my very brief thoughts on.... 'Assault Girls' aka 'Asaruto gâruzu'

Good god, I hardly even want to write about this, so called, movie. It was so hard to sit through and was not very good at all. About the best thing going for this is the cinematography, but even that could be seen in any late night soft core porn. It's all soft lenses and pretty people. I highly recommend that you go play a video game and just record each of the little in-between movie things. That's basically what 'Assault Girls' is.... a one hour long video game storyline. There is no real plot, no real dialouge, no real point. It literally is 1 hour out of a video game with live action people. It just makes me angry even thinking about watching it.

The so-called "plot": (taken from Netflix.com) "When a video-game company creates an immersive gaming environment where players wage war against gigantic sand-dwelling monsters, three gorgeous gals armed to the teeth (Meisa Kuroki, Hinako Saeki and Rinko Kikuchi) accept the challenge and jump into the virtual desert. But as they blaze their way into the game's higher levels, they face ever-more ferocious foes." Let me clarify that by "ever-more ferocious foes", they mean the same worms with slightly different markings. THIS MOVIE WAS CRAP! grrrr....Let me get this review over with, it's just making me mad thinking about the time I wasted. 1 out of 5 stars, for the visuals ONLY! Watch the trailer, if you want, it's the only thing worthwhile about the movie. You get all of it in a short little clip. Seriously, this is not something I recommend to anyone. At all. Ever. Period. Pure and utter garbage.

If you like this, we can't be friends. Go stare at a video game for an hour, it's probably more exciting. Did I mention this was CRAP!

my very brief thoughts on.... 'DIE-ner (Get it?)'

sometimes Netflix OnDemand causes me to watch things that i would never have seen before if it wasn't for them.... usually, it's a good thing.... in this case, it wasn't.... as you can probably already tell by the title 'DIE-ner (Get it?)' that this movie is not going to be a piece of top notch filmmaking.... but i figured, what the hell....? it's billed as a horror comedy.... it has zombies and a serial killer.... it sounds pretty sweet.... but the problem is: it's not funny, the zombies are extremely apathetic, the characters have no charisma, and the story is about as interesting as drinking a glass of luke warm water on a warm day.... and for some reason, i'm still watching it.... i don't know why i can't turn it off, i suppose that deep down i'm hoping it'll get better.... i always want to give an indie movie a shot as i know that someone put a lot of time and effort into making their movie outside of the Hollywood mainstream.... and i still hold that philosophy.... my only request to the filmmakers is that they need to make sure they have a worthwhile product that will leave an impression regardless of budget.... because i've seen other filmmakers be successful with almost no money, but an amazing idea....
alright.... so now what....? i'm in the middle of a movie that i'm not really enjoying but for some reason, i can't turn it off.... i don't know that i can even feel good about rating it, until it's over.... but i'm pretty sure we're looking at a 1 out of 5 star effort and a movie that i won't ever need to see again, unless i run out of Advil PM.... are we on the same page....?

if you like this, perhaps you were watching something else at the time and just got confused.... because i'm pretty sure that you were watching something other than this.... god, i hope so anyway.

my brief thoughts on.... 'Hit and Run'

i think this movie was mistitled.... it should have been called 'Dumb'.... plain and simple.... i don't know how much more clearly i can put it.... this movie was silly and pointless.... and not in a fun way.... but damned if i wasn't transfixed throughout the whole movie.... i couldn't stop watching it no matter how terrible it became.... and it just kept getting worse and worse.... i kept hoping that things would turn around, however that was wishful thinking.... it starts out with a bang, literally.... it keeps seeming like it's going to end, but it just keeps going and going and going.... and just when you think that you've seen the dumbest part of the movie, it gets even dumber.... it's basically turd in a DVD case.... (well, it's OnDemand.... so a turd OnDemand.)

here's the story, if you can call it one.... a young woman on spring break leaves a bar, swerves to miss something in the road, hits a man with her car and doesn't realize it.... so she goes home and later in the evening finds out that a man is impaled on the front of her jeep.... so she checks on him and he grabs her, she freaks out and hits him with a golf club and thinks she's killed him.... and not sure what to do, she goes and buries the body in a shallow grave.... the only person she tells is her boyfriend.... soon he's involved.... and when they go back to get the blanket she wrapped the body in, because of fear of getting caught.... her boyfriend gets there first and when she arrives, he's dead.... the man is gone.... and then the man attacks her.... he straps her to the front of the jeep and begins to terrorize her.... it just goes downhill from there.... or i guess i should say, further downhill....
this movie has no point.... no good plot.... no suspense.... no horror.... it's just a big ball of poop.... there's nothing redeeming about it.... i kind of wish i never watched it.... but maybe you'd enjoy it....? it was not recommended to me by a friend, however i didn't listen and took the time to watch it anyway.... time i'll never get back.... and how Kevin Corrigan got involved in this i'll never know.... i thought he was better than that.... and the ending....? i think the writer had a heart attack and died and they got a monkey to finish the script.... honestly.... stay away.... for the love of god, stay away.... 2 out of 5 stars only because i couldn't stop watching it no matter how bad it got....

if you would rather watch a better version of this, watch: 'Stuck'