Sunday, June 5, 2011

my very brief thoughts on.... 'Slaughtered Vomit Dolls'

I only wanted to see this movie because it kept popping up over and over on the most disturbing films of all time lists. I never had the desire to put much effort into tracking it down, but Netflix did it for me! I wish they hadn't. This movie is nothing to write home about, nothing to brag about seeing and probably the biggest waste of about an hour and ten minutes ever filmed. Even more sad is that it's the part of a trilogy. It's marketed as "vomit gore", which to it's credit.... it has a lot of both. I'm sure that's just an excuse for the creator of this piece of crap to get out their fetish for naked chicks throwing up. This movie is ugly, pointless, dull and over the top for no reason. To sum it up, it's crap and not the fun kind.

The plot (LOL) according to "Mercilessly abused by her parents and routinely molested by a deranged priest, young Angela Aberdeen (Ameara Lavey) pledges her soul to Satan in exchange for his protection and help in exacting revenge on her tormentors. But soon Angela's pact leads her down a sinister path overflowing with blood, guts, gore and vomit." If this is the plot, I wish the movie would have conveyed that. The only reason I picked up on the VERY subtle clues to the plot in the movie is because of this summary on Netflix. The actual movie itself is basically this: Old footage of a little girl singing, talking and dancing in slow motion or reversed. A woman fully clothed or fully naked talking randomly in slow motion or regular speed occasionally vomiting. A gory murder inbetween each segment. A couple of fully clothed dudes throwing up, one of them into a cup that he drinks it out of again and then throws up more. That's about it and all of it is on top of a fuzzy, distored background noise and poorly shot footage.

I don't know what else to say about this worthless piece of trash. I can see what the "director" was going for. To shock and disturb using parts of Eli Roth, David Lynch and Larry Flynt. Too bad they didn't take more time to put this together. It might have been something. I mean, there are parts of it that are very disturbing and would have worked well within a 3 part story arc structure. Maybe even as a short film? But what we have instead is nothing more than a lengthy waste of time and energy. The worst part is that the people involved have stripped enamel off their teeth and that won't come back. Sorry kids. I would bet money that someone out there loves this movie and others who love to fap to it. That's basically what this movie is.... a fetish movie for perverts. It's not an attempt at something higher. It's not smart. It's not a metaphor. It's barely even a movie. It is my first zero star rated movie. I wouldn't wipe my ass with this if I was stuck in the woods, surrounded by poison ivy and I had to take a crap. I would rather have an itchy butt then to submit myself to this movie again.

Needless to say, I won't be watching the other two parts of the trilogy.

There was no way to embed the trailer, so here is the link to it. WARNING.... this is NOT SAFE FOR WORK OR ANYWHERE ELSE! enjoy.

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