my brief thoughts on.... 'Simon Says'

first thing i have to say is that Crispin Glover on this poster above looks nothing like him.... although in the movie.... he strangely matches the image.... anyway....

the poster also boasts "Best horror movie of 2009".... um, hardly.... granted, Crispin Glover makes this tolerable.... but it's such an over the top premise.... that it's hard to buy any of it.... and the actors try really hard to make you buy into it.... and they throw every cliche and horror movie staple into this mess.... but what really sets this apart is the way that our villans Simon and Stanley kill people.... pick axes.... lots and lots of pick axes.... not just a couple here and there, but they built machines that weild them in the 10's, 20's and 30 at a time.... so in some scenes you'll find our victims dodging pick axes like nobody's business.... it's so over the top it's funny.... i've never seen anything quite like it.... who uses this as their weapon of choice to such an extreme....?!?! not any movie villan i can think of in the recent past.... so what's the plot you ask....?

Simon and Stanley (both played by Glover) are twins who killed their parents, but got away with it due to an insanity plea.... together they run a gas station of sorts where tourists stop on their way to go camping in the woods.... the two brothers are beyond socially inept.... but somehow manage to make things still work.... during the early part of the movie, 5 campers stop by to pick up some things and catch the eye of the brothers.... and soon the campers find themselves being hunted by the pick axe weilding maniacs.... along with some random other campers and a some really random painballers....!?!? the weapons that kill everyone are insane.... eventually we'r down to the last person and the final fight ensues....
i can't say i hated this.... because i love watching Crispin Glover do his thing.... he's just so entertaining to watch.... but the method to his madness is just so.... so.... silly.... you just have to watch it with a group of friends to really appreciate it.... oh and yes, his catch phrase while killing people is, "Simon says....".... oddly enough, right....? i gave it 2 out of 5 stars.... and the majority of those stars are shared between Glover's performances and the whole strange pick axe thing.... so if for no other reason.... watch it just for that and ignore the rest.... because the rest is just your normal bad horror fare....

i doubt you'll enjoy this.... so i won't make any recommendations like it.

my brief thoughts on.... 'Tokyo Zombie'

take 'Shaun of the Dead' and mix in Jujitsu and you've got something like 'Tokyo Zombie'.... a Japanese zombie comedy.... the first thing i should mention is that for Netflix OnDemand users, this is dubbed.... so if that annoys you, don't watch and just rent instead.... but i watched it regardless.... and the dubbing was pretty good for once.... the guy playing the Fujio's voice was hilarious.... it fit perfectly.... not too mention, how many Japanese guys do you see with an afro....?!?! there's a lot of your typical Japanese themes in this.... and they all work really well in this movie.... it does borrow a bit from George A. Romero's 'Land of the Dead', but it's all in good fun, right....? i laughed at this and loved every minute of it....

Fujio and Mitsuo are two best friends who work in a fire extenguisher warehouse spending most of their days practicing the art of Jujitsu.... until the zombies begin to attack and they have to use their skills to fight of the oncoming hordes.... this movie takes place over a 5 year stretch and covers a lot of ground.... so the rest of the plot will just have to wait until you see it to find out the rest....the ending was silly and a true Japanese over the top ending.... the characters are very likable and you can't help but root for this underdogs.... the zombies start out a little questionable, but get better later in the movie.... although they do take some liberties with how much ass kicking the zombies can do.... but it's all just one big horror fantasy, so who cares....? it's not as funny as 'Shaun of the Dead', but it's just as fun to watch.... i gave it 3 out of 5 stars.... but a high 3 stars.... it sets out to tell a story in a certain way and it gives you everything that the opening promises.... so if you like zombies and Japanese comedies, this one may just tickle your funny bone.... or at least spank it and fondle it.... (see the movie.)

other movies like this: 'Shaun of the Dead', 'Dance of the Dead' (2008) and 'Stacey'

my thoughts on.... 'Dead Snow'

You're sitting at home and considering what to watch. What's the first thing that comes to mind? A horror movie? A zombie movie? A Norwegian zombie movie? A Norwegian Nazi zombie movie? Well, that's what you've got on your hands with 'Dead Snow'. Granted, back in the hay day of the 70's zombie films, one of the most popular sub-genre's was the Nazi zombie movie. I mean, who doesn't want to see some zombies killed? Espcially if they're Nazi's! You'll find that with some limited seraching, you can find a lot of "classics" out there to absorb. You will need a little bit of spare time to watch them all, but it'll be worth it. 'Dead Snow' is the first time I've seen anyone delve back into this genre, since it was popular. It's been re-vamped for a modern audience, but it's for the best.

It starts out simple enough with some younger folks in a cabin in the woods. You then hear about a legend of a Nazi miliatary outfit who was on the lamb from prosecution after stealing all of the gold and precious items from the town. Shortly after, they disappeared. Slowly, over time, they became less of a reality and more of a boogeyman story of sorts. The young folks are warned that it might not be the best idea to stay in the area, due to the legeng, but they stay anyway. Soon.... they're over run by Nazi zombies! Go figure. The rest of the time is spent fighting for their lives.

One thing to keep in mind before you watch this film, is that the zombies aren't your typical zombie fare. They don't shamble, they don't lack intelligence and they don't avoid the use of weapons. These aren't your grandmother's zombies. However, if you can get over that fact, you'll really find this to be a very enjoyable film. It's fun, it's campy, it's bloody and it's way over the top! A real gem of a movie, in the rough.

All in all, a solid 4 out of 5 star movie. Also, a welcome one that is trying to revitalize a long lost sub-genre. It's made it fresh and new again. Something all the jaded zombie lovers out there can get behind. It's also an extremely fun movie, which pays homage to all of it's predecessors. There's not a previous zombie movie out there that doesn't get a little bit of a tip of the hat. That just makes 'Dead Snow', all that much better. It almost reminds me a bit of 'Dead Alive', but not quite as bloody. My suggestion to you? Check your brain at the door, rent this little slice of heaven and enjoy. It's just that simple. A great little movie, that I think qualifies as a masterpiece in it's sub-genre.

If you enjoy this movie, check out: 'Shockwaves', 'Oasis of the Zombies' and 'Evil Dead 2'