Saturday, August 31, 2013

3 Day Zombie Movie Fest Weekend! - my thoughts on.... 'Rise of the Zombies'

A zombie movie fest? It was bound to happen. I've had several zombie movies in my queue, waiting to be seen. However, I just wasn't in the right state of mind to watch them and I didn't have the time. But, with the 3 day weekend upon me.... I figured there was no time like the present! So I fired up Netflix and away we go!

Possible *Spoilers!* in this review. You probably won't care anyway, the movie isn't that good to begin with.

SyFy doesn't have the best reputation when it comes to making movies. They're notorious for making sub-par z-grade horror and science fiction movies. If you go into them not expecting much, you probably will get your money's worth. If you go into them expecting Oscar winning masterpieces? You will be sadly let down. The thing is, when they do tongue in cheek flicks that are meant to be stupid, they're successful! When they make attempts at serious horror or sci-fi, they fall flat on their faces. This was a serious attempt. Granted, they had a decent cast of b and c-level actors, but everybody seemed to be phoning in their performances. LeVar Burton was particularly bad. I kept wanting to sing the 'Reading Rainbow' song and change it too 'Bleeding Rainbow'. Danny Trejo was about the only worthwhile performance, but his time was shorter than most of the other actors. Oh well, he was probably getting paid more than they were. That being said, this movie started out okay. When the cast was still in the prison, you had a good start and a good premise. But the characters are so incredibly stupid with their decision making that they quickly loose their foot hold at the prison and are soon on the run. Why would you take a prison and NOT lock it down? I mean, they seem to know that zombies are washing up on shore pretty regularly, yet they're out there playing in the surf. What the heck people? Is it any surprise that you'll suddenly be attacked? And then to not have a plan to lock things down?!?! Pure garbage. From there on out, it's one bad decision after another. Nothing makes sense and everything they do just gets them in more trouble, that they shouldn't have gotten into in the first place! Dumb.

The "plot" goes like this: During a zombie apocalypse ,a group of survivors hide on Alcatraz Island to escape from rising zombie hordes. When their refuge is overrun, and upon hearing that a scientist may have discovered a cure, they leave the island to seek him out. That's the basic outline. Once they're back on the mainland, they split up.... due to a disagreement on what to do next and all hell breaks loose.

The writers of this piece of crap, tried to pay homage to zombie movies that have come before.... but they do is so poorly. Nothing fits in this storyline and everything seems forced and cliched. I really wanted to like the characters and to root for them to win. I really did. Ultimately, I ended up hating all of them and wanted the credits to just start rolling. I'm assuming that the director felt the same way. The reason I say this? It's because he eventually started throwing in more and more outlandish nonsense into the scenes, so as to spice it up. It was more for shock and awe than for any sort of plot development. It made me feel dirty. Really, really dirty.

In the end, I don't recommend that you do what I did and sit through this movie. There are SO many other low budget zombie movies out there that are so much better. This one just falls flat on it's face and has little to nothing going for it. There's no new ground covered here. There's no memorable characters or scenes. There's just no meat on the bone. This movie is what's leftover after someone else has made their own b-grade zombie movie. It's nothing but half rotted scraps and throw away's. Sorry to everyone involved.... it's just the way it is. Yuck.

I don't recommend this, instead watch: 'Shatter Dead', 'Meat Market' or 'Meat Market 2' (for low budget zombie movies with something to offer)

2 out of 5 stars

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