my brief thoughts on.... 'Dead Tone'

i had NO clue that this movie was going to be hosted by Flava Flav.... not that he really had much more than a 30 second cameo at the beginning.... but it still set a tone for the movie right off the bat that it was going to be sub par.... it ended up being not quite the steaming pile of crap that i was expecting.... but it was by no means good.... as a matter of fact, if you've ever seen any of the movies put out after 'Scream' came out.... then you pretty much get the idea what this movie is going to be like.... yet another 90's horror movie rip off.... however, this was made in 2007.... a few years too late.... or a full decade.... the killer runs around in a hooded parka kind of furry thing.... there's a twist ending.... pretty girls, pretty boys.... a predictable plot.... there's just nothing original here at all.... but yet i watched the WHOLE thing.

some kids make prank phone calls.... one of the people they call comes to their house and kills everyone but the kids.... (the kids parents were having a party, so there were lots of adults to slaughter).... the kids grow up and get moved around into foster homes or are adopted.... one of them insists on continuing to make prank phone calls and calls it '75'.... if you can keep the person on the line for 75 seconds without breaking any of the rules, you win.... at a big party they play the game and end up calling the wrong person again and soon a large amount of killing with an axe occurs.... things happen, a twist happens, another twist and then (thank god) it ends.i'm not sure it deserves 2 out of 5 stars.... but i did it anyway.... perhaps i was just feeling jealous.... who knows....? i wouldn't recommend it.... even if you're damn bored.... or you're a big fan of 'I Still Know What You Did Last Summer'.... then you might just dig it.... either way.... i wouldn't bother.... let's just say i took one for the team by watching it for you....

if you like this, watch: 'I Know What You Did Last Summer', 'I Still Know What You Did Last Summer' and 'I'll Always Know What You Did Last Summer'

my thoughts on.... 'The Tooth Fairy' (2006)

every once in a while you need to watch a crap little horror movie to cleanse your brain so you can enjoy the good horror movies.... this was my night to do that.... and granted, i was a bit curious about the storyline.... i wondered how they'd handle it.... in reality it wasn't all bad.... it had a few good moments.... and i don't regret watching it.... however, i don't know that i need to watch it again to find the little details i may have missed the first time around....

okay.... the plot: a man buys a bed and breakfast and finds out that it used to be owned by a woman who killed kids and stole their teeth.... there's also a subplot about the two local mechanics who hate the new owner and want him out of the house.... which i think was just added to give the Tooth Fairy more people to kill and to pad the script.... anyway.... he has a guest come to stay early, a man who does the upkeep on the grounds, his musician friend and his girl roadie and finally his fiance and her daughter. (who is the one who looses the tooth that brings the Tooth Fairy back for vengence).... it's not a very complicated story and i suppose it doesn't really need to be.... it's straight to DVD fodder.... that's all.
there's a lot of stuff that's just not needed and confusing.... like weird slow motion shots that make no sense in the storyline.... it's almost like it's another way to extend the movie.... there's also a CLASSIC bit where one woman is killed in an extremely grousome way and another girl killed on the front porch by a nail gun.... but when the main characters leave to go look for the missing little girl, the musician and the boarder decide it's a good time to have sex.... WTF....? it makes no sense in the storyline and is just a plot device to show boobies.... it honestly bothered me to think that there are two VERY dead people in the house and they don't care enough not to knock boots in the same house.... it's silly and pointless.... but i guess it's worth it just for that....

the kills are mediocre.... the villian is decent.... the characters are cardboard cut outs just there for the Tooth Fairy to kill.... i'd give it 2 out of 5 stars.... it's not the worst thing i've ever seen, but it's also far from the best.... it's on Netflix OnDemand and a rainy nights viewing with beer and a few other people with you.... other than that.... stay away and watch something worthwhile.... or perhaps use it like i did.... to cleanse your brain for the next good horror movie that comes along....

if you liked this, check out: 'Darkness Falls', 'The Boogeyman' and 'I Know What You Did Last Summer'

my thoughts on.... 'Necrosis'

we all know the story of the Donner party, right....? the ill-fated pioneers who had to resort to cannibalism to survive.... well, this movie ties directly in with the Donner party.... however, in this version, the Donner party are not only cannibals.... they're also murding monsters who have the blood lust to kill anyone who comes into their campsite....! that's not the history i remember.... and i'm not sure why they had to base this story on a historical event, rather than make up some similar story to fit the needs of their little horror flick.... that being said....

the plot is simple and messy.... a bunch of people go up to a cabin in the woods to have a little r&r for a while.... but the locals warn them that it's not safe up there and to turn back.... do they listen....? nope. and off they go.... once up at the cabin they re-tell the story of the Donner party and how it occured on that very mountain they were sitting on.... and soon someone shows up dead, someone goes crazy and everything turns to crap.... meanwhile a snowstorm has trapped them up there about 20 years since the last time a series of murders occured at the same cabin.... which a scrapbook in the basement explained very clearly....

the movie is not without some redeeming qualities, but they're few and far between.... one of the bad things is using Tiffany as one of the stars.... yes, THAT Tiffany.... as in former teen pop idol.... she's terrible.... and most the acting is sub par at best.... the storyline is weak, the script is delivered with nothing more than high school acting chops.... the horror is mostly ghost related.... but it's not worth the price of admission.... and by the ending of the movie, it all just felt so sloppy that i couldn't get behind it.... and i really tried.... the only thing that made me happy about this movie was the cameo by Michael Berryman of 'The Hills Have Eyes' and many other classic horror films....

2 out of 5 stars.... it's available on Netflix OnDemand.... but don't waste you're time unless you're really bored and want to see history re-written.... i'm not sorry i watched it, but i never have to see it again.... ever.

if you like this movie, see some better films like: 'Ravenous', 'The Donner Party' and 'Cannibal! The Musical'

my thoughts on.... 'The Stepfather' (2009)

Terry O'Quinn sold the original 'Stepfather'.... LONG before he was ever on 'Lost'.... and that movie holds a small little place in my heart as one of the better slashers of that year.... then i heard they were re-making it.... so i figured i'd give the new one it's day in court.... right....? i mean, i treat all movies equally.... because sometimes you can find that diamond in the rough where you least expect it.... this really wasn't one of those times.... i mean, the cast and crew did it's best.... and i firmly believe that.... right down to the girlfriend of the son running around half naked most of the time.... but when it came down to it.... they never captured the essence of what made the original so great and spawned sequels.... this felt more like a movie of the week on CBS than a major motion picture....

in your typical slasher movie.... you expect a certain amount of bodies to hit the floor and usually some pretty original ways for it to happen.... this really never lived up to those rules.... the kills were low to none and the originality was just not there.... i do give the director credit for trying to keep the level of tension fairly high.... and he succeeded for the most part.... i found myself hanging on the edge of my seat for some of the scenes.... and i think that the actors had a lot to do with it.... they dragged out some quality b-grade actors.... and they took the script they were given and made the best of it....
the idea behind the story.... if you couldn't guess by the poster.... is about a stepfather who marries into a family and then proceeds to kill them after a while because that's what he does.... the big difference between this and the original.... is that Terry O'Quinn did it out of the fact that when things didn't turn out to be the perfect family he wanted, everyone died.... in this version, they just die.... it almost left the main character without a good motive.... supposedly this is loosely based on actual events.... and they even tie 'America's Most Wanted' into the mix.... i don't know how true it all is.... it makes for an interesting premise either way....

okay, the movies over.... i'm feeling like i'm a pretty darn good father.... and i'm rating this 2 out of 5 stars because it just didn't hold a candle to the original.... the ending was lame at best.... the 3rd act was disjointed and confusing.... all of the cliche's of every other horror movie you've ever seen all were kind of played out, but on a lower grade.... it's not something i would recommend for anyone but die hard fans of movies and is desperate for something to fill and hour and a half.... otherwise, stay away.... i watched it so you didn't have to.

you're welcome....

if you enjoy this movie, check out: 'The Stepfather' (1987), 'Disturbia' and 'Mother's Day'

my thoughts on.... 'Rest Stop: Don't Look Back'

so you really wanted a sequel to 'Rest Stop', eh....? oh wait, you didn't....? neither did i.... however, damn the people who make the DVD covers for this movie and the original because it makes me want to watch them for some reason....! not to mention i'm a slasher movie guy.... but in this film, you realize that perhaps the killer is more than your standard hack and slash kind of guy.... needless to say, i really didn't care for the first one all that much.... the killer was kind of lame and the people in the Winnebago were the only really creepy part.... overall it was just kind of lame.... but for some godforsaken reason i put myself through another one....

here's the deal.... people in Winnebago kill man in yellow truck. (not to be confused with the man in the yellow hat.).... they rip out his eyes and bury him after mutilating the body.... little did the world know that if you do that, the native american legend of them coming back to haunt the earth will happen.... and he won't rest until you burn his eyes.... sounds pretty cool, right....? nope. guy in the yellow truck kills all the people in the Winnebago and makes them suffer the same fate as him.... so people show up at this rest stop and never leave.... because he comes and takes them back to his big yellow school bus.... i'm not kidding about that.... and in this sequel, the brother of the original guy in the first film comes looking for his younger brother with his girlfriend and another guy.... and the rest writes itself....
the story is predictible.... but not without it's entertainment values.... i did watch the whole thing and was curious the whole time about how it would end.... don't mistake that for any desire to ever watch it again.... because it ain't gonna happen.... the ending is nothing new.... the story is a mess.... the supernatural element and horrible bad guy make this one for the lame movie books.... i dont' recommend it unless you really liked the first one and are just dying to see what happens next.... and i highly doubt you're that guy.

2 out of 5 stars.... plain and simple.... pretty people + violence + low budget sequel = this movie.... there is some nudity, but trust me.... it ain't worth the price of admission.... go rent some of the other movies i've reviewed instead.... and if you want a backwoods, dirty desert killer movie.... rent 'The Hills Have Eyes'.... the remake or the original.... they're both far superior to the 'Rest Stop' duo.... about all that the rest stop is good for is taking a poop on a long trip.... and writing something nasty on the bathroom stall with a sharpie....

oh and it's not just a clever title.... when they say 'Don't Look Back'.... they mean it.... seriously....

if you enjoy this movie, check out: ' Rest Stop', 'The Ruins' and 'The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning'