sound issues and all, i'm back for another episode of 'The Sunshine Happy Kpants Hour'!

The 229th episode of 'The Sunshine Happy Kpants Hour' is uploaded and now available through iTunes, Talkshoe, Stitcher Radio, PodcastDirectory.com and streaming LIVE right here. I'm also a proud member of The Podcast Collective! Find all of our great shows at http://www.PodcastCollective.com!
This week, topics include: Cabell Molina, aspiring to inspire before we expire, geek and ye shall find and making the days count. I apologize for the major sound issues, but the music still sounds great! enjoy!
Songs played this week:
1) Crosshairs by Gold Bloom
2) Daytime by Fresh
3) 1K Rats by Sincere Engineer
4) Broken Eyes by Chief State
5) Sunshine by Goalkeeper
6) Deal With It by Keep True

we all love Lucy! especially on 'The Sunshine Happy Kpants Hour'....

The 185th episode of 'The Sunshine Happy Kpants Hour' is uploaded and now available through iTunes, Talkshoe, Stitcher Radio, PodcastDirectory.com and streaming LIVE right here. I'm also a proud member of The Podcast Collective! Find all of our great shows at http://www.PodcastCollective.com!

This week, it's a whole lot of random! Topics include: wanting and needing things, 'I Love Lucy' and the 4th of July. It's a show. Good music though. Enjoy!

Songs played this week:

1) Go Go Go by Sleeping With Sirens

2) Vertigo Flowers by Nothing

3) Right Here by The Story So Far

4) Don't Say Anything by Sleeping With Sirens

5) Curse Of The Sun by Nowhere

6) Things I Can't Change by The Story So Far

alt-women unite! 'The Sunshine Happy Kpants Hour' is playing your song(s)!

The 183rd episode of 'The Sunshine Happy Kpants Hour' is uploaded and now available through iTunes, Talkshoe, Stitcher Radio, PodcastDirectory.com and streaming LIVE right here. I'm also a proud member of The Podcast Collective! Find all of our great shows at http://www.PodcastCollective.com!

This week, I'm not feeling good about the chatter, but the music is amazing. Topics include: overcoming obstacles, my flat tire incident and relying on others for support. It's a decent one, kids. Enjoy!

Songs played this week:

1) Rider by Juliana Hatfield

2) Don't Talk Like by Sleater-Kinney

3) Did You Ever by That Dog

4) Girl In Old Blue Volvo Disowns Self by Juliana Hatfield

5) Get Up by Sleater-Kinney

6) Never Say Never by That Dog

music is my therapy.... and this episode of 'The Sunshine Happy Kpants Hour' isn't going to charge you by the hour!

The 174th episode of 'The Sunshine Happy Kpants Hour' is uploaded and now available through iTunes, Talkshoe, Stitcher Radio, PodcastDirectory.com and streaming LIVE right here.

This week, things are really off, but the music is spot on. Topics include: Charles Bronson, some mental health and remembering one of the most important nights of my life.... wrong. Check it out now and Enjoy!

Songs played this week:

1) Empty Space by The Story So Far

2) Concrete by This Wild Life

3) I Don't Love You Anymore by Real Friends

4) Things I Can't Change by The Story So Far

5) Over It by This Wild Life

6) Spread Me All Over Illinois by Real Friends

Ben Folds Five is alive! and on 'The Sunshine Happy Kpants Hour'

The 166th episode of 'The Sunshine Happy Kpants Hour' is uploaded and now available through iTunes, Talkshoe, Stitcher Radio, PodcastDirectory.com and streaming LIVE right here.

This week,Ben Folds Five takes over your earholes. Topics include, the history of Ben Folds Five, why we dig the people we do and OCD fun! It's a show, kids. Enjoy!

Songs played this week:

1) Best Imitation of Myself by Ben Folds Five

2) Fair by Ben Folds Five

3) Hold That Thought by Ben Folds Five

4) Don't Change Your Plans by Ben Folds Five

5) Evaporated by Ben Folds Five

6) Michael Praytor, Five Years Later by Ben Folds Five

episode 125 is here of 'The Kpants'.... i'm sorry.

The 125th episode of 'The Sunshine Happy Kpants Hour' is uploaded and now available through iTunes, Talkshoe, Stitcher Radio and streaming LIVE right here.

This week, it's complete randomness and not in a good way. Topics include the reality of Thanksgiving, shaving and the joy of the hunt.... or lack there of. ENJOY!

Songs played this week:

1) In Good Company by Shockbox

2) Living Room Floor by Anyone's Guess

3) Brave New Day by Queendom

4) Out On A Limb by Azwel

5) Not A Letter, But A Postcard by Guri Hansdttir

6) Cyclone by Shockbox

3 Day Zombie Movie Fest Weekend! (epilogue) - my thoughts on.... 'Zombies vs. Strippers'

A zombie movie fest? It was bound to happen. I've had several zombie movies in my queue, waiting to be seen. However, I just wasn't in the right state of mind to watch them and I didn't have the time. But, with the 3 day weekend upon me.... I figured there was no time like the present! So I fired up Netflix and away we go!

Full Moon Features is certainly not the mark of quality, but that doesn't mean that they're not entertaining. I've seen more of their movies than I care to admit to. Ever since I was in college, my friends and I spent many wasted nights enjoying the movies of Full Moon. It's been about a decade since I've seen anything from them. As a matter of fact, I wasn't even sure they still existed. So, when 'Zombies vs. Strippers' started, I was shocked when the Full Moon logo appeared! It sent a wave of nostalgia through my brain and quickly told me what I could expect over the next 80 minutes.

Now, the title automatically tells you what to expect. It's not a clever way to get people to watch and then the movie features werewolves and midgets.... oh no, it's nothing but strippers and zombies. If you want nudity, this movie has it. If you want zombies chewing on people, this movie has it. If you want high quality art house film making, this movie doesn't have it. This movie is just a big, dumb, reason to sit around and watch zombies chase after topless women. Plain and simple. This one won't leave a mark in the zombie genre and will most likely be forgotten by anyone who sees it. It's not a movie that anyone would aspire to have in their collection. It's just a reason to kill time.

The plot, is simple. (surprised?) A strip club owner is on the verge of losing his club and is trying one last time to make it work. During the last hurrah, a zombie outbreak occurs and the world begins to collapse. Everyone at the strip club is completely oblivious to the end of the world. Instead, they're having a going away party. Then the outside world starts to creep in and everything goes to hell. It's an all out battle of zombies vs. strippers, who will win? Who cares? That's it. Plain and simple.

There's no reason to watch this movie, but there's no reason to not watch it. If you like zombies and sleazy strippers, that's all you need to know to make your decision on whether you watch it or not. The make up is pretty terrible. The acting is sub-par. The sets are a joke. It has all the same earmarks that Full Moon had in the 90's, which is sad and awesome.... all at the same time. There's a Michael Jackson impersonator zombie. There's character stereotypes out the yin yang here. This movie has so many cliches that it goes beyond being bad and back to good again and then back to being bad. I really wanted to like this movie, I really did. It honestly had me hooked within the first 15 minutes. The problem is, there was never really any pay off. The further it went along, the worse things became. It's almost like the writer started out strong, but got a hernia, ended up in the hospital and his 13 year old son took over. This one had so much potential and could've been a bit of a cult classic. Instead, it just ended up being another reason to wonder why in the hell you just wasted an hour and twenty minutes of your life.

If I could change one thing about this movie, it would be everything. 'Zombies vs. Strippers' should sell itself by it's title alone. Sadly, you can't infuse charm and charisma into a movie that lacks it. If a movie is built around all of the right elements, it doesn't matter how bad it is.... it can still be wildly successful. I've seen movies shot on a value meal budget that amazed me. A good script, an original story, something to set it apart can turn a horrible movie into a classic. With all of that being said, I will give this movie one big shout out of respect: the cast was 100% committed to their characters. No matter what was going on around them and no matter how bad things were, they stuck to their guns and sold it like they were working with Ron Howard and not Clint Howard. I wish that would have been enough. I really, really did. Full Moon used to mean high quality crap with a heart. This had some of that flavor and flare, but not enough to make me want to dive back in to the deep end of their pool. Sorry 'Zombies vs. Strippers', you're not two great tastes that taste great together.

2 out of 5 stars

If you hated this or liked this, check out: 'Zombie Strippers', 'Doghouse' and 'Poultrygeist: Night of the Chicken Dead'

3 Day Zombie Movie Fest Weekend! - my thoughts on.... 'Rise of the Zombies'

A zombie movie fest? It was bound to happen. I've had several zombie movies in my queue, waiting to be seen. However, I just wasn't in the right state of mind to watch them and I didn't have the time. But, with the 3 day weekend upon me.... I figured there was no time like the present! So I fired up Netflix and away we go!

Possible *Spoilers!* in this review. You probably won't care anyway, the movie isn't that good to begin with.

SyFy doesn't have the best reputation when it comes to making movies. They're notorious for making sub-par z-grade horror and science fiction movies. If you go into them not expecting much, you probably will get your money's worth. If you go into them expecting Oscar winning masterpieces? You will be sadly let down. The thing is, when they do tongue in cheek flicks that are meant to be stupid, they're successful! When they make attempts at serious horror or sci-fi, they fall flat on their faces. This was a serious attempt. Granted, they had a decent cast of b and c-level actors, but everybody seemed to be phoning in their performances. LeVar Burton was particularly bad. I kept wanting to sing the 'Reading Rainbow' song and change it too 'Bleeding Rainbow'. Danny Trejo was about the only worthwhile performance, but his time was shorter than most of the other actors. Oh well, he was probably getting paid more than they were. That being said, this movie started out okay. When the cast was still in the prison, you had a good start and a good premise. But the characters are so incredibly stupid with their decision making that they quickly loose their foot hold at the prison and are soon on the run. Why would you take a prison and NOT lock it down? I mean, they seem to know that zombies are washing up on shore pretty regularly, yet they're out there playing in the surf. What the heck people? Is it any surprise that you'll suddenly be attacked? And then to not have a plan to lock things down?!?! Pure garbage. From there on out, it's one bad decision after another. Nothing makes sense and everything they do just gets them in more trouble, that they shouldn't have gotten into in the first place! Dumb.

The "plot" goes like this: During a zombie apocalypse ,a group of survivors hide on Alcatraz Island to escape from rising zombie hordes. When their refuge is overrun, and upon hearing that a scientist may have discovered a cure, they leave the island to seek him out. That's the basic outline. Once they're back on the mainland, they split up.... due to a disagreement on what to do next and all hell breaks loose.

The writers of this piece of crap, tried to pay homage to zombie movies that have come before.... but they do is so poorly. Nothing fits in this storyline and everything seems forced and cliched. I really wanted to like the characters and to root for them to win. I really did. Ultimately, I ended up hating all of them and wanted the credits to just start rolling. I'm assuming that the director felt the same way. The reason I say this? It's because he eventually started throwing in more and more outlandish nonsense into the scenes, so as to spice it up. It was more for shock and awe than for any sort of plot development. It made me feel dirty. Really, really dirty.

In the end, I don't recommend that you do what I did and sit through this movie. There are SO many other low budget zombie movies out there that are so much better. This one just falls flat on it's face and has little to nothing going for it. There's no new ground covered here. There's no memorable characters or scenes. There's just no meat on the bone. This movie is what's leftover after someone else has made their own b-grade zombie movie. It's nothing but half rotted scraps and throw away's. Sorry to everyone involved.... it's just the way it is. Yuck.

I don't recommend this, instead watch: 'Shatter Dead', 'Meat Market' or 'Meat Market 2' (for low budget zombie movies with something to offer)

2 out of 5 stars

well, the AC is off.... but so is the sound (still).... ep 68 of 'The Kpants'!

The 68th episode of 'The Sunshine Happy Kpants Hour' is uploaded and now available through iTunes, Talkshoe, Stitcher Radio and streaming LIVE right here!

Okay, so the AC is off. Somehow, things still sound "off". Perhaps it's the fact that I'm recording in an open basement? Who knows? This weeks topics include: 5 regrets of people near death and a huge list of messed up movies to see! It's not my best, but the music is still awesome! ENJOY!

Songs played this week:

1) Butterfly Kisses by The Depreciation Guild

2) Wasted by Damon Hill

3) Losing Game by Minor Delilah

4) Something's Out There by Jealous Creatures

5) Mary Me by Green Express

6) It's A Brand New Day by Straight Outta Junior High

my thoughts on.... 'Wrong Turn 5: Bloodlines'

Why in the heck do I keep watching these things? The first one was mediocre at best. The second was a bit of redemption for the series. The third and fourth were both garbage. Part 5, well, it was a whole new level of crap.

From the opening scenes of 'Bloodlines', you quickly realize how completely horrible this is going to be. I think that when *spoilers* the woman's hand is cut off and it opens to make the '5' in part 5.... I should have made the decision to shut it off right then. For whatever reason, I stuck it out. I tried so hard to find the good in this movie. Something that would restore what little faith I had. What I got instead, was a kick in the nuts. A hard kick in the nuts. The main characters were unlikable, the bad guys were even more so. It's as if everything in this movie was oozing with some kind of anti-charisma. However, at some point in my life, I made the decision that I would stick out every movie I watched. Because you never know when something will flip a switch or turn a corner and suddenly be the greatest movie ever made. But you would have missed it, because you gave up too soon! I didn't want to ever be that guy. Oh well, my mistake.

The basic story line here, if you can call it a story, is this: A group of college students, go on a trip for the Mountain Man Festival on Halloween in West Virginia. The festival is similar to Coachella or Burning Man or any of those big festivals going on these days. The big difference is that it allows the insane, inbred killers to walk around freely.... unnoticed by the general population. By a freak accident, the college students encounter the group of cannibals, who want to save their cousin from jail. The only reason he's in jail, is because of the freak accident. Soon they're in a fight for their lives as they try to keep the cousin in jail and themselves from being eaten.

By the way, the scene on the cover of the DVD.... it never happens in the movie.

Are you interested to watch it now? I sure hope not.

Everything about this movie is wrong. Everything about it is cliched and dumb. This is what's wrong with horror film making today. There is no soul here. It's just an attempt at a cash grab, with a failing franchise that is on its last leg. They got no name actors to fill in the parts. They spent all of their money on Doug Bradley (Pinhead from the 'Hellraiser' franchise) and he does the best with what he has. I would go so far as to say that he's the ONLY reason to watch this train wreck. The characters make stupid decisions which lead to their stupid deaths. The cruelty and viciousness that the inbreds dispatch with the students is horrible. It's like a car accident that you can't turn your head a way from. The budget left over after hiring Doug, made it difficult to make this movie seem realistic. They basically are on a closed set for 80% of the movie and it's obvious. The lighting crew tried to hide that fact, but it's so blazingly obvious that only Stevie Wonder might miss it. It's also very clear that they couldn't afford to pay the cast for the whole shoot, as they all vanish after the first act. The streets of this city are basically abandonded. The reason? The music festival. Yeah.... whatever. They also seem to be suffering from a severe lack of cell phones and modes of transportation. Also, they're fighting 3 inbreds over 1 other inbred. How can 3 inbreds take out about 7 - 10 young and healthy people, one of whom has access to a police station full of weapons!?!? The other thing is, why didn't they just leave right away? If the sheriff was aware of how much of a ghost town it would be once the festival started, why wouldn't she take that as a hint to hot foot it out of there? It was very obvious, very quickly that she was in deep doo doo. Why not cut your losses and run? Why was the make up so bad that I could clearly see they were wearing masks?

By the end of this movie, I had basically given up. The make up was piss poor. The script was about as entertaining as reading the phone book. Nothing about this movie made me glad that I wasted the time on it! Then, to top it all off, the last girl left.... makes the dumbest decisions ever. And she continues to make them until the credits roll. It's like she was dropped on her head as a child and as a result.... she became an idiot. Ugh. Just writing about this movie is dropping my IQ.

In summary, don't watch this. Nuff' said. This is the final nail in the 'Wrong Turn' coffin, I hope. I don't think that the world could survive a sixth one. 2 out of 5 stars and the 2 I did give it were solely for Doug Bradley, nothing else. And one final thing: (*spoilers*) everyone dies and the one, stupid girl that remains.... is doomed to be raped by 4 inbred serial murderers in North Carolina. WOW! That sounds fantastic! Not.

If you are looking for something else to watch: 'Wrong Turn 2' (if you HAVE to watch one of them), 'The Hills Have Eyes' (either of them/ original or remake) and 'Mutants'

my initial thoughts on.... 'V/H/S'

I'm calling this my initial review, as I feel that upon further viewing of this movie, I may change my rating.

Found footage. A sub-genre that has people who love it or hate it. There seems to be no real in-between. I, personally, am a fan and have been since 1999. That was the year that Daniel Myrick and Eduardo Sánchez introduced the world to 'The Blair Witch Project'. I still put this film in my top 50 films of all time and will stand by that statement. The marketing, the use of viral videos and the sheer brilliance of using the internet, made this film a world wide phenomenon. After that, there were several imitators, but Oren Peli turned it into a franchise-able concept with the 'Paranormal Activity' films. Smooshed in-between those two trendsetters, Fred Vogel gave us the ultimate series found footage films to date.... 'August Underground'. His home video style horror films, brought the whole sub-genre into a new world of realism. I believe he did it more out of the lack of funds, than to out do his predecessors. But his cinema-verte style of film making created something so horrifying that I still place this trilogy as one of the most disturbing things I've ever seen. He's never had the distribution that the other found footage flicks have had, but that makes his films even more legendary. It takes work to track them down and you really have to want to see them, if you want to find them. Granted, the internet has made it much easier, but if you're curious.... start digging now. You will question why you ever wanted to see them and if they're really just a movie. They are that realistic and disturbing. Anyway.... the point is, there have been so many takes on this sub-genre and so many hits and misses.... that there really isn't much more to be said. However, 'V/H/S' wanted to try.

In this review, I'm going to dissect the movie as a whole and go through each individual segment. This way, I can tell you what I thought about each part and then sum them up at the end. The logic here, is that each part is directed by someone different and therefore, each segment should be treated as it's own individual movie. 'V/H/S' is presented as a single piece or work, but it is a patchwork of ideas and executions. I'll provide you with a screen cap from each segment, who directed it and a previous movie to reference for them. I've also included the standard trailer for 'V/H/S', to give you a chance to see what you think. I was honestly stoked after seeing the trailer and it's a big reason that I was eager to see it. The trailer may also be part of the reason I had overly high expectations. That is the power of the trailer. I also am a fan of a few of the directors represented here and wanted to see what they could do with the material. Not to mention that the reviewers of this movie seemed to endlessly heap praises on it. This movie was EVERYWHERE. Any horror film site you went to, prior to its release, had tons of things to say about it. You would have thought this was the expected second coming of horror itself. Despite all of that, I kept the flood of information to a minimum and when I finally saw it.... I had no idea what to expect. The only thing I knew was that the stories were loosely tied together. So, before we get into the meat of this review, I will warn you that there may be *SPOILERS* ahead. I hate to be one of those types of reviewers, but I feel that it's almost necessary here. That being said.... here we go!

*SPOILERS!*

'Tape 56/frame narrative' by Adam Wingard ('Home Sick')

This mini-movie was designed to be the common thread to all of the mini-movies. It was done by Adam Wingard, who most people may recognize from his movie 'Home Sick'. I've seen 'Home Sick' and there were quite a few good things about it, but it seemed like Adam was still trying to find his voice. 'Tape 56' is a simple story about several "questionable" characters who've stepped up from amateur porn into the world of burglary. From the minimal information provided in ALL of the movies, this one leads us to believe they're hired to steal a VHS tape from an old mans house. Upon entering the home, they find that it's basically empty and that the man is dead. After a search of the home, they find a stash of VHS tapes. However, once they find the tapes, strange things start happening. They see a figure moving about the house. The old man in the chair, who's dead, keeps disappearing and reappearing. It all ends up in a big bloody mess, when the old man kills everyone.

Now, you'd think that this story would run throughout the entire movie, but it only goes 85% of the way. It actually ends before the last story does. It is actually kind of a let down. If this is to be the tie that binds, then why does it fray at the end? Again, perhaps it was meant to be ironic? I don't know. Overall, my biggest problem with 'V/H/S' is that each of the stories is basically stringing together tidbits from other movies that used the same ideas. By putting them together out of sequence and using the VHS tape ploy, it's intended to create something new. To me, it just created a mess. This was a good example of that. Granted, I've never seen a group of thieves trying to steal a single VHS tape and being killed by a zombie/ghost/killer guy, but I've seen thieves going to steal something and being killed by something other than each other. (BTW: I took a quick second to hop around the internet to check out some other reviews, to see if I'm alone in my initial distaste for this movie. I'm kind of alone in my thinking.) Anyway.... on to the mini-movie:

*SPOILERS!*

'Amateur Night' by David Bruckner ('The Signal')

This is the first VHS tape that the thieves watch. It's done by David Bruckner, who made the awesome film 'The Signal'. It was a low budget film that went way above and beyond it's budget. I loved 'The Signal' and was excited to see that he was involved with this project. 'Amateur Night' tells the story of 3 guys out on the town, trying to get laid. The catch is, one of the guys is wearing spy glasses. Glasses that have a camera in them, so they can video him having sex with an unsuspecting woman. It's a simple plan, but it goes terribly wrong. They find two women at the bar that are willing to go back to their hotel room. One of them is rather strange and keeps telling our "hero" that she likes him. Her eyes are huge and creepy, but it doesn't stop the three boys from going back with the girls. The first girl passes out, before one of the guys has sex with her. He isn't happy with that, but has some morals and won't date rape the girl. His solution? To have sex with the weird girl his friend brought home. When things start to get hot and heavy, she attacks him and starts to eat him. She then attacks the second friend. Out "hero" escapes and falls down some stairs. With his wrist broken, the girl catches up to him. She still tries to establish a relationship with him, but he wants nothing to do with her. In the end, she grows bat wings and carries him away.

This is probably the most interesting of the bunch, primarily for the lead actress Hannah Fierman. She plays 'Lily' and she is hypnotizing. She reminds me of Angela Bettis, back around the era of 'May'. Despite Ms. Fierman, this mini-movie still feels stunted. We've seen something like this before and the end flight sequence is very b-grade. It honestly reminded me of the special effects from 'Evil Dead 2'. I'm guessing it was supposed to be the crown jewel at the end of the movie, but it ended up just blowing the whole mystique for me. In hindsight, I'm doubtful this could be a full length movie.... but if I was to compare it to a full length movie that's already been made, I would say it's kind of similar to 'Splice'. Moving on....

*SPOILERS!*

'Second Honeymoon' by Ti West ('The House Of The Devil')

This was the only reason I was originally drawn to this movie. Ti West is one of the more interesting horror directors working today. I won't say he's the best, but he seems to have an interesting take on things. Granted, he is the one that made 'Cabin Fever 2', but that wasn't entirely his fault. This installment in 'V/H/S' is also the one that most of the reviewers talk about as well. It seems to stand out for a lot of people and I can see why. When I watched this movie, I made sure not to check out who made which mini-movie. I really didn't want to bias my opinion ahead of time.

The basic plot line here, is simple. A couple is on the road. They stop at a hotel. A young girl comes to the door and asks for a ride, they deny her. She's seen outside their room, but eventually leaves. During the night, the camera is turned on, but it's not either of the couple filming. Soon, a switchblade is seen and things get a little tense. Ultimately, it ends with the cameraman putting a toothbrush in the toilet and stealing some cash. The next day, the man is wondering where his cash has gone. They spend the day out and then come back to the hotel. That night, we again see someone filming the man while he sleeps. Soon, the switchblade appears and instead of nothing happening.... he's stabbed in the neck until he's dead. The next shot is of the masked killer, a woman, kissing the other member of the original couple.... also a woman. She then asks if the tape has been erased. That's it.

This one was well done. No supernatural here, just a simple and almost 'Hitchcockian' style story. When I first saw this, I didn't catch the fact that the two people in the end were both women. Not that it really changed the overall feel of the mini-movie, but it was a detail that was missed. I think that the main reason this story works, is how simple it is. All of the other stories in this anthology are not overly complicated, but this one is cut and dry. That to me makes it stand out and I don't think it needed much more time than it had in the movie. It was the right length for what it was. Simple.

*SPOILERS!*

'Tuesday the 17th' by Glenn McQuaid ('I Sell The Dead')

Okay, let's take a minute now to talk about this one. This mini-movie is probably the least original story line of the bunch. However, the killer is the hook here. I believe that every horror fan out there is looking for that next Freddy or Jason. We all want an iconic character that we can latch onto and make them our own. At this point in horror, it's become more and more difficult to do something new. You can change their mask and you can change their weapon, but you can't make them have that spark. That little bit of magic that makes them go beyond the screen. What Glenn McQuaid has done here, is take the typical stupid kids in the forest idea and threw a new wrench into the story. Not unlike 'Tucker and Dale vs. Evil', this one is trying to provide a breath of fresh air in a stale and worn out world. Glenn did a great job with his previous film, 'I Sell The Dead', in giving us an original and fun story line. This mini-movie was lacking the humor, but it still had the originality. (It also starred Jason Yachanin, of 'Poultrygeist' fame!) But let's talk plot real quick:

Alright, stop me if you heard this one before. 4 young people go into a secluded spot in the woods. They talk about sex, do some drugs and one of them brings up a mythical killer in the woods. One of the other friends starts going on and on about some scary stuff too and soon.... people start dying. The differences are two fold: 1) The main girl in the story confesses that she's brought them all back into the woods as bait. It would seem that she escaped he killer before and came back to prove he was real and to kill him. 2) The killer itself. He appears to be some kind of walking and breathing "glitch". What I mean is, he looks like the tracking on your VCR isn't working properly. It's like a cross between the stealth mode 'Predator' and some TV static. It's kind of bizarre and yet it works. Even stranger still, when he gets close to the camera, you can make out some details in his body, but never anything specific. Ultimately, she fails at her goal and everyone dies. The End.

Now, all that being said, I feel like this installment could use a bit more exposition about the killer. He may not be the 'iconic' Freddy or Jason, but it could fill out a well done horror film nicely. This mini-movie was like an appetizer before a really big meal. Sadly, the big meal never happened. I would hope that they would take the time and sit down, in order to create a smart and interesting 'one off' film. It doesn't need to be a franchise, just something great. My biggest problem with this installment, was the acting. It felt so cardboard and bad that it actually hurt the overall mini-movie. Not that this needed Oscar worthy performances, but a little more realism wouldn't have hurt. Overall, a fairly decent entry.

*SPOILERS!*

'The Sick Thing That Happened to Emily When She Was Younger' by Joe Swanberg ('Silver Bullets')

So, this movie is called 'V/H/S', right? The whole premise is based on out of date tapes that have middle to low grade quality. This installment is all, basically, footage from a series of Skype type webcam calls. Does that make sense? Taking that as it is, this really wasn't terrible. My biggest problem with this one, was the payoff. It started out so strong and actually had some scares to it, that it gave me some really high hopes for something more. That never happened. For this installment, I think the mini-movie anthology concept hurt more than it helped.

The story revolves around a couple talking over their computer webcams. The girl is concerned that her apartment is haunted. Over the course of several conversations, things get weirder and weirder. Eventually, it leads up to her confronting her 'ghosts'. Then, while she's knocked out, her boyfriend enters the room. He's been close by the whole time, but she never knew it. She's surrounded by children of various ages and he then cuts her open, pulls out some kind of fetus thing and hands it to one of the kids. There is a one sided conversation about alien type things and how she's been used as a 'host' by this guy for a long time. Cut to another conversation with the couple and the girl is all beat up and said she's been to the doctor and diagnosed with some psychological issues. Their conversation ends and the man switches to another conversation with another woman and things seem to be identical with her. That's all we get.

For me, I felt cheated and didn't like this one at all. Perhaps it was the fact that I missed the alien part? Perhaps it was too subtle or perhaps I just wasn't paying attention? Either way, it was just kind of a lame finale. Nothing about this one seemed to make sense with the overall anthology. Sure, it had some initial scares, but who really cared at the end of it all?

Oddly, the man behind this one.... Joe Swanberg,was the star of Ti West's 'Second Honeymoon'. Yup, he was the guy that got stabbed in the neck.

*SPOILERS!*

'10/31/98' by Radio Silence aka Matt Bettinelli-Olpin, Justin Martinez, Tyler Gillett and Chad Villella ('Interactive Adventures')

By this point in the movie, you've made your way through all but one story line. Some people say they saved the best for last, others say they blew their load on the first story. I'm probably more in the camp that they didn't save the best for last. I won't say this was the worst, but it felt really cliched. I have to admit that the first 2 acts of this story were well done and actually kind of creepy. It, sadly, fell apart in the 3rd act and just ended like a student film.... in my opinion. Again, this one didn't explain too much and I'm not sure if that ultimately helped the overall story line. What really was going on in the attic? I think that the guys behind this one have some potential, either in the found footage sub-genre or with a normal horror film. Perhaps with a little more flushing out, this one could have been the crown jewel of the series. I'll look forward to seeing what they do next.

In this final story, 4 guys head out for a Halloween party at a big, scary old house. Upon entering, it's strangely empty and things are not looking to positive. Regardless of that, they begin wandering around looking for the party inside. As they spend more and more time inside, strange things begin to happen. Soon, the guys end up in the attic.... where some men are holding some sort of ritual with a woman who's tied to the rafters. As the confused friends survey the situation, they quickly decide to rescue the girl. When they do, all hell breaks loose. The men performing the ritual begin to get sucked into the roof and the whole house seems to begin to attack the friends. They rush to get the girl out as the house starts to seal up. Eventually, they get to the basement and escape through the cellar doors. They get the girl to the car and speed away. Soon, the car dies and the woman disappears. She re-appears in front of the car, screams and is gone. Then the friends realize they are on the train tracks.... with a train coming right at them. The doors are locked and the car is dead. As the train is about to hit, credits roll.

Does that sound a bit recycled? I do. This 'cute' little ending took something that was fairly frightening and made it feel like we were all kind of cheated. And because the story that tied all the stories together has already ended, this is what we get for a nail in the coffin.... so to speak.

There is an alternate ending to this story and the movie, which shows the friends escaping the car at the last minute and walk away talking about how great a Halloween night it was. Would that have been better? What say you?

That's it. That's what 'V/H/S' turned out to be. IT wasn't quite what I expected, but it also wasn't terrible. It had some really good stuff, but it still left a bad taste in my mouth. I really wanted something so much more and I think that all of the previous reviewers kind of ruined it for me. They hyped it up so much to be the second coming of horror and the re-birth of the found footage sub-genre that there was no way it could ever live up to the hype. It also suffered from a bit of a bloated running time. Perhaps one less story would have made the overall movie stronger? Even with that being done, the stories themselves felt like they were a bit slap dashed. Kind of like when you get a bunch of friends together and you come up with a great idea. You hash out the details, but for what ever reason, you never bring the idea to fruition. In this case, those guys sitting around, had the time, money and motivation to finish what they started. The only issue was, they didn't take the proper time to go beyond the brainstorming stage. Just because an idea sounds cool on paper, doesn't mean it'll translate to the screen. Maybe it was better on the page? Who knows? Maybe I'm just so jaded by the sheer amount of films I've seen in my lifetime, that I'm being overly critical. Whatever the case may be, this movie rubbed me the wrong way and I'm being honest about that fact. On the flip side of that, I have a rule. If a movie sticks with me and won't leave my mind after I've seen it, then there is something more going on that I need to explore. 'V/H/S' is a prime example of that. The minute after I turned it off, I started replaying it all in my head. I kept going over and over what I saw.... dissecting it and analyzing it. It's like I was trying to pick it apart, either to love it or hate it. This doesn't happen too often, but when it does.... I end up loving the movie I've seen. That's why I started this review by saying that it was only my initial review. I have a gut feeling that this movie will eventually either live to become a part of my collection or a part of my list of movies I hate.

Okay, with all of that aside, something else was bugging me about this movie.... even before it ended. I don't understand why all of these stories, take place in modern day, however all of the people are still using VHS tapes and cameras. So, either the movie was intended to be anachronistic.... or I'm missing something. It was confusing and I kind of doubt they were trying be 'ironic', as there was a huge lack of Pabst Blue Ribbon and handlebar mustaches. If someone can explain this little oddity to me, I would appreciate it. And just so you don't think I'm not paying attention, check out the cars used, the fact that cell phones are being utilized and that one whole story is based on a Skype type internet chat. Is that even really considered VHS? Anyway.... I've already covered that earlier.

In the end, I will give this 2 out of 5 stars. I'm being a little harsh, but something really bugged me about it overall. Keep your eyes peeled though, I may re-write this whole thing in the near future. I'm funny like that. I mean, look how long this review is and how much time I spent on it.

This movie really has no peer, but for anthologies or found footage movies, I'd recommend: 'Creepshow', 'The Blair Witch Project', 'Trick r' Treat' and 'Paranormal Activity'

"It's on like Donkey Kong.".... or the new episode of 'The Sunshine Happy Kpants Hour'....!

The 44th episode of 'The Sunshine Happy Kpants Hour' is uploaded and now available through iTunes, Talkshoe and streaming LIVE right here!

Well, it's a show. Hopefully, this will entertain you for a few minutes.... but the talking bits are kind of lame, sorry. Next week, right? This weeks topics include: sports in my life, females heroes and the backgrounds of each band played. ENJOY?

Songs played this week:

1) Jerk Lessons by Apocalypse Hoboken

2) Ethel Merman by Archers Of Loaf

3) 15 Seconds by astroPuppees

4) Lion's Mouth by Big Chief

5) Today Will Be Yesterday Tomorrow by Big Hello

6) Bird, Pt. 2 by Blinker The Star

my thoughts on.... 'Apollo 18'

There's no need for me to go over my feelings on the "found footage" genre of horror. I've said it all already. That being said, this is another example of the oversaturation of the market with these types of film. It's becoming the new 'go-to' kind of movie to make if you're an up and coming film maker. They're cheap and easy to make and can be quite effective when done right. This is the new zombie film. I just wish there was some kind of regulatory council on this type of thing. They would rule that only a certain number of "found footage", zombie and vampire movies can be made a year and prior approval is required. That way, only the good ideas would be produced. But, that would be censorship and I don't get behind that. So I guess we'll just have to wade through the crap to find the good stuff.

Now, about the movie in question, 'Apollo 18'. When I was a kid, I loved all things space related. I was huge into space travel and so when I heard about this movie.... I was geeked. The commercials peaked my interest even more, but I was concerned that this might not be what it was promising to be. Soon the reviews came in and they seemed to back-up that theory. Regardless of the bad press, I still wanted to see it for myself so that I could make an educated decision on it. I'm glad I waited and decided to see it myself, as it really needed to be seen. It's an original idea and I'm all for stories of 'alternate-history'. (ie: the upcoming 'Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter') I have to admit that in the beginning of the movie, I was impressed by the quality of the production and how good they made it look. It really felt like old school NASA footage. That, sadly, didn't last. It seemed as though they ran out of money or steam midway through. The whole thing just kind of fell apart about 45 minutes in. I felt like I was just watching any other movie about astronauts.... only with weird alien thingys. (I don't want to give away the alien thingys too much, in case you decide to watch it for yourself.) Despite the sudden drop in quality, I watched on in the hopes it would payoff in the end. Things just continued to get worse and by the end, I felt like I'd wasted my time.

The plot: (taken from IMDB.com) "Decades-old found footage from NASA's abandoned Apollo 18 mission, where two American astronauts were sent on a secret expedition, reveals the reason the U.S. has never returned to the moon." That pretty much sums it up. The producer and director really push the point that it's supposed to be real. A lot of it matches up with the technology of the times. I'm assuming that somebody felt that this was going to be a blockbuster.... too bad it wasn't as big as they'd hoped. It's not that the plot was lacking, it's just that the aliens were kind of lame and the acting was sub-par. The writing for these two astronauts, made them look kind of unintelligent. They made stupid decisions that made a bad situation worse. I mean, they didn't get chosen for the space program for being good looking. They went through a battery of tests and were found to be extremely competent people who could thrive under pressure. I saw none of that here. And the cover up angle was weak, at best.Despite the uninspired execution of this movie, I still have faith in the "found footage" genre. I think there are still good stories out there waiting to be told. I'm not sure that every movie would fit in this genre. (like the possilbe decision to make 'Halloween 3' a "found footage" film) But after seeing what was done with 'The Blair Witch Project' and 'Paranormal Activity', I really see potential. Actually, the night I watched this, I made it a whole "found footage" fest. I also watched the Spanish film 'Atrocious' and the low budget 'The Poughkeepsie Tapes'. (reviews coming soon) They were 3 very different movies and complimented each other well. This was 'alternate history', 'Atrocious' was kind of a ghost story type thing and 'The Poughkeepsie Tapes' was a faux-documentary with footage included that was shot but the serial killer in the story. Four hours I'm actually glad I spent, even with this movie included.

After all is said and done, I don't regret watching 'Apollo 18'. I only wish they'd kept up with the quality they started off with and that they'd gone another direction with the villan. I really tried hard to get past all of that, but it just didn't work. There's no two ways about it, this movie is not something I would recommend. I settled on 2 out of 5 stars. The main reason I ended up there was the fact that it just went so far downhill. This movie could have been amazing or at least a whole lot more fun. The tagline basically read that this was the movie that explained why we never went back to the moon.... I think it was really the reason why we'll never go back to watch this again. Maybe this is footage that never should have been "found".

Much better examples of the "found footage" genre: 'The Blair Witch Project', the 'Paranormal Activity' films and 'Paranormal Entity'

my brief thoughts on.... 'The Stuff'

Horror films from the 80's are a different breed of film making. Dare I say, they're a different creature? (all puns intended) It seemed like back then, creature features were all the rage and that was even using the limited FX they had available. Now, it seems almost taboo to venture into creature features, even with all of the CGI and FX leaps and bounds we've made. Yet, you can't deny the charm of the old days and ways. Funny thing is, you can't always go back. What I mean is that we tend to romanticize things from our past. What seemed like the be all end all of horror movie making, doesn't always hold up. For example, I loved the movie 'House' when I was a kid. William Katt fighting evil in a big spooky house.... who couldn't love that? Then I recently watched it again, it didn't hold up as well as I hoped it would. This is one of the reasons that I kind of stay away from going back to the "classics". I tried to watch 'Ghoulies' recently to and I had to turn it off. It was just so bad.

That brings us to this review of 'The Stuff'. This isn't really a creature feature, but there are plenty of special effects and they're not that great. However, it's not just the FX in question here. It's the story, the acting and the general film making. I know this is kind of considered a 'cult' classic and a lot of people love it to this day, but I just don't get why. Maybe I'm missing the boat of something, but I have seen plenty of films from this same time period that are as good today as they were back then. I know it's possible to retain quality. This movie just lacks so much and I found myself really losing interest about halfway through. The premise was interesting, all though far-fetched, and it had potential.... it just didn't seem to have the payoff.The silly plot goes like this: (taken from IMDB.com) "A delicious mysterious goo that oozes from the Earth is marketed as the newest dessert sensation. But the sugary treat rots more than teeth when zombie-like snackers begin infesting the world." That's actually the storyline! A hobo (for some reason) eats stuff bubbling up from the ground and finds it delicious. He shares it with a buddy and soon it's EVERYWHERE! A big corporation markets The Stuff as a taste treat and never thinks to test it to see if it's safe for human consumption. It turns out to be something people can't stop eating once they've tried it. Whole families have refridgerators full of nothing but The Stuff. Soon, a little boy figures out what's going on and begins a crusade to try and stop people from eating it. He's joined by an investigator who is also trying to dig up dirt on The Stuff. They find out the truth behind it all and are soon being chased down by hordes of "zombie" like consumers un the mind control of The Stuff. It's like some kind of alien parasite mind control thingy. People die, things explode, Stuff oozes out of people, it's a big mess. (SPOILER!) In the end, The Stuff is kind of stopped and justice is served.... or is it? The company that marketed The Stuff has redisgned it, with less 'Stuff' in it and are going to start selling it again.... or are they? Ugh.

That is WAY more involved then I wanted to get in this review. The movie just isn't very good and that's all there is to it. It really reaminds me of 'Halloween III: Season of the Witch', only that was way better than this. It has a similar concept of a big corporation out to do what's best for the bottom line or to flat out kill people. You have a couple of people who know the truth and are trying to stop the bad guys. You have bad 80's effects and all that comes with it. They feel like cousins. I kind of like watching 'Halloween III' every once in a while.... I don't think I ever need to watch 'The Stuff' again. Ever. Seriously.

At the end of the day, I'd give this movie 2 out of 5 stars. The only reason it got 2 instead of 1, is that it has a certain nostalgia and charm to it. Despite the garbage factor of it all, I still found myself enjoying a trip back to 1985. If you can stomach 'The Stuff', you've got a stronger stomach then me.

Other movies like this: 'Halloween III: Season of the Witch' and I can't think of anything else right now.

my thoughts on.... 'Hostel: part III'

As I sit here watching 'Hostel: part II' and writing this review, I'm reminded what it is about the 'Hostel' films that I enjoyed. However, that same feeling isn't felt in the 3rd installment of this unexpected franchise. Like the 'Saw' films, this concept never struck me as something that would go on and on. 'Saw' seems to have found a solid formula that blends the traps, with the character of Jigsaw and a rather obvious soap opera storyline. The 'Hostel' films just haven't found that groove. The 2nd film was still written and directed by Eli Roth, the man behind the 1st film. Because of that, it still felt the same and had a good storyline. This new chapter was directed by Scott Spiegel, the producer from the first two. I have to give him credit for taking the reins and feeling confident in his skills, but it just never seems to come together. The storyline is okay, the actors involved are pretty good and it looks okay on paper. Sadly, the writer, Michael D. Weiss just doesn't quite get the big picture of it all. He has a resume that reads like a bad day of watching the SyFy channel and that doesn't seem to matter to the people who paid to make this direct to DVD title. What he did, was to take out the "scary" part of the storyline. What makes 'Hostel' 1 and 2 frightening, isn't the torture and killing of random strangers, it's the fact that it takes place in remote and unfamiliar places. Anyone who travels can tell you that it can be rather scary when you're in a place you don't recognize and have no control over what's going on. Throw in the "evil hunting club" that seems to have its eyes everywhere and you've got something to work with. Michael D. Weiss put the story in a very familiar place, Las Vegas. He made the Elite Hunting Club, a very open organization who bet on the kills. It wasn't about an audience for the members paying to kill people. It was about the thrill of doing whatever you want to whoever you want and not worrying about getting caught. You could live out any single fantasy you've ever had. If you had money, you could be a murderer.... if even for one day. The original films also focused on the survival of the characters and their will to live. It also gave us a glimpse at what someone is capable of when they're pushed to their breaking point. It was about redemption. This all seemed to be missing in 'Hostel: part III'. And the ending? Well, let's just say it was cliche, unreal and downright stupid. It really ruined any other parts of the movie that might have kept me interested. Let's stop here and get to the plot.

This is taken from IMDB.com: "While attending a bachelor party in Las Vegas, four friends are enticed by two sexy escorts to join them at a private party way off the Strip. Once there, they are horrified to find themselves the subjects of a perverse game of torture, where members of the Elite Hunting Club are hosting the most sadistic show in town." This isn't 100% accurate. Only ONE of the guys is taken by the EHC from the bachelor party. The rest of the guys spend the next half of the movie looking for him and in the process, getting captured and killed by the EHC. There is a slight twist at the ending and, of course, Mr. Weiss felt it necessary to try and shove some redemption in for good measure. Again, this storyline had potential and might of worked if it took place somewhere in the Ukraine or in a tiny part of Japan or something, but Las Vegas? That's one of the last places to be subtle. It's like he thought that the "What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas" motto could carry the whole movie. He also thought that the one line quoted from the movie, "The house always wins." was clever. It wasn't.

I feel bad whenever I have to write a negative review. I especially feel bad when it's a movie that's part of a series I really enjoy and find myself defending regularly. I just can't defend this one, sorry. I wish the cast could have done more with what they had. I mean, they did their best I suppose. You have Kip Purdue, who recently did a great job in the movie 'The Wizard of Gore'. You also have, John Hensley, who was great in the short-lived TV series 'Witchblade'. When you add the interesting Thomas Kretschmann into the mix, you have a formula for something good.... but again, this didn't help 'Hostel: part III'. It was like everyone was sleepwalking for a paycheck. It's like this whole movie was thought up in a boardroom with 'Awesome-O' in the big chair pitching ideas every 5 minutes. This movie doesn't ring of something that was created out of love for the franchise, it stinks of money and boredom. I really wish, deep down, that either this movie would never have been made or that Eli Roth would have felt enough desire to come back one more time. Perhaps, he'll make a return for part IV? In the meantime, I guess I'll just have to live with 2 out of 3.

Before I finish up this review and give you my final thoughts, there is one more thing I wanted to touch on: the kills. In this chapter, the killers are almost 'cartoon-ish'. Take the "crossbow" killer. The character is listed on IMDB as the 'Japanese Cyber Punk Girl' and that is a VERY accurate description. If this was a post-apocalyptic action movie, she would have been perfect casting. However, this was a modern day cautionary tale.... she was grossly out of place. Her tactics were lame, her look was ridiculous and I couldn't wait for it to end. It was painful. There also is a scene involving a girl dressed like a cheerleader and some giant hissing cockroaches. It was the dumbest thing I've seen in years. It pretty much killed what Eli Roth created. It had horrible CGI and just felt like something created on MS Paint for a class project. Not too mention the 'climactic final battle' scene. I nearly threw up when it started. It was all I could do to not shut it off and watch 'The Wild Wild West' with Will Smith. That would have been far less painful. I stuck it out though and let me say, it wasn't worth it. The only other thing I have to say is that none of the original charcters were back. Not the front desk guy at the hostel or the 'bubblegum kids' or even any of the more minor characters. Basically, you take the "hostel" out of 'Hostel' and you make your audience hostile. (See what I did there? Far more cleven than this piece of crap.) My ultimate advice, stay away from this one. I give it 2 out of 5 stars. I wanted to do more, but I just can't find the heart to give it anything higher. Eli, you were smart to stay away from this one. At least I can still respect you in the morning.

Instead of watching this, watch the original films: 'Hostel' and 'Hostel: part II' and maybe even Eli's first outing, 'Cabin Fever' (Which had an equally awful follow up, NOT directed by Eli Roth. However, Ti West, who did direct it.... has skills. Watch 'The House of the Devil' and you'll see that he's not unskilled.)

my very brief thoughts on.... 'Mask Maker: Meet Your Maker' aka 'Maskerade'

I'm going to keep this short, as I really want to get something up here besides my podcast updates and 'Gregory' promotions. I actually saw this movie several weeks ago and I have to say, I wasn't impressed. People said it was similar to 'The Texas Chainsaw Massacre' and I can see why. I still had hopes for it, after a somewhat promising bit of the movie happened. Sadly, nothing ever got better and once the "Mask Maker" made a skin mask.... I lost all interest. the mask was probably realistic, if you were to skin a mans face off perfectly and wear it. But, I have to say that I doubt anyone could do that. It's where the comparison to 'TCM' comes in. The big difference is that in 'TCM', the FX guys realized that a perfect looking skin mask wasn't possible. Instead, Leatherface sews one together in pieces and it's far more interesting to look at and more realistic. This movies mask was just plain dull and uninspired. Which kind of defines the rest of the movie as well.

All in all, I give it 2 out of 5 stars for putting forth a little effort. I just hope that they don't make a sequel and I recommend that you don't bother watching it. Even on a rainy day, when you have nothing else to do. Garbage.

If you want to see the movie it's trying to mimic, rent any of the 'TCM' movies.... and I mean ANY of them. They're all better than this.

my brief thoughts on.... 'Wrecked' (2010)

I like survival movies. 1 person against all the odds and very little chance for survival. With these types of movies, you truly never know until the end, if the hero will survive or not.... and there is a chance they won't. I like not knowing the outcome and I like seeing people get creative. That's why I love zombie movies so much. They're the ultimate survival movies. 'Wrecked' is in that category and had all the earmarks of a good survival movie. The problem with it was that I didn't really care too much about who he actually was. In order to spend about 2 hours with someone, you'd better make them likeable or at least pick a very likeable actor. Adrian Brody is a good actor and one that I am usually happy with, but he wasn't really right for this role in my opinion. But the biggest problem with 'Wrecked'? The ending. The answer to the question of who Adrian Brody was and the last 2 minutes, were lame. The last 60 seconds before the credits rolled, pretty much destroyed the rest of the movie. I am not sure why the director and writer chose to put one final clip into the movie, but they did. I guess that maybe they did it since the movie is kind of being pieced together and it was a missing part of the puzzle? But it didn't make a whole lot of sense in it's placement. If the story was in reverse, perhaps. (it wasn't) It was jarring and not needed. It just makes me upset to think about it. I, however, haven't thrown the baby out with the bathwater. I still found good things about this movie.

First, here's the plot: (taken from IMDB.com) "A man awakens in a mangled car-wreck at the bottom of a steep cliff. Injured and trapped inside, with no memory of how he got there or who he is, he must rely on his most primal instincts to survive. But as he attempts to free himself from the carnage and escape an impossible situation, a darker side is revealed. Even if he manages to survive, the man may have to face the horrible consequences of an earlier, forgotten life." That is basically the plot. There is some other things going on that are kind of confusing at first, but get explained later in the story. There is very little dialogue and most of the movie is centered on Adrian just trying to get away from the wreck. Anyway....What have we learned so far? The movie doesn't have a likeable lead character. (not Mr. Brody's fault) The ending is terrible. It felt like an hour and a half wasted. What else is there to say? Well....

It started out really well. I was engaged and very curious what happened to the main character. He was trapped in a car in the middle of a forest and you could feel his claustrophobia. I could put myself in his place. It's one thing to be stuck in the middle of nowhere or to be injured there, but to also not even have a remote chance of helping yourself try.... is frightening. He could barely move, let alone go anywhere. Once he finally escaped the car, that's when things got even more difficult. The man had a broken leg-something and there wasn't anyone nearby to hear him yell. He also is being visited, regularly, by a hungry mountain lion. The tension and hopelessness in the story are very tangible. It's just that once the hallucinations and back story start to unfold, I really began to lose interest. It almost would have been more effective to just leave it up to the viewers to figure things out. The man finds clues all along his way towards rescue and each one of them leads you to believe something different. I don't know if it would have worked better my way, but I think I would be writing a better review if it had been done that way. And not just because it's my way.

I have seriously debated how much the ending tainted my thoughts on the overall piece. As of right now, I have come to the conclusion that it pretty much ruined it for me. I'm going to give it 2 out of 5 stars and I think that's fair. I really wanted to like it from the get-go and I tried to keep my interest throughout the entire thing. There just wasn't enough content in this movie to make it what it really should have been, a great film. Adrian Brody did the best with what he had and the only other real characters were his dog, the mountain lion and the phantom lady. They also did the best with what they had. That's really all I can say about this movie. It's OnDemand right now from Netflix, so if you're really bored and want to see if I'm right.... check it out. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. Right? Perhaps.

my very brief thoughts on.... 'The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: A Family Portrait'

"The most accurate explanation of what really happened." - Gunnar 'Leatherface' Hansen

That's the quote on the movie poster for this documentary. If you've read anything about this horror film, then you probably already know all of the stories.... like the infamous dinner scene. But this was made in 1988 and if you've not an uber-fan of the film, then this was all new info back then. This is shot all on a higher quality VHS, so don't expect too much in that department. That doesn't mean that this isn't worth a watch. It's really made for the die hard fans though. I don't know if anyone who wasn't really into this film would be interested enough to watch the whole thing.... it's pretty dry. There are a few clips from the original film and a little bit of new footage and behind the scenes photos to keep your interest peaked. I found it kind of neat to hear the background story from the actors themselves. It also put a personality behind the characters and a reason why they played the characters they way they did. Some of them were more likable than others. (see: Edwin Neal 'The Hitchhiker')

The purpose of this documentary, is to allow 4 of the leading actors in it to tell the behind the scenes story of the making of 'The Texas Chainsaw Massacre'. It features Edwin Neal 'The Hitchhiker', John Dugan 'Grandpa', Jim Siedow 'Old Man/Drayton Sawyer' and Gunnar Hansen 'Leatherface'. They each have a unique persepctive on what happened and the entire film making process. While it would have been nice to include Tobe Hooper, the director of the film, and Marilyn Burns 'Sally Hardesty'.... it ended up still being pretty comprehensive without them.I'm not the biggest fan in the world of the TCM franchise, however.... I own all but the third one and have seen them several times. I can see it's place in the horror film lexicon and enjoy them for what they are. This film is considered a cult classic and has some fans who are beyond fanatical about this. It has since spawned a remake and a prequel and tons and tons of merchandise. It's a very difficult film to watch and one that any horror fan should see. Once you've seen it, then check out this documentary. I give it 2 out of 5 stars. It's low budget and lack of excitement is a huge setback for this documentary. For something that's covering a fan favorite horror film and documenting everything that went on, there just isn't much.... joy? (is that the right word?) I don't know, I just wanted a little more from this.

If you haven't seen the original film, I recommend: 'The Texas Chainsaw Massacre' (1974), 'The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2' and 'Leatherface: The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 3'

(I couldn't find a trailer for this, so I put this link to the entire documentary. It's also available OnDemand from Netflix, if you prefer.)

my very brief thoughts on.... 'Zombie Apocalypse' (2011)

Ving Rhames has become the 'go-to guy' for zombie movies lately. Sadly, his choice in movies has been getting worse and worse. I'm all for him starring in zombie kill fests, but this one was pretty horrible. Also, Taryn Manning.... nuff' said. Ick. Anyway, I'm going to handle this review a little different than my other ones. The reason? As I was watching this, I was taking notes. I don't ever do that with movies, as it distracts me from the plot. This one, is an exception. Probably because it was a SyFy original. Onward to the 'review':

1) The takes place 6 months after a zombie outbreak. 6 months later, everything is STILL on fire. Buildings are burning. Wouldn't that only last for the initial outbreak, as all hell was breaking loose? Terrible.

2) I already mentioned this, but Ving Rhames in another zombie flick that makes 3 now.

3) If you've seen enough zombie films, you know that they rarely use the term 'zombie'. Like in 'The Walking Dead' TV series, they call them 'walkers'. That has a nice ring to it and describes them perfectly. In this movie, they call the walking dead 'zombies' constantly. It sounds weird, all of them calling them zombies.... it really sounds strange. If you've never seen it done, check this out just for that. It's distracting.

4) One of the things about this movie that was worth the time to watch it was the explanation of why some zombies are fast and some are slow. The newer the zombie, the faster it is, the older it is.... the slower it is. It makes perfect sense and makes both zombies a reality in this movie. This isn't the first time this explanation has been used, but I think it's the first time I've seen it explained in an actual zombie movie.

5) In a stranger moment, one of the actors threw an ice skate into a zombies head! HA! Terrible.

6) All in all, I was okay with this movie.... until.... the ZOMBIE TIGER....?!?! What the hell was that about? I don't know what kind of crap they were smoking when they wrote that part. I don't know who thought that was a good idea. It is just the dumbest thing I think I've ever seen in a movie like this. Well, maybe not the dumbest, but pretty close. It makes the zombie vs. shark sequence in 'Zombi' look cool! (see the image below for verification of the scene.)I gave this a final rating of 2 out of 5 stars. It isn't the worst zombie movie I've ever seen, but it's still pretty terrible. For a SyFy movie, it's better than most of the ones they crank out. If you're home sick on a rainy day and it's one.... maybe take the time to watch it. Just close your eyes whenever Taryn Manning is on the screen. She has some serious anti-charisma. That is all!

Something better to watch with Ving Rhames vs. zombies?: 'Dawn of the Dead' (2004), 'Day of the Dead' (2008) and 'The Tournament' (2009) (not a zombie movie, but a damn cool flick that you should really watch!)

my very brief thoughts on.... 'Return of the Living Dead 4: Necropolis' and 'Return of the Living Dead 5: Rave To The Grave'

When, New Zealand born, Ellory Elkayem made the cult classic 'Eight Legged Freaks'.... he showed potential. What followed, was three crap-tacular failures. These are two of them. Now, 'Return of the Living Dead' 1 through 3 are all pretty good movies. They aren't going to re-invent the zombie genre, but they're entertaining and pretty fun. Part 1 is by far the best. Part 2 uses some of the same actors, but doesn't quite have the same charm. Part 3, goes in a different direction and for some reason it still works. Perhaps it's because it was directed by Brian Yuzna? Perhaps. But when I heard they were making 2 more back to back sequels, I had my doubts. I had good reason to doubt them, these movies are awful. They are boring to watch and the little bit of action in them, is slow paced and not very exciting. I don't feel that they're even part of the franchise. Ah well....

In 'Necropolis', zombies come back due to an accident with the Trioxin containers. Sound familiar? It's what happened in the past movies. In 'Rave to the Grave', it happens a 5th time! At this point, the storyline is a bit tired and over done. I'm not sure why they couldn't come up with something new or original, kind of like the plot in part 3. It's like Ellory Elkayem just made them to use the name.I don't know how many of you have seen the original movies. In them, they re-use some of the same actors and oddly enough.... it works. They don't play the same characters and that makes it that much stranger.... but again, it works. In parts 4 and 5, they try the same thing. They actually use almost the entire same cast for both movies. It is confusing, pointless and a terrible pseudo-tribute to the originals. Also, the zombies still chant "Brains!" throughout the whole movie, but there is no satire or any type of comedy. That's a bit of what the charm was in the first 3. They injected a little bit of humor every so often, to break things up. It worked really well and carried the movies. Also, the zombies in part 4 are all dressed the same(they're test subjects) and it's distracting. (I'm nitpicking now.)

Anyway, both of these are 2 out of 5 star, at best. I don't need to see them again and I'm still wondering why I watched the 5th after finishing the 4th. They're on Comcast OnDemand right now, if you're brave enough to watch them. I strongly advise against it, even for the die hard zombie fans. Stay away and maybe watch the first 3 again, instead.

What to watch instead: 'Return of the Living Dead', 'Return of the Living Dead part 2' and 'Return of the Living Dead 3'

(the trailer for 'Return of the Living Dead 4: Necropolis')

(the trailer for 'Return of the Living Dead 5: Rave to the Grave')