my very brief thoughts on.... 'Slaughtered Vomit Dolls'

I only wanted to see this movie because it kept popping up over and over on the most disturbing films of all time lists. I never had the desire to put much effort into tracking it down, but Netflix did it for me! I wish they hadn't. This movie is nothing to write home about, nothing to brag about seeing and probably the biggest waste of about an hour and ten minutes ever filmed. Even more sad is that it's the part of a trilogy. It's marketed as "vomit gore", which to it's credit.... it has a lot of both. I'm sure that's just an excuse for the creator of this piece of crap to get out their fetish for naked chicks throwing up. This movie is ugly, pointless, dull and over the top for no reason. To sum it up, it's crap and not the fun kind.

The plot (LOL) according to http://www.Netflix.com: "Mercilessly abused by her parents and routinely molested by a deranged priest, young Angela Aberdeen (Ameara Lavey) pledges her soul to Satan in exchange for his protection and help in exacting revenge on her tormentors. But soon Angela's pact leads her down a sinister path overflowing with blood, guts, gore and vomit." If this is the plot, I wish the movie would have conveyed that. The only reason I picked up on the VERY subtle clues to the plot in the movie is because of this summary on Netflix. The actual movie itself is basically this: Old footage of a little girl singing, talking and dancing in slow motion or reversed. A woman fully clothed or fully naked talking randomly in slow motion or regular speed occasionally vomiting. A gory murder inbetween each segment. A couple of fully clothed dudes throwing up, one of them into a cup that he drinks it out of again and then throws up more. That's about it and all of it is on top of a fuzzy, distored background noise and poorly shot footage.

I don't know what else to say about this worthless piece of trash. I can see what the "director" was going for. To shock and disturb using parts of Eli Roth, David Lynch and Larry Flynt. Too bad they didn't take more time to put this together. It might have been something. I mean, there are parts of it that are very disturbing and would have worked well within a 3 part story arc structure. Maybe even as a short film? But what we have instead is nothing more than a lengthy waste of time and energy. The worst part is that the people involved have stripped enamel off their teeth and that won't come back. Sorry kids. I would bet money that someone out there loves this movie and others who love to fap to it. That's basically what this movie is.... a fetish movie for perverts. It's not an attempt at something higher. It's not smart. It's not a metaphor. It's barely even a movie. It is my first zero star rated movie. I wouldn't wipe my ass with this if I was stuck in the woods, surrounded by poison ivy and I had to take a crap. I would rather have an itchy butt then to submit myself to this movie again.

Needless to say, I won't be watching the other two parts of the trilogy.

There was no way to embed the trailer, so here is the link to it. WARNING.... this is NOT SAFE FOR WORK OR ANYWHERE ELSE! enjoy.

http://www.slaughteredvomitdolls.com/trailer.html

my extremely brief thoughts on.... 'Samurai purinsesu: Gedô-hime aka The Samurai Princess'

i'm going to keep this short.... this movie looked promising, but sucked big time ass.... it's shot on a really low budget, with piss-poor special effects.... just stay away like the plague.... even though it's available OnDemand, don't waste your time.... just look at the poster at the top of this post.... it's better than the movie.

1 out of 5 stars.... and that's being generous.

if you want a gory, Japanese movie, watch: 'Tokyo Gore Police', 'The Machine Girl', or 'Stacey'

my thoughts on.... 'Meat Market' and 'Meat Market 2'

bad movies are bad movies.... low budget movies are low budget movies.... and many times the two are usually tied together.... in this case, the rule is not the rule.... granted this movie is shot on a home video camera and the production values are not great, but you can feel that this director had the passion for the project and it shone through the limitations of his budget.... and that goes a long way.... if you believe in something enough, go for it.... live the dream.... these movies have a lot going for them.... there are some parts that are a bit lame and confusing.... but you take the little bit of bad to overcome the overall good.... but if you do decide to invest the time in these movies, be warned they are VERY low budget.... the acting isn't great and the special effects are pretty poor....

the running story involves the take over of society by zombies.... pretty basic.... and our main characters are just struggling to survive the apocalypse as best the can.... and along the way they gather up some other survivors who are also sharing the same goal.... throughout the story we find out that the zombies were created because of a government experiment that was rushed along involving tiny nanobytes (i think that's what they were called.).... we also find out the three of the suvivors that join our heros are vampires who're out for the same goal of destroying the zombies, because they're taking up all of their food supply and i guess zombie blood just tastes gross.... at the end of the first film, there's a showdown and we're left with a bit of a cliffhanger.... as the second movie opens.... it's a year later and the plague just keeps getting worse.... they soon find a commune type area where a group is trying to rebuild society, in the worst way possible.... almost in a third reich kind of way.... and the rest goes on from there.... i don't want to spoil the ending, but it feels pretty fresh even though the director borrows heavily from other zombie classics....
there are plenty of WTF moments in the movie.... and some obvious attempts to shock for shocks sake and to have nudity just to have nudity.... but if you can see beyond that and the low quality, it's a very engrossing set of movies.... i found myself caring about the characters and rooting for them to succeed.... not to mention, i can say i saw this directors first movies before he became famous.... (if that should ever happend.).... overall, i really enjoyed the time i spent in his world of zombies and vampires....

3 out of 5 stars for both.... i can't go much higher because there were some aspects that were very unecessary.... and the 2nd movie doesn't hold up the high standards of the first.... at least not the whole way through.... regardless, i recommend this for someone who wants a fresh feeling zombie flick and has the time to watch them.... they're free to watch on Netflix OnDemand.... but you MUST have an open mind if you're going to view these.... it's just that simple.

if you like this, check out: 'Shatter Dead', 'Dance of the Dead' and 'Undead'

my thoughts on.... 'Dead Meat'

Irish zombies. that should be enough to get your attention.... that's what this little gem of a movie is.... an Irish zombie film.... and not a bad little one at that.... for a no budget horror film.... it vaguely reminds me of 'Bad Taste', Peter Jackson's first film.... entertaining and clever, but you can tell it was all friends and family involved and the effects were done in someone's garage.... with oatmeal, water, flour and corn syrup.... however, it doesn't really take too much away from this movie....

the story is simple.... almost a copycat of 'Night of the Living Dead'.... boy and girl in car come across corpse.... corpse bites man, woman runs.... woman finds other man who helps her.... they find more people to join in their little band of survivors.... and blood and guts are chewed.... sounds pretty familiar, right....? but i'll say it again, don't let that take too much away from this movie.... it deserves an audience....
the characters are likeable.... you can tell someone put a lot of heart into the making of the movie.... the locations are beautiful and green.... the zombies are pretty well done.... and you gotta love the couple that they join up with that sound like Brad Pitt in 'Snatch'.... i couldn't understand one damn word they said other than the 'F' bomb.... and that was dropped quite a bit.... i'm not 100% sure i would give this as high of reviews as i am if it wasn't for them.... they added a nice twist....
oh, did i mention that the zombies were created due to a strain of mad cow disease....? and that there are zombie cows....?!?! how could i forget that....?

all in all, worth a beer and a bit of your time.... who knows.... maybe the director will be as big as Peter Jackson became and you can say you knew who he was back when he directed 'Dead Meat'.... i'll give it a solid 3 out of 5 stars.... i'm taking some of my love away due to the ending.... it was a bit too abrupt.... check it out via Netflix OnDemand while you can.... and if Fangoria puts there stamp of approval on it, you don't even have to take just my word.... i've got back up.... man do i love me some zombies....!

if you enjoy this movie, check out: 'Bad Taste', 'Dead Alive' and 'Undead'