my very brief thoughts on.... 'Parents' (1989)

If you just read my review of 'The Stuff', you might remember some of the nice things I said about it and the nostalgia of watching an 80's film.... none of that applies here. NONE OF THAT.

I am so unsure of what to write in this review. I have stayed away from 'Parents' (1989) for so long, as I always heard about how much of a "cult classic" it was and every review had good things to say. I have no freakin' clue what movie they were watching, but it couldn't have been this. I loathe this movie, if you can even call it that. I am still not 100% sure why in the hell I sat through the whole thing. It wasn't funny, it wasn't darkly comic, it wasn't a drama, it wasn't really horror, it wasn't really much of anything. The last time I was this ticked off about watching something was after I sat through 'Very Bad Things'. (man, that one SUCKED too!) Maybe I'm missing the point of this movie? I don't think so. I mean, I am a student of all things film. I love to watch anything and everything and have dedicated a good portion of my life to films. This however, is just so terrible that I have to warn you all to stay as far away from it as possible. It's like washing the blood off your hands after a murder, they just won't come clean. I can only dream of getting my hour and a half back. I did, however, sit through the entire thing (in the hopes it might redeem itself af the end) and tried really hard to get into it. It just has no point. None. Zero.

Here is the, so-called, plot: (taken from IMDB.com) "Michael Laemie (played by Brian Madorsky) is a young boy living in a typical 1950's suburbanite home... except for his bizarre and horrific nightmares, and continued unease around his parents. Especially his father, Nick Laemie (played by Randy Quaid). Young Michael begins to suspect his parents are cooking more than just hamburgers on the grill outside, but has trouble explaining his fears to his new-found friend Sheila, or the school's social worker." What are they cooking you might ask? Human meat. Yup, they're cannibals. That is the whole thing in a nutshell.I am assuming that this first full length movie directed by Bob Balaban, was supposed to be some kind of dark satire. (and for those of you who don't know Bob Balaban, I think of him more as an actor.... look him up, you'll know exactly who he is) I kept trying to get some kind of subtext in the screenwriting about the 50's or the 80's or the dark comedy angle, but if it's there it must really be hidden. I couldn't see anything in all of the images and storyline that was anything more than a family in crisis. Two, not very good, parents who feed their child human flesh. A child that has horrific nightmares about this parents and see's them doing strange things and becomes suspicious. A counsler that doesn't buy into it all until it's too late and a bit of blood and guts. There isn't anything charming or enjoyable about watching this. The characters aren't likable, the lead is annoying, the script is boring at best and it just has an overall negative feel to it. It's kind of like watching a news story about puppies being killed for thier fur. You want to know why anyone would do that, but instead.... you just get to hear about and see puppies being turned into fur and no ending in sight. No explanation. Nothing at all. And in my opinion, I guess it's better that way. I really could care less about this family or anything to do with them.

So, here we are at the end of it all. I don't like to give anything a '0' star rating, but I can't in good faith give this anything but that. It's time I will never regain and a memory that bleach won't remove. It's 0 our of 5 stars and that's being generous. I don't know how this movie got made or why the people involved were involved in the first place. I have nothing good to say about this movie and I really like Randy Quaid and Bob Balaban.... I really do. Let's just move on from this disaster and stuff it away in the back part of our memories and try to block it out. I only hope that Hollywood doesn't ever get the bright idea to remake it. I don't think I could tolerate a world with two versions of this fiasco.

If you watch this, I can't compare it to anything else. I will merely recommend that you don't watch it and just punch yourself in the groin for an hour instead. (that goes for you too, ladies.)

my thoughts on.... 'In My Skin aka Dans Ma Peau'

This film is in French, despite the trailer included below. FYI.

'In My Skin aka Dans Ma Peau' is a disturbing trip through one woman's mental collapse and obsession with herself. This film is written, directed and starred in by Marina de Van. I had never heard of her before this, but I know want to pursue her other films. She has a unique quality to her that is both untouchable and very approachable. I can't quite put my finger on it, but she commnands your attention when she's on the screen. Not too mention that she is a very good director, actress and writer. My only complaint about this film was that the ending was a bit ambiguous and lacked closure. If she could have tightened it up a bit, I would be saying that this would be a part of my library some day.... as it stands now, only time will tell. As mentioned above, this is a French film. (You are all aware of my feelings on the French cinema, if you've read my blog before.) The reason this film even showed up on my radar was because of the outstanding reviews I've been reading for a while now. It was listed on several lists including the most disturbing films of recent and the best "horror" films of recent. I think it qualifies on both lists, but not in a traditional sense. What Marina has created here is something beyond horror and beyond a thriller or drama. It's mostly what I would call, a psychological horror. What's disturbing and horrifying about this is not so much what's happening due to outside factors, but what's inside. Her mind is the villan and she is a willing victim. I think that's why it was such a refreshing chance of pace from the usual fare that's out there right now. Thank god for people like Marina who are willing to take risks on screen.

The story here involves a woman who seems to have her life together. She has a good job and is looking at a promotion, she has a good boyfriend and they're relationship is growing and she knows who she is. While at a party with a friend, she wanders off outside and stumbles onto some rubble in the yard. She is injured, but doesn't know to what extent until she realizes she's bleeding all over the house. She quickly heads off to a restroom and finds out she's suffered a rather serious gash to her calf muscles. She hides it and goes to the ER after the party. The doctor finds it odd that she wouldn't have noticed it sooner and that it only hurt several hours after the fact. He fixes her up and she's on her way. Over the next several days something strange starts to happen.... she begins to fixate on the wound. This fascination grows and grows until soon she's cutting herself in other places and re-opening the original wound. Things get worse and soon she's suckling her own blood and eventually eating her own flesh. Each time she does these things to herself, she is almost in a stupor. It's like she's sleeping and doesn't realize what she's done until afterwards. Everything in her life begins to crumble. Until a horrific climax and the semi-unsatisfying ending.

I feel like I've already said about as much as I can about this film. I recommend you check out the trailer below, but it's in English. They avoided any speaking parts from the film and just overdubbed the background voice in English. The film is available to rent from Netflix, but I'm not sure how available it is elsewhere. If you like to take risks with your film going experiences, then I would recommend this film without hesitation. If you like your films safe, easy to comprehend and without those 'icky' moments.... this is NOT the film for you. This is what Andrew Zimmern would call, "The deep end of the pool." I look forward to whatever Marina de Van has to share with us in the future. I think she has the potential to push the barriers of our fears and to delve in the mind in a unique way.

A 4 out of 5 star attempt from our friend across the pond. A frightening journey to take, but one that's worth the effort. I can only wonder if there is anyone out there in the world who's ever ended up in the position she ended up in within the film. What a dark place to live. Afraid of being alone with yourself, unsure of what you're capable of and unsure how far things will go before you either injure yourself beyond repair or injure someone else. My only suggestion to you before watching this is to make sure you're not eating anything that falls into the 'rare' category. Stick with things that are well-done.

If you like this, watch other psychological based horror: 'Spiral', 'The Silence of the Lambs' and 'High Tension aka Haute Tension'

my thoughts on.... 'Hunger' (2009)

i tend to be a stickler about DVD covers being accurate depections of what the movie is about.... this one is only half-right.... the actress, Lori Heuring, is never in her underwear during the film.... there is no need to mark the days off on the wall as there is a clock in the room they're kept in that counts down the days.... and finally, there is no hacksaw in the film.... that being said, i really enjoyed this film regardless....

i'm always looking for a new horror film to watch.... and it's getting harder and harder these days since i've seen so damn many.... this one seemed to come along at just the right time and i'm sure glad that it did.... as a rule, the Fangoria Frightfest selections are not always of the best quality.... so i was hesitant about this film in the beginning.... but sometimes there's exceptions to the rule and this film is one of those exceptions.... this was a simple story about survival that was elevated to something else because of the deeper storyline and the commitment of the actors.... it had a bit of a problem regarding the villans history and i was also thrown off by the look of the villan.... i think they were trying to make him look as normal as possible so that it created more of a realistic feel to the film.... and by the end, i was buying into it myself.... but be prepared to be put off by it in the early parts of the film....

the story is about a man who was trapped in a car with his mom after an accident when he was a child.... he was in there so long that he was forced to begin eating her after she died.... when the rescue team finally found him, he was catatonic but alive.... many, many years later, the man kidnaps 5 strangers and puts them in a dugout underground with nothing but barrels of water to live off of.... no food whatsoever.... each of them is initially skeptical of each other, but over time they realize that they have to trust each other if they want to survive.... the lead actress plays a doctor and she advises that they can survive about 30 days without food, as long as they have water.... but it is not something that will end pleasantly and they have no idea what their captor has in store or if he'll ever give them any food.... what happens over the course of the rest of the film is basically the breakdown of a mini-society.... lines are drawn, sides are taken and things get out of hand.... it's an examination of the human condition in its rawest form.... this film, i guess, falls into the cannibalism genre.... but i don't want to sell it short by sticking it into a corner.... it's more of a survival horror.... it asks the question, "How far would you go to survive?".... and this also gives you an idea how a lack of food will affect you over a long period of time.... the desire for food goes way beyond your desire to have some, it goes deep into the hard-wiring of humanity.... we all have a breaking point where we'll do anything to get what our body craves.... from eating bugs, moss off the walls, dirt, anything that's edible.... but would you give up your humanity to eat another human being....? that's where this gets really interesting.... because you can actually see the psychological side-effects of going down the road to ruin.... it's like once you make that choice, you can never go back to who you were before.... and for some people, they don't want to go back.... it twists you into something dark and souless.... and i can imagine that the people who've actually had to experience this are probably scarred beyond saving.... i wouldn't think that a lifetime of therapy would fix the deep seated destruction of the mind.... as you can see, this film raises some interesting questions.... or at least it did for me.

i found this film to be a 4 out of 5 star journey.... something that i was surprised by and happy that i took the time to watch.... it's available to watch on DVD from Netflix, but not OnDemand.... it is worth the rental, trust me.... i've never seen or heard of any of the people involved in this film.... but i think that there is some great potential here for bigger things for all of them.... i've also changed my opinion on the Fangoria Frightfest selections.... i'll be a little less hesitant to avoid them from now on.... i will judge them based on the storyline and the reviews given.... i'm a big enough guy to admit my mistakes.... or maybe it's not me, maybe it's that Fangoria has set higher standards for what they put their name on.... either way, check it out.... and make sure you have a good meal before you watch this one.

if you like this, check out the Food Network afterwards.... it's the exact opposite of what you've seen in the film.

my brief thoughts on.... 'Delicatessen'

for those of you who've never seen a Jean Pierre Jeunet and Marc Caro film.... you're missing out on near pitch perfect filmaking.... sadly, they don't work together anymore.... but they're still putting out amazing work on their own.... now, i've seen 'Delicatessen' many times before.... but i just re-watched it this week.... and it's still as strong as it ever was.... i highly recommend you watch it as soon as possible.... the story, the cinematography, the acting, the script, the characters, the music.... everything is amazing.... however, that can be said of anything with their name on it....

this movie tells the, what seems to be, post-apocalyptic tale of an apartment where the butcher runs the place and continually hires new handymen to fatten them up to serve to the tennants as meat.... food is in short supply and all has gone to hell in this world.... the tennants know the deal and are in on it.... it's no secret.... however, when the new handyman moves in, the butcher's daughter takes a shine to him and doesn't want him killed.... he's a former circus star and a very likable guy.... the rest of the story just has to be seen to be believed.... it's bizarre and wonderful....i put this in my top 50 films of all time.... as with their other film, 'City of Lost Children'.... if you can stand French subtitles and like your movies off the beaten path, then this is one for you.... 5 out of 5 stars hands down.... i only wish i could watch it again with fresh eyes so i could experience the joy of not knowing what was going to happen next.... but it still holds up as an amazing piece of art....

other Jeunet and/or Caro films: 'City of Lost Children', 'Amelie' and 'A Very Long Engagement'