my thoughts on.... 'The Mutant Chronicles'

To open this review, let me provide you with a quote:

Severian (Anna Walton): "What do you believe?"

Maj. 'Mitch' Hunter (Thomas Jane): "I'm not paid to believe, I'm paid to fuck shit up."

That kind of sums up this movie, in a nutshell. It's all about "fucking shit up". There is a whole lot of style going on, but in the end.... not much substance. It's like the director, Simon Hunter, is trying way too hard to be Zack Snyder. Or to make his own mark on the film industry by creating a new world. The problem is that it all falls flat. I really wanted to like this movie and to tell everyone that their bad reviews were all unfounded. Sadly, they were all right. This is not a good movie. Granted, there are a lot of cool ideas going on and a lot of good things here. I just don't know what exactly it was about it that is so bad, it just doesn't work. I sat there for almost two hours trying as hard as I could to like something about the movie. There were so many things going on in it that I ususally love, but they're just presented in such a bland and uninteresting way that I didn't care. The action scenes were oddly paced and boring. The massive battle against the mutants was about as exciting as watching paint dry on a log. It just isn't good.

Here's the plot, basically: (from Netflix.com) "In a futuristic world where Earth is divided into four warring "Corporations," a frightening new breed of NecroMutant threatens to destroy the global population. But is Brother Samuel, the leader of an age-old monastic order, the prophesized Deliverer who's destined to destroy the undying beasts and save the planet? Seizing the chance to realize his destiny, Samuel rounds up an army of recruits who can help him do the job."I guess I can equate this with a 5 year old, in a 30 year old body, making a movie. It's every kids cool idea of what a movie should be. Mutants with scars and bolt and big knarly hook hands, army guys with big guns and swords, steam powered spaceships blowing things up and lots of blood and guts. You can almost picture it all as though it was a stick figure flip book that a kid drew during math class. You flip through it and so much is going on and it's so busy with action that you lose interest right away. I can only imagine that someone, somewhere thought that this movie was a good idea. Otherwise, it wouldn't have been made, right? I can't figure out how it got put on the big screen. It's just so bad. It reminds me of 'Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow'. Another movie with big hopes, but just fell so flat and ended up being such a mess of boring painfulness, that I was falling asleep. It was also all style and no substance and a waste of so much good talent. If the world was to end tomorrow, I would rather watch 'Webster' for 4 hours than to re-watch either of these movies. Yes, it is that bad.

So, in the end.... what's done is done, I can't un-watch it. There is a lot of good actors that did their best with what they had, but in the end were wasted. There is some awesome concepts and things that could have been epic, but just were presented in a way that destroyed any positive things that they had going for them. I still feel like 2 out of 5 stars is deserved. Not because it was redeeming at all, but because underneath everything.... there is a spark of hope that maybe something good could come of it all. Maybe everyone involved will learn what NOT to do next time. We can only hope. My advice, after all has been said and done.... watch the trailer posted below and decide for yourself, but be warned that everything you've heard about this movie is true. 'The Mutant Chronicles' is a prime example of a bad movie. Period.

Rather than recommend other movies to watch like this, go get a root canal.... it's more enjoyable.

my thoughts on.... 'Daybreakers'

i used to love vampire movies.... back in the day i lived for them.... but then i found zombies.... and i kind of fell out of love with the whole gothic horror thing.... but recently there has been a new crop of vampire movies that have begun to renew my interest in the genre.... like the masterpiece 'Let the Right One In'.... simply amazing.... now we come to 'Daybreakers'.... i'm a fan of Ethan Hawke as an actor, musician and writer.... i'm also a fan of Willem Dafoe.... he's got an amazing body of work.... so when i heard they were the primary cast in this film, it made me want to see it even more.... despite the vampire angle.... but the directors took such a different take on the whole theme that it's something new.... something fresh and in this genre.... that's not easy.... it's almost like everythings been done.... obviously, it hasn't.... i enjoyed this film so much that i watched it twice and it already has a spot on my DVD shelf and i don't even own it yet.... but i will.... and by now, i guess the secret is out that i really enjoyed this film....

the plot goes a little something like this.... in 2009 a vampire epidemic took over the world and the majority of the population turned.... and over the last ten years the humans have dwindled down to a very small percentage.... almost to the point of extinction.... as the vampires need to feed and haven't found another substitute for human blood.... some of the vampires feed on their own and themselves just to survive.... and with interesting results.... i never even thought of what would happen to a vampire feeding on other vampires before.... but these filmakers did.... Ethan plays a doctor trying to find a blood alternative.... and is doing it because he's sympathetic to the humans.... as a matter of fact, he never even wanted to be turned.... Willem plays.... well, that's a secret.... and Sam Neill plays the head of the corporation that Ethan works for and he's not a nice guy.... some humans show up starting a colony to save the population and then things get messy.... that's all i'm giving up plot wise....i didn't really love '30 Days of Night', but it had a unique premise and i gave it credit for that.... this movie was what i wanted that movie to be.... something unique that lived up to the hype.... this did that and more.... it's entertaining, action filled, thought provoking and bloody.... it has all the elements that a good vampire movie should have, but one that's in the future.... not the past.... and i think that's the final ingredient that makes this work.... the fact that it's almost presented like something that could happen.... 4 out of 5 stars.... a success of a film.... and one i recommend to the jaded vampire fan.... those who want to fall in love with the genre again.... granted, it's not 'Let the Right One In'.... but nothing could be.... but for what it is, it's pretty damn good....

if you like this, check out: '30 Days of Night', 'Let the Right One In' and 'Blood on the Highway'

my thoughts on.... 'Pandorum'

i cannot express the joy i get when i find a diamond in the rough.... when you stumble across a film that takes you by suprise and turns out to be so much more than you could have ever hoped for.... this is one of those rare films.... i had never even heard of this before i ran across it in the new OnDemand movies on Netflix.... the plot sounded interesting, the actors involved were good and it got a pretty high rating.... when it started, i noticed that one of the producers was Paul W.S. Anderon, who's done some excellent films in his day.... i knew it was going to be a bit more than i originally had expected.... as he doesn't make crap.... i wasn't wrong.... the film is so much more than what the small blurb explaining the plot lets on.... this movie is grand in scope, despite it's humble beginnings.... it's like a pot of water that starts out cool and slowly builds to a boil and then boils over the top of the pot and hisses on the stovetop.... i can't say enough good things about it.... there are very few moments that this movie showed weak spots....

two crewmen on a spacecraft wake up from hypersleep and have no idea who they are, where they are or what their mission is.... slowly the storyline creeps along as we find out in small doses exactly what the characters are finding out.... it's like you're another member of the crew with the same issues.... i don't want to give away too much of the plot as it's so much more enjoyable to just see what happens on you're own.... regardless, it's WELL worth the time for you to invest in this as it's an excellent film that should have gotten a lot more notice than it did.... what i mean is that more people need to know about this film. i'm gushing at this point and i don't care.... i loved this movie so much.... it had everything that i wanted in a hard sci-fi film.... excitement, blood, intrigue, cool weapons, a nifty spaceship, a great storyline, well thought out characters and an excellent script.... this movie has so much going for it, it's silly.... at this point i think i've built it up too much.... so please don't go into this expecting the next 'Matrix' movie or 'District 9'.... go in with no expectations and you'll be rewarded greatly.... it's just that simple.... watch this movie.

4 out of 5 stars.... almost 5 out of 5.... i will be adding this one to my DVD collection at some point and look forward to taking the roller coaster ride again.... it's just a shame that i can't experience it with the same set of fresh eyes i had last night.... however, i think it will stand the test of time and will hold up over the years.... so add this to your queue.... grab a bucket of popcorn and a Coke and settle in for a thrill ride.... because that's exactly what'll you'll get as your reward for listening to this humble reviewers advice.... if i'm wrong, i'll give you your money back.... (good thing it's free.).... just enjoy it and thank me later.

if you like this, watch: 'Sunshine', 'Event Horizon' and 'Pitch Black'