biggest fear.... however, along the way he finds out the wife is in the porn business now and the search is on to find her and reconcile.... i found myself really enjoying this film despite the subject matter.... it was presented in a tasteful way.... if you can say that.... and it was very entertaining.... i would give it 3 out of 5 stars.... mainly because the ending was kind of a let down.... the build up was so much that i guess i expected a little more out of the filmakers.... which were actually the writers and directors of the movie and also the stars.... one of whom you may recogonize from the short lived show 'Kenny vs. Spenny'.... Spencer Rice.... if you love your porn, you'll enjoy this.... it just might make you feel a little less creepy.

if you like this: get on the internet as you know you want to find some porn of your own now

my brief thoughts on.... 'How To Be A Serial Killer'

this is a hard film to clasify.... part mockumentary, part serial killer movie, part motivational speaker seminar.... but very entertaining.... the lead in the movie is charming nd charasmatic.... his student is kind of a loveable sad sack.... but together they do some pretty nasty things.... this movie felt very familiar, but at the same time foreign.... i found myself glued to the TV for the entire film, wondering where it was all going.... there was just so much going on....

you have a hapless video clerk who meets a friendly man who asks him if he would kill a man in the store who was being an a-hole.... this leads to the man shooting the a-hole in the parking lot and a friendship is formed.... more of a mentor relationship.... here the man is out to teach the clerk how to be a serial killer.... interwoven within the storyline is a motivational lecture on the same topic and interviews with a man talking about serial killers.... it sounds strange on paper, but it works very well as a whole.... i gave this 3 out of 5 stars.... mostly for entertainment value alone.... it was missing a little something that kept it from being a 4 star movie.... but i would still recommend it for fans of the genres mentioned.... and there's not too many movies where you root for the killer.... at least not too many i can think of.

if you like this, check out: 'Behind The Mask: The Rise And Fall Of Leslie Vernon', 'Man Bites Dog' and 'American Psycho'