my very brief thoughts on.... 'Stan Helsing'

I don't know why they bother making these movies anymore. This was a waste of time and energy for everyone involved. The End.

If you want to see a decent spoof movie, watch: 'Scary Movie'

my brief thoughts on.... 'Doghouse'

Zombies, zombies, zombies.... I love zombies. It's so nice to find a new twist on an old theme, especially one involving the undead. I've been lucky enough to have several zombie movies that have found their way to my TiVo or DVD player in the past few weeks that are new and different. It has re-ignited my love affair with the flesh eating corpses. (not that it ever went away really.) I remember seeing the trailer for 'Doghouse' quite a while ago and thinking that I wanted to add it to my Netlfix queue, but it wasn't available at the time. This little gem came out in 2009 and hit Netflix just recently. Most of you will probably recognize the star, Stephen Graham. He was Jason Statham's partner in 'Snatch'.... the one looking for the caravan. He's spot on in this movie and is equal parts funnyman and the hesitant hero. His friends are all likeable characters and you can find at least one that you'll relate too. They're a nice cross section of the male gender. The special effects are well done and each zombie is unique and a character all by themself. It seems in the zombie films of the past, zombies were all kind of interchangeable and a lot of them just blended together. Nowdays, zombies are as much of a main character as the main characters. They're all done as though they'll be the main focus of the movie. You can quickly identify each one. Granted, they may not have a specific name.... but like the 'Baseball Girl' in 'Land of the Dead', you remember who they are.

The plot here involves six guys who all leave their significant others to go to a little town called Moodley for the weekend. They take a little bus and leave one guy behind, who just couldn't get away. When they arrive in the quaint little town, the guys are let down that it looks like a little mountain town from the old days. Afraid that they will die of boredom, they begin to rethink coming. One of the blokes notices a woman walking down the street, when he approaches her.... she turns on him and he discovers she's a zombie. But she's not the only one, every woman in town has been affected by a government made virus that only turns females into the walking dead. There is not a single man in sight. The boys make a run for the bus, but their female bus driver has turned now and they make a 180 turn back towards the town. While seeking shelter, they have to dodge hordes of zombies. Soon they get seperated and it's almost every man for himself. Things get cranked up at this point and build to the finale. See what I mean about a new twist on an old theme? It's not quite re-inventing the wheel, but if it ain't broke.... don't fix it, right? Regardless, it's still nice to see something different. The zombies are, as always, disgusting looking. Each one has an obvious look to them that leads you to draw a conclusion about who they were before they turned. Like the butcher that one guy runs into. Even if she hadn't still been in the butcher shop chopping up a victim, you'd still be able to tell who she was. That's kind of a nice little touch that they've added here. There are a few fun little 'inventions' that they create to fight the undead. Like a remote control car with model plane fuel or the old fuel in a water gun trick. Some of these things are more effective than others, thus lending itself to some funny moments. All in all, a solid story with solid characters and solid zombies.

I couldn't say this was nearly as good as 'Shaun of the Dead', but it has a similar feel to it. Maybe it's because it was made across the pond? It's not nearly as clever or as strong as that movie was the whole way through. I wouldn't be surprise, however, if it was a strong influence on the writers of 'Doghouse' and I wouldn't say that's a bad thing. I narrowed it down to a 3 out of 5 star attempt. One that probably won't make it into my DVD collection, but one that I might watch again in the future. It's available to rent from Netflix, but not OnDemand sadly. It's worth the rental and worth your time to watch it. I don't know how readily available it is from any other source, but I'm sure you can find it if you dig around. So before you head out for a boy's weekend out, think about 'Doghouse' and make sure you're prepared to defend yourself if they female gender takes a turn for the worse.

If you like this, you'll dig: 'Shaun of the Dead', 'Dead Alive aka Braindead' and 'Cemetary Man'

my brief thoughts on.... 'Thankskilling'

this movie is AWESOME....! i'll start out by telling you that i gave it 4 out of 5 stars.... this movie is so freaking fun and funny that i can't help but love it.... it's on par with some of the best of the Troma movies.... it's terrible, however it's terrible in a wonderful way.... i mean it's about a killer turkey....!!!! how can you not love this....?!?! the turkey talks and has one liners out the butt.... he swears like a sailor.... and this movie starts out crazy and just keeps going from there.... i mean the start of the movie involves a pilgrim woman with her breasts hanging out being chased by the killer turkey and he says his one liner and then kills her.... it's amazingly strange and enjoyable.... it's obvious that the turkey is a giant puppet.... the filmakers don't even try to hide it.... the scenes are over the top and gross and odd.... things that you would never think of happening, happen in this movie.... like a turkey having sex.... a turkey using a shotgun.... a turkey getting pissed on by a dog.... have i peaked your interest yet....? if not, why the hell not....!?!? go add this to your queue NOW....! it's OnDemand.... you can watch it tonight if you want....!

a powerful native american shamen creates this turkey to avenge the wrongs that have happened to his people.... and every 505 years the turkey comes back to exact more revenge.... and 5 kids on Thanksgiving break just happen upon the demonic turkey and the hunt is on.... he slowly tracks them down one by one (i have no idea how.) and kills off the kids.... and after each one or during it, there's always a silly one liner....
i think that the writer just got high and had fun with this.... he had no boundries and just let everything fly.... just look at the poster and you'll understand.... one of my favorite scenes involves one of the kids father, who is a sheriff.... the turkey comes to the house with Groucho glasses and a nose on and the sheriff thinks he's one of the friends of his kid.... they have coffee and talk.... it's a strange scene.... and why the sheriff never notices that this is a giant talking turkey, i'll never know.... and then he kills the sheriff and makes his face into a mask.... and puts on his hat.... when the kids come to the house to try and find a book on how to kill the turkey, they don't notice that the turkey is already in the house and dressed up like the sheriff....?!?! it's hilarious....! i cannot recommend this enough to fans of good/bad movies.... Troma movies.... and just dumb movies in general.... this one is a winner in a big way.... so stop reading this and go spend the one hour and six minutes required to watch the whole movie and then come back and say thank you when you're done.... end of story.

there is nothing else quite like this, except movies in the Troma catalog.

my brief thoughts on.... 'Black Sheep' (2006)

what is it about New Zealand and great filmaking....? not only the countryside, but the movies themselves.... they're are just so many good ones.... and now i can add this one to the list.... this also tied in with my other movie i reviewed here 'Isolation'.... in my "Farmland Massacre' double feature.... first off, this movie has Peter Jackson written all over it.... and i'm suprised he didn't produce it or something.... i mean, it feels like some of his original works long before the 'Lord of the Rings' movies.... not to mention, WETA Workshop did the special effects.... and they're Peter Jackson's go to guys.... i can't say that i saw any CGI here.... it seems that everything was done the old school way.... which i prefer.... i think the other way is cheating in horror films.... just because it's so noticable.... however, this just feels homemade with a bigger budget.... which is another great thing about New Zealand.... they fund filmakers.... the government.... why can't we support the arts more here....?!?! it's messed up.... anyway.... this is a comedy that got a lot of press and deserves all of the good press it received.... it's a great movie.... alone or in a group....

similar to 'Isolation', this movie directly links to the idea that genetics are to blame for the massacre that follows.... as the head of the sheep farm it's trying to create the perfect sheep.... but the side effects of the research creates something horrific.... killer sheep that attack humans and kill them.... and if they don't kill them, then they turn them into Were-Sheep.... giant half human half sheep monsters.... you have our hero who has a fear of sheep due to a traumatic childhood experience.... a heroine who is an animal rights activist and their fight for their lives from the killer sheep....
it's a totally unique story.... or maybe more of a unique twist on an old theme.... one that by itself is funny in theory.... but is even funnier carried out.... to see such docile creatures turn violent is crazy.... it just has to be seen to be believed.... i not only found myself laughing out loud, but i cringed at the gore at times and even felt the tension as our heros are being chased and running for their lives.... i easily gave this 4 out of 5 stars.... and it deserves every one of them.... it's totally different than 'Isolation', but it's still a fantastic way to spend an evening.... and i recommend watching them together.... they don't make 100% sense together, but where else are you going to find two movies about farmland killing sprees....? i can't think of any other ones off the top of my head....

if you like this, try: 'Isolation', 'Bad Taste' and 'Dead Alive aka Brain Damage'

my brief thoughts on.... 'How To Be A Serial Killer'

this is a hard film to clasify.... part mockumentary, part serial killer movie, part motivational speaker seminar.... but very entertaining.... the lead in the movie is charming nd charasmatic.... his student is kind of a loveable sad sack.... but together they do some pretty nasty things.... this movie felt very familiar, but at the same time foreign.... i found myself glued to the TV for the entire film, wondering where it was all going.... there was just so much going on....

you have a hapless video clerk who meets a friendly man who asks him if he would kill a man in the store who was being an a-hole.... this leads to the man shooting the a-hole in the parking lot and a friendship is formed.... more of a mentor relationship.... here the man is out to teach the clerk how to be a serial killer.... interwoven within the storyline is a motivational lecture on the same topic and interviews with a man talking about serial killers.... it sounds strange on paper, but it works very well as a whole.... i gave this 3 out of 5 stars.... mostly for entertainment value alone.... it was missing a little something that kept it from being a 4 star movie.... but i would still recommend it for fans of the genres mentioned.... and there's not too many movies where you root for the killer.... at least not too many i can think of.

if you like this, check out: 'Behind The Mask: The Rise And Fall Of Leslie Vernon', 'Man Bites Dog' and 'American Psycho'

my thoughts on.... 'Undead or Alive'

more zombedies.... (zombie comedies)..... at least that's what this was trying really hard to be.... let me start off by saying i didn't hate it.... but it wasn't very funny, the zombies weren't normal and the story was mediocre at best.... that all being said.... it's a good way to waste a rainy day or a lazy sunday.... it seemed like the producer, director, etc were trying hard.... but trying doesn't always make for a worthwhile entry into an already oversaturated genre.... i do give them credit for taking a fresh take on the theme by making it a western and having Chris Kattan in a lead role.... both were big risks and both needed more work....

so Geronimo creates the 'White Man's Curse' (zombies) and all hell breaks loose in this small western town when the zombies start to take over.... however, these zombies can talk, think and are hard as hell to kill.... no shot to the head here kids.... it'll take more than that to do them in.... during the course of the outbreak, two "outlaws" team up in an effort to get some money back that was taken from them and then get out of town.... and at this point, i assume, hilarity was to ensue.... it really didn't. there were a couple of laughable moments.... i smiled a time or two.... and i'll give it credit for it's entertainment value, but that's it.... nothing else....
all in all i would rather watch any of the other mediocre zombie movies than to have to sit through this one again.... it's an hour and a half i won't get back.... and if you're smart you'll watch something else too.... 2 out of 5 stars.... mainly the 2 stars are for effort and somewhat comedic elements.... it would take some more traditional zombies and a better script to raise that any higher....

watch at your own risk.... you have been warned.... it's a strictly made for cable rainy day kind of movie.... or maybe if you're laid up sick on the couch and can't reach the remote.... i'm ready to change the channel personally.

if you enjoy this movie at all, check out the much better: 'Zombieland', 'Shaun of the Dead' and 'Dance of the Dead'

my thoughts on.... 'Zombieland'

when i first started reading about this movie.... i wasn't sure what to expect.... i was hoping that America wasn't trying to cash in on the 'Shaun of the Dead' popularity.... but the more i read about it and the more info that came out, the more i wanted to see it.... i've always been a fan of Woody Harrelson and seeing the trailer to this finally sealed the deal.... sadly, i didn't have the time or money to see the movie when it came out.... and despite more constant trying, it just never worked out.... so i began my wait.... my wait for the DVD.... and then it came.... and thanks to a friend who got me my own copy (thank you so much!) i was able to watch it last night.... and i was not let down.

this was not 'Shaun of the Dead'.... but yet it was still a "Zom-Com".... granted the blood, guts and gore were still there.... it was handled with a large dose of humor.... now for all of you who know me, zombies are my bread and butter.... pound for pound they're your best horror movie value.... they provide social commentary about everyday life, they provide an overwhelming sense of dread and they make you realize that it doesn't always take one person with evil intentions to kill you.... but a mass horde of slow moving and brainless creatures can overtake anyone eventually and just as effectively make them dead.
the storyline is your atypical zombie storyline.... some unknown event has happened and caused the human population to turn into the living dead.... in this case we have an unlikely hero who has a fear of just about everything.... and has created a series of rules that have kept him safe up to the start of the movie.... along the way of his journey towards home, he hooks up with several other survivors and they form an unlikely and unstable partnership.... what transpires from there is their adventures in 'Zombieland'.... a nickname given to the earth by our young unwilling hero....

one of the original concepts in this movie that i really found enjoyable were the way his rules were presented.... throughout the entire film, anytime a rule was enforced it would appear as a large set of letters on the screen and would then disappear.... i don't know why i found this so fun, but it just made me feel a little more apart of the story.... i guess.... you also could relate to the characters.... everyone didn't exactly become a super hero zombie stomper.... they all had their human nature and will to survive.... but not all of them could handle a shotgun like a pro just because of that.... and this is what i love about a good zombie film.... it's where the characters you grow to love and feel attached too.... like you could be in their shoes.... and you care if they live or die.... the writers did a good job of this in this movie.... and they created memorable characters that will stick with you after the credits roll....
all in all, a great time at the movies....! a tad slow in the zombie department during the second act.... but the third act more than made up for it.... and left you feeling satisfied about the last hour and a half you just invested.... i would give this 4 out of 5 stars easily.... and look forward to watching it again very soon.... i just hope that when the sequel is made, they keep the freshness and what made this film so likeable....

keep an eye out for a few suprises and let's all hope that the next time around, we get to see a few more 'Zombie Kills Of The Week'.... i highly recommend this to fans of serious zombie films, zombie comedies and anyone who likes to see Woody Harrelson kick some ass.... and lust after twinkies.

if you enjoy this movie, check out: 'Natural Born Killers', 'Shaun Of The Dead' and 'Dawn of the Dead' (1978)