Good god, I hardly even want to write about this, so called, movie. It was so hard to sit through and was not very good at all. About the best thing going for this is the cinematography, but even that could be seen in any late night soft core porn. It's all soft lenses and pretty people. I highly recommend that you go play a video game and just record each of the little in-between movie things. That's basically what 'Assault Girls' is.... a one hour long video game storyline. There is no real plot, no real dialouge, no real point. It literally is 1 hour out of a video game with live action people. It just makes me angry even thinking about watching it.The so-called "plot": (taken from Netflix.com) "When a video-game company creates an immersive gaming environment where players wage war against gigantic sand-dwelling monsters, three gorgeous gals armed to the teeth (Meisa Kuroki, Hinako Saeki and Rinko Kikuchi) accept the challenge and jump into the virtual desert. But as they blaze their way into the game's higher levels, they face ever-more ferocious foes." Let me clarify that by "ever-more ferocious foes", they mean the same worms with slightly different markings. THIS MOVIE WAS CRAP! grrrr....
Let me get this review over with, it's just making me mad thinking about the time I wasted. 1 out of 5 stars, for the visuals ONLY! Watch the trailer, if you want, it's the only thing worthwhile about the movie. You get all of it in a short little clip. Seriously, this is not something I recommend to anyone. At all. Ever. Period. Pure and utter garbage.
If you like this, we can't be friends. Go stare at a video game for an hour, it's probably more exciting. Did I mention this was CRAP!
So.... you want to watch 'Drive Angry'? Why yes, yes I did. Actually, I heard so many mixed things about this movie I was a bit hesitant. A lot of it was negative, but I have to say that I think a lot of it was either ungrounded or due to overly high expectations. If you walk into 'Drive Angry' with an open mind and the desire to see something new and fun, then you'll walk out happy. It is a prime example of over the top, balls out, big and silly, dumb and mindless fun. This movie does not claim to be Shakespeare or anything classic. 'Drive Angry' just is what it is, unapologetic. I'm actually kind of surprised it got the greenlight. It is an oddball story that might not fly with everyone. However, I would expect no less from the writer, Todd Farmer ('My Bloody Valentine 3D' and 'Jason X') and director Patrick Lussier ('My Bloody Valentine 3D' and the upcoming 'Halloween 3D'). Maybe that's why it got such mixed reviews? I personally feel that it had to do with 2 things. 1) the CGI leaves a bit to be desired and 2) Nicholas Cage is kind of over the top in the the best way. He usually shines when he's playing oddball, out of control characters. There also is quite a few people who don't feel that he's a good action hero and should stop making these types of movies. I agree, in some respects as he is getting older and sometimes seems kind out of place. (see 'Bangkok Dangerous')(which I haven't seen yet, just the trailer.) Anyway....
Well, it's obvious that I dug this popcorn flick. From start to finish, it was a damn fun ride that I would love to take again. Even with all of it's little flaws and unbelievable action, you can't help but just lose yourself in all the goofiness. I was actually kind of sad to see it end. If I was to classify this movie, I would absolutely call it a "man" movie. It's chock full of muscle cars, big guns, half naked chicks, good vs. evil and blood guts and gore. What more can you ask for out of a movie? Really, what more can you ask? Nothing.
Once I started this movie, I realized that I was pretty sure I'd already seen it. For some reason, I watched it until the end, again. This movie is terrible.... forget all the praise it may or may not have received, it's bad. 1 out of 5 stars.
If you like any of the four comics featured in this stand up comedy movie, then you'll like the whole thing. 3 out of 5 stars.
The sequel to the original, more of the same from the same four comics in the first one. 3 out of 5 stars.
The last installment with the original four comedians. Not the funniest one. 2 out of 5 stars.
I had no expectations going into this movie. It turned out to be a decent little horror flick, although it couldn't quite decide if it was a zombie/plague movie or not. Also, a slightly unfinished ending. A solid 3 out of 5 stars.
I'm still not 100% sure about this cartoon. It was really well done, but it's kind of dark and adult for kids. I enjoyed it and would love to watch it again, by myself. That way I could get a better feel for it. 4 out of 5 stars.
All of the guys in the Broken Lizard Comedy Troupe are charasmatic and funny. They are just fun to watch, no matter what they're doing. That's what made this stand up/skit comedy DVD worth my time to watch. If you like them, see how they started out with this stand up comedy special. 3 out of 5 stars.
In this comedy from writer-director John Hamburg (I Love You, Man, Along Came Polly). You have Mark Ruffalo, Sam Rockwell, Paul Giamatti and Steve Zahn in this comedy and it's well worth the watch. A sweet little comedy and one showcasing some big talent early in their career's. 4 out of 5 stars.
Wes Craven has done great things in his career, this could have been one of them. This movie has a lot going for it, sadly it just doesn't all click. The ending is kind of confusing and seems to be trying too hard. I am not sorry I spent time watching it, I just wish it could've done more with the source material. 3 out of 5 stars.
I had hopes for this movie. I had heard good things. In the end, I wasn't impressed. The ending was the only part that I found really exciting. 2 out of 5 stars.
Sadly, this movie was originally going to be reviewed another way, a much more fun way. That didn't work out so well. Despite that, I feel I must warn you against seeing this movie. It is a SyFy movie with nothing good going for it. It's nonsense with a side of stupidity. Barely 1 out of 5 stars.
I don't know why I even bothered watching this. I enjoyed the remake of the original 'Ju-On', 'The Grudge'. I didn't care for the 1st or 2nd installment in the series. They were just not very good. This movie celebrates the 10th year since the original was released and it's a sad reminder of the orignal. This is all shot on, basically, camcorders and has bad make up and a confusing story. Stay away. 2 out of 5 stars.
Let me start by saying that I do not like Gregg Araki movies.... at all. He's been a blight on the film commnuity for years and if I would have realized that he was the man behind this, I never would have watched it. There's a lot of wasted talent in this movie. It's not good, in my opinion. 2 out of 5 stars.
After re-watching 'Scary Movie', I felt like continuing on with a Wayans Brother movie.... this was my choice. It wasn't bad, it wasn't good, it was just a movie. 3 out of 5 stars.
I love a good action flick and I respect Luc Besson as an action writer/director. One of the reasons I love him is that he doesn't overextend himself like other action auteurs. He gets an idea, doesn't have time for it or whatever and passes it on to another great director to helm. This was what happened with this movie. It's fun, it's Travolta in top form and it's better than a lot of action out there. A solid 3 out of 5 stars.
It is no surprise to anyone that I have a mancrush on Ryan Reynolds. I can't get enough of his films. This one came recommended and is OnDemand from Netflix right now. I went in to it with high expectations and in the end, it was a decent flick. This one is not for everyone, it is a bit left of center. However, it is original and unique and is absolutely worth your time to watch it. 3 out of 5 stars.
Zombie movies. A genre that is very saturated right now. I'm not a fan of talking zombie movies, but 'Boy Eats Girl' was worth the time to watch, despite that. Oddly, none of the other zombies seem to talk.... only the main character. This is a fun little rom-zom-com, but not fantastic.... 3 out of 5 stars.
I really wanted to like this, I did. I love Brian Posehn and that's the main reason I watched this. I like the idea behind it, playing indie rock clubs. This just didn't work well and wasn't as funny as I'd hoped it would be. 2 out of 5 stars.
This movie had promise, but ended up with only about 2 scenes of any interest. This was uninteresting, confusing and hard to watch. The ending was piss poor. I don't recommend it. 2 out of 5 stars.
Troma, oh how I love thee. This is a Troma classic, but still not a great movie. This is one to watch with all your friends and some alcohol. Fun, funny and gross. 2 out of 5 stars (5 out of 5 in my heart)
So, 300 posts on this silly little blog and I'm still going strong. Who would've thought that was possible? It's been a crazy journey, but one that's kept me sane. In celebration of that, I'm including some contact information reminders for me and for my friends. This blog isn't just about me and my ramblings, I like to think of it as a jumping off point for people to chat and to find other cool things out on the net'. Because of that, you'll find some of my favorite links. Check them out, it'll be worth your time and here's to another 300 posts! Let's start with my info, which I think i've shared here before, but to anyone who's new.... here you go. If you want to find me on Facebook, you can locate me here: (and be my friend?)
Now, in a different kind of medium.... you can find me podcasting on 'The Undercover Unitards'. So if you've ever wanted to hear my lovely voice on a weekly basis talking about my week, movies, TV, video games, stupid stuff on the internet and porn (including she-males).... then maybe you should check us out. You can find us on iTunes or directly at our site:
I am very thankful for all of my friends, listeners and readers that check out my blog on a regular basis and that take their time to write their own or to podcast. As I promised earlier, here are some of my favorites. Enjoy!:
Hoooo boy, another 'found footage' movie! I know that's what you're saying right about now. However, before you jump to the usual conclusions, let me tell you a little bit about 'Grave Encounters'. First of all, it's got a bit more going for it than the average 'found footage' movie. The Vicious Brothers, who wrote and directed this, took their time to get some nasty special effects going on. Instead of relying on sound and things that aren't there, these two show you EXACTLY what you're facing. These ghosts are creepy and scary. When they turn on the 'BOO!' factor, it's on full blast! Secondly, they've taken a new twist on an old theme. What we have is a movie based on all those 'ghost hunting' reality shows that are out there right now. But in this movie, they say that 'Grave Encounters (the show) was way ahead of its time. You see a lot of behind the scenes stuff that probably happens on the real shows, but we never get to see it. That alone makes this movie fun to watch.
I was pleasantly surprised by this movie. It's by far, NOT the best movie in this sub-sub-genre.... but it's a whole lot better than most. It kind of makes me wonder what The Vicious Brothers have next on their plate? I can honestly say that I'm anxious to see whatever else they put out in the future. This was a strong indie movie that shows great promise. I couldn't see myself giving it more than 3 stars. The ending was so poorly thought out, that it almost seemed like an afterthought. However, don't let that distract you from the good things in this movie.... like the scares. This felt like a new movie to me in a very saturated market. You all may have already seen the commercial or the YouTube.com trailer for 'Grave Encounters'. It gives away a few of the high points in the movie, but there is so much more than that.
We've all heard of or seen the cultural phenomenon of the 'Paranormal Activity' films. To date, there are three that have been made in the states. Two have already made their way to DVD and the third is finishing up production as we speak. However, not everyone realizes that after the success of the original hit our neighbors overseas, the Japanese wanted in on the game. They decided to make an unofficial sequel to the original that basically ties together with the American version and continues the story. Meanwhile, we were continuing the story on our own. What resulted is an interesting twist on something that was already interesting to begin with. It's another take on an already established franchise and it's kind of fun to see how it all plays out in another culture. Sadly, the version I watched had terrible subtitles and even though I don't speak the language, I could tell that what was written on the bottom of the screen, did not match up with what was actually being said. You don't have to be Japanese to understand that. What I did because of that was to read what was written on the bottom of the screen and made my best effort to make sense of it all. I think I got the entire story and I left feeling that I fully got the story and what happened. Is it a worthy addition to the franchise? That kind of remains to be seen. I haven't heard too much feedback on it yet and from what I have heard, it's not the most popular ghost film out there. All I'll say right now is that I'm a fan of the series, even if that's kind of unpopular, and I love seeing anything tied together with it.... no matter how removed.
Well, how will this be received by me or by the general public? I'm a bit of a biased fan and I've already kind of made it clear, that I enjoyed this installment.... problems and all. But the rest of the world? I don't know. I think with the proper subtitling this might go over fine. The ending is quite a stretch and it felt like the makers weren't quite sure where to go with the storyline. It's sad to me, because there was a lot of strength earlier on in the story. Seeing how things were handled in a totally different culture vs. how the American counterparts handled it was the refreshing part of the film. All in all, the result still kind of ended up the same. The film also has some slow points, but so does the American version. This film and the others are not built around non-stop action, it's more about the slow build up to each scare. You never quite know exactly what's about to happen and that's right on par with the rest of the series. I think that despite it's obvious faults, this film still qualifies as a worthwhile addition to the story.
I have to admit, when I saw this pop up as a film I might enjoy I ran out and watched the trailer, I was intrigued. When I finally got a chance to watch the actual film last night.... I was impressed. This film is barely over 1 hour and is better than most full length zombie films. As a matter fact, this is probably my favorite zombie film I've seen recently. I feel that it's the kind of zombie film I would write and produce, if I was able to. I mean, the end of the film, is almost identical to something I wrote back in 2000 and it was nice to see how it played out on the "big" screen. This film is German and I haven't seen to many German zombie films. However, if this is any indication of what they're capable of, I can't wait to see more. They cast a very unlikely lead in this film. He's balding, older and a bit on the heavier side. He's akward and unassuming and at first, you kind of feel sorry for him and want to help him. Soon you realize that he can handle himself and by the end, you're totally sold on his character. I just can't say enough good things about this film. Sadly, it only had a limited release and hasn't gotten much press. It deserves so much more for it's actors, director, producers, writers and cinematographer.... they are all geniuses. (no, I'm not being sarcastic)
Obviously, you already know that I loved this film. It's right up there with the French 'La Horde' aka 'The Horde' and the Spanish '[REC]'. I always thought that George A. Romero had cornered the market on this horror subgenre, but that just doesn't seem to be the case anymore. There have just been so many amazing zombie/plague films coming out from other countries that they cannot be ignored anymore. I only hope that the rest of the world can adjust it's gaze a bit from the USA and branch out to films with subtitles or people with foreign accents. There is a whole world out there of amazing cinema that is just waiting to be discovered. I remember when I was initially building up my film knowledge, it took a bit of a leap of faith to go out and rent my first foreign films. I still did it and it opened up a huge door for me. There are so many amazing films out there in every genre, that it's well worth an filmgoer's time to start branching out.
I have the utmost respect and love for Lloyd Kaufman. I've met him and he's an extremely nice and passionate man. He IS independent film, in my opinion. I put him up on a huge pedastal. He makes low budget crap fests that will shock you and gross you out, but you have to give him credit for doing things his way all his life. He also tries to help out up and coming film makers and is always willing to share his wisdome and vision with anyone who'll listen. I love the man.
I have nothing against Zach Galifianakis. I've enjoyed him in several things and think he has moments of being very funny. Because of that, I took a chance on watching his stand up DVD in hopes it might be good. Now, it has moments of some very funny stuff going on.... but it's all so spread out and minimal that it's not really worth it to watch. I stuck it out though and hoped for some brillance. I kind of wonder if he writes his stand up ahead of time, because with the way he uses the piano and delivers his lines. If that was the case, then I could get a little more out of this and have more respect for him. Maybe I'm not getting the punchline? He's extremely popular and has a huge following, so perhaps I'm just out of touch. Either way, I wouldn't recommend it and wouldn't probably watch any other stand up from him. This is a 2 out of 5 star attempt by Zach Galifianakis and good for him for doing his own thing.... I can totally respect that. I just don't need to submit myself to it again.
Let me start by saying that I'm not a big fan of the Eliza Dusku original 'Wrong Turn'. I've seen it, but it didn't do a whole lot for me. The sequel, 'Wrong Turn 2: Dead End' starring Henry Rollins, was a whole different story. I enjoyed that one a lot and it just made more sense overall. Needless to say, I was hesitant to watch a direct to DVD release of the 3rd movie. It just didn't sing to me, at all. For some reason, curiousity got the best of me and I watched it last night. What I saw, I didn't hate.... but I was very far off from loving it. It only had two of the mutant inbred killers in it and it just felt low quality. The plot was trying to be original and just came off as kind of silly. There are huge continuity errors and implausabilities. It is what it is, cheap and simple.
There are no stars in this, but the director Declan O'Brien is famous for directing the amazing 'Sharktopus'. (i'm being sarcastic) The plot feels old and redone. The killers are kind of silly. The directing and film quality are subpar. The only real reason to watch this, is to keep some kind of continuity in the world of 'Wrong Turn'. This is a 2 star outing instead of 1 star for two reasons. 1) It feels very old school horror, like an installment in the 'Friday the 13th' series. 2) It has some interesting kills. They're over the top and pretty silly, but you can't help but have fun anyway. I gave it 2 out of 5 stars for being a one off watching experience.
A while back, I wrote a fairly extensive review (by my standards) on the 1978 film 'I Spit On Your Grave' aka 'Day Of The Woman'. http://amomentarylapsewithjoel.blogspot.com/2010/08/my-thoughts-on-i-spit-on-your-grave-aka.html Meir Zarchi's exploitation epic is nortorious for many reasons and virtually wrecked the career's of a lot of the people involved. Well, somebody thought it would be a good idea to remake it and play with fire. I suppose with the release of the remake of Wes Craven's 'Last House On The Left', that it just seemed like the right time. Both are similar in tone, topic and end results. I've never really been a fan of films involving rape. I respected what the original was trying to do, but I can't say that I enjoyed it. Because of my experience with it, I was very slow to watching the remake. I'm kind of glad I didn't rush into it. After finally seeing it last night, I realized that I really needed to be in the right mind set to experience it. It is hard to watch and extremely graphic. Steven R. Monroe not only set out to remake the original, but to up the ante as well. I think that he also did something the original didn't do.... made it feel less like and exploitation piece and more like a revenge/empowerment piece. This version would have been more aptly subtitled, 'Day Of The Woman'.
This film is a revenge story 100%. This is classified as a horror film, but the horror is all too real. There may not be a masked killer or a terrifying ghost, this film boasts monsters that exist and could possibly be people you've already met. One of the things the Mr. Monroe does differently than the original is to add a 5th party to the rape and attempted murder of our lead. I won't tell you who it is, but let's just say that he adds another level to the whole ordeal. It also adds another level of horror to the flim, as this person is possibly the last person you'd expect. It's a nice addition and what that I honestly didn't see coming. Another thing that's different (obviously), but I think better.... is the new leading lady. Camielle Keaton was great in the original, but Sarah Butler takes this character and brings it to a whole different level. She radiates off the screen and exudes so much emotion and eventual strengh. She automatically became a new favorite actress for me. Granted, she's not done much to speak of, that doesn't matter.... she has a bright future ahead of her and if I was making a film, I would hire her in a heartbeat. The setting, the cabin and the bad guys are all very similar to the original. It even feels the same when you watch it. This is a more modern take on the 1978 version, we have cell phones and computers.... but when it comes down to the final revenge, it's all old school. Yet another positive for this film.
I went into this expecting nothing. I was told, by some, that it was a good/bad movie. What I quickly learned in about 10 minutes of the movie was that this was going to be complete crap. I didn't enjoy a single thing about this movie. I don't like Pamela Anderson, she's a waste of space and truly overrated. I can't say anything nice about this movie, so I won't say anything more.
This film is not an easy one to watch.
For all of the horrible things that happen during the course of this film, there is still an underlying love story (in a way) and true caring and concern for someone else. It's what makes this all that much more of a difficult film to dissect. Case in point, the violence is focused on in the reviews you read.... but in reality, a lot of is it implied. Granted, there is some horrific stuff presented on the screen, but only snippets of it is visual and the rest is left up to your own imagination. That creates a visual far worse than anything Simon Rumley could have created. There is also some confusion on the backstories in the film and the ending. What I have to say to that is that if you're paying attention and going along with what the characters believe and say, then you'll understand everything that happens. However, if you're left feeling unsatisified at the end.... there are plenty of sites attempting to crack the final scenes. I think it was done in such a way that it doesn't treat the audience like idiots. It allows some interpretations, but is pretty concrete.... however subtle it may be.