my brief thoughts on.... 'Simon Says'

first thing i have to say is that Crispin Glover on this poster above looks nothing like him.... although in the movie.... he strangely matches the image.... anyway....

the poster also boasts "Best horror movie of 2009".... um, hardly.... granted, Crispin Glover makes this tolerable.... but it's such an over the top premise.... that it's hard to buy any of it.... and the actors try really hard to make you buy into it.... and they throw every cliche and horror movie staple into this mess.... but what really sets this apart is the way that our villans Simon and Stanley kill people.... pick axes.... lots and lots of pick axes.... not just a couple here and there, but they built machines that weild them in the 10's, 20's and 30 at a time.... so in some scenes you'll find our victims dodging pick axes like nobody's business.... it's so over the top it's funny.... i've never seen anything quite like it.... who uses this as their weapon of choice to such an extreme....?!?! not any movie villan i can think of in the recent past.... so what's the plot you ask....?

Simon and Stanley (both played by Glover) are twins who killed their parents, but got away with it due to an insanity plea.... together they run a gas station of sorts where tourists stop on their way to go camping in the woods.... the two brothers are beyond socially inept.... but somehow manage to make things still work.... during the early part of the movie, 5 campers stop by to pick up some things and catch the eye of the brothers.... and soon the campers find themselves being hunted by the pick axe weilding maniacs.... along with some random other campers and a some really random painballers....!?!? the weapons that kill everyone are insane.... eventually we'r down to the last person and the final fight ensues....
i can't say i hated this.... because i love watching Crispin Glover do his thing.... he's just so entertaining to watch.... but the method to his madness is just so.... so.... silly.... you just have to watch it with a group of friends to really appreciate it.... oh and yes, his catch phrase while killing people is, "Simon says....".... oddly enough, right....? i gave it 2 out of 5 stars.... and the majority of those stars are shared between Glover's performances and the whole strange pick axe thing.... so if for no other reason.... watch it just for that and ignore the rest.... because the rest is just your normal bad horror fare....

i doubt you'll enjoy this.... so i won't make any recommendations like it.