my thoughts on.... 'Battle of the Damned'

Anyone who knows me, has read this blog or listened to any of my podcasts know.... I love zombies. Ever since I watched 'Dawn of the Dead' (1978) in 1996, I've been hooked. I just can't get enough zombies. Over the years, we've seen the market saturated with a glut of zombies every where. Any student out to make his first movie, wants to make a zombie film. They want to either change the genre somehow or just want an easy student project with minimal make up work and an open market. It's made the die hard fans have to dig even deeper through the muck and muddle to find the diamonds in the rough. There's still plenty of good stuff out there, but not always the most original stuff. When I first heard that Dolph Lundgren was making a zombie movie, I was geeked. I've been a fan of his work since I watched 'Rocky 4'. Then I heard that it was a zombie movie he was making. I got even MORE geeked! Then I heard it had robots too! I nearly had a nerdgasm all over the computer monitor. What more could you want in a zombie movie? To be honest, it stole from a basic concept I'd come up with years ago, but luckily it didn't steal my whole idea. What it did do though, was make a genre that is hard to improve on and gave it a fun little tweak that any horror movie fan will get a kick out of. Granted, you have to leave your brain at the door and make sure you have plenty of popcorn on hand. This is one of THOSE movies for sure.

The first thing that struck me with this movie was the way the zombies are dealt with. This really could have been done as a student film, if they hadn't stuck so much money into making the robots. In the process of focusing on them, they pushed the zombie effects to the side. The zombie make up, more or less, consists of some basic make up and a couple of applications. There's nothing fancy or even remotely good about the special effects in this movie. With that being said, they really did a stellar job with the robots. They played up on the fact that they were designed to be utilitarian in design, but perfectly suited to be combat ready. They're the straight man to Lundgren's hero and the perfect foil for the zombie hordes. The effects crew on this movie spent a long time designing the overall look and feel of the robots. They feel like they could honestly be in any factory out there right now. Doing a job on an assembly line, putting cars together, welding or other labor intensive work. I was really surprised at how realistic they really were. Granted, the effects didn't always hold up to a big budget standard, but it was way above average for this kind of Sci-Fi original movie. Back to the zombies, who needs to shoot them in the head when you can kill them by slitting their throats? Right? That's just one of the many ways these paper thin zombies can be killed again. It's as if they truly are just actors with make up on. This is the one part of the movie that bothered me the most. I mean, where's the danger when you can just shoot em' once and they're down? There's really no threat, other than when they're in big numbers. Then.... you're in trouble. Unless you have robots.

The basic premise of this movie is one that's been used a lot. Most famously in 'Escape From New York'. Send in the hero to an area everyone else is scared to go, have him rescue someone who's trapped and get back out safe. Yup. That's the premise of this movie too. Nothing new here, but still fun none the less. It tells the story of Max Gatling (clever, right?), a man on a mission. He leads a team into the hordes of zombies. Once inside, his team slowly begins to get smaller and soon his true intentions are discovered. He's not just there for any reason, he's there to rescue Jude by any means necessary. What he didn't count on was bringing a bunch of other people with him and that the basic bad guy in the story, is also Jude's boyfriend.... and the father of her unborn child. This makes everything much more complicated than before, but there's one thing Max didn't factor into the equation. The fact that there's a factory in the zombie infested zone and all of the robots inside of there, had gone bezerk not long ago. They were still alive and kicking, but now they were killing zombies, instead of humans. Soon they form an alliance and next thing you know: it's Dolph and robots vs. zombies! Much killing ensues. It's wonderful!

There's really not that much more to say about this movie. It's just big, dumb fun and to be honest.... in a sub genre of horror movies, it's really refreshing to see something you've never seen before. It's also a good thing to see Dolph Lundgren making a comeback. Luckily for him, 'The Expendables' keeps making more movies, as it keeps him working. This movie isn't going to change anyone's lives and it's really just a grade above the quality of 'Sharknado', but don't let that stop you from taking the time to watch it. This is a hidden little gem that needs an audience. I, personally, will eventually own this. I think it has a high re-watchability factor and one that will gain cult status someday. It's just so terribly and amazingly bad that it comes all the way back around to being good again. There's very little not too like about this movie and believe me, I tried really hard to hate it. I couldn't do it. I just kept smiling and wonder who in the hell came up with this story and why has it taken so long? George A. Romero this ain't. This is pure and utter schlocktastic good times! Watch this soon, please.

I'd give this 3 out of 5 stars and firmly believe it's got longevity built in. This is one that will live on in infamy. Mark my words on this.

my very brief thoughts on.... 'Mask Maker: Meet Your Maker' aka 'Maskerade'

I'm going to keep this short, as I really want to get something up here besides my podcast updates and 'Gregory' promotions. I actually saw this movie several weeks ago and I have to say, I wasn't impressed. People said it was similar to 'The Texas Chainsaw Massacre' and I can see why. I still had hopes for it, after a somewhat promising bit of the movie happened. Sadly, nothing ever got better and once the "Mask Maker" made a skin mask.... I lost all interest. the mask was probably realistic, if you were to skin a mans face off perfectly and wear it. But, I have to say that I doubt anyone could do that. It's where the comparison to 'TCM' comes in. The big difference is that in 'TCM', the FX guys realized that a perfect looking skin mask wasn't possible. Instead, Leatherface sews one together in pieces and it's far more interesting to look at and more realistic. This movies mask was just plain dull and uninspired. Which kind of defines the rest of the movie as well.

All in all, I give it 2 out of 5 stars for putting forth a little effort. I just hope that they don't make a sequel and I recommend that you don't bother watching it. Even on a rainy day, when you have nothing else to do. Garbage.

If you want to see the movie it's trying to mimic, rent any of the 'TCM' movies.... and I mean ANY of them. They're all better than this.

my thoughts on.... 'Grave Encounters'

Hoooo boy, another 'found footage' movie! I know that's what you're saying right about now. However, before you jump to the usual conclusions, let me tell you a little bit about 'Grave Encounters'. First of all, it's got a bit more going for it than the average 'found footage' movie. The Vicious Brothers, who wrote and directed this, took their time to get some nasty special effects going on. Instead of relying on sound and things that aren't there, these two show you EXACTLY what you're facing. These ghosts are creepy and scary. When they turn on the 'BOO!' factor, it's on full blast! Secondly, they've taken a new twist on an old theme. What we have is a movie based on all those 'ghost hunting' reality shows that are out there right now. But in this movie, they say that 'Grave Encounters (the show) was way ahead of its time. You see a lot of behind the scenes stuff that probably happens on the real shows, but we never get to see it. That alone makes this movie fun to watch.

Here's the basic plot from Netflix.com: "In this horror flick, the stars of a paranormal-investigation TV show spend the night in a derelict psychiatric hospital, hoping to uncover what's been going bump in the night. As their cameras roll, they find themselves trapped -- and hunted." The last sentences there is what really sets this apart in the end. In the beginning, it feels like very familiar territory. Low budget scares and night vision shots or things moving or opening and closing. In the second act, things change. Suddenly, the TV crew realizes that everything has changed in the building and it seems that the building is not going to let them get out.... alive. Everything keeps shifting and moving so they can't ever find an exit. The crew goes round and round for, literally, days trying to get out. In the end, will anyone make it out alive? You have to see it to belive what happens. (That last part is showmanship, the ending is kind lame actually.)I was pleasantly surprised by this movie. It's by far, NOT the best movie in this sub-sub-genre.... but it's a whole lot better than most. It kind of makes me wonder what The Vicious Brothers have next on their plate? I can honestly say that I'm anxious to see whatever else they put out in the future. This was a strong indie movie that shows great promise. I couldn't see myself giving it more than 3 stars. The ending was so poorly thought out, that it almost seemed like an afterthought. However, don't let that distract you from the good things in this movie.... like the scares. This felt like a new movie to me in a very saturated market. You all may have already seen the commercial or the YouTube.com trailer for 'Grave Encounters'. It gives away a few of the high points in the movie, but there is so much more than that.

'Found footage' is never going to go away and I feel that over time, it's going to become more and more common. These kind of movies are cheap and make a profit, it's the indie zombie movie of this next generation of film makers. Whereas, you can find 1,000 indie zombie films to watch because every first film maker wants to start that way. Now, it's the found footage movies that are taking their place. Is that a good thing? That remains to be seen. This movie gives me hope, as there are glimmers of hope sprinkled throughout.

If you like this, check out similar titles like, 'Paranormal Activity', 'Paranormal Activity 2', and 'Paranormal Entity'

my very brief thoughts on.... 'Class of Nuke Em' High'

I have the utmost respect and love for Lloyd Kaufman. I've met him and he's an extremely nice and passionate man. He IS independent film, in my opinion. I put him up on a huge pedastal. He makes low budget crap fests that will shock you and gross you out, but you have to give him credit for doing things his way all his life. He also tries to help out up and coming film makers and is always willing to share his wisdome and vision with anyone who'll listen. I love the man.

All of that being said, I did not like 'Class of Nuke Em' High'. Sorry Lloyd, this one is even beyond me. This movie is regarded as a Troma classic by lots of people and I'm not sure why. It's confusing and doesn't make a whole lot of sense, plot wise. It doesn't seem to have much heart to it, it's just a movie for the sake of making a movie. It's gross outs for the sake of gross outs. There just isn't much of anything good about this movie. The best part was the beginning, seeing the Troma Studios logo, and the ending, when I knew it was over. For some reason, they felt it necessary to make two sequels to this and I even tried to watch the 2nd, hoping that I might get the joke and enjoy it. That didn't happen.

This movie is barely a 1 out of 5 star attempt from Troma. They may be known for putting out low budget shock fests, but they've also put out some things that are amazing cult classics. I know that Lloyd has the ability to bring the world great things.... I've seen it happen. One way or the other, stay away from the 'Class of Nuke Em' High' series. They're not worth the price of admission.

If you want good Troma, check out: 'Poultrygeist: Night of the Chicken Dead', 'Sgt. Kabukiman, NYPD' and the 'Toxic Avenger' movies

my thoughts on.... 'Zombie Girl: The Movie'

What was your biggest asperation when you were 12 years old? If you're Emily Hagins, then it's to make your first movie.... a zombie movie. Not a short film, but a full length feature. This documentary follows her from start to finish, as she attempts to complete her project. Along the way, she meets some amazing people, gets a cult following, builds a unique relationship with her parents (especially her mom) and tries to finish what she started. The crazy thing about this movie is the fact that whether you're 12 years old or 58 years old, it makes you wonder if you could make your own movie. This girl proves that anything is possible if you set your mind to it. Her dream took two years of her life and in the end, it was so worth it. This is a feel good movie and in a way is very similar to 'American Movie'. The only difference is age and background. I do wish that Emily's movie 'Pathogen' was included to watch, but maybe if I rented the DVD I'd have that option. I've also since followed up on her and she is still making movies, FYI.

The plot is pretty well laid out in my previous section of this review. The story revolves around 12 year old Emily Hagins and her pursuit of her dream of making a full length zombie movie. She enlists the help of her family, friends and a lot of local celebs. It's a story about blood, guts and determination. In the end, we all learn that it's not about how old you are, but how much desire you have to succeed. Here's another summary from Netflix.com: "Youth and inexperience were no deterrents to 12-year-old Emily Hagins when she set out to make her first full-length feature, the zombie flick Pathogen. This 2008 documentary chronicles her two-year endeavor from start to finish. With cameras focused on Emily and Mom -- who acts as agent, crew, producer and No. 1 fan -- the film illuminates indie moviemaking challenges and the wonder of being a plucky adolescent to whom anything seems possible."The only thing I wish about that they had done with this movie is included some more scenes from Emily's movie, 'Pathogen'. It felt like during the whole movie that we were on the road to seeing the end results, but it never paid off. Regardless of all of that, this is still a great documentary. Emily proves that she is an up and coming talent and shows that not all families are dysfunctional. It also proves that horror won't neccessarily destory the minds of the young. Granted, I think that Emily might be more of an exception that a rule.... but moderation is the key. She is a girl with a vision and it's so strong that it carries her all the way to completion of her project. That's quite a feat considering the fact that most kids her age are more concerned about puberty and self-image.... Emily is worried about whether or not her severed heads look real and if she's using enough blood or not. Those are real worries in my book.

All in all, a very solid 3 out of 5 star production. I would recommend this to documentary film lovers, horror film buffs, zombie movie goers and people who just love a good storyline. This movie has it all. I am curious to see the finished product and her other projects after this. I also kind of wonder where the future will take her? It seems like she has her own career mapped out, but how will the rest of the world see it? This also makes me regret that my zombie film project from college never got off the ground. It was in the final stages of production and only needed the okay on my main location, but sadly.... my college frowned on the use of it's buildings for production. Thus ended my zombie film. I instead, made a short experimental film called, 'Anybody's Taco?'. Anyway, check this movie out.

If you like this, also check out: 'American Movie', 'Hide and Creep' and 'Pathogen'

my very brief thoughts on.... 'Death Valley: The Revenge of Bloody Bill'

I love watching bad movies. I especially love watching them with friends. Sometimes that's not an option, so I get stuck watching them alone.... like with this movie. And kids, this is NOT a good movie. I had no allusions that this was going to be a masterpiece of modern horror, I knew exactly what I was getting into. What I didn't realize was exactly how crummy this would be. The thing is, this could have had the potential to be kind of epic. When I first started watching it, I didn't realize that it had zombies in it. I thought it was just a lame ghost story about a confederate soldier from the past who has come back as a ghost to kill folks. The zombies were such a welcome surprise! The first, like, 20 minutes or so were pretty keen.... I was tied into the story and ready to enjoy, then things started going south. It just got worse and worse until I just didn't care about it anymore. I am not even sure I could spoil the ending for you, even if I wanted to, as I don't remember what in the heck happened! (And I'm not watching it again to find out.) If you really want to know what happened at the end, you're welcome to watch it on your own.... it's OnDemand from Netflix right now. Go ahead, I'll wait. Moving on....

Here is the plot according to http://wwww.Netflix.com: "While traveling to a competition, a college debate team is abducted by a drug dealer who takes them to an abandoned town, which they quickly discover is the grave site of Bloody Bill Andersen, a Confederate soldier from the Civil War. Soon, the students are cornered by the town's locals -- all of whom are zombies led by the undead Bloody Bill himself. Can the students stop their infighting long enough to band together and escape the town alive?" That sums it up and yes, I didn't read this before I watched it. I just saw the cover art for the DVD and the star ratings and jumped right in without thinking. Ah well....

One of the neat things about this movie that I learned as soon as I started watching it was that the writers of it are Matt and John Yuan. You may remember them as two of the mall cops, Matt and John Yuen, in 'Observe and Report' with Seth Rogen. Because of this, I felt inclined to cut the movie a bit of slack in the end. So, strong opening plus cool writers equals 1 out of 5 stars. I am betting dollars to doughnuts that if I watched this with the right people and the right snacks, I would probably own it tomorrow. Other than that, it really doesn't have that much more going for it. I'm guessing that we haven't seen the end of the movies being written by these guys. If this was just an early attempt by them, I'm actually kind of excited to see what comes next!

Isn't it strange that a movie that you disliked so much can get backhanded compliments about it as much as straitforward criticism? That is what makes watching movies so much fun. This is one reason why I recommend that you always consider watching something no matter how good or bad it looks, you just never know. Granted, you may have to submit yourselves to some horrific crap at times.... but then again, you may find a little diamond in the rough. Someone out there spent a lot of time and money to put together any movie that you see. They didn't just appear out of nowhere. Because of that logic, I always assume that there must be some grain of goodness in just about any movie. If people were prejudice about movies than whose to say if 'Evil Dead 2: Dead By Dawn' would have ever become the cult icon that it is today? So the next time you're browsing Netflix or the aisles at your local DVD or Blu-ray retailer, consider the underdog.... you may just find a new favorite movie to watch or a new DVD to shove under that one annoying wobbly leg of your desk. Am I right or am I right?

NOTE TO READER: This movie has gone under several different titles, at the time of this trailer it was not yet finalized.

my thoughts on.... 'AAAH! ZOMBIES!!'

As I've said in earlier posts, it's really hard to find anything new in the zombie genre. It seems like everything has been done and re-done. However, I was pointed in the direction of 'AAAH! ZOMBIES!!' and what I saw was something new. It proved that there may still be some life in the undead. Before I get into why it was fresh and new, I have to confess that I HATE talking zombies. By "talking", I mean ones that speak in complete sentences. Zombies are basically a shark. One track mind to kill and eat, nothing else. They grunt, goan and moan but they do not talk. 'AAAH! ZOMBIES!!' had talking zombies, but they presented them in a way that I didn't hate! It was a unique twist on how zombies might communicate with each other. It shows how zombies might think and what it might be like to turn into the walking dead. Haven't you ever wondered what it's like on the flip side of the undead coin? I know I have.

So what's the plot and the big secret to success? The plot is that of some friends who are just hanging out, when the military messes up and toxic chemicals are released. Eventually, people start turning into zombies. The four friends become zombies too. The thing is, they don't realize they're zombies right away. And as far as the audience is concerned, we see them as still human in black and white, but as zombies in color. So one minute they're having an intelligent conversation and trying to figure out what's going on and then we flip to color and they're just standing there (as zombies) moaning and groaning at each other. After the four realize what they've become, they start fighting for the rights of the living challenged. They also take on the military to try and get to a 'safe zone' where they might be able to start a new life with a colony of zombies all living together. Do they make it? Do they eat people? Do they get shot in the head? You'll have to watch it to find out. 'AAAH! ZOMBIES!!', rated 'R'.

With the set up of the undead being able to still communicate and understand each other, but sound unintelligent to everyone else, that's what sets up a lot of the comedy in this movie. Because they shift back and forth between the zombie world and the real world and seeing them hiding out, talking to the military, etc. it's very entertaining. One of the other things that's humorous, is one of the main characters realizing that he now has a taste for human flesh. For example, a living person gets their head blown off and while everyone else is talking about it and in shock, he starts eating their brains. He asks, "Is anyone going to finish that?" At which point, everyone else gets kind of grossed out. This movie is very clever and pretty well written. It's not without its flaws, but I very rarely ever see a movie that's 'perfect'. Have you? This movie is low budget and it's pretty obvious, but that doesn't take away from its charm. It just shows how much heart this movie has. Somebody was really proud of this concept and gave it the best they could to make it the best movie they could.

Between the good, the bad and the flaws, I gave it 3 out of 5 stars. I think it has 're-watchability' and that's saying something. It may even deserve a higher rating. I mean, any movie that can have talking zombies and still have me enjoying it, has accomplished something. The actors are good, the direction is good and even the special effects and look of the movie are good. It's on Netflix OnDemand right now, so I would take advantage of that fact.... if you can. You could even watch it tonight, if you wanted too! So all that being said, are you still one of those jaded horror fans who's said that they've seen it all in the zombie genre? Perhaps you haven't and perhaps you should watch this movie and prove to yourself that an old dog can learn new tricks.... even a dead one.

Movies similar to this? 'Shaun of the Dead, 'Doghouse' and 'Stacy'

my very brief thoughts on.... 'Death of a Ghost Hunter'

how many movies are they going to make about ghosts and film them from the first person perspective....? i can't say that i'm 100% sick of seeing them, but only the good ones.... this was an independent take on those movies, so the budget was lower and the actors are unknown.... the story is somewhat original.... so that's good.... but by the end of it, i kind of wondered if it was worth the time to have watched it.... the picture on the DVD cover above was very very effective and creepy.... however, most of the other 'scares' weren't qutie up to that standard.... it was, all put together and added up, only a 2 out of 5 star movie.... possibly worth the time to watch OnDemand on Netflix, but probably not worth the time to rent the DVD....

here's what i remember about the story.... a woman is hired to go to a home that's supposedly haunted and document what she finds.... she's required to have a camera person, a reporter, and a spiritual guide.... normally she works alone, but she creates an unsteady friendship with her companions for the duration of her stay.... things start out slow, but quickly begin to unravel as they're terrorized by an unseen force.... they eventually get proof of the existance of spirits.... however, they don't learn the truth behind the hauntings until much later and by then, is it too late....?
this ended up being better than the reviews would lead you to believe.... i've seen better, but i didn't feel like it was really a waste of time.... since i can't speak to each one of your individual tastes, read some other reviews and watch the trailer.... for all i know you may really enjoy this or you might not even want to spend the time to bother watching it.... this movie is by no means going to re-write the manual on making a scary ghost movie.... but it's above par for an indie horror movie and for that i gave the filmmaker's credit.... and i look forward to seeing what they have to offer in the future.

for a similar type of movie, check out: 'Paranormal Activity', 'Paranormal Activity 2', or 'The Blair Witch Project'

my extremely brief thoughts on.... 'Samurai purinsesu: Gedô-hime aka The Samurai Princess'

i'm going to keep this short.... this movie looked promising, but sucked big time ass.... it's shot on a really low budget, with piss-poor special effects.... just stay away like the plague.... even though it's available OnDemand, don't waste your time.... just look at the poster at the top of this post.... it's better than the movie.

1 out of 5 stars.... and that's being generous.

if you want a gory, Japanese movie, watch: 'Tokyo Gore Police', 'The Machine Girl', or 'Stacey'

my very brief thoughts on.... 'Jimmy and Judy'

the cover of the DVD for this movie declares that "This is the film that 'Natural Born Killers' wanted to be!" (the name of the reviewer is so small you can't read who said it, i wonder why).... if this is the movie that 'Natural Born Killers' wanted to be, then i'm glad it didn't get its wish.... not that 'Jimmy and Judy' was terrible, because it wasn't.... it just wasn't anywhere close to what 'NBK' was.... this movie is another in the long line of first person filmmaking.... it came out in 2006, so it was a bit before the boom hit.... but it still is a bit cliched.... i think the saving grace of thie movie is Edward Furlong and Rachael Bella.... they work so well together that they ended up getting married in real life.... they sell their rolls as Jimmy and Judy.... i can't say you end up rooting for them, but you can't take your eyes off of them.... i know that i wanted to see how they ended up.... and being a fan of Edward Furlong, it was nice to see him in a lead again.... he's an untapped talent....

Jimmy is a loner who has a secret love for Judy.... he videotapes everything that's 'important' in his life and eventually shows her his recordings of her.... and then he shows her the recordings he made of him taking revenge on the people who've hurt her.... and that seals the deal, she falls in love.... soon they leave home and begin a small crime spree across the country trying to stay one step ahead of the law.... eventually they end up at a sort of commune run by a crazy guy.... some things happen and the rest is for you to see on your own....
i gave this 3 out of 5 stars for the love affair of Jimmy and Judy.... and for the starring role of Edward Furlong.... the movie itself is not fantastic.... it's a lot of previously used ideas and sequences that are strung together into a new story.... there's not much new to see here other than the fact that it's all filmed in the first person.... i woudn't tell you not to watch this.... it's worth the hour and a half of time to watch it.... and it's available OnDemand right now.... so how can you lose....? it's not high art, but it is entertaining.

other movies that are better than this, but similar in theme: 'Natural Born Killers', 'Badlands', and 'Bonnie and Clyde'

my very brief thoughts on.... 'My Date with Drew'

okay, you're sitting at home and thinking that you want to see something new.... you want to see a documentary that isn't heavy handed and full of itself.... you want something light and cute.... you don't want to go out to the local video store, but luckily you have Netflix.... well, this is the movie for you....! it's all of those things and it's available OnDemand right now....!

Brian Herzlinger is a 27 year old filmmaker who sets out to get a date with Drew Barrymore.... while trying to achieve his goal, he films the entire process from start to finish.... and the results are extremely entertaining.... and i think just about everyone has a soft spot in their heart for Drew Barrymore.... we've all watched her grow up in the media spotlight and continually prove that she's got star power.... Brian puts himself in the position that we all have been in at some point.... having a little sweet spot for a celebrity and kind of wish we could spend a little quality time with them.... to find out how they really are in real life.... it's something not many of us get to do....
does Brian finally get his date with Drew....? you will probably want to watch it to find that out.... i don't want to give away the biggest plot point in the whole movie....! let's just say that you won't be dissappointed in the documentary.... it was a fulfilling experience.... and in the end, it's not so much about the actual date Brian is going for, the the journey he takes to try and get there.... that's the part that sells this movie.... i gave it 3 out of 5 stars.... this one won't change the world.... but it might change Brian's.

if you like this, watch: 'The Complete History of My Sexual Failures', 'Super Size Me', and 'American Movie'

my thoughts on.... 'The Short Films of David Lynch'

David Lynch is an artist.... one of a very small group of living artists that i can honestly say that i respect.... it took me a while to understand the mind of David Lynch and to appreciate his films.... but now, i watch and re-watch his films getting something new out of them everytime.... i wait for his next projects to emerge.... and i appreciate the dedication that he has to his art.... it's rare to find someone who basically lives for creation and the joy of new ideas.... whether or not you can appreciate him the way that i do, you have to respect his vision and his never compromise attitude.

this collection of 6 short films is a compilation of his earliest work and some other more recent pieces of work.... it's a nice cross-section of his non-feature length films.... not all of these are stand out examples of what he's capable of, but every artist has to experiment to find his voice.... that's kind of what some of this is, watching someone figure out who they are on film.... so you kind of have to take these with a grain of salt.... don't expect them all to be 4 star films and you won't be disappointed....
(these descriptions are being paraphrased from Netflix....)
1) 'Six Men Getting Sick': this is David Lynch's very first film.... it's a one minute loop of an art installation.... it was originally projected over a sculpture.... the film describes it perfectly, it's 6 men's heads getting sick and vomiting....
2) 'The Alphabet': this is a 5 minute short that David Lynch describes as an illustration of "the fear of learning".... it's a blend of live-action and animation.... where the alphabet is basically being 'born'....
3) 'The Grandmother': in this film, a little boy who's been mistreated by his parents decides to grow his own grandmother.... so he plants a seed and gets his wish, at least for a little while....
4) 'The Amputee': David Lynch is actually in this live-action comedy short.... he plays the nurse.... while he attempts to clean her wounds, she is oblivious to all of the horrible things happening at the same time....
5) 'The Cowboy and the Frenchman': this comedy was produced by French television and shows a stereotypical Frenchmen being thrust into the middle of some cowboys and a native American.... it stars one of David Lynch's favorites, Harry Dean Stanton....
6) 'Lumiere': this is a 52-second, single-take short film.... it was filmed with Auguste and Louis Lumiere's original Cinematographe, which was the cutting edge of film technology in 1895....

there may be times during this 6 films that you have to struggle a bit.... as they can be slow or seem repetitive.... but if you persist, you'll find something unique in each of them to enjoy.... and for those of you who are fans of David Lynch, this is a must.... those of you who aren't, may want to start elsewhere in his library of film and television.... i ended up only give this 3 out of 5 stars.... which is unusual for a Lynch film from me.... but it's a rounded off score based on a rating given to each short film.... like i said already, some are better than others....

if you like this, watch: 'Eraserhead', 'The Elephant Man', or 'Inland Empire'

this is David Lynch's short film: 'The Alphabet'.... to give you an idea of what to expect:

my very brief thoughts on.... 'Cheerleader Autopsy'

i won't lie, this movie sucks.... sucks bad.... i mean, just by the title alone you can assume that.... but it was even worse then i expected.... super low budget, crappy special effects, terrible acting, bad, bad.... bad.... the premise involves a bus of cheerleaders on the way to a competition when their bus crashes and death ensues.... it's followed by a suicide.... then the bodies are all taken to the morgue, a crooked morgue where they sell the human meat to the local dog food factory.... anyway, if it's not bad enough, the special effects look like mannequin's with ketchup on them.... they don't even try to make them realistic.... and that makes this that much worse....
it's OnDemand if you want to submit yourself to this.... but make sure you're drinking heavily and maybe have some friends over to enjoy it with you.... i don't condone this action.... this movie has been known to cause blindness, stupidity, and rage in 4/5 people.... and the 5th one isn't paying attention anyway.... 1 out of 5 stars....

another movie to stay away from and one that has no equals.

my thoughts on.... the 'August Underground' trilogy

what can be said about these films that hasn't already been said....? they set the bar for indie gore-fests.... and Fred Vogel set the bar so high that no one has been able to top him.... i've spent years hearing about them and avoiding them like the plague.... i've never been a fan of gore, only in small doses.... ie: i've dabbled in it here and there.... however, as a student of film i feel that in order to be well rounded and able to critique a film, you need to have a firm base.... i mean, you can't honestly have an unbiased opinion if you haven't seen it from all sides.... that's what finally brought me to watch these films.... that and a recent viewing of 'Srpski Film aka A Serbian Film'.... which has been reviewed with the same vile love and seething hatred that the 'August Underground' series has been reviewed.... the only difference is that 'A Serbian Film' has some high production values and some obvious money behind it.... Fred Vogel had none of that when he started making his films.... (i also enjoy watching the same types of films, so that i can get as many examples as possible of a genre under my belt.)....

in case you've never heard of or seen anything about these films, let me give you a short primer.... Fred Vogel is a guru of special F/X and was hired as an instructor at Tom Savini's school right out of college.... but his love was making films.... his love was film in general.... specifically horror.... and it all started with James Whale's 'Frankenstein'.... oh wait, who's Fred Vogel....? he's the star, writer, producer and director.... the all around brainchild behind the 'August Underground' series of films.... now the films themselves are based on the premise that serial killer movies glorify the killing.... but they don't show the reality of it.... how messy it is.... how horrifying it truly is.... it's all just a big show.... remember the scene in 'Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer' where they videotape their crimes and re-watch it later.... that's the catalyst for the design of these films.... because that one scene stands out in that movie as truly terrifying.... it's all too realistic.... and therefore it hits WAY too close to home.... and what Fred Vogel did was to take that concept and expand on it.... to create the ultimate 'snuff' film.... by using videotape to film the 'August Underground' series, it tears down that safety wall between you and the charaters on the screen.... it brings them right into your living room and it's almost like you're watching your own home movies, but with a lot more death.... the films aren't just all about killing, they also show the day to day life of those who kill.... it makes them even more real.... because the're just like you and me.... granted, some of their day to day stuff is a little 'off', but they're still just flesh and blood people.... but once the killing starts, you see the other side of humanity.... the sickest, cruelest parts.... and the original film was so realistic that it was believed to be a true 'snuff' film at one point.... i suppose that's enough information to give you an insight into what to expect....

the basic premise of the stories involves our main character, played by Fred Vogel.... he's never given a name, he's just our lead.... in the original film, the only oher lead character is the man filming the entire thing and he's never seen or named.... in 'Mordum', Fred is joined by a brother and sister duo and our original camera man does not return.... Fred is dating the sister, but the sister and brother have a 'special' relationship.... in 'Penance', Fred and Crusty (the sister from 'Mordum') are the leads and carry us out until the series ends.... all three films are tied together by Fred and a loose storyline.... and by loose, i mean it's like watching home movies.... you can only gain so much information by listening to the dialogue between people.... that's kind of the scary part.... there isn't much of a motive other than the killing is fun and they like to do it a LOT.... regardless of that, you still become attached to the characters and want to see how their lives will play out.... (or at least i did.).... all three films are snippits of these people's lives.... the day to day, the goofing around, the concerts they see, the homes they live in and the people they murder.... and it's all edited in such a way that it honestly feels like a home movie.... a lot of people find that boring.... others find it that much more intriguing because of the fact that it's hard to seperate fact from fiction....
the killings are what got these films the reputation that they have.... and make no bones about it, they live up to every bit of hype you've heard.... the actors in this film pull no punches and give Oscar worthy performances.... if you sat someone down who'd never heard of, seen or cared about these movies and told them they were real, they just might belive you.... now i'm not one for spoilers, so i won't get to in depth in the murder part.... but there's lots of blood, guts, maggots, nails, duct tape, a saw, a hammer, screaming, nudity, filth, humiliation, Christmas presents and (i hate to say it) rape.... this stuff will punch you in the gut and keep coming until you either throw up or keep watching.... this is the deep end of the pool, kids.... if you think you've seen horror because you've watched 'The Exorcist' or Alexandre Aja's remake of 'The Hills Have Eyes', you ain't seen nothing yet.... the funny thing is that Fred doesn't glorify it.... in my opinion he makes it so animalistic and brutal that you can't help but feel dirty for watching it.... but that base instinct in you keeps you in your chair just to see what happens next.... you can't believe what's playing out in front of you.... but then suddenly when you think you can't take anymore, it cuts to something from daily life.... and you can breathe again.... that's part of the genius of these films.... and i hate to use that term in regards to such vile fodder, but it's true.... regardless of the potential backlash and disapproval i may hear from this review, these films stand alone as part of film history.... and i don't mean that they're the stuff of tributes during the Oscar's or something you're proud to have in your DVD collection.... i mean they're like the 'Blair Witch Project' or 'Paranormal Activity' or even 'Open Water'.... they provide something that hasn't been seen or done before.... they're original.... he took a concept and ran as far with it as he could.... and if it wasn't for the brilliant special effects, the charisma of the actor's and the sheer balls to make these films i don't think they'd stand out.... it'd just be another crappy indie movie shot on video and fed to the masses....

i want to end this by saying that these films are NOT for everyone.... hell, they're not for a lot of folks.... but if you've said, "I've seen it all and there's nothing new out there anymore.".... maybe these are for you.... maybe you're like me and you like to expand your horizons and being a lover of film, you want to see it all.... perhaps you're just a freak who wants to see how far the envelope can be pushed before it breaks.... maybe you're just the slightest bit curious about all the ultra-violence.... who knows....? i just felt inclined to say something about this series.... after watching them all in two days, i've dwelt on them ever since.... trying to wrap my head around what i saw.... feeling kind of icky and perverted for enjoying the ride, but at the same time feeling satisfied that i took it.... despite my fear.... you may not feel the same way.... you may hate me or Fred or even yourself for these films.... therefore, go into them with an open mind and a strong stomach.... and don't say i didn't warn you.

i'd give them 4 out of 5 stars.... with 'August Underground' being the strongest, followed by 'Penance' and 'Mordum' being last.... only because it seemed to focus the most on the gore and not the characters....

other movies like these....? 'Srpski Film aka A Serbian Film' perhaps....? these really stand alone as a genre in and of themselves.... "serial killer home movies"

trailer for 'August Underground':


trailer for 'August Underground: Mordum':

August underground's mordum

trailer for 'August Underground: Penance':

my very brief thoughts on.... 'Teenape Goes To Camp'

who doesn't like a good/bad movie....?!?! (well, some people don't i guess.) i love em'....! and i've stayed away from LBP: Low Budget Productions movies because they look bad/bad not good/bad.... when 'Teenape Goes To Camp' came up on Netflix OnDemand, i decided it was time to give it a go.... the reviews were poor, the comments were poor and very little was positive.... however, the thought of a dude in a gorilla mask talking like a stereotyped urban dweller and the chance to see some of the worst sex scenes in movie history.... how could i say no....? and boy, i wasn't sorry.... granted this was not high art and walked a thin line between good/bad and bad/bad, it ended up being worth my barely over 1 hour running time to watch it.... it's so incredibly stupid and over the top that it's dumb fun.... i would recommend you watch it alone, as it's not something you want your friends to find out you're watching.... trust me.
there are so many things wrong with this movie, but a lot of them have to do with budget constraints.... the script is piss poor, but that adds to the charm.... the characters are WAY over the top and half of them don't even make sense.... the acting is TERRIBLE.... the "action" sequences at the climax of the movie are laughable.... all that being said, would i watch another Teenape movie....? HECK YEAH....! something about it is so charming.... and i can't pinpoint what it is, it's just fun and stupid.... i honestly think that's what the filmaker was intending.... i don't think anyone ever set out to make a good movie.... i think it's just a bunch of overgrown adult kids with a camera and a lot of extra time.... either way, watch it.... if you can make it all the way to the end, you might just thank me....

if you like this, dig around.... these guys have made some other movies that i'm sure are equally as bad.

my brief thoughts on.... 'Paranormal Entity'

i've stayed away from the ripoffs of popular films, ever since i saw some of 'Tranmorphers'.... blech.... this appeared to be one of those "mockbusters".... however, i thought that i'd give it a shot.... i mean, how bad could it be....? well, i stand corrected.... this was actually pretty well done and although it felt a lot like 'Paranormal Activity', it was still its own movie.... and a pretty good one at that.... the story is pretty different.... a bit more violent.... and creepy.... the acting was above par for your average straight to DVD release.... the effects were well done, what few there were.... i honestly felt chills a few times.... this is available OnDemand right now.... and i would ask that you consider watching it.... it just proves that not all of these types of films are bad....

here's the plot.... footage is found in the attic of a home where multiple murders occured and only one man survived, who was accused of the crimes.... these videos are put together to make the movie.... as evidence of what happened....
i gave it 3 out of 5 stars.... i think it was a nice bookend to 'Paranormal Activity' and something that if you like that type of faux-real-footage type of movie, this may be for you.... i don't know if i'd need to own this or ever watch it again.... however, i don't regret watching it.... it was good enough, that i would almost believe that this and 'Paranormal Activity' was shot at the same time and just happened to have similar plots.... and that one wasn't trying to copy the other.... but i really doubt that.... anyway.... check it out while you can.... you may be pleasently surprised....!

if you like this, watch: 'Paranormal Activity', 'Paranormal Acticity 2' and 'The Blair Witch Project'

my very brief thoughts on.... 'Miner's Massacre' aka 'Curse of the Forty-Niner'

don't ask me why i even bothered adding this one to my Netflix OnDemand queue.... but i did.... i suppose i was hoping for a 'good/bad' movie.... but what i got was a 'bad/terrible' movie.... nothing about this was worthwhile.... not even Karen Black could save this movie.... it was pure and utter crap, from start to painful finish....
i won't even bore you with the plot.... well, maybe i will.... a miner (who's some kind of satanist) puts a curse on his gold so that if anyone takes any of it, he'll come back from the dead and kill them.... so some young people find it.... he comes back.... attaches a pick ax to his arm and proceeds to kill everybody.... that's it.... 1 out of 5 stars.... and yes, they left it open for a sequel.

if you put this in your queue.... you deserve what you get....

my brief thoughts on.... 'Thankskilling'

this movie is AWESOME....! i'll start out by telling you that i gave it 4 out of 5 stars.... this movie is so freaking fun and funny that i can't help but love it.... it's on par with some of the best of the Troma movies.... it's terrible, however it's terrible in a wonderful way.... i mean it's about a killer turkey....!!!! how can you not love this....?!?! the turkey talks and has one liners out the butt.... he swears like a sailor.... and this movie starts out crazy and just keeps going from there.... i mean the start of the movie involves a pilgrim woman with her breasts hanging out being chased by the killer turkey and he says his one liner and then kills her.... it's amazingly strange and enjoyable.... it's obvious that the turkey is a giant puppet.... the filmakers don't even try to hide it.... the scenes are over the top and gross and odd.... things that you would never think of happening, happen in this movie.... like a turkey having sex.... a turkey using a shotgun.... a turkey getting pissed on by a dog.... have i peaked your interest yet....? if not, why the hell not....!?!? go add this to your queue NOW....! it's OnDemand.... you can watch it tonight if you want....!

a powerful native american shamen creates this turkey to avenge the wrongs that have happened to his people.... and every 505 years the turkey comes back to exact more revenge.... and 5 kids on Thanksgiving break just happen upon the demonic turkey and the hunt is on.... he slowly tracks them down one by one (i have no idea how.) and kills off the kids.... and after each one or during it, there's always a silly one liner....
i think that the writer just got high and had fun with this.... he had no boundries and just let everything fly.... just look at the poster and you'll understand.... one of my favorite scenes involves one of the kids father, who is a sheriff.... the turkey comes to the house with Groucho glasses and a nose on and the sheriff thinks he's one of the friends of his kid.... they have coffee and talk.... it's a strange scene.... and why the sheriff never notices that this is a giant talking turkey, i'll never know.... and then he kills the sheriff and makes his face into a mask.... and puts on his hat.... when the kids come to the house to try and find a book on how to kill the turkey, they don't notice that the turkey is already in the house and dressed up like the sheriff....?!?! it's hilarious....! i cannot recommend this enough to fans of good/bad movies.... Troma movies.... and just dumb movies in general.... this one is a winner in a big way.... so stop reading this and go spend the one hour and six minutes required to watch the whole movie and then come back and say thank you when you're done.... end of story.

there is nothing else quite like this, except movies in the Troma catalog.

my brief thoughts on.... 'Zombies of Mass Destruction'

once again, a simple browse through Netflix and you come across a little slice of gold.... i'd heard of this once a while ago.... but forgot about it.... and when i saw it pop up, i did a little research and heard a lot of good things.... so i added it to the queue and watched it the same night.... wow.... what a keen little flick.... it proves that there are still good zombie movies being made under the radar.... this is kind of along the lines of 'Shaun of the Dead'.... ie: kind of funny, but this one is not over the top hilarious.... it's more satire.... i mean, you can probably gauge that from the title.... and the tagline on the poster.... it is a bit of a commentary of the state of affairs in 2003, when the movie is set.... the characters are unique and fun to watch.... the situations are silly and gory.... i mean the special effects are pretty damn well done.... a LOT of blood and guts.... almost anime-ish.... the zombies are traditional and creepy.... they shamble, not run.... the one big difference is that with the actual premise of the movie, the dead don't come back from the grave.... they're living people who've been turned.... or killed by a zombie and come back.... that's a huge change from a lot of the movies like this you'd normally see.... but once again, another simliarity to 'Shaun of the Dead'....

the small town of Port Gamble is over run by hordes of zombies after terrorists release a biological weapon that creates zombies.... (hence 'Zombies of Mass Destruction').... the movie centers around a group of different people who's lives all intersect over the course of the evening of the outbreak.... you've got gun toting Republicans, two gay men who came to town for one of them to come out, an Iranian family who get the finger pointed at them for the mess, two candidates running for mayor, an overzealous preacher and the rest of the town....
this is a really well done movie.... i recommended it to zombie fans of either the regular kind or the funny kind.... this covers both.... it's well written.... the zombie action is high quality.... the characters are ones you can get behind and you care about what happens to them.... it has it's share of twists and turns and is well worth the time to invest in watching it.... so if you've run out of good zombie movies to watch these days.... this one is one you should watch.... it'll make you feel good and get out that zombie cravings you've been having.... it's OnDemand right now.... so no wait for Netflix to bring it to your mailbox.... i gave it 3 out of 5 stars with the consideration of giving it 4.... watch it and check it out.... i think you'll dig it....

if you like this, check out: 'Dead Alive aka Brain Damage', 'Shaun of the Dead' and 'Hide and Creep'

my brief thoughts on.... 'I Think We're Alone Now'

remember the 80's pop star Tiffany....? well, this documentary focuses on two people who do.... REALLY do.... Jeff, a 50-year-old man with Asperger's syndrome, and Kelly, an "intersexual" (Hermaphrodite) who claims to have had an inspirational friendship with the singer when they were teens.... these two go beyond fans into the realm of creepy stalkers.... as a matter of fact, Jeff was forced to stay away from Tiffany while she was in her teens and he was in his 30's.... it was a 3 year restriction, but nowadays he goes to all the shows he can and seems to get as close to her as often as he can.... he's got hundreds of pictures with her.... hugs her, gets cheek kisses.... so i guess all was forgiven finally.... Kelly seems to think that it's her/his destiny to be with Tiffany and that's all there is to it.... he/she believes it so deeply it's disturbing and sad at the same time.... Kelly has never had a relationship and is a lonely individual.... where as Jeff is a bit more outgoing and has friends.... he's still way over the top.... i've seen horror movies that aren't nearly as scary as this documentary.... it makes me glad not to be famous.... or a hot redheaded singer.... either way....
this is a 3 out of 5 star 1 hour documentary.... and i can't recommend it enough as a study of the human condition.... these two people are so bizarre and out there that they have to be seen to be believed.... i am still in shock at them both.... i felt dirty after watching them.... and it was funny at the end that Jeff, realizing that Tiffany was happily married and only going to be a friend, brought up another obsession.... Alyssa Milano.... i nearly lost it when i saw this turn of events.... because it just showed how messed up he was.... and Kelly i just felt sad for.... they were both so socially inept and akward.... it hurt.... this really is something that you have to see to believe and thank goodness it's OnDemand right now.... so don't miss out....! i can't compare it with any other documentary.... and if i didn't know that it was real, i would almost think it was a mockumentary.... it's so over the top and strange.... anyway.... it just makes me wonder what Debbie Gibson has to put up with....

i can't think of anything else like this.... check this out and tell your friends