Sunday, October 10, 2010

my very brief thoughts on.... 'The Morgue'

imagine you're a screenwriter.... you've got a great idea for a movie.... so you write a script.... you get the money to get it produced.... you get not one, but TWO directors for it.... you get one name star.... and you make your dream movie.... your dream has now come true.... and that brilliant idea that started it all is now on celluloid for all the world to marvel at too.... amazing.

too bad it sucks.

this movie deserves less than 1 star, but that's not possible on Netflix.... and to be honest, i barely made it through this mess of a movie.... the only reason i even added it to the queue and was so quick to watch it was because of the fact that Heather Donahue (The Blair Witch Project) was getting top billing....! i couldn't wait to see her again.... little did i know what i was really in for.... good lord.... she only had about 20 minutes of screen time.... maybe total.... and i honestly i didn't care about any of the characters in this movie.... not even hers.... not even a little bit.... and what's the point of a horror movie or any movie if you don't give a rats ass about the characters involved....? i was hoping that maybe i'd get lucky, after about 15 minutes of the movie, that something would go drastically wrong at Netflix and i'd never be able to finish it.... oh well, that never happened....
here's the genius plot: a girl works at a morgue with only one other person, the nightwatchman. a family of 3 run out of gas and show up. two guys, who've been in an accident, show up. we keep getting flashbacks about a mortician who killed himself and has come back for his revenge. no one is safe. everything gets confusing and horribly edited. people start dying off one by one as the group tries to find a way to escape. but where's the nightwatchman? he's not the killer, but he's strangely missing and aloof. then the twist at the end happens. OOOO a twist.

do not waste one minute of your time to watch this.... stay away.... the twist is pulled off horribly.... it's kind of confusing at first.... and the script and editing job don't help things much.... honestly, who gives a damn anyway....? just thank god it's over.... i'm not demanding my time back.... i at least got to see Heather for awhile.... and she does so few movies it was nice.... but other than that.... garbage on film.... i have no idea why this was even made....? it should have stayed a script on someone's coffee table.... safe from the world.... anyway.... at least i can warn you.... don't even hope for the bad/good factor.... this is just bad/bad/bad.... 1 out of 5 stars, in case you didn't get that from my earlier comment.

in closing, it's like having your teeth pulled really slowly while under a mild sedation that causes things to be blurry.... but you still feel every pinch, pull and tug.... and your dentist is Stevie Wonder. got it....?

watch ANYTHING else.

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