my very brief thoughts on.... 'It Came from Kuchar'

Mike and George Kuchar are twins.... which obviously makes them brothers.... they're also filmmakers.... and not very good ones at that.... they have a long standing history of making crappy ultra low budget movies.... and are still making them today on even smaller crappier budgets.... this documentary had so much promise.... i ultimately didn't care about them or their movies.... it just showed who they were and what they did.... i didn't get much insight on them or their movies.... it was fun to see the behind the scenes of these horrible movies.... that was the redeeming quality.... it's the only reason i gave it any stars at all.... i actually gave it 3 out of 5 stars.... it was like a primer for their movies and saved you the trouble of actually having to go out and find them to watch.... perhaps they'll inspire the next Lloyd Kaufman or Quentin Tarantino.... or perhaps they'll inspire the next Ron Jeremy.... who knows and in reality, who cares....?

if you want to see a good movie on filmmakers, watch: 'Pretty as a Picture: The Art of David Lynch', 'The Haunted World of Edward D. Wood Jr.', and 'Divine Trash'

my very brief thoughts on.... 'American Swing'

i'm going to keep this short and sweet, which i wish the filmakers had done as well.... this is a documentary about Plato's Retreat.... the best known swinger's club in New York.... it doesn't exist anymore, obviously.... not with all the diseases and what not going around.... this movie documents the rise and fall of the club.... they talk to all the old patrons and use photos, old film and TV spots to try and bring it to life for the viewer.... sadly, this movie just doesn't hold the viewers attention.... not even with the nudity involved.... it is just kind of a mess and fairly boring....

i gave it 1 out of 5 stars.... it's nothing you should waste your time on.

instead of watching this, have sex with someone instead

my brief thoughts on.... 'Mystery Science Theater 3000: Zombie Nightmare'

i've been a fan of MST3K for as long as i can remember.... i've seen quite a number of episodes, but it's been years since i had seen one and when this popped up OnDemand, i figured maybe it was time to hop back in the saddle.... (wow, that was a long sentence.).... and as much as i love zombies, i figured it was a no brainer.... (no pun intended.).... so i invested the hour and a half and re-introduced myself to the boys.... i fogot how cheesy the inbetween stuff was.... but that's part of the charm of the show.... it's so homegrown.... now, as far as this episode went.... well.... i can't say it was genius.... there was one particular part that i laughed so hard my sides hurt.... but that was it as far as the laugh out loud moment went.... maybe i wasn't in the right mood.... perhaps this just wasn't their best episode.... who knows....? it just didn't hit the mark....

in the movie, the plot revolves around a young man who's killed at the prime of his life and is resurrected by a voodoo priestess to have his revenge on those who killed him.... there's also a subplot about the young man's father who was also senselessly murdered.... which all of it kind of ties together at the end.... that's about the entire plot....
the zombie parts are lame.... the chase scene in the health club is worth the price of admission.... because who doesn't want to see a preppy/punk girl chased around by a zombie with a baseball bat....? am i right....? the deaths are sub par.... it does have the distinguishing honor of having Adam West as a lead character.... yes, Batman himself.... he's chessy as ever.... and he plays the chief of police.... who's gun is silly.... all in all in all in all it's a mere 2 out of 5 star attempt for the boys of MST3K.... not their best, but not their worst.... one for die hard fans only, i would say....

if you like this, watch: some of the other episodes.... there's a ton of them available OnDemand on Netflix

(no trailer availble for this movie to embed.)

my brief thoughts on.... 'City of the Living Dead'

Lucio Fulci made the movie 'Zombi aka Zombi 2'.... one of the best known foreign zombie movies ever made.... it's one that i own and it holds a soft spot in my heart.... not too mention, it was was a love note to George A. Romero.... it was Fulci's direct response to 'Dawn of the Dead' (1978) and was the unofficial sequel according to Fulci.... all that being said.... it made perfect sense that 'City of the Living Dead aka The Gates of Hell' would be another classic.... it even has really good write ups according to zombie lovers.... so when i saw it was available OnDemand, i had to see it.... now, i had seen parts of this once before when i was a youth.... and it freaked me out.... and i vividly remembered the scene in question where a woman vomits all of her insides.... everything.... well, last night i watched it.... but before i give you my thoughts.... let's get to the interesting plot....

a psychic and a newspaper reporter get wrapped up in an end of the world scenario.... what happened to set off this chain of events is the fact that a priest hangs himself in a graveyard and ends up opening the gates of hell.... to where the dead will begin rising from the dead.... the two leads go off on a hunt to stop this from happening by destroying the priests corpse and thus closing the gates again.... and saving the world.... some zombies appear, some people get killed, a lot of worms and maggots abound.... and then you'll have to watch this movie to find out the rest.... sorry, kids.
right about now, you're saying "Joel, you must have LOVED this movie!".... well, you couldn't be farther from the freaking truth.... Fulci will always have a sweet spot in my heart, but this is so far on the other end of the spectrum from 'Zombi' that it was almost unrecognizable.... he literally used the exact same music from 'Dawn of the Dead' (1978).... the pacing was god awfully slow.... the characters weren't all that interesting.... the zombies were few and far between.... as a matter of fact.... in the end of the film you'll find the most number of zombies, but they last all of about 5 minutes and die with a mere stab wound.... yup, no shots to the head.... the zombies also seem to have some kind of magic powers, because they can appear, disappear and re-appear anywhere.... they shamble, but why bother when you can teleport yourself....?!?! the zombies are covered with goo and worms and gunk no matter how long they'd been in the ground.... there's a weird mix of satanism, ghosts and zombies that just doesn't work.... and the priest that hung himself plays a major role as the primary killer of people in the movie.... mostly by a mere stare.... this was a 1 out of 5 star movie at best.... i lost faith early on in the movie.... but when the ending occured, i nearly threw my shoe at the television.... it made no sense and was lame....

stay away.

instead of wasting your time with this, watch: 'Zombi aka Zombi 2', 'Dawn of the Dead' (1978) and/or just about any other zombie movie