my very brief thoughts on.... 'Murder Loves Killers Too'

I'll keep this short and simple, as I need a jump off point to start writing more serious reviews. 'Murder Loves Killers Too' is not good. The killer is uninteresting. We don't care about the characters. The plot is thin. The movie starts out with kills and just keeps going. This is just a pointless, stupid, waste of time. I put it in Netflix with a 1 out of 5 star review, but it really deserves less. I cannot believe that I even wasted time on this piece of garbage. Crap, crap, crap.

my very brief thoughts on.... 'Barb Wire'

I went into this expecting nothing. I was told, by some, that it was a good/bad movie. What I quickly learned in about 10 minutes of the movie was that this was going to be complete crap. I didn't enjoy a single thing about this movie. I don't like Pamela Anderson, she's a waste of space and truly overrated. I can't say anything nice about this movie, so I won't say anything more.

1 out of 5 stars. The best part of this movie is when it ended. 1996 must have been a bad time for action movies. I think I blocked it out or maybe it was just this one.

If you like this.... you need help.

my very brief thoughts on.... '2001 Maniacs: Field of Screams'

Herschell Gordon Lewis set the standard for gore.... and he did it starting in the 60's....! before he came along, horror movies were fairly tame by today's standards.... they were starting down the path towards more horrific things, but Herschell saw a niche market out there and he filled it.... the blood was obviously fake and the guts and stuff were borrowed from other animals insides.... but regardless of that, i still find his movies a little difficult to watch at times.... like 'The Gore Gore Girls'.... what does that have to do with '2001 Maniacs: Field of Screams'....? well, it's the sequel to the remake of Herschell's 1964 classic '2000 Maniacs!'.... the original was just that, it was original.... the reamke had some of the same spirit, but it just never captured the magic.... for some reason though, they decided to make a sequel to the first one.... instead of Robert Englund ('A Nightmare on Elm Street' series) in the lead, they replaced his character with one played by Bill Moseley ('The Devil's Rejects').... they continued the storyline of the first one, with more of the southerners who killed the 'yankees' in the first one taking their show on the road to kill 'yankees' instead....
i love Bill Moseley and he does the best he can with his role in this movie, but it's just not a very good movie.... they attempt to re-create the type of gore that Herschell Gordon Lewis made famous, but they fall short of the mark.... it's a bit lame at times and i think that's kind of the point.... however, i was hoping for a little more.... they also include in the storyline some main characters ('yankees') who are very similar to those of Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie during the 'Simple Life' years.... it's not subtle, as a matter of fact it's blatent.... i would've rather seen those two getting chopped up on camera, but that's too much to hope for.... all that being said, you can aready guess that i only gave it 1 out of 5 stars.... there was nothing worthwhile in this movie other than Bill Moseley.... but it's not worth the damage it will cause to watch this, just to enjoy the scenes he's in.... this is a sequel that should have just stayed in the back of someones mind as a bad idea.... instead of on DVD as a bad idea.

if you want to see where this all began, watch: 'Two Thousand Maniacs!' (1964), 'Blood Feast' (1963), or 'Color Me Blood Red' (1965)

my very brief thoughts on.... 'Pervert!'

the poster boasts that this is "the most outrageous movie ever made".... i was outraged all right.

i'm going to start this review with my rating of it: 1 out of 5 stars.... this was a movie where they took 1 part Cinemax midnight movie, 1 part Russ Meyer movie, 2 parts low budget schlock, and 1 part stop animation.... mix for an hour and change, throw directly in the toilet.... that's the recipie for this movie.... it looks fairly nice, i mean the cinematography is decent.... but the script is about as entertaining as the phone book.... the actors, if you can call them that, are just there as talking props.... the unknown killer that's revealed at the ending, is just plain stupid.... and the nudity is pointless and tiresome.... i guess it's a step up for Mary Carey.... instead of doing porn, she can show her range in a mainstream movie.... LOL
i doubt any of you will actually ever watch this, but just in case.... i won't give away the ending.... needless to say, it's piss poor even by low budget standards.... the story goes that a son comes home to his father's after being away at college.... his father is with a much younger woman, played by Mary Carey.... some stuff occurs, people start dying and the son begins to suspect his father.... meanwhile, the son is having an affair with the younger woman, right in front of his father's face.... almost literally.... they eventually find out who the real killer is and that's the point where you either turn it off or pause it to drink until you're blind and just don't care anymore about what you're seeing....

bad, bad, bad.

instead of this, watch: a Cinemax late night movie, a Russ Meyer movie or paint drying

my brief thoughts on.... 'Night of the Demons' (2009)

in 1988, Kevin Tenny directed a fun little flick called 'Night of the Demons'.... it's a cult classic and a film that gets brought up quite often in the horror forums.... it's was good in 1988 and it still holds up in 2011.... i heard of this remake after it was already done and about to come out.... i didn't know what to think.... i'll give every remake a day in court, as i believe that some of them are on par with the original and sometimes even better.... this was not one of those times....

this movie was about demons and a small group of people trying to survive the night in the mansion where the demons have trapped them and are trying to turn them all into demons.... sounds kind of good, right....? it's not.... the story is about a woman who hosts a Halloween party and after the cops raid the mansion where she's hosting the party, things happen and suddenly demons start attacking the remaining partygoers....
the script goes from bad to worse as the movie progresses.... it's full of holes and jumps in logic.... they try to create a backstory that will make the movie deeper than it is.... but it just doesn't work.... the demons look kind of cool and i was happy to see Edward Furlong in a movie again, but it's just so over the top and not very good.... not even bad good that i wouldn't recommend it to anyone.... i gave it 1 out of 5 stars.... and i know that i don't ever need to see it again.... oh and by the way, when Edward Furlong falls through the floor and down about 3 stories, he breaks his leg.... his femur to be exact.... and when Monica Keena repels down to help him, she takes his leg and 'pops' it back into place to splint it.... (he turns into a demon right away *spoiler*, so i guess this whole bit doesn't really matter).... note to the writer of the movie.... if someone breaks their femur and you attempt to re-set it in order to splint it, you can rip the femoral artery and the person will bleed out in about 2 minutes.... so what you've esentially done is given some horrible advice to potential hero's.... just one more strike against this lame remake.

watch: 'Night of the Demons' (1988), 'Night of the Demons 2' (1994), or '28 Days Later'.... those are much better alternate takes on the zombie genre....

my very brief thoughts on.... 'Cheerleader Autopsy'

i won't lie, this movie sucks.... sucks bad.... i mean, just by the title alone you can assume that.... but it was even worse then i expected.... super low budget, crappy special effects, terrible acting, bad, bad.... bad.... the premise involves a bus of cheerleaders on the way to a competition when their bus crashes and death ensues.... it's followed by a suicide.... then the bodies are all taken to the morgue, a crooked morgue where they sell the human meat to the local dog food factory.... anyway, if it's not bad enough, the special effects look like mannequin's with ketchup on them.... they don't even try to make them realistic.... and that makes this that much worse....
it's OnDemand if you want to submit yourself to this.... but make sure you're drinking heavily and maybe have some friends over to enjoy it with you.... i don't condone this action.... this movie has been known to cause blindness, stupidity, and rage in 4/5 people.... and the 5th one isn't paying attention anyway.... 1 out of 5 stars....

another movie to stay away from and one that has no equals.

my very brief thoughts on.... 'Faust: Love of the Damned'

i used to collect comics back in the late 80's and early 90's.... i had come across an ultra-violent comic called 'Grips' by a man named Tim Vigil.... i instantly fell in love.... it was kind of like Wolverine, without the mutation and with a LOT more blood.... soon after, Tim Vigil started a series called 'Faust: Love of the Damned'.... it was very similar to 'Grips', but it dealt with a man who made a deal with (basically) the devil.... to take revenge on those who murdered his significant other.... but the devil can't control him and he soon begins to wreak havoc and eventually confronts the evil 'M' himself.... it was a kick ass story, killer art, and every teenagers dream of a comic.... eventually (after i stopped collecting) i heard that Brian Yuzna, director of 'Re-Animator', was making a film version of the comic.... i was pretty excited, as Brian Yuzna is a fairly violent and disturbing director.... which made perfect sense with 'Faust'.... soon, stills from the movie started appearing and i begin to get a little concerned.... and when i finally saw an actual shot of Mark Frost as 'Faust' i nearly cried.... it was so terrible.... the reviews once it came out were terrible.... and a friend of mine, a mutual lover of Tim Vigil, saw the movie and told me how horrificly bad it was.... therefore i stayed away for a VERY long time.... it was recently released OnDemand from Netflix.... and i took the time to watch it, despite my better judgement.... i had a slight glimmer of hope that maybe it wasn't as bad as i'd heard.... and since my expectations were SO low, i figured that maybe i'd get some enjoyment out of it....

i was wrong.
Mark Frost's portrayal of 'Faust' was so over the top and bad that i almost turned it off within the first 15 minutes.... however, i generally will watch any movie to the end.... no matter how terrible.... so i soldiered on.... and it just got worse.... there was nothing good about this movie.... nothing.... the worst part was the costume for 'Faust'.... it was obviously made of latex or rubber (it wiggled when he moved) and made the character look like a bad SyFy original movie villan.... the special effects were sub-par.... the writting sucked.... the ending nearly made me hunt down Tim Vigil just so i could punch him in the testicles.... basically, what i'm saying is, "Don't watch this movie. Under any circumstances.".... i can never unsee what i saw.... i can't wash my brain clean of this giant piece of poo.... 1 out of 5 stars.... and i really wish i could give it negative stars....

that's all i have to say about that.

if you like this movie.... i don't think we can be friends.

my very brief thoughts on.... 'Teenape Goes To Camp'

who doesn't like a good/bad movie....?!?! (well, some people don't i guess.) i love em'....! and i've stayed away from LBP: Low Budget Productions movies because they look bad/bad not good/bad.... when 'Teenape Goes To Camp' came up on Netflix OnDemand, i decided it was time to give it a go.... the reviews were poor, the comments were poor and very little was positive.... however, the thought of a dude in a gorilla mask talking like a stereotyped urban dweller and the chance to see some of the worst sex scenes in movie history.... how could i say no....? and boy, i wasn't sorry.... granted this was not high art and walked a thin line between good/bad and bad/bad, it ended up being worth my barely over 1 hour running time to watch it.... it's so incredibly stupid and over the top that it's dumb fun.... i would recommend you watch it alone, as it's not something you want your friends to find out you're watching.... trust me.
there are so many things wrong with this movie, but a lot of them have to do with budget constraints.... the script is piss poor, but that adds to the charm.... the characters are WAY over the top and half of them don't even make sense.... the acting is TERRIBLE.... the "action" sequences at the climax of the movie are laughable.... all that being said, would i watch another Teenape movie....? HECK YEAH....! something about it is so charming.... and i can't pinpoint what it is, it's just fun and stupid.... i honestly think that's what the filmaker was intending.... i don't think anyone ever set out to make a good movie.... i think it's just a bunch of overgrown adult kids with a camera and a lot of extra time.... either way, watch it.... if you can make it all the way to the end, you might just thank me....

if you like this, dig around.... these guys have made some other movies that i'm sure are equally as bad.

my very brief thoughts on.... 'Anatomy of Hell'

well, well, well.... Catherine Breillat you've done it again.... you've written another pretentious, overly hyped piece of crap.... at least this one only ran a bit over an hour.... i've sat through three of your films now an i can honestly say i'm not a fan.... and i don't understand your place in cinema.... maybe i'm watching the wrong films of yours....? perhaps i don't understand them....? (i kind of doubt it.) or perhaps they're just garbage....? just because something is provocative and the people talk like overly educated hipsters doesn't make it art.... and just because you include XXX rated nudity and sex, doesn't make it high art.... i've seen films that include hard core scenes and they made sense with the story.... in your movies, it seems like you do it just to shock and to give yourself a name....
to everyone else who may see this movie or 'Romance' or 'A Real Young Girl'.... stop yourself before you start.... or watch it and see if you agree with what i'm saying....? 'Anatomy of Hell' is OnDemand right now on Netflix.... i personally have seen enough of her work now that i can say i'm not a fan and i've given her every opportunity to make me one.... she's going to continue making movies and she's going to continue getting praise and i'm going to continue ignoring them.... ah well.... so be it.

if you want something sexually explicit with bad dialogue, watch a porn.

my very brief thoughts on.... 'Miner's Massacre' aka 'Curse of the Forty-Niner'

don't ask me why i even bothered adding this one to my Netflix OnDemand queue.... but i did.... i suppose i was hoping for a 'good/bad' movie.... but what i got was a 'bad/terrible' movie.... nothing about this was worthwhile.... not even Karen Black could save this movie.... it was pure and utter crap, from start to painful finish....
i won't even bore you with the plot.... well, maybe i will.... a miner (who's some kind of satanist) puts a curse on his gold so that if anyone takes any of it, he'll come back from the dead and kill them.... so some young people find it.... he comes back.... attaches a pick ax to his arm and proceeds to kill everybody.... that's it.... 1 out of 5 stars.... and yes, they left it open for a sequel.

if you put this in your queue.... you deserve what you get....