a momentary lapse, with joel.

my thoughts on.... 'Paranormal Activity 3'

2012-01-28T18:15:00.005-07:00

Let me start this review by saying that a lot of the trailer isn't in the film. Most obviously, the "Bloody Mary" sequence. Having read about the film after its release, I found out that there is a huge amount of additional footage that was shot and that this is what ended up in the trailer. In the end, tons ended up on the cutting room floor. Since the DVD release, you can now see it in the special features and they've also release a version of all 3 films called the 'Chronology'. It places all the films in order and includes additional footage. (This does not include the Japanese 'Paranormal Activity: Tokyo Night') With that clarified, we move on....

Anyone who's read my blog and my previous reviews of the other 'Paranormal Activity' films, knows that I am a big fan of them all. Despite the "uncoolness" of using the 'found footage' genre, these films continue to impress me and use that genre to its fullest potential. I think the market is a bit oversaturated, sure, but there is always room for anything that's good no matter what the format. That holds true for everything. Put out a good product and it will overcome any obstacles. When I came into this film, I was ready to see the series fall on it's rear end. I was hoping for something great, but expecting something mediocre or worse. When it was over and I was watching a blank screen, I felt like I took the rollarcoaster ride all over again. It was like this was the first film and it was all still brand new. I needed the references from the old films to make this one make sense, but taking that part out of the equation, it was a great film all on its own. It brought the slow burning creepiness from the others and the constant curiousity of what was going to happen next and from where. I was literally glued to the screen for the entire run time. The script was creative and kept the story alive, without it slipping into a cheesy soap opera comfort zone. It didn't really up the ante any, but rather kept things on an even playing field with the others.... that way you can watch them in any order and end up with the same result, fear. That, to me, is an accomplishment.

The story begins with a box of videotapes missing. The contents of the tapes are unknown, but the sisters from the original films eventually find out. While viewing the tapes, we flashback to 1988 when the girls are kids. Their home is haunted by a spirit or spirits (as mentioned in the original) and no one seems to see it, but them. As the activity becomes more and more intense, soon the adults are starting to see what's going on. As we delve deeper and deeper into the horrors of the spirits, we learn that something far more sinister may be going on underneath it all. That's my basic version of the storyline. I couldn't find one that really summed it up in a way that I agreed with. The story is there and complex enough, but it's really something you have to see to enjoy. It's one that plays on our deepest fears as a child and all of the things that we eventually grew out of. It kind of makes you wonder if perhaps what you were afraid of.... really was something to be afraid of. Granted, I am in need of a second viewing to really absorb the ending, as it is a bit 'unique' and I am not 100% sure how I feel about it. You'll have to make up your own mind on that one.As this is a sequel/prequel to the first two in the franchis, many of the same characters return. Maybe not in the way we met them, but as their younger selves for most of the film. It's a good plot device and a good way to get repeat viewers back into the storyline by having something familiar to latch on to. This film also answers a lot of questions laid out in previous installments. It also fills in some gaps and somehow advances the story in reverse. Not that we needed a visual explaination of the past events, but it's kind of nice to re-live it the way the girls did. There are many genuine scares here. Anytime you have little kids and ghosts mixed up, things get creepy. I'm not entirely sure why that is, but it's a proven formula and it's taken full advantage of here. Those wonderful little moments where a child sees something that isn't there. Is it really there? Or are they just imagining it? It also makes us wonder if when our kids are out of our sight, what is really going on? Are the things that happen to them really happening or is it just a game? It's all that much more striking when you have kids of your own and see this film.

Here's a quick timeline for the films, before I sum everything up: (in chronological order)

1) 'Paranormal Activity 3' (2011) [takes place in 2006 and 1988]

2) 'Paranormal Activity' (2007) [takes place in 2006]

3) 'Paranormal Activity: Tokyo Night' (2010) [according to Wiki, it takes place in 2010.... however, the storyline actually takes place in 2006, pretty much right after the original 'Paranormal Activity']

4) 'Paranormal Activity 2' (2010) [it takes place 2 months prior to the original and then immediately right after the end of the original]

Now that this one is under my belt, I'm already hearing rumors of a 4th in the franchise. I am concerned that this win streak can't go on forever. We'll just have to wait and see on that one. In the meantime, we have 3 solid films with 1 additional for good measure and that's plenty. If this was the end of it, so be it. This is yet another 4 star experience and one that will be added to my DVD library some day soon. It's a trip that I want to take again, to see what I missed and to have that creeped out feeling all over. This may not be the same way everyone will feel about 'Paranormal Activity 3'. I can already imagine that many of you think that this well has run dry or perhaps you won't like it because it's a prequel. However, you're in the minority. This film was very well received by critics and fans alike. Not saying that you're wrong, but rather just asking you to keep an open mind when you see it. You may be surprised at what you see. This isn't the greatest ghost story ever told. It's not the greatest horror film of all time. The acting isn't amazing and the direction isn't the best I've ever seen.... but that doesn't mean it can't be a great film anyway. Sometimes it just takes a good established storyline and a lot of heart. It seems funny to say that about something like this, but it's exactly the way I see it. This is a great chapter in a great story and one that I think will stick with me for years to come.

If you like this, check out the other three films: 'Paranormal Activity', 'Paranormal Activity 2' and 'Paranormal Activity: Tokyo Night'

my very brief thoughts on.... 'Parents' (1989)

2012-01-28T14:48:00.002-07:00

If you just read my review of 'The Stuff', you might remember some of the nice things I said about it and the nostalgia of watching an 80's film.... none of that applies here. NONE OF THAT.

I am so unsure of what to write in this review. I have stayed away from 'Parents' (1989) for so long, as I always heard about how much of a "cult classic" it was and every review had good things to say. I have no freakin' clue what movie they were watching, but it couldn't have been this. I loathe this movie, if you can even call it that. I am still not 100% sure why in the hell I sat through the whole thing. It wasn't funny, it wasn't darkly comic, it wasn't a drama, it wasn't really horror, it wasn't really much of anything. The last time I was this ticked off about watching something was after I sat through 'Very Bad Things'. (man, that one SUCKED too!) Maybe I'm missing the point of this movie? I don't think so. I mean, I am a student of all things film. I love to watch anything and everything and have dedicated a good portion of my life to films. This however, is just so terrible that I have to warn you all to stay as far away from it as possible. It's like washing the blood off your hands after a murder, they just won't come clean. I can only dream of getting my hour and a half back. I did, however, sit through the entire thing (in the hopes it might redeem itself af the end) and tried really hard to get into it. It just has no point. None. Zero.

Here is the, so-called, plot: (taken from IMDB.com) "Michael Laemie (played by Brian Madorsky) is a young boy living in a typical 1950's suburbanite home... except for his bizarre and horrific nightmares, and continued unease around his parents. Especially his father, Nick Laemie (played by Randy Quaid). Young Michael begins to suspect his parents are cooking more than just hamburgers on the grill outside, but has trouble explaining his fears to his new-found friend Sheila, or the school's social worker." What are they cooking you might ask? Human meat. Yup, they're cannibals. That is the whole thing in a nutshell.I am assuming that this first full length movie directed by Bob Balaban, was supposed to be some kind of dark satire. (and for those of you who don't know Bob Balaban, I think of him more as an actor.... look him up, you'll know exactly who he is) I kept trying to get some kind of subtext in the screenwriting about the 50's or the 80's or the dark comedy angle, but if it's there it must really be hidden. I couldn't see anything in all of the images and storyline that was anything more than a family in crisis. Two, not very good, parents who feed their child human flesh. A child that has horrific nightmares about this parents and see's them doing strange things and becomes suspicious. A counsler that doesn't buy into it all until it's too late and a bit of blood and guts. There isn't anything charming or enjoyable about watching this. The characters aren't likable, the lead is annoying, the script is boring at best and it just has an overall negative feel to it. It's kind of like watching a news story about puppies being killed for thier fur. You want to know why anyone would do that, but instead.... you just get to hear about and see puppies being turned into fur and no ending in sight. No explanation. Nothing at all. And in my opinion, I guess it's better that way. I really could care less about this family or anything to do with them.

So, here we are at the end of it all. I don't like to give anything a '0' star rating, but I can't in good faith give this anything but that. It's time I will never regain and a memory that bleach won't remove. It's 0 our of 5 stars and that's being generous. I don't know how this movie got made or why the people involved were involved in the first place. I have nothing good to say about this movie and I really like Randy Quaid and Bob Balaban.... I really do. Let's just move on from this disaster and stuff it away in the back part of our memories and try to block it out. I only hope that Hollywood doesn't ever get the bright idea to remake it. I don't think I could tolerate a world with two versions of this fiasco.

If you watch this, I can't compare it to anything else. I will merely recommend that you don't watch it and just punch yourself in the groin for an hour instead. (that goes for you too, ladies.)

my brief thoughts on.... 'The Stuff'

2012-01-27T18:34:00.005-07:00

Horror films from the 80's are a different breed of film making. Dare I say, they're a different creature? (all puns intended) It seemed like back then, creature features were all the rage and that was even using the limited FX they had available. Now, it seems almost taboo to venture into creature features, even with all of the CGI and FX leaps and bounds we've made. Yet, you can't deny the charm of the old days and ways. Funny thing is, you can't always go back. What I mean is that we tend to romanticize things from our past. What seemed like the be all end all of horror movie making, doesn't always hold up. For example, I loved the movie 'House' when I was a kid. William Katt fighting evil in a big spooky house.... who couldn't love that? Then I recently watched it again, it didn't hold up as well as I hoped it would. This is one of the reasons that I kind of stay away from going back to the "classics". I tried to watch 'Ghoulies' recently to and I had to turn it off. It was just so bad.

That brings us to this review of 'The Stuff'. This isn't really a creature feature, but there are plenty of special effects and they're not that great. However, it's not just the FX in question here. It's the story, the acting and the general film making. I know this is kind of considered a 'cult' classic and a lot of people love it to this day, but I just don't get why. Maybe I'm missing the boat of something, but I have seen plenty of films from this same time period that are as good today as they were back then. I know it's possible to retain quality. This movie just lacks so much and I found myself really losing interest about halfway through. The premise was interesting, all though far-fetched, and it had potential.... it just didn't seem to have the payoff.The silly plot goes like this: (taken from IMDB.com) "A delicious mysterious goo that oozes from the Earth is marketed as the newest dessert sensation. But the sugary treat rots more than teeth when zombie-like snackers begin infesting the world." That's actually the storyline! A hobo (for some reason) eats stuff bubbling up from the ground and finds it delicious. He shares it with a buddy and soon it's EVERYWHERE! A big corporation markets The Stuff as a taste treat and never thinks to test it to see if it's safe for human consumption. It turns out to be something people can't stop eating once they've tried it. Whole families have refridgerators full of nothing but The Stuff. Soon, a little boy figures out what's going on and begins a crusade to try and stop people from eating it. He's joined by an investigator who is also trying to dig up dirt on The Stuff. They find out the truth behind it all and are soon being chased down by hordes of "zombie" like consumers un the mind control of The Stuff. It's like some kind of alien parasite mind control thingy. People die, things explode, Stuff oozes out of people, it's a big mess. (SPOILER!) In the end, The Stuff is kind of stopped and justice is served.... or is it? The company that marketed The Stuff has redisgned it, with less 'Stuff' in it and are going to start selling it again.... or are they? Ugh.

That is WAY more involved then I wanted to get in this review. The movie just isn't very good and that's all there is to it. It really reaminds me of 'Halloween III: Season of the Witch', only that was way better than this. It has a similar concept of a big corporation out to do what's best for the bottom line or to flat out kill people. You have a couple of people who know the truth and are trying to stop the bad guys. You have bad 80's effects and all that comes with it. They feel like cousins. I kind of like watching 'Halloween III' every once in a while.... I don't think I ever need to watch 'The Stuff' again. Ever. Seriously.

At the end of the day, I'd give this movie 2 out of 5 stars. The only reason it got 2 instead of 1, is that it has a certain nostalgia and charm to it. Despite the garbage factor of it all, I still found myself enjoying a trip back to 1985. If you can stomach 'The Stuff', you've got a stronger stomach then me.

Other movies like this: 'Halloween III: Season of the Witch' and I can't think of anything else right now.

another week, another show....! ep 16 of 'The Sunshine Happy Kpants Hour' is finished. 'MORE BRAINS!'

2012-01-27T12:09:00.004-07:00

The 16th episode of 'The Sunshine Happy Kpants Hour' is uploaded and now available through iTunes, Talkshoe and The Social Engine podcast pages!

I give you an odd show this week, as it's fueled by a Monster! I have an email and a song request, I talk about remakes, the joy of always being in touch with everyone, music from our youth and FUN zombie topics! It's a big show, but an odd show. ENJOY!

Songs played:

1) Wake Up by Story of the Year

2) Control Panel by MC Router

3) Banana Rejection by Silent Drive

4) The One by Stroke 9

5) Make Out Kids by Motion City Soundtrack

6) Find A Way by Smoosh

man, it's freezing out there....! 'The Sunshine Happy Kpants Hour' ep 15 is up and frozen solid.

2012-01-20T08:59:00.005-07:00

The 15th episode of 'The Sunshine Happy Kpants Hour' is uploaded and now available through iTunes, Talkshoe and The Social Engine podcast pages!

This weeks show is a little loose, a little different music, but still a whole lotta goodness. My topics are deja vu, deja vu, the podcasting community at large and stinky zombies. ENJOY!

Songs played:

1) Nightclub by Andre Williams and the Goldstars

2) Ran by Allison's Invention

3) Shatter Me by An Electric Heart

4) Stop and Think by Sarah Borges and the Broken Singles

5) Don't You Know by Beth Bombara

6) Don't Go Looking For My Heart by Death By Unga Bunga

Friday the 13th.... 'The Sunshine Happy Kpants Hour', the only podcast endorsed by Jason Voorhees.

2012-01-13T21:03:00.009-07:00

The 13th episode of 'The Sunshine Happy Kpants Hour' is uploaded and now available through iTunes, Talkshoe and The Social Engine podcast pages!

Today, is Friday the 13th and what better time to do a show? This is another slightly longer episode and I hope you don't mind. This weeks topics are why I hate the winter or why I don't as much anymore, the 'Friday the 13th' films and where to hide during a zombie outbreak. It's a loose show and hopefully a fun one. All the music is new again this week! ENJOY!

Songs played:

1) I Left My Heart by Strange Vacation

2) Watch This Space by Human Face

3) Janie by About The Mess

4) Blue And Brown by Scalar Fields

5) What She Said by P.T.'s Revenge

6) Waiting For The End by Northside Garage

my thoughts on.... 'The Human Centipede II: Full Sequence'

2012-01-07T21:05:00.009-07:00

I never claimed to be an uber-fan of the original 'Human Centipede' flim. However, I did defend it for being orignal and really quite well made. It has a grossly over-hyped reputation as being one of the sickest films of all time.

I hate to burst your bubble folks, but there are many many other films that are FAR worse than this. See 'A Serbian Film' and we'll talk again.

This film actually has very good actors involved and they carry the film and turn a very disturbing subject matter into something tolerable. The real standout is Dieter Laser. He plays the doctor with such amazing skill and charisma that you can't help but love him. He's a villan for the ages. Now, with all that being said, let's move on to the sequel. I have to say, I was really hesitant about another film being made in this series. It really felt after the first one, that there wasn't any other territory to cover. I was dead wrong. Tom Six, the writer/ director, know exactly what he was doing. He planned on a trilogy from the start and it is obvious once you see this film. He created a concept that made a unique and interesting follow up, without being boring or just a re-telling of part 1. He also found an actor who matched Dieter Laser's performance and may have even surpassed.... without ever saying a single word. Laurence R. Harvey, who plays our lead character Martin, is not your typical leading man. He's obese, unattractive, scary to look at and doesn't seem to have anything going for him. In other words, he's perfect for this film. The funny thing is, Mr. Harvey is a British stage veteran and, yes, one-time children's television performer. Not the resume you'd look for in a depraved role such as Martin. No matter what his past was or how he got the role, he is so good that you can't take his eyes off of him and you feel repulsed and attracted to him in the same time. Even if you watch this and can't make it through the whole thing, at least watch some of it, so you can see this amazing performance. I just can't get over how much I really enjoyed this film. And that makes me a little sick to my stomach, but only because of some of the things I witnessed. Now, onto the plot. (Yes, there is one.)

The plot is taken from IMDB.com: "Martin is a mentally disturbed loner who lives with his mother in a bleak housing project. He works the night shift as a security guard in an equally grim and foreboding underground parking complex. To escape his dreary existence, Martin loses himself in the fantasy world of the cult horror film 'The Human Centipede (First Sequence)', fetishizing the meticulous surgical skills of the gifted Dr. Heiter, whose knowledge of the human gastrointestinal system inspires Martin to attempt the unthinkable." What they're referring to here is that Martin desires to make his own centipede and working at night in a parking garage affords him that possability. One by one, he begins collecting people to build his own monster. Meanwhile, things at home are going from bad to worse and he slowly slips further and futher into his delisions. When he finally begins 'construction' on his centipede, he quickly learns that he doesn't have the medical skills to do it the way the doctor does in the film. His alternate plan of action is.... well, frightening and thank god it's in black and white. I don't want to give away anymore of the plot than that. Needless to say, it's extremely original and blurs the lines of reality and fiction. The only version available right now is the censored version. There is an uncensored one that is set to appear soon, but Tom Six (the director) is just trying to get it to see the light of day. There are at least 3 scenes I know of, that were cut and they sound pretty disturbing. Although, there is one scene in this film that makes the entire first one look tame. Oh and I forgot to mention, Martin has twelve people for his creature.... that makes this much larger than the 3 person version in part one.'The Human Centipede II: Full Sequence' was filmed entirely in color, but converted to black and white in post production. I hear that there are a couple of color scenes still, but they were left out of the version I saw. The film was originally scheduled for a straight-to-DVD release. It was then banned in the United Kingdom by the BBFC because of its "revolting" content, but was eventually granted an 18 certificate after over 32 cuts were made. That means there is a lot of material that was left out and I've only heard of three of them. This could mean a very jam packed Blu-ray release. This film was released in theaters, on a limited run, but has not made it around the entire world just yet. That's why I believe there is still hope for a full, uncut version to make it here to the states. Now, once you see all of the things portrayed in this film, you'll be glad that it's in black and white. The blood is only part of it and what your mind can create out of the parts that are missing, are far worse then anything that was really filmed. I can imagine that if the final scene was in color, it would hit you like a punch in the throat with a metal glove. Because after spending an hour and a half getting used to the lack or color, the sudden addition of it would be shocking to the system.... just like the film itself.

Before I finish this review and give you my final rating on it all, I want to go back to the characters in this film. Tom Six must have had a messed up childhood or has a really sick and twisted imagination. Between the mother of Martin, his sexually depraved doctor and his asshole neighbor, you actually are rooting for him to torture and kill them all by the end. I know I hated the supporting characters far more than Martin, who was the sickest of them all. But Tom Six built the story up in such a way, that you feel sorry for Martin and look to him as an anti-hero or a man with a reason for his actions. He is basically a monster that was built by a perfect storm of situations in his upbringin. Perhaps, if he wasn't raised the way he was, he may have turned out fine. It's also kind of funny that Tom Six would point some of the blame back on himself. Martin is the way he is, because of his life prior to 'The Human Centipede'.... but 'The Human Centipede' also pushed him over the edge and into a very dark place. It gave him some extremely twisted and horrific ideas that he ended up carrying out on a lot of innocent men, women and children. It takes some balls to say that what you've created may cause others to act out and do terrible things.

All in all, I am sure there is a lot more I could say about this film. I feel like I have left out a lot. However, I don't want to give away any more possible plot points and I want to leave you with some desire to fill in the blanks that I left out of here on purpose. That being said, this is a solid 4 out of 5 stars. It's a rare example of a sequel that didn't so much surpass it's predecessor, but rather built up on it and moved the story forward. It actually made the first film stronger and in turn, made itself stronger too. Usually the sequel is a time for the film maker's to rest on their laurels and just give the audience more of the same from the first film. That's kind of the rule in movies. Tom Six didn't seem to get that memo or he chose to ignore it. The root of this film is basically the same as the orignal, but it's oh so much more. I plan on adding this and the first one to my collection as soon as I can. I can't say that I'll run out and recommend it to every friend I have, but for those who are adventurous and like their horror a little more "unique".... this will be at the top of my list. Go see it, if you dare.

Before seeing this film, you must see: 'The Human Centipede: First Sequence', but if you want to see something 20 times more depraved than both of these films put together, track down 'A Serbian Film'.... but don't say I didn't warn you. There are some things you can never unsee.

here's something new to the blog.... A RECIPIE....?!?!

2012-01-07T17:04:00.007-07:00

Those of you who follow me on Facebook, already know about my several week long struggle to perfect a dish. The following recipie is where I've stopped messing with it. I don't think it's perfect, but I need a break from it. Therefore, check out the ingredients and try it for yourself or.... feel free to tweak it and post your own results. This is still a work in progress. ENJOY!

‎'Shrimp de Joel-ge'
16 shrimp, deveined, de-tailed, pre-cooked and chopped
1 1/4 cup egg noodles
1 tbs light sour cream
3/4 cup fresh yellow onion, chopped
1/2 tbs extra virgin olive oil
1 tbs Country Crock light
1/8 tsp freshly ground pepper
1/4 tsp garlic powder
1 tsp Pacific sea salt
1 tsp chives
2 tbs real bacon pieces

First, cook the noodles in boiling water, until they reach your personal desired softness. While this is boiling, heat your olive oil up in a pan. Once the oil is hot, dump the shrimp and onions in and begin to cook them. When the noodles are done, drain the water off and leave the noodles until the rest is ready to be mixed. Once the shrimp and onions seem cooked to your liking, dump the noodles, bacon, spices, sour cream and butter into the same pan. Cook them all together in the pan, until you're happy with the look of the dish. Be sure to keep a close eye on the pan, as the mixture can get too hot or cook to long and begin to stick. Once you feel it's done, place it on a plate and dig it! (I don't have any recommended side dishes, it's plenty of food on its own!)

Total calories, based on this exact recipie:
497 calories per serving.
(this recipie makes one big serving or, if you want to include a side, this is enough to share! ENJOY!)

side note: all quantities are open to suggestions and changes, tweak as you see fit.

my thoughts on.... 'Hostel: part III'

2012-01-06T22:25:00.010-07:00

As I sit here watching 'Hostel: part II' and writing this review, I'm reminded what it is about the 'Hostel' films that I enjoyed. However, that same feeling isn't felt in the 3rd installment of this unexpected franchise. Like the 'Saw' films, this concept never struck me as something that would go on and on. 'Saw' seems to have found a solid formula that blends the traps, with the character of Jigsaw and a rather obvious soap opera storyline. The 'Hostel' films just haven't found that groove. The 2nd film was still written and directed by Eli Roth, the man behind the 1st film. Because of that, it still felt the same and had a good storyline. This new chapter was directed by Scott Spiegel, the producer from the first two. I have to give him credit for taking the reins and feeling confident in his skills, but it just never seems to come together. The storyline is okay, the actors involved are pretty good and it looks okay on paper. Sadly, the writer, Michael D. Weiss just doesn't quite get the big picture of it all. He has a resume that reads like a bad day of watching the SyFy channel and that doesn't seem to matter to the people who paid to make this direct to DVD title. What he did, was to take out the "scary" part of the storyline. What makes 'Hostel' 1 and 2 frightening, isn't the torture and killing of random strangers, it's the fact that it takes place in remote and unfamiliar places. Anyone who travels can tell you that it can be rather scary when you're in a place you don't recognize and have no control over what's going on. Throw in the "evil hunting club" that seems to have its eyes everywhere and you've got something to work with. Michael D. Weiss put the story in a very familiar place, Las Vegas. He made the Elite Hunting Club, a very open organization who bet on the kills. It wasn't about an audience for the members paying to kill people. It was about the thrill of doing whatever you want to whoever you want and not worrying about getting caught. You could live out any single fantasy you've ever had. If you had money, you could be a murderer.... if even for one day. The original films also focused on the survival of the characters and their will to live. It also gave us a glimpse at what someone is capable of when they're pushed to their breaking point. It was about redemption. This all seemed to be missing in 'Hostel: part III'. And the ending? Well, let's just say it was cliche, unreal and downright stupid. It really ruined any other parts of the movie that might have kept me interested. Let's stop here and get to the plot.

This is taken from IMDB.com: "While attending a bachelor party in Las Vegas, four friends are enticed by two sexy escorts to join them at a private party way off the Strip. Once there, they are horrified to find themselves the subjects of a perverse game of torture, where members of the Elite Hunting Club are hosting the most sadistic show in town." This isn't 100% accurate. Only ONE of the guys is taken by the EHC from the bachelor party. The rest of the guys spend the next half of the movie looking for him and in the process, getting captured and killed by the EHC. There is a slight twist at the ending and, of course, Mr. Weiss felt it necessary to try and shove some redemption in for good measure. Again, this storyline had potential and might of worked if it took place somewhere in the Ukraine or in a tiny part of Japan or something, but Las Vegas? That's one of the last places to be subtle. It's like he thought that the "What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas" motto could carry the whole movie. He also thought that the one line quoted from the movie, "The house always wins." was clever. It wasn't.

I feel bad whenever I have to write a negative review. I especially feel bad when it's a movie that's part of a series I really enjoy and find myself defending regularly. I just can't defend this one, sorry. I wish the cast could have done more with what they had. I mean, they did their best I suppose. You have Kip Purdue, who recently did a great job in the movie 'The Wizard of Gore'. You also have, John Hensley, who was great in the short-lived TV series 'Witchblade'. When you add the interesting Thomas Kretschmann into the mix, you have a formula for something good.... but again, this didn't help 'Hostel: part III'. It was like everyone was sleepwalking for a paycheck. It's like this whole movie was thought up in a boardroom with 'Awesome-O' in the big chair pitching ideas every 5 minutes. This movie doesn't ring of something that was created out of love for the franchise, it stinks of money and boredom. I really wish, deep down, that either this movie would never have been made or that Eli Roth would have felt enough desire to come back one more time. Perhaps, he'll make a return for part IV? In the meantime, I guess I'll just have to live with 2 out of 3.

Before I finish up this review and give you my final thoughts, there is one more thing I wanted to touch on: the kills. In this chapter, the killers are almost 'cartoon-ish'. Take the "crossbow" killer. The character is listed on IMDB as the 'Japanese Cyber Punk Girl' and that is a VERY accurate description. If this was a post-apocalyptic action movie, she would have been perfect casting. However, this was a modern day cautionary tale.... she was grossly out of place. Her tactics were lame, her look was ridiculous and I couldn't wait for it to end. It was painful. There also is a scene involving a girl dressed like a cheerleader and some giant hissing cockroaches. It was the dumbest thing I've seen in years. It pretty much killed what Eli Roth created. It had horrible CGI and just felt like something created on MS Paint for a class project. Not too mention the 'climactic final battle' scene. I nearly threw up when it started. It was all I could do to not shut it off and watch 'The Wild Wild West' with Will Smith. That would have been far less painful. I stuck it out though and let me say, it wasn't worth it. The only other thing I have to say is that none of the original charcters were back. Not the front desk guy at the hostel or the 'bubblegum kids' or even any of the more minor characters. Basically, you take the "hostel" out of 'Hostel' and you make your audience hostile. (See what I did there? Far more cleven than this piece of crap.) My ultimate advice, stay away from this one. I give it 2 out of 5 stars. I wanted to do more, but I just can't find the heart to give it anything higher. Eli, you were smart to stay away from this one. At least I can still respect you in the morning.

Instead of watching this, watch the original films: 'Hostel' and 'Hostel: part II' and maybe even Eli's first outing, 'Cabin Fever' (Which had an equally awful follow up, NOT directed by Eli Roth. However, Ti West, who did direct it.... has skills. Watch 'The House of the Devil' and you'll see that he's not unskilled.)

The 13th episode of 'The Sunshine Happy Kpants Hour' is up and FRESHLY squeezed.

2012-01-06T21:22:00.010-07:00

The 13th episode of 'The Sunshine Happy Kpants Hour' is uploaded and now available through iTunes, Talkshoe and The Social Engine podcast pages! It's a Christmas special just for you!

The first episode of the new year and things are already rolling along fine. Music Alley is back up, so that means NEW music! I spend two segments giving you more useless facts and a zombie discussion about virus and plague films you should see. I'm happy with the new year so far and I hope you will be too. ENJOY!

Songs played:

1) No Sympathy For The Dead by Escape The Fate

2) Modern Day Love Song by Proof I Exist

3) Too Stupid by Love Deficiency

4) Hung Out To Dry by Human Face

5) Your Bloody Frankenstein by The Erotics

6) The Ransom by Escape The Fate

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Films that were mentioned:

1) 28 Days Later

2) 28 Weeks Later

3) [REC]

4) [REC]2

5) Quarantine

6) Quarantine 2: Terminal

7) Mutants

8) The Crazies (2009)

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A film that deserves a second look:

1) The Mad (Billy Zane)

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Not a virus or plague, but sorta like zombies:

1) Bad Taste

2) The Omega Man

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It might be a succubus:

1) Dead Girl

Happy New Year's! (almost.).... until then, listen to the new episode of 'The Sunshine Happy Kpants Hour'....!

2011-12-30T19:52:00.008-07:00

The 12th episode of 'The Sunshine Happy Kpants Hour' is uploaded and now available through iTunes, Talkshoe and The Social Engine podcast pages! It's a Christmas special just for you!

This is the last episode of 'The Sunshine Happy Kpants Hour' before the new year. I celebrate with some terrible flavors of ice cream, a brief talk on moderation, some fun facts to share with friends and family and the reality of a zombie/virus outbreak. It's the show you never knew you wanted. ENJOY!

Songs played:

1) Holiday by The Get Up Kids

2) Sleeping With Ghosts by Guri Hansdttir

3) The Double Life by Rainer Maria

4) I Wanna Be Your Johnny Depp by Testosterone

5) Sideways Forest Ever 1996 by Love Spirals Downwards

6) Auld Lang Syne by Rockosaurus Rex

It's Christmas, let's listen to 'The Sunshine Happy Kpants Hour'....! Get the family around the iPod and grab the cocoa.

2011-12-23T20:18:00.002-07:00

The 11th episode of 'The Sunshine Happy Kpants Hour' is uploaded and now available through iTunes, Talkshoe and The Social Engine podcast pages! It's a Christmas special just for you!

Obviously, this episode has a theme, but don't let that keep you from listening. It's still the same old Joel goodness, but with a little added holiday cheer! Things I talk about this week: my favorite Christmas presents ever, the top 5 zombie gifts I'd love to receive, the truth about Santa and holiday traditions. It's an early present from me to you. See you next year.... (actually, just before then) ENJOY!

Songs played:

1) Jingle Bells by Skid Row

2) Jingle Bell Rock by Nelson

3) Santa Clause Is Coming To Town by Dokken

4) Blue Christmas by Tom Keiffer of Cinderella

5) I'll Be Home For Christmas by Twisted Sister featuring Lita Ford

6) Gimmie Stuff (For Chistmas) by Rappy McRapperson

my very brief thoughts on.... 'Mask Maker: Meet Your Maker' aka 'Maskerade'

2011-12-18T18:06:00.003-07:00

I'm going to keep this short, as I really want to get something up here besides my podcast updates and 'Gregory' promotions. I actually saw this movie several weeks ago and I have to say, I wasn't impressed. People said it was similar to 'The Texas Chainsaw Massacre' and I can see why. I still had hopes for it, after a somewhat promising bit of the movie happened. Sadly, nothing ever got better and once the "Mask Maker" made a skin mask.... I lost all interest. the mask was probably realistic, if you were to skin a mans face off perfectly and wear it. But, I have to say that I doubt anyone could do that. It's where the comparison to 'TCM' comes in. The big difference is that in 'TCM', the FX guys realized that a perfect looking skin mask wasn't possible. Instead, Leatherface sews one together in pieces and it's far more interesting to look at and more realistic. This movies mask was just plain dull and uninspired. Which kind of defines the rest of the movie as well.

All in all, I give it 2 out of 5 stars for putting forth a little effort. I just hope that they don't make a sequel and I recommend that you don't bother watching it. Even on a rainy day, when you have nothing else to do. Garbage.

If you want to see the movie it's trying to mimic, rent any of the 'TCM' movies.... and I mean ANY of them. They're all better than this.

it's not disgusting, really....! 'The Sunshine Happy Kpants Hour' is back for another week of "fake" talk radio....

2011-12-16T21:13:00.007-07:00

The 10th episode of 'The Sunshine Happy Kpants Hour' is uploaded and now available through iTunes, Talkshoe and The Social Engine podcast pages!

This week, is a laid back kind of week. We're almost to Christmas and the super spectacular holiday episode! In the meantime, I talk about a conversation with an old friend, the books I'd love to write, 6 things guys want women to know and why I think zombies eat flesh. It's a jam packed show, but a fun show none the less. Grab your fork and dig in! ENJOY!

Songs played:

1) Summer Is Gone by Pensive

2) What To Do With Michael by The Candy Butchers

3) Buried A Lie by Senses Fail

4) Spread Legs Not Lies by The Blackout

5) For The Summer by Lokata

6) Really Really Happy by The Muffs

The photo dictates the title, it's that simple.... here's episode 9 of 'The Sunshine Happy Kpants Hour'....! I hope you're hungry.

2011-12-09T22:38:00.007-07:00

The 9th episode of 'The Sunshine Happy Kpants Hour' is uploaded and now available through iTunes, Talkshoe and The Social Engine podcast pages!

Another week, another problem. It seems that if it wasn't for bad luck, I wouldn't have any luck at all! This week: I tell all about my lovely car accident and other problems in 2 parts and then give you a list of zombie movies you might want to give a second look. It's a big show folks. ENJOY!

Songs played:

1) In A Long Time by 46 Bliss

2) Red Light Pledge (acoustic) by Silverstein

3) Make Me Hate You by Joanna Burns

4) You Can Never Hold Back Spring by Tom Waits

5) I Like What You Say by Nada Surf

6) I'm So Sick by Airbomb

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Movies mentioned:

1) Land of the Dead

2) Diary of the Dead

3) Survival of the Dead

4) Flight of the Living Dead

5) Dead Meat

6) Resident Evil

7) Resident Evil: Apocalypse

8) Resident Evil: Extinction

9) Resident Evil: Afterlife

10) Children Shouldn't Play With Dead Things

does the show title mean anything....? not really.... but it's fun anyway....! ep 8 of 'The Sunshine Happy Kpants Hour' is done and done.

2011-12-03T21:16:00.004-07:00

The 8th episode of 'The Sunshine Happy Kpants Hour' is uploaded and now available through iTunes, Talkshoe and The Social Engine podcast pages!

This weeks show is capped with a sad finish, but the rest of it is just like normal. This weeks topics cover a listener question from Lenny about Chicago vs. everywhere else, what makes a song a good song? and what's going on with running zombies vs. slow zombies? It's a longer than normal show and you'll understand once you hear it. Plus, there's a big announcement! Get ready for some ear candy kids ENJOY!

Songs played:

1) I Want To Be Wrong by No Use For A Name

2) Octopus by Vagina Waterpark

3) Brown Sweater by Truth In Fiction

4) Pressure by Paramore

5) Jailbait Judgement by A Step Behind

6) One Day At A Time by Muck Sticky

When life gives you lemons....

2011-12-02T23:57:00.006-07:00

When this last week started, I didn't expect it to end the way it did. I can only figure that it was bound to happen, when everything else had been going so well.

At the start of the week, I got a letter from Unemployment that my benefits were being stopped. I called the office the next day and after waiting on hold for 2 hours, I was told that due to an error.... I would not be getting benefits until I filed a new claim. I was told it would take up to 6 weeks before I would get any more money. Sadly, I have no interviews scheduled and no jobs on the horizon. So with no pre-planning, we're screwed. Christmas is 3 weeks away-ish and we don't know quite what to do. Rent and living expenses are first, but our kids and possible presents are second. Amy got some stuff for them before we found out, hopefully we won't have to return them for money. It all depends on if we can come up with stuff to cover things first. but it doesn't stop there. Tonight, after Amy got home from her part-time job, we heard a large crash outside. We go out and find that our car has been hit from behind and totalled. We have no usable vehicle and were ticketed on top of that! We were parked and the other gentleman was driving and hit a slick spot. He was a really nice guy and I feel bad for him and his situation. All in all, it's just another kick in the ass. I am hoping the insurance for the other guy covers all the costs, but with our luck.... I am guessing something will go wrong.

We are trying to keep a positive attitude and hoping for the best. You can see where we'd be skeptical right now. We try and do good and pay things forward, but in this world that just doesn't seem like it means as much as it used to. That would never stop me from doing the right things though. Just keep hoping for the best or even just a little bit better and I'll keep keeping on.

(NOTE TO THE READER: I find it ironic that the post I wrote earlier tonight was for the movie, 'Wrecked'.... which was about a car accident. Odd.)

my brief thoughts on.... 'Wrecked' (2010)

2011-12-02T16:43:00.008-07:00

I like survival movies. 1 person against all the odds and very little chance for survival. With these types of movies, you truly never know until the end, if the hero will survive or not.... and there is a chance they won't. I like not knowing the outcome and I like seeing people get creative. That's why I love zombie movies so much. They're the ultimate survival movies. 'Wrecked' is in that category and had all the earmarks of a good survival movie. The problem with it was that I didn't really care too much about who he actually was. In order to spend about 2 hours with someone, you'd better make them likeable or at least pick a very likeable actor. Adrian Brody is a good actor and one that I am usually happy with, but he wasn't really right for this role in my opinion. But the biggest problem with 'Wrecked'? The ending. The answer to the question of who Adrian Brody was and the last 2 minutes, were lame. The last 60 seconds before the credits rolled, pretty much destroyed the rest of the movie. I am not sure why the director and writer chose to put one final clip into the movie, but they did. I guess that maybe they did it since the movie is kind of being pieced together and it was a missing part of the puzzle? But it didn't make a whole lot of sense in it's placement. If the story was in reverse, perhaps. (it wasn't) It was jarring and not needed. It just makes me upset to think about it. I, however, haven't thrown the baby out with the bathwater. I still found good things about this movie.

First, here's the plot: (taken from IMDB.com) "A man awakens in a mangled car-wreck at the bottom of a steep cliff. Injured and trapped inside, with no memory of how he got there or who he is, he must rely on his most primal instincts to survive. But as he attempts to free himself from the carnage and escape an impossible situation, a darker side is revealed. Even if he manages to survive, the man may have to face the horrible consequences of an earlier, forgotten life." That is basically the plot. There is some other things going on that are kind of confusing at first, but get explained later in the story. There is very little dialogue and most of the movie is centered on Adrian just trying to get away from the wreck. Anyway....What have we learned so far? The movie doesn't have a likeable lead character. (not Mr. Brody's fault) The ending is terrible. It felt like an hour and a half wasted. What else is there to say? Well....

It started out really well. I was engaged and very curious what happened to the main character. He was trapped in a car in the middle of a forest and you could feel his claustrophobia. I could put myself in his place. It's one thing to be stuck in the middle of nowhere or to be injured there, but to also not even have a remote chance of helping yourself try.... is frightening. He could barely move, let alone go anywhere. Once he finally escaped the car, that's when things got even more difficult. The man had a broken leg-something and there wasn't anyone nearby to hear him yell. He also is being visited, regularly, by a hungry mountain lion. The tension and hopelessness in the story are very tangible. It's just that once the hallucinations and back story start to unfold, I really began to lose interest. It almost would have been more effective to just leave it up to the viewers to figure things out. The man finds clues all along his way towards rescue and each one of them leads you to believe something different. I don't know if it would have worked better my way, but I think I would be writing a better review if it had been done that way. And not just because it's my way.

I have seriously debated how much the ending tainted my thoughts on the overall piece. As of right now, I have come to the conclusion that it pretty much ruined it for me. I'm going to give it 2 out of 5 stars and I think that's fair. I really wanted to like it from the get-go and I tried to keep my interest throughout the entire thing. There just wasn't enough content in this movie to make it what it really should have been, a great film. Adrian Brody did the best with what he had and the only other real characters were his dog, the mountain lion and the phantom lady. They also did the best with what they had. That's really all I can say about this movie. It's OnDemand right now from Netflix, so if you're really bored and want to see if I'm right.... check it out. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. Right? Perhaps.

Hey KIDS! Guess who's started a second blog....? me.

2011-11-30T16:22:00.004-07:00

Hello faithful readers. This is a heads up to a new blog I've been putting together and finally have announced today! It's actually a work in progess, something I've been doing for 10 years now. It's a permenant home for my online comic strip, 'Gregory: the really angry robot'. I started it back in 2001, on accident, and now it's over a 100 issues long. (not including spin-offs.) I have debated about coming back to it again, but recently felt inspired and have been working on it steadily since then. The project took shape in October and now that I've completed the site, I've already finished making 5 more issues. I plan on the first new issue to be released on December 14th, 2011. I do recommend that before you read the new issue, that you go back to the beginning and read from number 1 forward. There are issues that are tied together and a lot of characters that make mroe sense if you see there progression. The site is located at: http://gregoryrobot.blogspot.com/. Check it out and if you like it, sign up for the page and leave comments about issues you dig or things you might want to see or just general thoughts. That's it. That's my BIG news. I'm excited about it and happy to see Gregory back in the limelight. He's a special part of my life and now maybe he can be a special part of yours. (and yes, that's me as a character in the comic.... I'm still not sure how that happened.) ENJOY!

just in time for the Thanksgiving hangover....! episode 7 of 'The Sunshine Happy Kpants Hour'.... and this one is a feast for the ears.

2011-11-25T16:39:00.007-07:00

The 7th episode of 'The Sunshine Happy Kpants Hour' is uploaded and now available through iTunes, Talkshoe and The Social Engine podcast pages!

Last weeks episode wasn't the highlight of my podcasting career, but it got my feet wet and back in the game. This week is a different story. With a listener suggested topic, Thanksgiving chatter and a zombie finale.... all things are back to normal. All the music this week is tied together by a common thread. The main focus is on the new album coming from Superpowerless, but the other band played, with (basically) the same members, is Tetrastar. Therefore, all the music comes from one band or the other. It's sweeeeeet. Listed below are the songs played AND the list of movies I talked about, in case you wanted to check any of them out. Be warned.... they're not very good. Either way, ENJOY!

Songs played:

1) Such Great Heights by Tetrastar

2) Dark Knight by Superpowerless

3) Monsters by Superpowerless

4) Stomp This City by Superpowerless

5) Tragic But Magic by Superpowerless

6) Handlebars by Tetrastar

------------

Movies mentioned:

1) Die! You Zombie Bastards!

2) Zombies! Zombies! Zombies!

3) Zombie 5: Killing Birds

4) City of the Living Dead

5) Zombie Nightmare (MST3K)

6) Biker Zombies

7) Chopper Chicks in Zombietown

8) Severed: Forest of the Dead

9) DIEner (Get it?)

10) Death Valley: The Revenge of Bloody Bill

11) Hell of the Living Dead

12) Night of the Living Dead 3D

13) House of the Dead

14) House of the Dead 2

15) I Drink Your Blood

16) Children of the Living Dead (Tom Savini)

17) Dead and Buried

18) The Beyond

19) Pontypool

20) City of the Walking Dead aka Nightmare City

Not exactly zombies, but horrible none the less:

1) Mulberry St

2) The Crazies (1973)

well, i'm back....! it's not the best show, but here we go: ep 6 of 'The Sunshine Happy Kpants Hour'....!

2011-11-17T23:01:00.007-07:00

The 6th episode of 'The Sunshine Happy Kpants Hour' is uploaded and now available through iTunes, Talkshoe and The Social Engine podcast pages!

After a two week-ish hiatus, I'm back again and ready to podcast. This isn't my best work, but I needed to get a show out there to let you know that I'm still around and still wanting to bring you new music. This week, I talk about my move from Colorado to Illinois. I also decided to feature the music of Shining Through. This one is fast and loose, so be ready for a very very laid back show. Or a big pile of crap? I haven't decided yet. ENJOY!

Songs played:

1) Circles For Miles by Shining Through

2) Neurons by Shining Through

3) Pills In Your Pocket by Shining Through

4) San Diego Summer by Shining Through

5) White Flag by Shining Through

6) Veronica Hates Me by Screeching Weasel

my very brief thoughts on.... 'The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: A Family Portrait'

2011-11-16T20:27:00.004-07:00

"The most accurate explanation of what really happened." - Gunnar 'Leatherface' Hansen

That's the quote on the movie poster for this documentary. If you've read anything about this horror film, then you probably already know all of the stories.... like the infamous dinner scene. But this was made in 1988 and if you've not an uber-fan of the film, then this was all new info back then. This is shot all on a higher quality VHS, so don't expect too much in that department. That doesn't mean that this isn't worth a watch. It's really made for the die hard fans though. I don't know if anyone who wasn't really into this film would be interested enough to watch the whole thing.... it's pretty dry. There are a few clips from the original film and a little bit of new footage and behind the scenes photos to keep your interest peaked. I found it kind of neat to hear the background story from the actors themselves. It also put a personality behind the characters and a reason why they played the characters they way they did. Some of them were more likable than others. (see: Edwin Neal 'The Hitchhiker')

The purpose of this documentary, is to allow 4 of the leading actors in it to tell the behind the scenes story of the making of 'The Texas Chainsaw Massacre'. It features Edwin Neal 'The Hitchhiker', John Dugan 'Grandpa', Jim Siedow 'Old Man/Drayton Sawyer' and Gunnar Hansen 'Leatherface'. They each have a unique persepctive on what happened and the entire film making process. While it would have been nice to include Tobe Hooper, the director of the film, and Marilyn Burns 'Sally Hardesty'.... it ended up still being pretty comprehensive without them.I'm not the biggest fan in the world of the TCM franchise, however.... I own all but the third one and have seen them several times. I can see it's place in the horror film lexicon and enjoy them for what they are. This film is considered a cult classic and has some fans who are beyond fanatical about this. It has since spawned a remake and a prequel and tons and tons of merchandise. It's a very difficult film to watch and one that any horror fan should see. Once you've seen it, then check out this documentary. I give it 2 out of 5 stars. It's low budget and lack of excitement is a huge setback for this documentary. For something that's covering a fan favorite horror film and documenting everything that went on, there just isn't much.... joy? (is that the right word?) I don't know, I just wanted a little more from this.

If you haven't seen the original film, I recommend: 'The Texas Chainsaw Massacre' (1974), 'The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2' and 'Leatherface: The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 3'

(I couldn't find a trailer for this, so I put this link to the entire documentary. It's also available OnDemand from Netflix, if you prefer.)

my thoughts on.... 'Wrong Turn 4: Bloody Beginnings'

2011-11-15T21:34:00.007-07:00

Direct to DVD doesn't always mean a movie is going to be terrible, but more often than not.... it does. I don't know why they keep making these movies and I don't know why I keep watching them. The 2nd one was fun, I didn't like the first one and part 3 was terrible. This one, I was hoping would be more like number 2. However, as I started hearing more about it, I began to lose hope. Especially when I heard it was a prequel. Funny thing is, it starts out back in the 70's and tells about how the inbred mutants started, but then it fast forwards to 2003. Why 2003? Because it is the same year the first one takes place. That's what I've read anyway. I don't know enough about the 'Wrong Turn' timeline to dispute it. All I know is that no matter when it took place, this movie just didn't hold water. It was basically a movie for the sake of making a movie. Trying to cash in on a slowly dying franchise. We've all seen enough inbred mutant movies over the years, why make another one that is so similar to all the rest? I think the only thing that sets this apart from other slasher movies is the fact that it takes place in the winter, in the snow. That's not totally original, but it's used well in this movie. It serves as a way to keep the college kids trapped, while the inbred mutants are after them to kill them.

The plot, from Wiki: "The film opens in 1974 at the Glenville Sanatorium with Dr. Ryan (Arne McPherson) showing a local psychiatrist Dr. Ann McQuaid (Kristen Harris) around the psychiatric hospital. The cannibals from the previous films-One Eye, Three Finger, and Saw Tooth now are locked up in the institution as children. But the cannibals escapes and sets other insane patient free in the hospital. Then cannibals savagely murder an orderly, Guard, Dr. Ryan and Dr. McQuaid. The film then switches to present day where a group of college kids, Kenia (Jennifer Pudavick), lesbian couple Sara (Tenika Davis) and Bridget (Kaitlyn Wong), Lauren (Ali Tataryn), Jenna (Terra Vnesa), and Claire (Samantha Kendrick), along with their guy friends Kyle (Victor Zinck), Vincent (Sean Skene) and Daniel (Dean Armstrong) are going snowmobiling. They are heading to their friend Porter's cabin in the mountains. They get lost in a storm and seek refuge inside the now abandoned Glenville Sanatorium. Little do they know, the three now adult cannibals are hiding out in the sanatorium and murdering trespassers."

In hindsight, I was involved in the story for almost the entire movie. Despite how bad it was, I still wanted to see what happened. But when the big snowmobile chase ensued at the end and something awful occured that killed the two heroines in the movie.... I gave up. It was so stupid and impossible. It wasn't even fun. Perhaps if I was drunk and with friends? Even then, I still kind of doubt that I would've enjoyed myself. You just have to see it to believe it. I shouldn't complain too much though, it was a sequel to a movie that I really didn't like in the first place.

This is a 3 out of 5 star attempt. It was better than 3, but not better than 2 and not better than the first one. If you're a fan of the 'Wrong Turn' movies, then you should probably see this one too. If you're not a fan or haven't seen any of the other ones, there is no point in wasting your time on this one. There are so many other better movies in this sub-genre. That's all I have to say about that.

Perhaps, watch the other ones? I don't know. I'm at a loss here.

my very brief thoughts on.... 'Demons 2' aka 'Dèmoni 2: L'incubo ritorna'

2011-11-15T21:27:00.004-07:00

I am going to keep this short, as this movie doesn't deserve many words.

I enjoyed the first 'Demons'. It was a fun little addition to the zombie sub-genre. That is the only reason I decided to watch this.... that and I enjoy Asia Argento's work. (I didn't realize she was only like 11 years old in this movie.) Anyway, this was terrible. I got so incredibly bored by the end that I didn't care about anyone in it. I didn't care who lived or who died. This gets 1 out of 5 stars. A sequel that never should have been made.

Instead of wasting an hour and a half on this, watch the original 'Demons' instead.

my very brief thoughts on.... 'Zombie Apocalypse' (2011)

2011-11-15T20:29:00.003-07:00

Ving Rhames has become the 'go-to guy' for zombie movies lately. Sadly, his choice in movies has been getting worse and worse. I'm all for him starring in zombie kill fests, but this one was pretty horrible. Also, Taryn Manning.... nuff' said. Ick. Anyway, I'm going to handle this review a little different than my other ones. The reason? As I was watching this, I was taking notes. I don't ever do that with movies, as it distracts me from the plot. This one, is an exception. Probably because it was a SyFy original. Onward to the 'review':

1) The takes place 6 months after a zombie outbreak. 6 months later, everything is STILL on fire. Buildings are burning. Wouldn't that only last for the initial outbreak, as all hell was breaking loose? Terrible.

2) I already mentioned this, but Ving Rhames in another zombie flick that makes 3 now.

3) If you've seen enough zombie films, you know that they rarely use the term 'zombie'. Like in 'The Walking Dead' TV series, they call them 'walkers'. That has a nice ring to it and describes them perfectly. In this movie, they call the walking dead 'zombies' constantly. It sounds weird, all of them calling them zombies.... it really sounds strange. If you've never seen it done, check this out just for that. It's distracting.

4) One of the things about this movie that was worth the time to watch it was the explanation of why some zombies are fast and some are slow. The newer the zombie, the faster it is, the older it is.... the slower it is. It makes perfect sense and makes both zombies a reality in this movie. This isn't the first time this explanation has been used, but I think it's the first time I've seen it explained in an actual zombie movie.

5) In a stranger moment, one of the actors threw an ice skate into a zombies head! HA! Terrible.

6) All in all, I was okay with this movie.... until.... the ZOMBIE TIGER....?!?! What the hell was that about? I don't know what kind of crap they were smoking when they wrote that part. I don't know who thought that was a good idea. It is just the dumbest thing I think I've ever seen in a movie like this. Well, maybe not the dumbest, but pretty close. It makes the zombie vs. shark sequence in 'Zombi' look cool! (see the image below for verification of the scene.)I gave this a final rating of 2 out of 5 stars. It isn't the worst zombie movie I've ever seen, but it's still pretty terrible. For a SyFy movie, it's better than most of the ones they crank out. If you're home sick on a rainy day and it's one.... maybe take the time to watch it. Just close your eyes whenever Taryn Manning is on the screen. She has some serious anti-charisma. That is all!

Something better to watch with Ving Rhames vs. zombies?: 'Dawn of the Dead' (2004), 'Day of the Dead' (2008) and 'The Tournament' (2009) (not a zombie movie, but a damn cool flick that you should really watch!)

my very brief thoughts on.... 'Return of the Living Dead 4: Necropolis' and 'Return of the Living Dead 5: Rave To The Grave'

2011-11-15T19:22:00.010-07:00

When, New Zealand born, Ellory Elkayem made the cult classic 'Eight Legged Freaks'.... he showed potential. What followed, was three crap-tacular failures. These are two of them. Now, 'Return of the Living Dead' 1 through 3 are all pretty good movies. They aren't going to re-invent the zombie genre, but they're entertaining and pretty fun. Part 1 is by far the best. Part 2 uses some of the same actors, but doesn't quite have the same charm. Part 3, goes in a different direction and for some reason it still works. Perhaps it's because it was directed by Brian Yuzna? Perhaps. But when I heard they were making 2 more back to back sequels, I had my doubts. I had good reason to doubt them, these movies are awful. They are boring to watch and the little bit of action in them, is slow paced and not very exciting. I don't feel that they're even part of the franchise. Ah well....

In 'Necropolis', zombies come back due to an accident with the Trioxin containers. Sound familiar? It's what happened in the past movies. In 'Rave to the Grave', it happens a 5th time! At this point, the storyline is a bit tired and over done. I'm not sure why they couldn't come up with something new or original, kind of like the plot in part 3. It's like Ellory Elkayem just made them to use the name.I don't know how many of you have seen the original movies. In them, they re-use some of the same actors and oddly enough.... it works. They don't play the same characters and that makes it that much stranger.... but again, it works. In parts 4 and 5, they try the same thing. They actually use almost the entire same cast for both movies. It is confusing, pointless and a terrible pseudo-tribute to the originals. Also, the zombies still chant "Brains!" throughout the whole movie, but there is no satire or any type of comedy. That's a bit of what the charm was in the first 3. They injected a little bit of humor every so often, to break things up. It worked really well and carried the movies. Also, the zombies in part 4 are all dressed the same(they're test subjects) and it's distracting. (I'm nitpicking now.)

Anyway, both of these are 2 out of 5 star, at best. I don't need to see them again and I'm still wondering why I watched the 5th after finishing the 4th. They're on Comcast OnDemand right now, if you're brave enough to watch them. I strongly advise against it, even for the die hard zombie fans. Stay away and maybe watch the first 3 again, instead.

What to watch instead: 'Return of the Living Dead', 'Return of the Living Dead part 2' and 'Return of the Living Dead 3'

(the trailer for 'Return of the Living Dead 4: Necropolis')

(the trailer for 'Return of the Living Dead 5: Rave to the Grave')

Halloween, early....? Yup.... ep 5 of 'The Sunshine Happy Kpants Hour' is your treat, instead of trick....!

2011-10-28T23:16:00.006-06:00

The 5th episode of 'The Sunshine Happy Kpants Hour' is uploaded and now available through iTunes, Talkshoe and The Social Engine podcast pages! Make sure you download the new episode of The Tikigeeks, also. I make a guest appearance and spend almost the whole show talking about movies for Halloween. It's available through iTunes and http://www.javakat.com/wp/.

This week is the Halloween show. My favorite holiday and hopefully your favorite show. I spend my hour talking about costumes, candy and the best movies to watch on Halloween night. Who needs to go house to house begging for candy, when you've got this to enjoy?

To listen to the show right now, there's an embedded player just below this post. That's if you don't want to download it to your MP3 player. Anyway.... ENJOY!

Songs played this week:

1) Zombie I by Calabrese

2) Zombie Girl by The Quintessentials

3) Halloween by Fishing For Comets

4) Zombie Movie by Never So True

5) I F#$ked A Zombie by The Mutilators

6) Halloween Is Awesome by Gemini Dragon

my thoughts on.... 'Satan's Little Helper'

2011-10-22T14:07:00.008-06:00

Every year, when Halloween rolls around, there's always a question of what films to watch? Well, I have a new one to add to the mix now.... thanks to Brian. (Thank you!) It's a little film that slid by under the rader, but that Netflix kept trying to get me to watch. Finally, I did. The film is called 'Satan's Little Helper' and it's a diamond in the rough. It's something unique, special and fun. It's the perfect little add on to your regular Halloween viewing. It feels like Halloween, takes place on Halloween and has a lot good going for it. It's written and directed by the cult director, Jeff Lieberman. He's not got a huge cinematic history, but he's got a name that's known for what little he's done. He made a movie about killer earthworms! It stars a little boy who only did one other movie, Alexander Brickel. Granted, he's annoying as hell, but he fits in this role perfectly. It was the part he was born to play. I mean, the whole film is kind of surreal or hyper-realistic and he just adds another level to that. It's not really gory or violent, it's just quirky and odd.

The plot revolves around a little boy named, Douglas who is obsessed with a video game called 'Satan's Little Helper'. His mom, played by Amanda Plummer, thinks this game is an okay past time for her son and encourages him to dress up as the main character of the game for Halloween. He wears the costume non-stop. It basically consists of a Satan costume with a little badge around his neck that says, 'Satan's Little Helper'. The game is kind of like 'Grand Theft Auto', without the car and with Satan and a lot of death. As Douglas is running around the neighborhood, he sees a strange man dressed like Satan. This strange man is killing people in the neighborhood and leaving them out in the front yard like a piece of Halloween decorations. Douglas convinces Satan to let him be his 'helper' and they go off on an adventure. What Douglas doesn't realize, is that Satan is actually killing the people.... he thinks it's all pretend. Eventually, he brings him home to meet his mom and sister. Things slowly start to fall apart, until Douglas realizes the truth and all hell breaks loose. The rest you just have to see.I can't say enough good things about this film. I don't want you to think that this is the best Halloween film ever made, but it's a nice breath of fresh air. I've seen almost every Halloween film made to date and even the ones that aren't specifically for Halloween and they were starting to get stale. I think that's why I ended up liking this one so much.... it's new. (actually, it's from 2004) Everybody needs a little change up now and then. I think if you have an open mind and a little bit of a dark sense of humor, then you'll probably dig this film too. Just ignore the one really bad part, when Doug's dad is being gutted. His intestines look really, really fake. Granted, I have had my hands inside a dead body and pulled the guts out of a man.... these guts weren't even close to realistic. (and I didn't kill anyone.... if you remember, I went to a cadaver lab during my Medical Assistant schooling)

I give 'Satan's Little Helper' a solid 4 out of 5 stars. My only regret is that I didn't wait until Halloween to actually watch it. Watching on that night in particular would have made this that much better. But you don't have to do that, it has the Halloween feel year round. They left this open for a sequel, but if they haven't announced one by now, then I kind of doubt it's going to happen. It's probably better that way.... it would have just weakend this storyline, even with the slightly soft ending. This film is available to rent through Netflix.

If you want other good films to watch on Halloween, check out: 'Trick 'r Treat', 'Creepshow' and 'Sleepy Hollow' (1999)

(I couldn't find a trailer that wasn't in Spanish, so here's a short clip from the film. Don't judge based on this alone. Thanks!)

and you thought you only got gifts at Christmas....? 'The Sunshine Happy Kpants Hour' episode 4 is already wrapped and under the tree....!

2011-10-21T19:30:00.009-06:00

The 4th episode of 'The Sunshine Happy Kpants Hour' is uploaded and now available through iTunes, Talkshoe and The Social Engine podcast pages! I think the audio is pretty much set now. It should sound pretty good and I've been trying to spot check the episodes before uploading, so they are as good as I can make them. Sadly, I don't have professional equiptment, so I do the best with what I have.

This week, I talk about vices in life, a news story that should inspire you to act and not be a passerby and I have a list of Netflix OnDemand zombie flims that you might not have ever seen!

To listen to the show right now, there's an embedded player just below this post. That's if you don't want to download it to your MP3 player. Anyway.... ENJOY!

Songs played this week:

1) What Did I Just Axe You by The Make Overs

2) Drown Me Out by Tiffany Parker (partial)

3) Something You Don't Know by Black Lab

4) San Diego Summer by Shining Through

5) Say Something by Circus Envy

6) The End Of The Line by Modern Heroics

By the way, it was brought to my attention that my lists don't get posted anywhere after the show. Because of that, it makes it hard to find the films I talk about after the show has ended. Soooo, you'll find this weeks list posted right here! Keen.:

1) 'Aaah! Zombies!!'

2) 'Tokyo Zombie'

3) 'Zombie Girl: The Movie'

4) 'Zombie Strippers'

5) 'American Zombie'

6) 'Zombies of Mass Destruction'

7) 'Redneck Zombies'

8) 'Undead or Alive'

9) 'Last of the Living'

10) 'Dead Snow' aka 'Dod Sno'

11) 'Boy Eats Girl'

12) 'Dance of the Dead'

13) 'Day of the Dead' (2008)

14) 'The Video Dead'

15) 'The Horde' aka 'La Horde'

16) 'Return of the Living Dead 3'

17) 'Night of the Living Dead' (1990)

18) 'Doghouse'

(all of these films are available, right now, OnDemand from Netflix.)

A Short List Of Movies Or Films Without Full Reviews: part 8

2011-10-15T14:34:00.021-06:00

As a lover of cinema, I watch a lot of stuff. Sadly, I don't have the time, energy or even desire to write reviews for everything I see. Rather than to just continue to let these movies sit on a list, I've decided to post them here with a rating and maybe a little word or two. If you trust my judgement or agree with me on my decisions, then maybe this will be helpful to you in finding some keen new stuff to watch. I think it will also free up my mind a bit to see a much shorter list of things to review in the future. That being said, here we go!

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Mutant Girls Squad

If you've ever had the feeling that you've seen everything and that there's nothing new under the sun, then you haven't seen 'Mutant Girls Squad'. I won't say that it's 100% original, as it feels and acts very much like 'Machine Girl' or Robo-Geisha'. However, that doesn't mean it's without some charm. Especially when the lead character is lamenting her father's death, as his disembodied head is floating around on a birthday cake. Yeah, you heard me right. 3 out of 5 stars, for creativity.

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Mars Needs Moms

I don't know what to really say about this movie and that's why it ended up in this long list of movies, rather than having it's own blog entry. It wasn't a bad movie, it just wasn't good. I didn't really care about the characters and it just all felt so.... bland. I wouldn't waste my time. 2 out of 5 stars.

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Spooky Buddies

Any "movie" that starts off with 5 puppies being killed in the first 10 minutes, isn't probably going to be any good. I wonder why these "movies" are even still being made. This was clunky, poorly written, slow and unevenly paced, boring, unfunny, not cute, dark and just plain garbage. I do not recommend this for any reason what so ever. 1 out of 5 stars, I guess.

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Leatherheads

I enjoyed this movie, both times I've seen it. John Krasinski is hard not to like and I've said for years that George Clooney is the modern incarnation of Cary Grant. This is a fun little throwback to the goofy comedies of the black and white era. The pace of the comedy and the style reminds me of 'His Girl Friday'. This movie may not be for everyone, but I think it's damn fun.... pally. 3 out of 5 stars.

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American Scary

If you ever stayed up too late and saw a terrible movie on your local station, it was probably hosted by a horror host. If you've never seen one, you're missing out. This documentary pays tribute to all of those hosts of years past. A must see for anyone who loves b-grade horror and cheezy monsters. 3 out of 5 stars.

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Zone of the Dead aka Apocalypse of the Dead

This wasn't as bad as it could've been, but it also wasn't very good. If you're a die hard zombie fan, you might appreciate certain aspects of it.... but overall, not recommended. The end was a bit vague and strange. 2 out of 5 stars.

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Rio

The kids liked this one quite a bit. In my opinion, it was very formulaic and not original. It was pretty to look at and maybe worth one watch.... but not a classic by any stretch. 3 out of 5 stars.

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Aliens In The Attic

Well, this might have a little of something for everyone. Plenty of slapstick for the kids and Ashley Tisdale in a bikini for the adults. Other than that, nothing new here. 3 out of 5 stars.

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Bio Zombie aka Sun faa sau si

I wanted to love this movie. It was listed as one part 'Dawn of the Dead' and one part 'Shaun of the Dead'. Yes, it takes place in a mall and yes, it is supposed to be a comedy.... but that's where the comparisons end. It's not a terrible movie, it's just not nearly as good as everyone says it is. 3 out of 5 stars.

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Return Of The Living Dead 2

I LOVE the orignal! The sequel isn't 100% up to snuff, but it's still a mighty fine flick and a better than average zombie movie, for sure. It carries on the silly stuff that went on in the original, but doesn't skimp on the bloody stuff. If you like part 1, you need to watch part 2 and 3. 4 out of 5 stars.

What do I smell....? 'The Sunshine Happy Kpants Hour' episode 3 is ready early, but not undercooked....!

2011-10-14T01:14:00.006-06:00

The 3rd episode of 'The Sunshine Happy Kpants Hour' is uploaded and now available through iTunes, Talkshoe and The Social Engine podcast pages! Well, I'm not sure, but I think most of the audio issues are fixed. We shall see for sure, once I can play it in my car. Sadly, I was under the gun to get it posted by a deadline.... so forgive any possible glitches.

This week, I have several special guests. You may recognize them from The Awful Show and my former Awful Snack. Also, I countdown the 'Top 25 Horror Films For Halloween' and I provide you with the films that almost made it and some awesome comedy/horror flims too! The show is 100% listener inspired and recommended.

To listen to the show right now, there's an embedded player just below this post. That's if you don't want to download it to your MP3 player. Anyway.... ENJOY!

Songs played this week:

1) When You're Around by Motion City Soundtrack

2) Monsters by Matchbook Romance

3) We Are Nowhere And It's Now by Bright Eyes

4) I Write Sins Not Tragedies by Panic! At The Disco

5) Boy With A Coin by Iron And Wine

6) When I Get Old by The Descendents

Joel's Top 25 Horror Films For Halloween: remaining comedy/horror nominations and honorable mentions....

2011-10-10T22:37:00.030-06:00

DISCLAIMER: Joel's 'Top 25 Horror Films For Halloween' was just for fun. It's tied in with my 'Top 50 Films Of All Time' list and was requested by my good friend Sheena. This list is actually a direct tie in to episode 3 of 'The Sunshine Happy Kpants Hour'. On that show, I go down this list and detail out my thoughts on these films and why they're included. I will also have a follow up post to this one, that ties in with the show as well. It's a list of honorable mentions and horror/comedies that are awesome, but didn't fit on this list. If you disagree, that's okay. These are strictly my opinions and mine alone. I'm posting these early in the month, so you have time to work your way through the list before Halloween.... if you're so inclined. Anyway, that's it. Let's get it on! Here's the leftovers! (In no particular order)

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American Psycho

I don't know if I qualify this as a horror film, so much as a serial killer film. Either way, I freakin' love this film.

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Funny Games (2007)

I like this shot for shot remake, better than the original. And I feel that it's okay to say that, as the original director remade this version. If you haven't seen this, you should.... it's harsh and pretty amazing.

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Let Me In

Here's another remake. It's not as good as the original, but it's heads and shoulders above a lot of other junk out there right now. I recommend watching the original, 'Let The Right One In' first.... but don't neglect this version, it's still pretty damn good.

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Rosemary's Baby

If you don't like films with a 'slow burn', then you probably won't like this one. However, if you're familiar with 70's horror and how they're designed.... then this is one you need to see. I have been a fan of 'Rosemary's Baby' for as long as I can remember and am proud to have it in my collection.

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Saw

This is a franchise that kind of came out of nowhere. And even if it eventually turned into a giant, bloody soap opera.... I still dig every single one of them. End of story. Your move, Jigsaw.

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The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2003) and The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning

The first two, original, TCM's were great. I enjoyed both of them, quite a bit. The third installment, 'Leathface' was mediocre. 'The Next Generatoin' was godawful. Then the remakes happened. The first one took a couple of viewings to get into, but the sequel or prequel was pretty sweet. It got me interested in this franchise again. Check em' out before you judge them.

trailer for 'The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2003):

trailer for 'The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning':

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What Lies Beneath

This is the surprise film from my list. Robert Zemeckis created quite the spooky little thriller here and for some reason, I really enjoy it. It actually creeps me out and I feel funny saying that.

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The Sixth Sense

M. Night Shyamalan isn't the most popular guy in Hollywood. A lot of people think he was a one trick pony and have written him off. I think he's just misunderstood and that people have their expectations WAY too high for his films. I've enjoyed all of them.... even 'The Happening'. This is the one that started it all (if you don't count 'Wide Awake') and it's a classic.

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the 'Resident Evil' films

The 'Resident Evil' films aren't so much horror as they are action. However, they do have zombies and other mutant monsters and are damn fun popcorn flicks. I am deeply in love with this series and can't wait for the fifth one. Word.

trailer for 'Resident Evil':

trailer for 'Resident Evil: Apocalypse':

trailer for 'Resident Evil: Extinction':

trailer for 'Resident Evil: Afterlife':

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the 'Paranormal Activity' films

Once again, these films creep me out. The 'found footage' thing is kind of getting played out, but I still enjoy putting these in and getting a little creeped out. The 4th one (3rd American one) is coming out soon and I can't wait.

trailer for 'Paranormal Activity':

trailer for 'Paranormal Activity 2':

trailer for 'Paranormal Activity: Tokyo Night':

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I Spit On Your Grave (2010)

Rape movies aren't my thing and the original was basically just that. This updated version is much more, in my opinion. The performance of Sarah Butler is what sells the whole story and by the end, you want to take part in the revenge killings. I'd spit on their graves too.

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the 'Cold Prey' aka 'Fritt Vilt' films

You might not have ever heard of these Norwegian slasher films, but I hope that after you read this or listen to my show, you'll look em' up and watch them right away. There isn't a huge amount of new ground being covered in these films, but they're so damn well done that they can't be denied. I would equate them with a Norwegian version of the original 'Halloween' films. Right down to the second one being set entirely in a hospital. Go, watch, now.

trailer for 'Cold Prey' aka 'Fritt Vilt':

trailer for 'Cold Prey 2' aka 'Fritt Vilt II':

trailer for 'Cold Prey 3' aka 'Fritt Vilt III':

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That was the best of the rest and now I'm going to list some kick ass films for Halloween, but that are more along the lines of comedy/horror. Again, they're not in any particular order. ENJOY!

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Thankskilling

Just in time for Halloween, comes a film about Thanksgiving. This film is so bad that it's good again. It's obviously a puppet and they just don't care. I've seen this multiple times and it just keeps getting better. GOBBLE GOBBLE!

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Planet Terror

You all know that I love my zombie films and this one is one of a kind. It's right on the border between serious and funny, but don't let that fool you into thinking that it's not a real film. I think that Robert Rodriguez created something truly unique and kick ass. Oh and Bruce Willis.

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Shaun Of The Dead

Again, zombies! One of the best satire/horror films ever made. Edgar Wright, Nick Frost and Simon Pegg used this film to establish themselves as some of the most amazing film making trio of recent times. This isn't just a comedy or a horror film, it's the best of everything. I'm sure you've already seen it, but damn it.... watch it again and again and again and again....

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Bad Taste

Two things.... first, Peter Jackson used to make amazing, low budger horror films back before 'The Lord of the Rings' happened and he was really good at it. Second, this is a guy's film. Not that girls can't watch it, but it's totally a guy flick.... 100%. It has everything from aliens, people eating vomit, brains falling out of heads, dead birds, machine guns, sheep getting blown up with rocket launchers and Peter Jackson playing duel roles. I can't say enough good things about 'Bad Taste'. Rent it. Hell, buy it.

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The Return Of The Living Dead

In direct response to 'Night of the Living Dead', came the comedy counter part, 'The Return of the Living Dead'. I can watch this film anytime, anywhere. It's extremely entertaining and enjoyable. It is also the start of the whole "BRAINS!" thing.

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Zombieland

The final film on this list is, of course, a zombie film. Probably the most popular zombie film of the past decade and also the most popular. It has a great cast, a great script and Bill 'f'ing' Murray. I have heard sequel talks, but nothing firm yet. Let's keep our hopes up!

That's it, folks. I hope you found some new stuff here to check out and were somewhat entertained. Check out the actual show for more info on this list and as an audio guide while reading this. See ya next time!

Joel's Top 25 Horror Films For Halloween.... (requested by Sheena.)

2011-10-10T22:36:00.049-06:00

DISCLAIMER: Joel's 'Top 25 Horror Films For Halloween' is just for fun. It's tied in with my 'Top 50 Films Of All Time' list that I put together several months ago. This specific list was requested by my good friend Sheena. This list is actually a direct tie in to episode 3 of 'The Sunshine Happy Kpants Hour'. On that show, I go down this list and detail out my thoughts on these films and why they're included. You will notice that some entries have multiple films listed. That's because they're tied together in some way and deserve to be included together. Again, this is my own list and you can do with it what you will. Now, I will also have a follow up post to this one, that ties in with the show as well. It's a list of honorable mentions and horror/comedies that are awesome, but didn't fit on this list. If you disagree, that's okay. These are strictly my opinions and mine alone. I'm posting these early in the month, so you have time to work your way through the list before Halloween.... if you're so inclined. Anyway, that's it. Let's get it on!

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# 25: The Last Man On Earth

This is the film, in my opinion, that started what would become the Romero zombie craze. This Vincent Price classic is more about vampire like creatures than zombies, but they sure act like the undead and this has the same feel. If you haven't seen this, you need to. Brillance.

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# 24: the August Underground trilogy

This entry on my list will probably draw some questionable looks from some of you. As a series of horror films, these rank right up there with the big budget classics. What Fred Vogel created is something far to realistic and disturbing that it demands an audience. These films are to recent indie horror what 'Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer' was to indie horror of the past.

trailer for 'August Underground':

trailer for 'August Underground: Mordum':

August underground's mordum

trailer for 'August Underground: Penance':

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# 23: The Descent and The Descent: Part 2

What you have here is a series of horror films that taps into our fears of being trapped and the unknown. It also has some scary ass monsters that are somewhere between vampires and zombies. The first film is amazing and surprisingly, the second one is just as good! If you have a chance, watch them back to back and turn out all the lights. It's a great ride.

trailer for 'The Descent':

trailer for 'The Descent: part 2'

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# 22: Scream

You may be letting out a big groan right about now, but let's look at this seriously. What Kevin Williamson and Wes Craven did.... was bring back horror into the mainstream. Granted, it had some adverse side effects and a lot of mediocre 90's teen horror PG-13 flicks that resulted. However, it also allowed a lot of other films to get made. Hollywood realized that there was a big market for being scared. For that, you have to see why this made the list.... and I also think it's a damn fun film. So there.

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# 21: [REC] and [REC]2

There aren't too many Spanish films that make lists like these. It's not to say that there isn't great Spanish horror out there, it's just few and far between still. What these two films did is inspiring. They led to two American remakes, 'Quarantine' and 'Quarantine 2: Terminal' and helped to further the zombie subgenre of plague or virus films. If you haven't seen these, they're both fantastic and there are two more films in the works for this series, before it ends.

trailer for '[REC]':

trailer for '[REC]2':

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# 20: Hostel and Hostel 2

Again, you're questioning my choices. I, personally, think that Eli Roth is one of the best of the new class of horror directors. You may only know of the 'Hostel' films because of the whole "torture porn" buzz words. I hate those words. You really just need to come into these two films with an open mind and you might just see what I see. Two very entertaining films, with a dark and twisted center.

trailer for 'Hostel':

trailer for 'Hostel part II':

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# 19: Haute Tension aka High Tension

If I was to make a list of my favorite horror directors of the past 20 years, Alexandre Aja would be on that list. This was his breakout film and even if you think it was confusing and already been done.... you can't deny how great it still is. This film oozes horror, but with such beautiful cinematography and storytelling. It is one of the reasons I fell in love with French horror. If you haven't seen this, now would be a good time to go and watch it.

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# 18: Halloween 2 (1981)/ Halloween 2 aka H2 (2009)

By now, you may have stopped reading this list and wondered what in the hell was wrong with me. If not.... stay with me, it's going to be a fun ride! And after that's been said, it brings me to the 'Halloween' franchise follow up films. John Carpenter left the franchise after part 1 and left it up to Rick Rosenthal to pick up where he left off. I think he did a great job and 'Halloween 2' fits perfectly in with the original and sometimes is even better. Rob Zombie's version was done by him and continues on with his original vision. It is considered by most to be a big, gory dud. I think it's what slasher films could be. More than just dead bodies.... there's some thought involved. That's just my 2 cents worth.

trailer for 'Halloween 2' (1981):

trailer for 'Halloween 2' aka 'H2' (2009):

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# 17: The Ring (2002)

Before you cry FOUL! at my decision to include this, have you seen this remake? I know that the J-horror remake trend is played out, but this one was at the beginning and (I think) surpasses the original. I may be a Naomi Watts fan and that may skew things a bit, but I still firmly believe this is a great horror film that deserves a place in the countdown.

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# 16: Evil Dead 2: Dead By Dawn

You know, I really shouldn't have to even mention this cult classic. Everyone should see this once. End of story.

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# 15: Let The Right One In

Best. Vampire. Film. Ever. This is a cinematic masterpiece of horror filmaking. A pitch perfect film.

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# 14: 28 Days Later and 28 Weeks Later

You've got to hand it to Danny Boyle, the man seems to do no wrong. He also brought the idea of running zombies back into vogue. Granted, these films are about plague/virus victims and not zombies, but it's a subgenre of that genre. These films are a perfect two part storyline with a third, yet to be written.

trailer for '28 Days Later':

trailer for '28 Weeks Later':

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# 13: The Devil's Rejects

According to most reviewers, Rob Zombie's best film to date. I love it and think it's way above average for a horror film.... hell, a lot of non-horror films too. However, it's not my favorite Rob Zombie flim. Regardless, this is a must see.... but watch 'House of a 1000 Corpses' first!

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# 12: The Shining (1980)

What list would be complete without 'The Shining'? A classic and one that still scares me when I watch it. Jack Nicholson at the peak of his game.

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# 11: A Nightmare On Elm Street (1984)

It's kind of funny, this film is a classic. However, everytime I re-watch it, I'm not sure that it holds up as well as we'd all have liked. Don't get me wrong, I still love it and Freddy is a horror icon.... despite some increasingly bad sequels.

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# 10: Dawn Of The Dead (2004)

Here's yet another remake/reboot, however, it doesn't do better than the original. Despite that, it's still one of the best horror films of the new decade! It made zombies scary again and paid homage to its roots.

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# 9: The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974)

You can't deny that this film deserves to be on just about every best of list for horror there is. It's a classic that inspired generations of film makers after it was released and is constantly being studied. If you haven't seen it, you should.

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# 8: Psycho (1960)

The slasher film is a staple of modern horror, but have you seen where it all began? And don't let the age of the film fool you. It is equally as good as anything that's out there right now. Hitchcock was the master.

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# 7: Night Of The Living Dead (1969)

I love zombies. I've said it 100 times before. This is the film that started it all. (Just make sure the version you see is endorsed by George A. Romero, as this film is public domain and anyone can mess with it.)

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# 6: Halloween (1978)/ Halloween (2007)

I love both versions of 'Halloween'. I think John Carpenter set the stage for the modern masked slasher and Rob Zombie brought it into the modern era. (Perhaps, not entirely by himself.) Both of these films are a staple to watch during the Halloween holiday.

trailer for John Carpenter's 'Halloween':

trailer for Rob Zombie's 'Halloween':

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# 5: The Blair Witch Project

This is one of the films that everybody loves to hate or at least pretend they don't like it. I have never waivered in my love of 'The Blair Witch Project'. Ever since I first heard about it, I was hooked. It is one of the only films that I can watch anytime, anywhere and always get the chills at the end scene. I LOVE IT!

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# 4: The Exorcist (1973)

This is, quite possibly, the scariest film ever made. I have a hard time watching it to this day. I tried to read the book once and got sick. There is something about this film that is not right, but that's what makes it the classic that it is.

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# 3: Poultrygeist: Night Of The Chicken Dead

This film is so amazingly disgusting, but also one of the most entertaining films you might ever see. I can't say enough good things about this film. However, it is NOT for everyone! You have been warned.

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# 2: House Of A 1000 Corpses

This film is one of my all time favorite films, horror or otherwise. I seriously considered putting it in the #1 spot, but I think the #1 film edges it out just a bit. I've seen 'House of 1000 Corpses' so many times that I've lost count. I can put it in anytime anywhere. It's a 70's gritty throwback and can be difficult to watch at times.... but don't let that sway you. It is amazing. I love you, Rob Zombie.

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# 1: Dawn Of The Dead (1978)

This is it.... my favorite horror film. I love this film for so many reasons. Despite it's laughable special effects and the fact that it's so dated, it still could go toe to toe with just about any modern zombie flim ever made. I had my love of zombies begin after seeing this film.

hey kids....! 'The Sunshine Happy Kpants Hour' episode 2 is hot and ready....!

2011-10-08T18:24:00.006-06:00

The 2nd episode of 'The Sunshine Happy Kpants Hour' is uploaded and now available through iTunes, Talkshoe and The Social Engine podcast pages! I'm still fixing a couple of kinks, but I think I'm one episode away from where I want it to be. I will get back into form soon, but for now.... pardon my audio farts. I still don't have static show art, but it's coming! I was told that my logo artist is having Photoshop issues, so it'll be a bit longer still. I can't wait to have it done so that it'll make my iTunes feed and Talkshoe pages look more professional and so that I can get t-shirts made up! (yeah, right.... nobody would wear those.) In the meantime, I'll continue to create new episode art each week for your viewing pleasure and that will probably continue even after the static art is done. It's fun. This weeks photo was done by a friend of mine of a friend of mine and I just added the words. It's a beautiful photo and speaks volumes to the show title.

I think this turned out to be another fun episode. I talk about the joys of incense, old school horror film hosts from late night TV and some zombie films you may have never seen! I play 6 songs straight off of http://www.musicalley.com and intro an even more brand new intro! Check it out and hopefully ya dig it and thank Dustin afterwards. To listen to the show right now, there's an embedded player just below this post. That's if you don't want to download it to your MP3 player. Anyway.... ENJOY!

Songs played this week:

1) Pills In Your Pocket by Shining Through

2) Always Be by Holley Maher

3) Veronica Song by The Involvement

4) Should I by Girl Activity

5) Yellow! The Color Of Friendship by James and Juliet

6) Situations by Escape The Fate

it's official....! 'The Sunshine Happy Kpants Hour' is up and ready to download....!

2011-09-30T21:21:00.006-06:00

Get it hot and fresh! The 1st episode of 'The Sunshine Happy Kpants Hour' is uploaded and ready to blow your mind. (not really.) It has it's problems, but I haven't done this kind of thing in about a year and a half. I will get back into form shortly, but for now.... pardon my growing pains. Speaking of which, I still don't have static show art, but it's coming! I promise. It's a fun episode. I talk about what to expect from the show, fake breasts and the zombie films EVERY zombie fanatic should see! I play 6 songs straight off of http://www.musicalley.com and intro a brand new intro. Check it out and hopefully ya dig it. ENJOY! (it's also available to download through http://www.talkshoe.com and will be up soon on iTunes.)

Songs played this week:

1) Everything I Ask For by The Maine

2) Not Good Enough For Truth In Cliche by Escape The Fate

3) Jasey Rae (acoustic) by All Time Low

4) Momentum by The Hush Sound

5) Birds In Trees by Pine Mountain Casket

6) Apples by Kate Martin

introducing.... 'The Sunshine Happy Kpants Hour'....!

2011-09-28T13:41:00.018-06:00

As you know, you can find me podcasting on 'The Undercover Unitards'. So if you've wanted to hear my lovely voice on a weekly basis talking about my week, movies, TV, video games, stupid stuff on the internet and porn (including she-males), then maybe you should check us out.... if you're not listening already. You can find us on iTunes or directly at our site:

http://www.undercoverunitards.com

Now, some of you may have been fans of The Awful Show. Sadly, all good things must come to an end and with it came the end of Joel's Awful Snack. Well, these times they are a' changin' and I've decided to make my return to "snacking". Let me introduce you to.... 'The Sunshine Happy Kpants Hour'! What is that you ask? It's my supplimental show to The Undercover Unitards. It's a weekly podcast that will run about an hour and feature several things. The main feature of the show is music.... indie, podsafe music. I love to introduce people to new stuff and with the show, I am wanting to continue what I started so many years ago. I currently plan on keeping up with the 6 songs a week format. It's difficult, but I love a challenge. In addition to that, I'll have info about The Unitards and 3 segments to talk about stuff that I like to talk about.Part of the gimmick of the show is that it's recorded LIVE! in "Undead America". (An alternate future created by my cousin and fellow blogger, DocStout.) That means that every week I'll have a zombie related topic. Ranging from zombie films, to surviving a zombie outbreak and everything inbetween. The other two topics are open ended. They may be about me personally, maybe about other films or music and who knows what else? Also, on the original Awful Snack, I would occasionally read some of my poems or stories I'd written. It's not always zombie related, but I like to change things up. There is no set release date for the first episode, but I am about 98% ready to go right now. I will update my Facebook page with more information as it happens.

http://www.facebook.com/joelunitardshow

I will also update this post and my Twitter feed.

(JoelUnitardShow or JoelTheZombie)

I am currently planning on running the show through Talkshoe.com and linking it on iTunes and the regular Undercover Unitards feed and main page. I hope it lives up to all your expectations and the reputation of the old show. It's gonna be fun and I'll explain everything that's ambiguous in this post on the first show. If you're at all curious, then check it out! I'd love to have you listen and when you're finished, download some of The Undercover Unitards, it's all a good time!!!! Word.(This is the temporary logo for the show. I have some friends designing something more "real", but no ETA on that. In the meantime, you'll just have to stare at the pretty face of Heather Zatch, the deaf porn star. Enjoy!)

(Oh and 'Kpants' is spelled that way intentionally. It's a long story, but the 'K' is silent. Say it outloud and you'll hear it.... or you'll think I'm crazy.)

my thoughts on.... 'What Is It?'

2011-09-18T00:15:00.004-06:00

'What Is It?'.... I really don't have any clue. I know this is part of an intended trilogy, the 'It' trilogy. Only two films were made before one of the primary cast members passed away. I wonder now if it will ever be finished. The cast for this film were all people with down syndrome. Well, almost. There were naked women in animal masks, snails, the minstrel's, Crispin Glover and the man mentioned earlier who died, Steven C. Stewart (who had cerebral palsy and died of complications from it) Who's behind all of this? Why the mad genius himself, Crispin 'Hellion' Glover. I can't say that I understood a damn thing that was going on in this film. The actors were almost impossible to understand and I wish there were subtitles for them. I think I sort of caught a storyline, but it's so confusing and subtle that I'm just not sure. I've read all I can about it and I'm still not sure I get it. I will say that I think this is intended to be art and I consider myself open minded.... I think I just missed the boat on this one? I love to be challenged, but I'm not really sure how I felt about this. I still am not sure and I watched this almost 2 weeks ago. It's so strange and disturbing. There is plenty of snails that get killed by salt and razor blades, so if you're into that sort of thing.... here you go. This is the VERY far, far deep end of the pool as far as film going is concerned. If you say you've seen it all and there's nothing new under the sun, you haven't seen this yet. If you consider yourself a hardcore student of film and haven't seen this yet, you're not as hardcore as you think you are. I really don't know, if after seeing this, if I want to see the sequel(s). It was hard enough to make it through this one. Perhaps if I had some distance or some context? I just don't get it, Mr. Glover. I just don't get it.

Watch at your own risk!

Other challenging films: 'Greaser's Palace', 'Forbidden Zone' (the Richard Elfman 1982 version) and 'It's Just Pat!'

(No trailer without nudity. You can find two of them on YouTube.)

my thoughts on.... 'Howard the Duck'

2011-09-12T18:52:00.005-06:00

There was a time when I went and saw a lot of movies in the theater. Sadly, it doesn't happen as much any more.... but that's alright. I have a nice setup at home and I can watch anything I want, anytime I want and it's almost as good. Anyway, I remember seeing 'Howard the Duck' in the theater as a kid. I don't remember why or how I ended up there, but I'm kind of glad I did. Since then, I haven't watched it again. About a week ago, I got a copy in the mail on DVD from my friend Brian. I have to admit, I was pretty excited to see it again. I was curious how it would hold up after all these years. Well, I watched it and I am happy to confess that it held up quite well. I found myself really enjoying it. The duck special effects were actually pretty damn good and it was just goofy and absurdist enough to be a fun watch and one that I know will watch again and again. I'm happy to have it in my collection.

For those of you who aren't familiar with 'Howard the Duck', it's based on the Marvel comic book of the same name and was a huge box office bomb. It also is kind of sold as a kids movie, but in reality, it's really aimed towards adults and fans of the comic books. Here is the premise, according to Netflix.com: "In this uncommon sci-fi comedy produced by George Lucas, a cigar-chomping extraterrestrial duck named Howard (voiced by Chip Zien) is accidentally beamed to Earth by a physicist (Jeffrey Jones) and his assistant (Tim Robbins), only to find love with a pretty punk-rock singer (Lea Thompson). The couple's happiness is threatened, however, when government officials and a nasty space thug come looking for Howard." (I would hardly call Lea Thompson's band, Cherry Bomb, punk. The music was written by Thomas Dolby and George Clinton.)I won't lie, this movie is really dated. It screams 80's and doesn't care if you like it or not. The special effects, other than the duck suit, are old school to the max. (Yes, I just said that.) The music is synth-tastic and the clothes, well.... it was the 80's. Despite all of that, this movie has a lot of charm and is hard not to enjoy while watching it. It may have bombed at the box office, but it has gained a cult status and deserves a second viewing. It has some talented actors in it and the humor is aimed at pop culture junkies like me. I really suggest that you check it out, either for the first time or for the first time in a long time. It's readily available on DVD and currently OnDemand on Netflix too. I'll call it a 3 out of 5 star cult classic.

Other cult-tastic movies from the 80's and early 90's with cheesy special effects: 'The Garbage Pail Kids Movie', 'The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles' (1990) and 'Gremlins'

running zombies.... WHAT THE HELL....?

2011-09-12T00:50:00.005-06:00

I tend to think of strange things sometimes, just listen to my podcasting history and you'll see what I mean. Tonight was no exception. On my way back in from walking the dog, I thought.... What if the zombie outbreak happened right now? And that thought was followed up with.... Would they run or shamble? And then I thought.... When did zombies really start running anyway? See what I mean about weird trains of thought?

I heard something a while back about why zombies don't generally run. The thought behind it is sound, if a zombie who's been decaying was to take off in a sprint his leg would probably break or fall off. I mean, he or she is not exactly in the best shape. Now, if it was a fresh corpse then maybe it would work out okay? That's the why, but in the reality of zombie invasions, it's a lot more fun to have them take off in a full sprint. Now what does all of this have to do with anything? It made me wonder who in the hell made them run in the first place? I think most film goers credit this to Danny Boyle in his film '28 Days Later'. Now, for zombie purists, the creatures in his film aren't zombies.... they're just infected humans, infected with a disease. I, however, would probably credit it to the 1985 Dan O'Bannon film 'Return of the Living Dead'. In that film, the zombies move very quickly and don't really shamble at all. Granted, the zombies also talk and don't follow the old school rules. It's still a classic in my book.What I came to finally realize, after some more thought, is that both of those lines of thinking are wrong. The first time I can think of seeing them was actually in the godfather of modern zombie films, George A. Romero's 1968 film 'Night of the Living Dead'. In that film, in the opening sequence, we see a pretty pissed off zombie taking off after Barbara and then running after her car. I never really put two and two togther until tonight. After all these years, it was right there in front of my face. It obviously didn't stick after that film, it took quite a long time for people to be willing to expect the high speed undead. '28 Days Later' introduced the idea, but 2004's remake of 'Dawn of the Dead' by Zack Snyder, made it mainstream. Now it's become an ongoing arguement with zombie fanatics as far as which is better or more pure, running or shambling? As far as I'm concerned, zombies are zombies. If they run, that's scary as hell. Thinking about something that wants to kill you that has no remorse, no slowing down and will kill anything that gets in its way, is pretty damn frightening. It's like swimming in the ocean and coming across a school of sharks with blood in the water. But the shambling zombies can be just as scary. Thinking about being surrounded by hordes of the undead who all want your flesh, is frightening. Just the overwhelming numbers will always overcome any amount of weapons someone has. So both options pretty much suck, if you were in them.

Watch from the 7 min 25 sec mark forward and you'll see one pretty fast and pissed off zombie. He's going to get Barbara and have a Barb-a-ra-Q, damn it.

In the end, my point of writing this was to set the record straight on the whole running/shambling arguement. I don't think one is right and one is wrong, they both have their place in horror cinema. I'll love them no matter what. For me, zombies are the bread and butter of my horror world. I guess I've made my point.... if there ever was one.

(Follow up: I went back and researched who said that the ankles would break on running zombies and low and behold, it was George A. Romero himself that said that! I guess he forgot that he started the whole trend long before zombies were in vogue. Silly boy.)

my thoughts on.... 'Priest' (2011)

2011-09-12T00:13:00.003-06:00

Did you see the movie 'Legion' starring Paul Bettany and directed by Scott Stewart? Well, if you did and you liked it, then you'll probably enjoy 'Priest'. If you did didn't like it, then you probably won't like 'Priest'. They're not the same movies, but they have the same star and the same director. They are similar in theme and tone, but are still two fairly different movies. One is a pre-apocalyptic movie about angels doing battle for the child that will save humanity.... very religiously themed. The other, is about priests that are fighting vampires in a post-apocalyptic world.... also very religiously themed. See the basic connections? Anyway....

I enjoyed 'Legion'. I thought it was a decent action flick with decent fight scenes and a decent plot. All of that decent-ness led me to believe that I would enjoy 'Priest' as well. Paul Bettany makes a pretty good action star and seems to enjoy the work. The vampires were kind of a new twist on an old theme. They were much more animalistic and a whole hell of a lot less romantic. They are more monster than human and their familiars are also very basic. The vampires kind of reminded me of the villans in 'I Am Legend' in their design. All CGI and quite 'monster-ish'. Now, our hero is a priest who formerly helped to destory the vampires in a war with them and other priests. Sadly, after the war ended they were all basically thought of as second class citizens. Now the vampires have a new leadership and are planning to take over again, but our hero catches wind and goes to stop them, along with help from some other priests. I didn't mean to give up the plot there, it just kind of happened.All in all, this movie qualifies as a typical popcorn flick. One that you don't have to think to much about. You just put it on, crank up the surround sound and get lost for an hour and a half. No more, no less. Because of it being one of those kinds of movies, I can only see my way clear of giving it 3 out of 5 stars. That doesn't mean it's bad, it just means that you shouldn't expect too much. It's fun and pointless and leaves itself open for sequels.

I won't be owning this one, I don't think.... but I'm glad I saw it and hope that Bettany and Stewart keep making movies together, they make a good team. I don't know if this and 'Legion' will appeal to everyone, but if you go into them with no expectations and little bit of childhood enthusiasm, I think you'll be pleasantly surprised.

If you like this, also check out: 'Legion', 'Underworld' and 'Resident Evil'

my thoughts on.... 'Singles'

2011-09-11T21:59:00.005-06:00

In 1992, things were changing. The music of the time was in a huge shift, from bands like Guns N' Roses to bands like Pearl Jam. "Grunge" was the new thing. Taking a queue from the music of the time, Cameron Crowe built a love story around it and the home where it came from.... Seattle. The story itself, had very little to do with "grunge", it was more about love with mid 20somethings in the early 90's. It featured a lot of hip up and coming actors and actually had a lot of Seattle musicians and bands, like Soundgarden, Alice In Chains and the boys of Pearl Jam. I remember seeing it in the theaters when it came out and at the time, I was "grunge". Even to this day, I'm still thought of in that context and I've never taken it as an insult or a dig.... to me, it's a good time and memory. I was just at the right age to have the music and the film speak to me. I wasn't in my 20's yet, but it was still my generation. Even to this day, I'm an avid fan of "grunge" and yet for some reason, I haven't seen 'Singles' in over a decade or more. This past week, I was at a store and saw it on DVD for $3.... I always wondered why it wasn't already in my collection and now I can proudly say that it finally is. Tonight, I watched again for the first time in years and it's a funny thing.... I never realized how much of an impact it had on my life and how much the music and scene impacted me as well. It's a wonder I never ended up living in Seattle. I love the rain and cloudy days, it seemed like a no brainer. Somehow, I ended up in Colorado, where it's sunny about 362 days a year. Funny, huh?

Here's a VERY basic outline of the plot: (taken from Netflix.com) "Generation X neighbors share their bittersweet, intertwined stories of the single life in director Cameron Crowe's quirky relationship comedy set against the backdrop of Seattle's grunge music scene in the 1990s." I suppose I couldn't sum it up any better. It's all about being young and single and trying to find your way in the dating scene. Each character seems to represent a different stereotype. The activist, the musician, etc. and despite their differences, they all seem to relate to each other. In a lot of ways, it's a very typical love story. What sets it apart is the backdrop for the film and the music. It's where Cameron Crowe has always shined. If you look at everyone of his films, they are all based around music and how it ties into the story either emotionally or lieterally. He is a master at this. Just look at the sales of the 'Singles' soundtrack.... it sold millions. That's just a soundtrack! Granted, it boasts a huge number of big named performers and songs that weren't and aren't available everywhere. Hell, I own it on cassette and CD. I played the cassette so much that it broke.So what does it all mean? As I said earlier, this film has really left a mark on me. I'm not sure if it really is the film or the time or the music.... but they're all connected. For example, when I went to film school, I didn't want to write horror or action.... I wanted to write romantic films like this one. I also included music as a huge part of the writing process and in the scripts themselves. When I finished my first script, it included music clues in the screenplay and I even made a soundtrack to go with it. When I turned it in, my professor said that he'd never had a student do that before and it really impressed him. He even commented on my grade that it was a nice addition to have the music to match up with the scenes. Even to this day, if I hear a song that inspires me, I write. I can't tell you how many things that I've created were based on some kind of inspirational cue from a song. It's a beautiful marriage. This film also influenced my love of certain actors and increased my affections for certain bands. Like the mime that is in this film, he's played by Eric Stoltz and he left and impression. As a matter of fact, I went to see the film 'Naked in New York' because of him and that film is still one of my top films ever. It was the foundation of my first screenplay and I owe it all to 'Singles'. This film may not be the 'Citizen Kane' of the 90's, but it is a time capsule of my generation with blinders on. Kind of like pulling out a magazine from 1992 and flipping through it. You know that the people and things in it aren't a true representation of the people and things from that time, but they are parts of it and most likely the parts you remember the best. That, in a nutshell, is 'Singles' for me.

In the end, I have to thank Cameron Crowe for me giving me something to look back fondly on. He created what I always wanted to, even before I knew it myself. It's a very solid 4 out of 5 star film that I don't think everyone who watches it will understand. I think you had to be there, in that time, to really feel where it's coming from. Kind of like watching a film from the 60's, 70's or 80's. If you weren't there, you may be able to appreciate what it is, but it won't have the same impact on you that it might on someone else. I can never go back to that time and relive who I was and what was going on, but that's the beautiful thing about music, art, film and television.... it's like a pseudo-timecapsule. Even for a short time, we can all go back and visit our past, for better or worse. This is why I do what I do and I am who I am.

If you like this film, check out: 'Naked in New York', 'Threesome' and 'The Brothers McMullen'

my thoughts on.... 'The Mutant Chronicles'

2011-09-11T13:31:00.005-06:00

To open this review, let me provide you with a quote:

Severian (Anna Walton): "What do you believe?"

Maj. 'Mitch' Hunter (Thomas Jane): "I'm not paid to believe, I'm paid to fuck shit up."

That kind of sums up this movie, in a nutshell. It's all about "fucking shit up". There is a whole lot of style going on, but in the end.... not much substance. It's like the director, Simon Hunter, is trying way too hard to be Zack Snyder. Or to make his own mark on the film industry by creating a new world. The problem is that it all falls flat. I really wanted to like this movie and to tell everyone that their bad reviews were all unfounded. Sadly, they were all right. This is not a good movie. Granted, there are a lot of cool ideas going on and a lot of good things here. I just don't know what exactly it was about it that is so bad, it just doesn't work. I sat there for almost two hours trying as hard as I could to like something about the movie. There were so many things going on in it that I ususally love, but they're just presented in such a bland and uninteresting way that I didn't care. The action scenes were oddly paced and boring. The massive battle against the mutants was about as exciting as watching paint dry on a log. It just isn't good.

Here's the plot, basically: (from Netflix.com) "In a futuristic world where Earth is divided into four warring "Corporations," a frightening new breed of NecroMutant threatens to destroy the global population. But is Brother Samuel, the leader of an age-old monastic order, the prophesized Deliverer who's destined to destroy the undying beasts and save the planet? Seizing the chance to realize his destiny, Samuel rounds up an army of recruits who can help him do the job."I guess I can equate this with a 5 year old, in a 30 year old body, making a movie. It's every kids cool idea of what a movie should be. Mutants with scars and bolt and big knarly hook hands, army guys with big guns and swords, steam powered spaceships blowing things up and lots of blood and guts. You can almost picture it all as though it was a stick figure flip book that a kid drew during math class. You flip through it and so much is going on and it's so busy with action that you lose interest right away. I can only imagine that someone, somewhere thought that this movie was a good idea. Otherwise, it wouldn't have been made, right? I can't figure out how it got put on the big screen. It's just so bad. It reminds me of 'Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow'. Another movie with big hopes, but just fell so flat and ended up being such a mess of boring painfulness, that I was falling asleep. It was also all style and no substance and a waste of so much good talent. If the world was to end tomorrow, I would rather watch 'Webster' for 4 hours than to re-watch either of these movies. Yes, it is that bad.

So, in the end.... what's done is done, I can't un-watch it. There is a lot of good actors that did their best with what they had, but in the end were wasted. There is some awesome concepts and things that could have been epic, but just were presented in a way that destroyed any positive things that they had going for them. I still feel like 2 out of 5 stars is deserved. Not because it was redeeming at all, but because underneath everything.... there is a spark of hope that maybe something good could come of it all. Maybe everyone involved will learn what NOT to do next time. We can only hope. My advice, after all has been said and done.... watch the trailer posted below and decide for yourself, but be warned that everything you've heard about this movie is true. 'The Mutant Chronicles' is a prime example of a bad movie. Period.

Rather than recommend other movies to watch like this, go get a root canal.... it's more enjoyable.

my thoughts on.... 'Quarantine 2: Terminal'

2011-09-06T00:06:00.008-06:00

Remakes are something that create a lot of arguements on the pro and con side as to whether or not they're a good thing. Sequels to remakes of original films that don't follow the original sequels storyline are an entirely different animal. Have I lost you yet? Basically, the original Spanish film '[REC]', was remade in the United States as 'Quarantine'. It was fairly true to the original source material, however, they decided to make a sequel. Now, there was already a sequel to '[REC]', called '[REC]2'. (original title, right?) The sequel to the original sequel does not follow the same storyline. It carries on from 'Quarantine', but it goes in an entirely different direction. Basically, we have the 'virus' breaking out in an airplane that then gets quarantined in an airplane hanger. Despite the difference in storylines from the original, I still really enjoyed this film. Another strike against 'Quarantine 2: Terminal', is that it was a direct to DVD release. That is most certainly the kiss of death for most films and even more so for a lot of franchises. That doesn't mean that the franchises stop, but they are effectively dead from that point forward. I don't know how this film beat the odds, but I feel that it did it and did it well.

Here is the plot from IMDB.com: "A plane is taken over by a mysterious virus. When the plane lands it is placed under quarantine. Now a group of survivors must band together to survive the quarantine." It doesn't get any simpler than that. The beauty of the plot is that it's so simple it's almost impossible to screw it up. You know the basics of the story from the original film and this just hits the ground running, only in another place with different faces. It's like 'Die Hard' and 'Die Hard 2: Die Harder'.... only with plague/virus victims.I am kind of thinking that my opinion about this film might be the unpopular one. I mean, people were already up in arms with someone remaking '[REC]', so I kind of assume this pissed em' off even more. I don't mean to piss on the originals. I think both '[REC]' films are amazing films of the virus/plague subgenre of horror and zombies. But I also think that the 'Quarantine' films have done them justice. Sue me. This film knows its limitations and plays to them. It doesn't try to be more than it is and keeps it simple and to a formula. I mean, if it ain't broke.... don't fix it? Right? Thank god for that.

I cannot see this getting any less than 4 out of 5 stars. It is almost the perfect film in the way that it takes an already established storyline and just runs with it. As a matter of fact, the more I think about my earlier 'Die Hard' reference, the more I think it is the perfect example here. 'Die Hard' was based on a 1979 novel by Roderick Thorp titled 'Nothing Lasts Forever'. I'm sure when the fans of the novel heard that there was going to be a film made starring Bruce Willis, they were in an uproar. The film has gone on to be considered a classic and the ultimate guy film. It beat the odds. When they went forward with a sequel, I'm guessing that didn't go over all that well either. But I think that the 'Die Hard' sequel along with the sequel to 'Quarantine', both prove that sometimes you just have to check your expectations at the door and be willing to just let go and enjoy what you're seeing. With all that being said, go ahead and prove me wrong. I dare you.

Movies similar to this: 'Quarantine', '[REC]' and '[REC]2'

my very brief thoughts on.... 'Murder Loves Killers Too'

2011-09-05T23:58:00.004-06:00

I'll keep this short and simple, as I need a jump off point to start writing more serious reviews. 'Murder Loves Killers Too' is not good. The killer is uninteresting. We don't care about the characters. The plot is thin. The movie starts out with kills and just keeps going. This is just a pointless, stupid, waste of time. I put it in Netflix with a 1 out of 5 star review, but it really deserves less. I cannot believe that I even wasted time on this piece of garbage. Crap, crap, crap.

my very brief thoughts on.... 'Assault Girls' aka 'Asaruto gâruzu'

2011-08-29T18:46:00.006-06:00

Good god, I hardly even want to write about this, so called, movie. It was so hard to sit through and was not very good at all. About the best thing going for this is the cinematography, but even that could be seen in any late night soft core porn. It's all soft lenses and pretty people. I highly recommend that you go play a video game and just record each of the little in-between movie things. That's basically what 'Assault Girls' is.... a one hour long video game storyline. There is no real plot, no real dialouge, no real point. It literally is 1 hour out of a video game with live action people. It just makes me angry even thinking about watching it.

The so-called "plot": (taken from Netflix.com) "When a video-game company creates an immersive gaming environment where players wage war against gigantic sand-dwelling monsters, three gorgeous gals armed to the teeth (Meisa Kuroki, Hinako Saeki and Rinko Kikuchi) accept the challenge and jump into the virtual desert. But as they blaze their way into the game's higher levels, they face ever-more ferocious foes." Let me clarify that by "ever-more ferocious foes", they mean the same worms with slightly different markings. THIS MOVIE WAS CRAP! grrrr....Let me get this review over with, it's just making me mad thinking about the time I wasted. 1 out of 5 stars, for the visuals ONLY! Watch the trailer, if you want, it's the only thing worthwhile about the movie. You get all of it in a short little clip. Seriously, this is not something I recommend to anyone. At all. Ever. Period. Pure and utter garbage.

If you like this, we can't be friends. Go stare at a video game for an hour, it's probably more exciting. Did I mention this was CRAP!

my thoughts on.... 'Drive Angry'

2011-08-26T19:42:00.007-06:00

So.... you want to watch 'Drive Angry'? Why yes, yes I did. Actually, I heard so many mixed things about this movie I was a bit hesitant. A lot of it was negative, but I have to say that I think a lot of it was either ungrounded or due to overly high expectations. If you walk into 'Drive Angry' with an open mind and the desire to see something new and fun, then you'll walk out happy. It is a prime example of over the top, balls out, big and silly, dumb and mindless fun. This movie does not claim to be Shakespeare or anything classic. 'Drive Angry' just is what it is, unapologetic. I'm actually kind of surprised it got the greenlight. It is an oddball story that might not fly with everyone. However, I would expect no less from the writer, Todd Farmer ('My Bloody Valentine 3D' and 'Jason X') and director Patrick Lussier ('My Bloody Valentine 3D' and the upcoming 'Halloween 3D'). Maybe that's why it got such mixed reviews? I personally feel that it had to do with 2 things. 1) the CGI leaves a bit to be desired and 2) Nicholas Cage is kind of over the top in the the best way. He usually shines when he's playing oddball, out of control characters. There also is quite a few people who don't feel that he's a good action hero and should stop making these types of movies. I agree, in some respects as he is getting older and sometimes seems kind out of place. (see 'Bangkok Dangerous')(which I haven't seen yet, just the trailer.) Anyway....

Here's the strange, yet funtastic plot: (from IMBD.com) "John Milton is up against the clock: Jonah King, the leader of a Satanic cult, has murdered Milton's daughter and kidnapped her baby. In three days, King and his followers will sacrifice the child at midnight. Milton picks up the trail in Oklahoma as well as rescuing a waitress named Piper from her brutal, two-timing fiancé. There are odd things about Milton: his driver's license is out of date, he has a very strange gun, and he's being pursued by a man in a suit who carries FBI ID and calls himself the Accountant. Piper, who's lived a life on the sidelines, has to piece things together on the fly as they close in on King." What they failed to mention there is that there is some serious other wordly stuff going on. As in heaven and hell kind of stuff. That's all I'm going to say about that.Well, it's obvious that I dug this popcorn flick. From start to finish, it was a damn fun ride that I would love to take again. Even with all of it's little flaws and unbelievable action, you can't help but just lose yourself in all the goofiness. I was actually kind of sad to see it end. If I was to classify this movie, I would absolutely call it a "man" movie. It's chock full of muscle cars, big guns, half naked chicks, good vs. evil and blood guts and gore. What more can you ask for out of a movie? Really, what more can you ask? Nothing.

At the end of the day, I ultimately can only cough up 3 out of 5 stars for it. I would seriously give it 4 out of 4 if it wasn't for two things. 1) The horrible CGI in the opening sequence. It was just so obvious and dumb that it felt like an entirely seperate movie. Kind of like the CGI in Disney's 'Aladdin'. (minus the flying carpet.) 2) The horrible CGI at the end of the movie. It's exactly as bad as the stuff from the beginning. I mean, I watched 'Battle: Los Angeles' and 'Skyline recently.... two movies that also have questionable reputations as good movies. However, they both have pretty killer CGI. Why can't this movie have spent a little more time getting quality people to work on it, rather than just settle for CGI from 1996? Ah well, I'm just picking on the little stuff at this point. I just say that you watch it with an open mind and a lack of expectations and you'll feel good when it's over. That's all I have to say about that.

If you like this, check out.... hmmmm, I'm at a loss for other movies like this one. I guess, just re-watch 'Drive Angry' again.

A Short List Of Movies Or Films Without Full Reviews: part 7

2011-08-25T19:41:00.013-06:00

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Once I started this movie, I realized that I was pretty sure I'd already seen it. For some reason, I watched it until the end, again. This movie is terrible.... forget all the praise it may or may not have received, it's bad. 1 out of 5 stars.

(A trailer exists, but it is harsh and contains stuff that I don't want you to have to see.)

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If you like any of the four comics featured in this stand up comedy movie, then you'll like the whole thing. 3 out of 5 stars.

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The sequel to the original, more of the same from the same four comics in the first one. 3 out of 5 stars.

(No trailer exists for this direct to DVD release.)

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The last installment with the original four comedians. Not the funniest one. 2 out of 5 stars.

(And this final installment with the original four members has no trailer.)

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I had no expectations going into this movie. It turned out to be a decent little horror flick, although it couldn't quite decide if it was a zombie/plague movie or not. Also, a slightly unfinished ending. A solid 3 out of 5 stars.

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I'm still not 100% sure about this cartoon. It was really well done, but it's kind of dark and adult for kids. I enjoyed it and would love to watch it again, by myself. That way I could get a better feel for it. 4 out of 5 stars.

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All of the guys in the Broken Lizard Comedy Troupe are charasmatic and funny. They are just fun to watch, no matter what they're doing. That's what made this stand up/skit comedy DVD worth my time to watch. If you like them, see how they started out with this stand up comedy special. 3 out of 5 stars.

(No trailer for this movie, but lots of clips from the DVD on YouTube.com)

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In this comedy from writer-director John Hamburg (I Love You, Man, Along Came Polly). You have Mark Ruffalo, Sam Rockwell, Paul Giamatti and Steve Zahn in this comedy and it's well worth the watch. A sweet little comedy and one showcasing some big talent early in their career's. 4 out of 5 stars.

(Oddly enough, but there is no trailer available for this movie.)

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Wes Craven has done great things in his career, this could have been one of them. This movie has a lot going for it, sadly it just doesn't all click. The ending is kind of confusing and seems to be trying too hard. I am not sorry I spent time watching it, I just wish it could've done more with the source material. 3 out of 5 stars.

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I had hopes for this movie. I had heard good things. In the end, I wasn't impressed. The ending was the only part that I found really exciting. 2 out of 5 stars.

A Short List Of Movies Or Films Without Full Reviews: part 6

2011-08-24T11:02:00.011-06:00

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Sadly, this movie was originally going to be reviewed another way, a much more fun way. That didn't work out so well. Despite that, I feel I must warn you against seeing this movie. It is a SyFy movie with nothing good going for it. It's nonsense with a side of stupidity. Barely 1 out of 5 stars.

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I don't know why I even bothered watching this. I enjoyed the remake of the original 'Ju-On', 'The Grudge'. I didn't care for the 1st or 2nd installment in the series. They were just not very good. This movie celebrates the 10th year since the original was released and it's a sad reminder of the orignal. This is all shot on, basically, camcorders and has bad make up and a confusing story. Stay away. 2 out of 5 stars.

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Let me start by saying that I do not like Gregg Araki movies.... at all. He's been a blight on the film commnuity for years and if I would have realized that he was the man behind this, I never would have watched it. There's a lot of wasted talent in this movie. It's not good, in my opinion. 2 out of 5 stars.

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After re-watching 'Scary Movie', I felt like continuing on with a Wayans Brother movie.... this was my choice. It wasn't bad, it wasn't good, it was just a movie. 3 out of 5 stars.

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I love a good action flick and I respect Luc Besson as an action writer/director. One of the reasons I love him is that he doesn't overextend himself like other action auteurs. He gets an idea, doesn't have time for it or whatever and passes it on to another great director to helm. This was what happened with this movie. It's fun, it's Travolta in top form and it's better than a lot of action out there. A solid 3 out of 5 stars.

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It is no surprise to anyone that I have a mancrush on Ryan Reynolds. I can't get enough of his films. This one came recommended and is OnDemand from Netflix right now. I went in to it with high expectations and in the end, it was a decent flick. This one is not for everyone, it is a bit left of center. However, it is original and unique and is absolutely worth your time to watch it. 3 out of 5 stars.

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Zombie movies. A genre that is very saturated right now. I'm not a fan of talking zombie movies, but 'Boy Eats Girl' was worth the time to watch, despite that. Oddly, none of the other zombies seem to talk.... only the main character. This is a fun little rom-zom-com, but not fantastic.... 3 out of 5 stars.

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I really wanted to like this, I did. I love Brian Posehn and that's the main reason I watched this. I like the idea behind it, playing indie rock clubs. This just didn't work well and wasn't as funny as I'd hoped it would be. 2 out of 5 stars.

(No trailer available for this movie.)

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This movie had promise, but ended up with only about 2 scenes of any interest. This was uninteresting, confusing and hard to watch. The ending was piss poor. I don't recommend it. 2 out of 5 stars.

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Troma, oh how I love thee. This is a Troma classic, but still not a great movie. This is one to watch with all your friends and some alcohol. Fun, funny and gross. 2 out of 5 stars (5 out of 5 in my heart)

well, here it is.... my 300th post....!

2011-08-24T10:34:00.004-06:00

So, 300 posts on this silly little blog and I'm still going strong. Who would've thought that was possible? It's been a crazy journey, but one that's kept me sane. In celebration of that, I'm including some contact information reminders for me and for my friends. This blog isn't just about me and my ramblings, I like to think of it as a jumping off point for people to chat and to find other cool things out on the net'. Because of that, you'll find some of my favorite links. Check them out, it'll be worth your time and here's to another 300 posts! Let's start with my info, which I think i've shared here before, but to anyone who's new.... here you go. If you want to find me on Facebook, you can locate me here: (and be my friend?)
http://www.facebook.com/joelunitardshow
I also have a dedicated page for this blog, where I put updates when new posts go up and where, hopefully, people can talk with each other about movies and other things. You can find that, here:
http://www.facebook.com/amomentarylapsewithjoel#!/pages/A-momentary-lapse-with-joel/198969670132513?sk=wall&filter=2
if you need to e-mail me to talk more about movies or have general questions.... you can use my email address from my former podcast The Awful Show.... you can send the e-mail to:
joelawfulshow@gmail.com
Now, in a different kind of medium.... you can find me podcasting on 'The Undercover Unitards'. So if you've ever wanted to hear my lovely voice on a weekly basis talking about my week, movies, TV, video games, stupid stuff on the internet and porn (including she-males).... then maybe you should check us out. You can find us on iTunes or directly at our site:
http://undercoverunitards.podbean.com/
I am very thankful for all of my friends, listeners and readers that check out my blog on a regular basis and that take their time to write their own or to podcast. As I promised earlier, here are some of my favorites. Enjoy!:

http://gettingmyheadonstraight.blogspot.com/
This is my cousin's blog and where I've guested with a blog post of my own and he wrote one for me as well. Good stuff.

http://sayviorssermons.blogspot.com/
This is my friend, Jeff's blog. He's a fellow movie reviewer and he also has a podcast with another friend, Jason. It's called 'Creepercast' and i'm sure you can guess what it's about. I've been a guest a couple of times and it's a fantastic show. You can find them on iTunes, Facebook and at the main site here:
http://www.facebook.com/creepercast
http://www.creepercast.com/

My friend Mike has a podcast called The Tikigeeks. I've been a guest on the show and it's a damn good time. Check them out at the link provided, you won't regret it!:
http://javakat.com/wp/

A fellow reader of this blog, a regular to add comments and a good person, King Uke has a blog. Reviews written from across the pond. Good stuff! Head over there, here:
http://theukuleleblog.blogspot.com/

Being a big fan of horror, here is The Horror Blogger Alliance. A comprehensive site for all things horror blog releated. This link is:
http://horrorbloggeralliance.blogspot.com/

If you're getting the writing bug, it all starts with a site and a desire to write. My host is Blogger.com. I've been happy with how easy it is and it seems to be pretty popular with other bloggers. They're here:
http://www.blogger.com/

If there is anyone that I've missed or forgotten, I'm sorry. I will be happy to add more folks to the list! Just drop me a line with the link and I'll get it up right away. The best way to get your voice heard is with cross-promotion with other like minded folks. And there are a lot folks out there with stuff to say.

Thank you, again, for all of the support. I will continue with this blog as long as I have something to write about and hopefully some people to read it.

my thoughts on.... 'Grave Encounters'

2011-08-23T10:20:00.009-06:00

Hoooo boy, another 'found footage' movie! I know that's what you're saying right about now. However, before you jump to the usual conclusions, let me tell you a little bit about 'Grave Encounters'. First of all, it's got a bit more going for it than the average 'found footage' movie. The Vicious Brothers, who wrote and directed this, took their time to get some nasty special effects going on. Instead of relying on sound and things that aren't there, these two show you EXACTLY what you're facing. These ghosts are creepy and scary. When they turn on the 'BOO!' factor, it's on full blast! Secondly, they've taken a new twist on an old theme. What we have is a movie based on all those 'ghost hunting' reality shows that are out there right now. But in this movie, they say that 'Grave Encounters (the show) was way ahead of its time. You see a lot of behind the scenes stuff that probably happens on the real shows, but we never get to see it. That alone makes this movie fun to watch.

Here's the basic plot from Netflix.com: "In this horror flick, the stars of a paranormal-investigation TV show spend the night in a derelict psychiatric hospital, hoping to uncover what's been going bump in the night. As their cameras roll, they find themselves trapped -- and hunted." The last sentences there is what really sets this apart in the end. In the beginning, it feels like very familiar territory. Low budget scares and night vision shots or things moving or opening and closing. In the second act, things change. Suddenly, the TV crew realizes that everything has changed in the building and it seems that the building is not going to let them get out.... alive. Everything keeps shifting and moving so they can't ever find an exit. The crew goes round and round for, literally, days trying to get out. In the end, will anyone make it out alive? You have to see it to belive what happens. (That last part is showmanship, the ending is kind lame actually.)I was pleasantly surprised by this movie. It's by far, NOT the best movie in this sub-sub-genre.... but it's a whole lot better than most. It kind of makes me wonder what The Vicious Brothers have next on their plate? I can honestly say that I'm anxious to see whatever else they put out in the future. This was a strong indie movie that shows great promise. I couldn't see myself giving it more than 3 stars. The ending was so poorly thought out, that it almost seemed like an afterthought. However, don't let that distract you from the good things in this movie.... like the scares. This felt like a new movie to me in a very saturated market. You all may have already seen the commercial or the YouTube.com trailer for 'Grave Encounters'. It gives away a few of the high points in the movie, but there is so much more than that.

'Found footage' is never going to go away and I feel that over time, it's going to become more and more common. These kind of movies are cheap and make a profit, it's the indie zombie movie of this next generation of film makers. Whereas, you can find 1,000 indie zombie films to watch because every first film maker wants to start that way. Now, it's the found footage movies that are taking their place. Is that a good thing? That remains to be seen. This movie gives me hope, as there are glimmers of hope sprinkled throughout.

If you like this, check out similar titles like, 'Paranormal Activity', 'Paranormal Activity 2', and 'Paranormal Entity'

my thoughts on.... 'Paranormal Activity 2: Tokyo Night' aka 'Paranômaru akutibiti: Dai-2-shô - Tokyo Night'

2011-08-23T00:41:00.008-06:00

We've all heard of or seen the cultural phenomenon of the 'Paranormal Activity' films. To date, there are three that have been made in the states. Two have already made their way to DVD and the third is finishing up production as we speak. However, not everyone realizes that after the success of the original hit our neighbors overseas, the Japanese wanted in on the game. They decided to make an unofficial sequel to the original that basically ties together with the American version and continues the story. Meanwhile, we were continuing the story on our own. What resulted is an interesting twist on something that was already interesting to begin with. It's another take on an already established franchise and it's kind of fun to see how it all plays out in another culture. Sadly, the version I watched had terrible subtitles and even though I don't speak the language, I could tell that what was written on the bottom of the screen, did not match up with what was actually being said. You don't have to be Japanese to understand that. What I did because of that was to read what was written on the bottom of the screen and made my best effort to make sense of it all. I think I got the entire story and I left feeling that I fully got the story and what happened. Is it a worthy addition to the franchise? That kind of remains to be seen. I haven't heard too much feedback on it yet and from what I have heard, it's not the most popular ghost film out there. All I'll say right now is that I'm a fan of the series, even if that's kind of unpopular, and I love seeing anything tied together with it.... no matter how removed.

So, how does it tie together ploy wise? Here's the plot according to Wiki: "The Yamano family lives in a secluded home in a remote Tokyo residential area. Their 27-year-old daughter Haruka (Noriko Aoyama) suffered a compound fracture in a car accident while traveling in America. Haruka returns home in a wheelchair. There to meet her is her younger brother 19-year-old Koichi (Aoi Nakamura), her younger brother. Their father is away from the Yamano resident due to a business trip abroad. Koichi is left to take of his sister for until she can walk again. Not long after, strange occurrences happen in the Yamano home. Haruka's wheelchair, which was left in her room, is found in another room. Their is salt found spread around their house. Koichi becomes uneasy by these events and, because of this, he persuades his sister to set up a video camera in her room. The video camera is connected to a computer screen so Koichi can see what is going on and, if necessary, run to Haruka's room. What Koichi discovers is beyond anything he could have imagined. Noises at midnight, a cup on a table breaks, even a friend, who never gets scared, becomes terrified. The situation worsens with Haruka and Koichi threatened directly. Finally, a terrible fact is revealed." I don't think the secret is anything to amazing. As it turns out, the person who part Haruka in the wheelchair is Katie from the original film. It took place AFTER the end of the original, so I guess the theory is that the entity followed Haruka back to Tokyo? Based on the subtitles I read, that's the jist of it. Yes, that does seem a bit confusing and can almost be tied to the original timeline.... but you might need to take a small leap of faith.Well, how will this be received by me or by the general public? I'm a bit of a biased fan and I've already kind of made it clear, that I enjoyed this installment.... problems and all. But the rest of the world? I don't know. I think with the proper subtitling this might go over fine. The ending is quite a stretch and it felt like the makers weren't quite sure where to go with the storyline. It's sad to me, because there was a lot of strength earlier on in the story. Seeing how things were handled in a totally different culture vs. how the American counterparts handled it was the refreshing part of the film. All in all, the result still kind of ended up the same. The film also has some slow points, but so does the American version. This film and the others are not built around non-stop action, it's more about the slow build up to each scare. You never quite know exactly what's about to happen and that's right on par with the rest of the series. I think that despite it's obvious faults, this film still qualifies as a worthwhile addition to the story.

I may get letters of confusion about my feelings on 'Paranormal Activity 2: Tokyo Night', but I would like to add this to my collection. I think the Japanese did the best they could based on the source material and made sure to put their own spin on the storyline. It felt like a part of the original, but still had it's own identity and voice. The actors were decent and sold the fact that they were supposed to all be living what was happening in the story. I kind of think that the side story with their father was a bit off track with everything else. The two leads were old enough to live on their own, I don't quite understand why they were still living with him. It also felt a little forced when they had guests over and one of them HAPPENED to be able to see spirits and quickly picked up on the haunting in their home. It was all a little too easy. In the end, I felt it deserved at least 3 out of 5 stars. Not the strongest in the series, but it didn't have to be.... it was unofficial. It was merely "based" on the original 'Paranormal Activity'. I'm left wondering how much re-watchability this film has? And exactly where I would watch it if I was watching them all in order? Would it come after number one or number two? That's all kind of moot anyway. Go out and track it down for yourself and let me know what you think. It's not readily available here in the states just yet, but you can track it down if you look.... bad subtitles and all.

If you like this, watch: 'Paranormal Activity', 'Paranormal Activity 2' and 'Paranormal Entity'

my thoughts on.... 'Rammbock: Berlin Undead' aka 'Siege of the Dead'

2011-08-21T01:42:00.008-06:00

I have to admit, when I saw this pop up as a film I might enjoy I ran out and watched the trailer, I was intrigued. When I finally got a chance to watch the actual film last night.... I was impressed. This film is barely over 1 hour and is better than most full length zombie films. As a matter fact, this is probably my favorite zombie film I've seen recently. I feel that it's the kind of zombie film I would write and produce, if I was able to. I mean, the end of the film, is almost identical to something I wrote back in 2000 and it was nice to see how it played out on the "big" screen. This film is German and I haven't seen to many German zombie films. However, if this is any indication of what they're capable of, I can't wait to see more. They cast a very unlikely lead in this film. He's balding, older and a bit on the heavier side. He's akward and unassuming and at first, you kind of feel sorry for him and want to help him. Soon you realize that he can handle himself and by the end, you're totally sold on his character. I just can't say enough good things about this film. Sadly, it only had a limited release and hasn't gotten much press. It deserves so much more for it's actors, director, producers, writers and cinematographer.... they are all geniuses. (no, I'm not being sarcastic)

The plot (according to www.netflix.com reads): "Hoping to reunite with his girlfriend, Gabi, ordinary guy Michael (Michael Fuith) goes to her Berlin apartment, but instead of Gabi, he finds young plumber Harper (Theo Trebs) hard at work. Michael's day gets considerably worse when zombies suddenly begin to terrorize the city. Trapped in the apartment, Michael and Harper strike up an uneasy partnership while they attempt to help other fearful survivors in the building and find the missing Gabi." Seems simple enough, yes? The reality is that it is a very simple storyline and overall flim. That really doesn't change the fact that it's an amazing zombie film. They stuck with the modern 'fast' zombies and most of the rules of zombie films are in tact. They do tweak things in one way that actually allows the ending that happens in the film. It's a nice twist and not unbelievable.

Obviously, you already know that I loved this film. It's right up there with the French 'La Horde' aka 'The Horde' and the Spanish '[REC]'. I always thought that George A. Romero had cornered the market on this horror subgenre, but that just doesn't seem to be the case anymore. There have just been so many amazing zombie/plague films coming out from other countries that they cannot be ignored anymore. I only hope that the rest of the world can adjust it's gaze a bit from the USA and branch out to films with subtitles or people with foreign accents. There is a whole world out there of amazing cinema that is just waiting to be discovered. I remember when I was initially building up my film knowledge, it took a bit of a leap of faith to go out and rent my first foreign films. I still did it and it opened up a huge door for me. There are so many amazing films out there in every genre, that it's well worth an filmgoer's time to start branching out.

All that being said, I'm happy to give 'Rammbock: Berlin Undead' 4 out of 5 stars and I'm hoping that someday I can find it to add to my DVD collection. I'm a little nervous that it may not be as easy to track down as other films. If you see one out there, let me know! In the meantime, I'm probably going to watch it again tonight and enjoy the little nuances that I missed the first go around. There is just so much going on with this film. I mean, any film that only takes about 5 miuntes to get into the action and then really doesn't let up for the remaining 60 mins, must be doing something right.... right? Sure, you sometimes need a lot exposition to get a story going and to build up a strong storyline, but other times it's the best thing to just kick things into high gear right off the bat. This film is maybe not a new take on an old theme, but it's so amazing and amazingly well done that everything old feels new again. God bless the Germans.

If you enjoy this, check out: '[REC]', 'La Horde' aka 'The Horde' and 'Dead Snow'

my very brief thoughts on.... 'Class of Nuke Em' High'

2011-08-19T01:12:00.005-06:00

I have the utmost respect and love for Lloyd Kaufman. I've met him and he's an extremely nice and passionate man. He IS independent film, in my opinion. I put him up on a huge pedastal. He makes low budget crap fests that will shock you and gross you out, but you have to give him credit for doing things his way all his life. He also tries to help out up and coming film makers and is always willing to share his wisdome and vision with anyone who'll listen. I love the man.

All of that being said, I did not like 'Class of Nuke Em' High'. Sorry Lloyd, this one is even beyond me. This movie is regarded as a Troma classic by lots of people and I'm not sure why. It's confusing and doesn't make a whole lot of sense, plot wise. It doesn't seem to have much heart to it, it's just a movie for the sake of making a movie. It's gross outs for the sake of gross outs. There just isn't much of anything good about this movie. The best part was the beginning, seeing the Troma Studios logo, and the ending, when I knew it was over. For some reason, they felt it necessary to make two sequels to this and I even tried to watch the 2nd, hoping that I might get the joke and enjoy it. That didn't happen.

This movie is barely a 1 out of 5 star attempt from Troma. They may be known for putting out low budget shock fests, but they've also put out some things that are amazing cult classics. I know that Lloyd has the ability to bring the world great things.... I've seen it happen. One way or the other, stay away from the 'Class of Nuke Em' High' series. They're not worth the price of admission.

If you want good Troma, check out: 'Poultrygeist: Night of the Chicken Dead', 'Sgt. Kabukiman, NYPD' and the 'Toxic Avenger' movies

my very brief thoughts on.... 'Zach Galifianakis: Live at the Purple Onion'

2011-08-19T00:54:00.004-06:00

I have nothing against Zach Galifianakis. I've enjoyed him in several things and think he has moments of being very funny. Because of that, I took a chance on watching his stand up DVD in hopes it might be good. Now, it has moments of some very funny stuff going on.... but it's all so spread out and minimal that it's not really worth it to watch. I stuck it out though and hoped for some brillance. I kind of wonder if he writes his stand up ahead of time, because with the way he uses the piano and delivers his lines. If that was the case, then I could get a little more out of this and have more respect for him. Maybe I'm not getting the punchline? He's extremely popular and has a huge following, so perhaps I'm just out of touch. Either way, I wouldn't recommend it and wouldn't probably watch any other stand up from him. This is a 2 out of 5 star attempt by Zach Galifianakis and good for him for doing his own thing.... I can totally respect that. I just don't need to submit myself to it again.

If you like Zach Galifianakis, watch: 'The Hangover', 'Dinner for Schmucks' or 'Bubble Boy'

my brief thoughts on.... 'Wrong Turn 3: Left For Dead'

2011-08-18T23:48:00.007-06:00

Let me start by saying that I'm not a big fan of the Eliza Dusku original 'Wrong Turn'. I've seen it, but it didn't do a whole lot for me. The sequel, 'Wrong Turn 2: Dead End' starring Henry Rollins, was a whole different story. I enjoyed that one a lot and it just made more sense overall. Needless to say, I was hesitant to watch a direct to DVD release of the 3rd movie. It just didn't sing to me, at all. For some reason, curiousity got the best of me and I watched it last night. What I saw, I didn't hate.... but I was very far off from loving it. It only had two of the mutant inbred killers in it and it just felt low quality. The plot was trying to be original and just came off as kind of silly. There are huge continuity errors and implausabilities. It is what it is, cheap and simple.

The plot, this time around is: (from Netflix.com) "A group of friends heads for the woods, only to end up on the menu for a cannibalistic mutant known as Three Finger. Only Fonda (Janet Montgomery) manages to survive, and she's soon joined by a truckload of escaped convicts also fleeing the ravenous freak. Throw in a cache of stolen money to distract the escapees and an unsuspecting search party, and it's a virtual smorgasbord for Three Finger." Does that plot sound interesting to you?There are no stars in this, but the director Declan O'Brien is famous for directing the amazing 'Sharktopus'. (i'm being sarcastic) The plot feels old and redone. The killers are kind of silly. The directing and film quality are subpar. The only real reason to watch this, is to keep some kind of continuity in the world of 'Wrong Turn'. This is a 2 star outing instead of 1 star for two reasons. 1) It feels very old school horror, like an installment in the 'Friday the 13th' series. 2) It has some interesting kills. They're over the top and pretty silly, but you can't help but have fun anyway. I gave it 2 out of 5 stars for being a one off watching experience.

The 4th installment is already underway and soon to be released. Luckily it sounds like an origin story/prequel. That could prove interesting, if done right. I just don't know if I'll ever understand the attraction of the killer deformed hillbilly's.

If you like this, go ahead and watch the other three, 'Wrong Turn', 'Wrong Turn 2: Dead End' and 'Wrong Turn 4: Bloody Beginnings'

my thoughts on.... 'I Spit On Your Grave' (2010)

2011-08-18T22:49:00.010-06:00

A while back, I wrote a fairly extensive review (by my standards) on the 1978 film 'I Spit On Your Grave' aka 'Day Of The Woman'. http://amomentarylapsewithjoel.blogspot.com/2010/08/my-thoughts-on-i-spit-on-your-grave-aka.html Meir Zarchi's exploitation epic is nortorious for many reasons and virtually wrecked the career's of a lot of the people involved. Well, somebody thought it would be a good idea to remake it and play with fire. I suppose with the release of the remake of Wes Craven's 'Last House On The Left', that it just seemed like the right time. Both are similar in tone, topic and end results. I've never really been a fan of films involving rape. I respected what the original was trying to do, but I can't say that I enjoyed it. Because of my experience with it, I was very slow to watching the remake. I'm kind of glad I didn't rush into it. After finally seeing it last night, I realized that I really needed to be in the right mind set to experience it. It is hard to watch and extremely graphic. Steven R. Monroe not only set out to remake the original, but to up the ante as well. I think that he also did something the original didn't do.... made it feel less like and exploitation piece and more like a revenge/empowerment piece. This version would have been more aptly subtitled, 'Day Of The Woman'.

The plot follows the original almost to the letter. There are a couple of subtle changes, but I imagine they were approved by Meir Zarchi as he was a producer on this film. The changes don't affect the overall story a lot, but if you've seen the original, it might throw you off a bit. The plot, according to IMDB.com: "Writer Jennifer Hills takes a retreat from the city to a charming cabin in the woods to start on her next book. But Jennifer's presence in the small town attracts the attention of a few morally depraved locals who set out one night to teach this city girl a lesson. They break into her cabin to scare her. However, what starts out as terrifying acts of humiliation and intimidation, quickly and uncontrollably escalates into a night of physical abuse and torturous assault. But before they can kill her, Jennifer sacrifices her broken and beaten body to a raging river that washes her away. As time passes, the men slowly stop searching for her body and try to go back to life as usual. But that isn't about to happen. Against all odds, Jennifer Hills survived her ordeal. Now, with hell bent vengeance, Jennifer's sole purpose is to turn the tables on these animals and to inflict upon them every horrifying and torturous moment they carried out on her." I think that sums it up completely.This film is a revenge story 100%. This is classified as a horror film, but the horror is all too real. There may not be a masked killer or a terrifying ghost, this film boasts monsters that exist and could possibly be people you've already met. One of the things the Mr. Monroe does differently than the original is to add a 5th party to the rape and attempted murder of our lead. I won't tell you who it is, but let's just say that he adds another level to the whole ordeal. It also adds another level of horror to the flim, as this person is possibly the last person you'd expect. It's a nice addition and what that I honestly didn't see coming. Another thing that's different (obviously), but I think better.... is the new leading lady. Camielle Keaton was great in the original, but Sarah Butler takes this character and brings it to a whole different level. She radiates off the screen and exudes so much emotion and eventual strengh. She automatically became a new favorite actress for me. Granted, she's not done much to speak of, that doesn't matter.... she has a bright future ahead of her and if I was making a film, I would hire her in a heartbeat. The setting, the cabin and the bad guys are all very similar to the original. It even feels the same when you watch it. This is a more modern take on the 1978 version, we have cell phones and computers.... but when it comes down to the final revenge, it's all old school. Yet another positive for this film.

The killings that our 'hero' Jennifer Hills carries out in the end are brutal and well deserved by the bad guys. What they did to her and the amount of time they terrorized her, earned them a lengthy stay in hell and she drags them down into that pit very slowly. The original boasted a lengthy rape scene, nearly 45 mins. The remake isn't quite as long, but still extremely graphic and hard to watch. What both films suffered from was bad poster design. Why do we need the rear end of a woman, half naked holding a knife? It just glorifies the wrong aspects of the film. Other than that, I felt this was a solid 4 out of 5 stars. I don't know if it has repeated watching written all over it, however I think it just might. I would never recommend this to a general audience. This film is for hardcore viewers only. This is a film that will stick with you and make you rethink staying alone in a cabin, especially if you're a beautiful woman. Just check your brain at the door during the scene with the crows.... they look a little too fake to me.

After thought: In the 78' version, Jennifer uses her sexuality to lure the rapists into situations of trust. Once they're in her realm, she dispatches her own brand of justice on each one of them. They never tried to kill her in the original version, they just let her go, expecting her too be to ashamed to say anything. Therefore, it makes it easier for her to convice them that she wants to be with them after the fact. In the 10' version, they attempt to murder her, but she escapes. She hides out plotting her revenge for 1 month before returning. She doesn't come to them trying to convince them of anything.... she hunts them down one by one and kills them slowly and painfully. They have no idea that she's even still alive. It seems much more believable to me and a lot less like they were trying to exploit Jennifer in the modern version. It's just a thought I had and something that I felt needed to be pointed out.

If you feel this is a good film, please watch: 'I Spit On Your Grave' (1978), 'The Brave One' and 'Extremeties'

my thoughts on the new Juliana Hatfield album 'There's Always Another Girl'

2011-08-08T20:25:00.009-06:00

The first thing I kept reading from Juliana Hatfield, after the digital release of her album, was to give it multiple listens before making up your mind about it. Therefore, I'm passing that same bit of information onto you. I'm hoping that you will consider purchasing the album in one format or another and helping to support Juliana in continuing to make amazing music. And then to give her that courtesy, by listening to the album in its entirety more than once, before making up your mind about it. Okay....? I'm off my soapbox, on with the review.

As you all know, Juliana Hatfield is my favorite female performer. She's made such an impact on my life, that I named my only daughter after her. I've seen her more times than I can remember and have had the pleasure of meeting her once. She's an amazing musician and a multitalented artist. I try to spread her music to as many people as will listen and I try and support her when I can. When I heard that she had a new album on the way, I got excited to see what she would be doing next in her career. Well, the day finally arrived that it was released and I downloaded my pre-release digital copy right away. Funny thing is, I couldn't bring myself to listen to it until I had the actual hard copy of the CD in my hand.... that finally happened today. I'd love it if you'd all fall in love with her music as much as I have, but that's unrealistic. Instead, I hope that with whatever positive energy I can send her way and any new listeners I can find, it will help her to continue to make music. It's just that simple.

The album runs 50 mins 36 secs and contains 14 songs. It's another full band record, meaning it's not just her and an acoustic guitar.... which was basically her last album 'Peace and Love'. Along with the songs contained here, she's also made the demos available on her website to download on a 'pay what you want' basis. I always recommend checking those out too. It helps to kind of understand the artistic process and a lot of times it gives you even more music to enjoy! Below is the track listing in order, with thoughts on each song:

1. Change The World - The opening song to the album opens with a quiet meditation. It reminded me, as soon as it started, of sitting on a rooftop in Chicago at dusk, with a light cool breeze and daydreaming about life and what's gone and yet to come. It's an interesting way to start an album. Rather than go for the powerhouse opening, it sets a different tone for what you're about to hear. An amazing first song.

2. Taxicab - A much more upbeat song and one with a fantastic guitar riff leading the way. It seems that Juliana has taken a more clean approach to her vocals. There is very little done to them and it creates a nice live or living room feel and let's us (the listener) enjoy it for what it is. 'Taxicab' kind of lives up to it's suggestion of a driving song. I could see listening to this while cruising down the road with the windows down.

3. Don't Wanna Dance - From the very first sound of the solo guitar playing, you get the sense of why you love her music in the first place. This song has a bit of a throwback feel to previous outings and that's not a bad thing. It actually gives an automatic recognition to the song. There's some fun vocalizations on this tune and it's damn catchy.... one that'll stick in your head if you're not careful. I could hear her having fun recording this one. A standout track for me on the album.

4. There's Always Another Girl - By the title alone, you can assume this'll be a song with a slow burn. The lyrics hit me in the gut right away. Juliana has written a song full of truth. 'There's Always Another Girl' will leave an impression on you and you'll want to go back and re-listen to make sure you heard every word she uttered. "Don't you love it when a beautiful woman self destructs?"

5. Candy Wrappers - Something that has given Juliana a strong fan base and longevity, is her ability to try new things and not be afraid to be brave. Every album of her's is different. 'Made in China' is completely different than 'Peace and Love'. This song is yet another example of her branching out. To some it may seem like she's looking for her voice. For me, I see it as this is her voice that we're hearing and it's loud and clear. I've heard this song listed as a fan favorite and I can see why.... it's catchy and hooky, but no one ever said Juliana couldn't write a great pop song.

6. Someone Else's Problem - Echoing vocals open this track and it gives me shivers for some reason. This sounds like a track from 'God's Foot' to me. I wonder sometimes how she decides on what effects to use and when to use them. This song blends several effects and sets a slightly different tone than the others songs did. But all of the things she incorperates works like a charm. This one is slowly taking on a favorite song status for me.

7. Sex And Drugs - Another fan favorite, from what I've read about the album. This would be a great one to see live. I can see the audience eating up singing along. What I love about this song is, not only the music, but the lyrics. Listen to them and see if you don't agree.... although the music is pretty damn great too.

8. Stray Kids - Blake Babies anyone? It takes me back to the songwriting from that era of her life. That quickly fades as the chorus kicks in. This is modern Juliana Hatfield. An artist at the peak of her form. Oh and it ends in such a way that you'll want to reply it again right away.

9. Failure - This is one of those songs that as soon as it started, I knew I was going to love it. The chorus, with the blending of the guitars, creates a nostalic mood for something that has yet to even happen. I don't know if that makes sense? But I find that certain sounds, smells and times of day create a certain sense of nostalgia, even if they have no direct tie to something in your past. It's just something about those things that lends themselves to that emotional response. This is one of those songs.

10. Vagabond - Sometimes, you need to slow things down and take your time with the simple things. Some artists aren't afraid to do things at a reduced pace and Juliana is one of them. It's not always about how catchy the hook is or if the song is under three minutes to hold the listeners attention. Sometimes, it's just about the song, the music and the moment. I'm thankful for songs like these. Before you get to comfotable in what you're hearing musically, rewind and focus on the lyrcs.

11. And Again - "In the arms of mother, you always have trouble sleeping. It never feels like heaven, it never seems like a sweet thing. And the night is long, you want to jump into the heart of a song." But wait, is that a song you've heard? Suddenly you're hearing the chorus to 'Candy Wrappers' and you realize what's just happened. Clever, clever indeed. This is 'And Again' the song 'Candy Wrappers' but done slightly differently.

12. Batteries - From the old school robot type sound, you wonder what lies ahead. Well, it's not exactly a song about 'Batteries', not in the sense you'd expect. This is probably my favorite song on the album lyrically. "The batteries are dead. Totally completely dead. Completely fucking dead" And with that ends a song on an almost Flaming Lips note.

13. Wasting Time - College, this songs takes me there. The lyrics scream that out to me and the music just plays along like a pied piper leading me to a place I like to visit every once in a while, but that I can never go back to. That's the beauty of music, it's ability to allow you to do things that you might not ever be able to do otherwise. And to share experiences with other people that may not be the same, but are still universal.

14. Thousands Of Guitars - The last song on the album and a great title. I don't know if there really are thousands of guitars in the song, but that's not what she meant. There are thousands of guitars that she's singing about. This is the way to close an album. A song that feels like the ending score to a film. One where when the credits are rolling, you're wanting to see the film again or run out and buy the soundtrack.... you just can't decide. It proves that Juliana not only knows how to create amazing things, she also knows how to put them into a logical order that the listener may not appreaciate or understand, but it matters as much as anything else. Just another reason why she amazes me and continues to for all these years.

Obviously, this review is going to seem a bit tainted by my unbridled bias. However, I listen to every new album she puts out with a fresh ear and try and take it at face value. That being said, this is yet another amazing album from Juliana Hatfield. This one really feels like she made it out of love and a desire to make music. It doesn't feel rushed or like her hand was forced in anyway. It's something that I seem to have noticed since she's been putting things out on her own Ye Olde Records label. It's like its freed her up to be who she wants to be. Granted, I'm sure it has its pitfalls being your own label.... but I hope that it's also given her the license to be whoever she wants to be as an artist. I'm giving this a solid 5 out ot 5 star rating.

Is this album for everyone? I can't say. That's the beauty of all things artistic.... it's all up to the individual to make up their mind if they like something or not. There is literally something for everyone out there. I would however, recommend that you give this one a chance. Even if you haven't heard anything of hers since 'My Sister' or 'Spin the Bottle', take the time to catch up with an old friend. She's been here all this time making music for anyone who'll listen and I think that's made what she does all the much more enjoyable.

Thank you Juliana and I look forward to whatever comes next. (That covers album you're talking about sounds like fun to me!)

Support independent music! Please buy the album directly from Juliana Hatfield via her own label, Ye Olde Records at: http://www.julianahatfield.com/newalbum.htm

my very brief thoughts on.... 'Barb Wire'

2011-08-07T20:08:00.003-06:00

I went into this expecting nothing. I was told, by some, that it was a good/bad movie. What I quickly learned in about 10 minutes of the movie was that this was going to be complete crap. I didn't enjoy a single thing about this movie. I don't like Pamela Anderson, she's a waste of space and truly overrated. I can't say anything nice about this movie, so I won't say anything more.

1 out of 5 stars. The best part of this movie is when it ended. 1996 must have been a bad time for action movies. I think I blocked it out or maybe it was just this one.

If you like this.... you need help.

my thoughts on.... 'Red, White & Blue' (2010)

2011-08-07T16:04:00.015-06:00

This film is not an easy one to watch.

This film has characters that have not very many redeeming qualities.

This film presents you with a large number of morality questions, with no real answers.

This film ends ambiguously, but it ends amazingly strong.

This is an amazing film, but I feel strange saying that based on the subject matter.

This is one of the best films I've seen in a while, end of story.

This film has been written about and puzzled over in many online blogs and publications. It's been in my queue for quite some time and I've been putting it off, as I was waiting for the right moment to settle in to watch it. Last night was that night. The reason it keeps coming up, is that it's such a unique storyline with characters that seem to have no likable characteristics.... however, they're very watchable characters. These are characters that you have to find a common ground with in order to watch the film. I spent the entire, almost 2 hour run time, puzzling over how everyone ended up in the situation they were in and if they were justified in their actions. To be honest, I'm still asking myself the same questions. I haven't been able to stop thinking about this film since it ended. I can't say it's a recommended watch, perhaps only to those with a strong stomach and an open mind. This is a film that doesn't come along everyday, it can't be.... not based on the storyline. It's so dark and so harsh.

Enough of my babble, on with the storyline....

Plot taken from Wiki: "Erica (Amanda Fuller) spends her nights trawling the bars and beds of Austin. Emotionally withdrawn, her only form of human contact is a series of one-night stands, until she meets the mysterious Nate (Noah Taylor), who claims to have been honorably discharged from Iraq. Despite his air of danger, Nate’s the only man who seems to want for more than sex, and the two form a hesitant bond. But one of Erica’s casual sexual encounters, Franki (Marc Senter) — a young, hot-headed wannabe rock star — is about to return dramatically into her life." And when he does, things go straight to hell for all three people and everyone in their radius. That pretty much sums it up, although there is so much more to it than just what's writte here. It's such a hard film to sum up in a paragraph.For all of the horrible things that happen during the course of this film, there is still an underlying love story (in a way) and true caring and concern for someone else. It's what makes this all that much more of a difficult film to dissect. Case in point, the violence is focused on in the reviews you read.... but in reality, a lot of is it implied. Granted, there is some horrific stuff presented on the screen, but only snippets of it is visual and the rest is left up to your own imagination. That creates a visual far worse than anything Simon Rumley could have created. There is also some confusion on the backstories in the film and the ending. What I have to say to that is that if you're paying attention and going along with what the characters believe and say, then you'll understand everything that happens. However, if you're left feeling unsatisified at the end.... there are plenty of sites attempting to crack the final scenes. I think it was done in such a way that it doesn't treat the audience like idiots. It allows some interpretations, but is pretty concrete.... however subtle it may be.

All in all, I am very close to a 5 star rating, but after my inital viewing, I am going with a very strong 4 out of 5 star rating. This film has a unique voice that screams out to have all of the directors other films added to the queue and watched as soon as possible. I am so happy that I finally took the leap of faith to watch this and that I waited to be in the right mood. This is not your Saturday afternoon pleasure viewing film, this is for the thinking person with an open mind and a bit of a sadistic side. If you have the time and the desire, this is a film that deserves a wide audience and all of the people involved in this put a lot of blood, sweat and tears into it and it shows. Amazing.

There is a great scene early on in the film where Nate is talking to Erica and telling her a story about when he was a kid. He talks about how he used to do horrible things to animals, but when he was given a kitten to take care of, he treated it like his own child and would never hurt it and would protect it to the death. However, it didn't stop him from hurting other animals. This is just an example of the beautiful way that things are forshadowed in the film and you almost have to take everything said and done in the film as more than what it appears. Everything has a meaning a purpose. That's why I love this flim.

If you like this, check out: 'Death Sentence', 'The Brave One' and 'Death Wish'

my thoughts on.... 'The Slammin' Salmon' aka 'Broken Lizard's the Slammin' Salmon'

2011-07-31T20:36:00.006-06:00

(terrible poster, by the way.... it looks weird.... and Kevin Heffernan's character is only a waiter for the first 10 minutes, the rest of the film he's in a suit and tie as a manager.)

When I first saw 'Super Troopers', I really didn't know what to make of it. But like with any great cult classic, it grew on me the more I heard about it. Soon, I was a convert. I've since seen and purchased 'Super Troopers', 'Club Dread' and 'Beerfest'. I haven't seen their stand up DVD 'Broken Lizard Stands Up' or their first film 'Puddle Cruiser'. (I am a big enough fan to have Jay Chandrasekhar's 'Dukes of Hazard' remake in my queue) It's bee a while since I've heard anything from Broken Lizard, but I recently came across one of their newest films, 'The Slammin' Salmon'. It has all of the regulars of Broken Lizard and their extended family. It feels and has the comic sensabilites of all of the others. I guess what I'm saying is, "I loved it!" I won't pull any punches with this review, it holds up to all of the other films they've made a 4 out of 5 star classic. Michael Clarke Duncan is a great addition, as well as a special appearance by Lance Henriksen.

The storyline from Netflix.com: "When a boxer turned restaurateur (Michael Clarke Duncan) announces a contest to his waitstaff, the good news is that the winner will get a $10,000 bonus. The bad news? The loser will be on the receiving end of a heavy-duty smack-down at the hands of the champ himself." What they fail to mention is that the contest is based on the fact that Michael Clarke Duncan needs the restaurant to make $20,000 in one night to pay off a debit and the only way to motivate the staff is to offer his prize. The math is obviously a little fuzzy for him. There is a lot of other stuff going on throughout the night and even though it feels a bit like the classic 'Waiting...', it's still a great flick and one I want to own.I really don't know what else to say that I haven't already said. Did I mention that Morgan Fairchild is in the film? Did I also mention that there is a lot of use of the phrase 'Mother F#$ker' by Michael Clarke Duncan?

What's really great about this film is how it blends the comedy into the storyline in even doses so you can enjoy it just as a film as well as a comedy. There's also a lot of subtle stuff going on that makes it re-watchable. If you don't catch it all on the first go around, you might get it on the next. It's like that with all of their films. I'm kind of guessing that this might not be the film for everyone, just like 'Club Dread' wasn't. I recommend you watch it and see for yourself. It's avaiable to rent from Netflix now and I'm returning my copy tomorrow, so you should be able to get it by Tuesday or so.

The only drawback of the film, lots of fish being served in the restaurant and I don't really dig on fish too much.

If you like this, check out 'Super Troopers', 'Beerfest' and 'Club Dread'

A Short List Of Movies Or Films Without Full Reviews: part 5

2011-07-28T02:52:00.013-06:00

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The first one wasn't great, this one isn't really even any good. It's just a reason to revisit the original characters with minimal storyline. 1 out of 5 stars, at best.

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Okay, great potential.... poorly thought out ending. Can't say it was terrible, but it wasn't at all as good as I was lead to believe it would be. Ah, well.... 2 out of 5 stars.

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Jeff Dunham is a funny guy. His show wasn't terrible. I found myself getting into it the further along it went. 3 out of 5 stars.

(No trailer for this television program.)

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An interesting documentary look at the adult industry. Primarily it focuses on certain 'stars', but it does look at more than just that. It's worth the time, if you're interested in that side of the tracks. 3 out of 5 stars.

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I can honestly say that I was geeked about seeing this movie after all I'd seen, read and heard about it. The end product that I saw was less than stellar. It didn't live up to the hype and had a pretty lame killer. I don't really recommend this to anyone. It's a rainy day, nothing else on kind of movie.... if even that. I gave it 2 out of 5 stars for a good effort.

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Once again, the folks at 'Jackass' HQ decided to release an inbetween flim, a .5. And also, once again, they've created something just as good as the original. For a fan like me, it's a wonderful thing to have these little filler films. I give it a 4 out of 5 star endorsement. This is about as good as it gets.

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I'd like to know why Cyril Raffaelli and David Belle aren't international action stars. I'd like to know why they aren't making tons of action films together. That's not to say that they're not working actors, because they are. Anyway.... I'd also like to know why this film and it's predecessor aren't more well known? They're both awesome films written by the infamous Luc Besson. I guess I'll never know the why's, all I can do is try and recommend them to as many people as possible. This is a 4 out of 5 star masterpiece.

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A horrible movie trying too hard to be a female version of the 'Evil Dead' flims. Pure crap. 1 out of 5 stars.

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The sequel to this, which is actually a prequel, was better than this one. This movie wasn't great and a big part of that was the fact there is little to no Scooby-Doo in it at all. It's mostly about the gang and all their interpersonal stuff. I can't say that it's good, but my kids liked it. 2 out of 5 stars.

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I love Radha Mitchell. I am leary of giant killer croc movies. Greg McLean, director of 'Wolf Creek', is a master of horror.... so I had faith that this might be good. It was. 'Rogue' may not be the best horror movie ever made, but it's above average. 3 out of 5 stars.

A Short List Of Movies Or Films Without Full Reviews: part 4

2011-07-28T02:51:00.015-06:00

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I can honestly say that I've never been a fan of Tammy Faye Baker, but after this documentary I can see what the appeal was. In the end, I felt sorry for her and how things ended up. This is a very well done documentary about a controversial subject. Check it out while you can. 3 out of 5 stars.

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A nice little documentary about Apple Computers. For fans and non-fans alike. 3 out of 5 stars.

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A series of back to back horror movie trailers from less than stellar movies. 2 out of 5 stars, which feels weird even rating something that isn't even really a movie.

(No trailer available for a movie full of trailers.)

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Starts out slow, but ends pretty decent. Nothing to write home about and not nearly what the poster makes it out to be. 3 out of 5 stars, sucker.

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I'm sure you're saying, "This can't be very good. A remake of an old cartoon classic, in live action?" Well, I was kind of thinking the same thing. In reality, it wasn't too bad. The kids loved it and there were some pretty funny moments. On the flipside, I don't think I need to see it again. 3 out of 5 stars, mostly for Anna Faris.

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Once again, this is another person or thing that is popular to not like. I personally find him very funny and have since I was in high school. Granted, most of the jokes on this movie are not original, but it's still good stuff. Jeff Dunham has talent. 4 out of 5 stars.

(There is no trailer for this special.)

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This is the kind of documentary that makes you feel something. Good or bad, you will be emotionally affected. 3 out of 5 stars. (The subject matter of this selection is not for everyone.)

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This is yet another documentary selection. 'I'm No Dummy' focuses on the fine art of ventriloquism and the modern masters of it. It's funny and informative. 3 out of 5 stars, dummy.

(There is no trailer for this documentary.)

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Good cast. Fun pop culture references. Decent effects. Fun for the whole family. Worth your time, if you have kids. 3 out of 5 stars.

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The history of 'OZploitation'.... what a great choice for a documentary subject. This movie has it all: blood, guts, nudity, violence, Quentin Tarantino, Aussie accents and crazy ass shennanigans! I can't think of the last documentary that packed more fun than the movies themselves. Check this one out, but be prepared for a very 'R' rated movie. Seriously.

(I couldn't find a trailer for this documentary that didn't feature tons of nudity and this isn't that kind of blog.... yet.)

A Short List Of Movies Or Films Without Full Reviews: part 3

2011-07-28T02:50:00.018-06:00

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I love a great zombie movie and in this day and age, they're harder and harder to come by. So many people are making them and so many are so low budget that you just don't know which ones to watch. Luckily, 'Last of the Living' is one of the good ones that just slipped through the cracks. It's a 3 out of 5 star movie, that is above average for some but below average for others.

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This movie, if you can call it one, is a depressing study on why having children should be heavily governed by the authorities. The fact that this movie almost praises their activities is sad. I fear for the future of the children involved, they need to be taken away and given proper families. End of story. 1 out of 5 stars. Don't support this movie.(I just wish Johnny Knoxville wasn't involved.)

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How can such a crazy, over the top movie like this be so damn fun? It's, by all definition, a b-grade schlock fest.... but that doesn't make it any less enjoyable. I think this one even tops the original. If you can check your brain at the door and like things that explode, this is the movie for you. 4 out of 5 stars!

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Sometimes it felt like this film was trying to be smarter than it was, but it's still a great film. There is a lot of great things going for it. I only wish I'd seen it in the theater. 4 out of 5 stars within 5 stars within 5 stars within 5 stars....

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I've never hidden the fact that I love the 'Jackass' films. Everyone of them that I watch makes me feel good. I own all of them, but this one and have watched them over and over. 'Jackass 3D' is yet another amazing entry into this series. I'm only saddened by the fact that we lost Ryan Dunn recently, so if more films are made.... they just won't be the same. Luckily we have all of these to remember him by. 4 out of 5 stars, 3D stars.

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When 'Seinfeld' ended, there was a hole in all of our hearts. When 'Curb Your Enthusiasm' started, I felt whole again. This show is brillant and one that can be enjoyed upon repeated viewings. The best part about season 7 is that it's almost entirely dedicated to 'Seinfeld' and by the end, we've almost seen an entirely new episode of 'Seinfeld'. How can you not love that? A 5 star program.

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Maybe I don't agree with everything Morgan Spurlock has to say, but he's a darn entertaining fellow. He also makes really fun documentaries. This one is no exception to that rule. Maybe it doesn't end with all the answers, but it's so good that I recommend, anyone who likes any of the things I've mentioned, to watch it. 4 out of 5 stars.

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The original 'Paradise Lost' documentary was heartwrenching and hard to watch. It asked a lot of questions that couldn't always be answered. This is the follow up to that original piece. It's just as gripping and leaves things still up to the viewer to decide. Watch it with an open mind. 4 out of 5 stars.

(No trailer available for this movie.)

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Viral videos have been out there long before the internet was around. The infamous 'Winnebago Man' commercials made their rounds on VHS and then hit eventually YouTube. Once that day came, it was almost overnight that Jack Rebney became a superstar as 'The Angriest Man in the World'. This is an extremely entertaining documentary, but only if you can tolerate lots of foul language. 4 out of 5 f'ing stars!

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I love Leslie Nielsen. I love this original TV series. I love the absurdness of it all. This is a classic TV turned movie franchise from the 80's that cannot be seen enough. Everyone should see this movie. 3 out of 5 stars.

A Short List Of Movies Or Films Without Full Reviews: part 2

2011-07-28T02:49:00.019-06:00

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A fun little kids movie starring Dwayne Johnson. Lots of fun little references to other movies. 3 out of 5 stars.

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It's nice to see a good, taut thriller every once in a while. Granted, I saw the ending coming from a mile away.... but that didn't matter. This is extremely well done and well worth the time. 4 out of 5 stars.

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The only drawback of this movie is that it runs a bit long. Other than that, this is a beautiful tribute to an amazing entertainer and a legend in the musical world. It made me sad for what we've lost, but he still lives on in his music. 3 out of 5 stars.

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I can't say I was a fan of the original anime, but this movie is damn fun. It's not the highest quality animated feature you'll ever see, but it's solid. I really enjoyed this one. 3 out of 5 stars.

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This is a movie I wanted to love, but it turned out just to be a mediocre thriller. There's only one really exciting scene and the rest is just so-so. I am still debating a 2 or 3 out of 5 star rating.... according to my Netflix right now, I have it at 2 stars.

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How can you not love Eddie Izzard? Every since my best friend Matt introduced me to his comedy, I've been in love. This is a great documentary about a great man, well worth the watch. 4 out of 5 stars.

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'Cropsey'. Nothing I'd heard of until I ran across the documentary. Sadly, this documentary doesn't do too much to increase my interest in the subject. I give it 3 out of 5 stars, but I don't remember why. Perhaps if you know about 'Cropsey' you'd enjoy it more?

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I love Sarah Polley. I'll watch pretty much anything she's in, past or present. I can also say that I enjoy Adrian Brody's work. So, that means I loved 'Spice', yes? Well, not exactly. I really enjoyed it up until the last 20 minutes. And was the rape scene near the end needed? A 3 out of 5 star miss, that could've been a 5 star homerun.

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A documentary about 'Troll 2'? Brillant. This movie had my name written all over it and I couldn't wait to see it. Needless to say, this is a very enjoyable movie that is a feel good documentary. I highly recommend this to anyone who loves 'Troll 2' or just good film making. I highly suggest you get this and 'Troll 2' and make it a double feature. 4 out of 5 stars. NILBOG spelled backwards is GOBLIN!

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So you want to watch a terrible movie? This is a prime example of just that. This is not a good movie in any way shape or form. The only way it's watchable is with friends and mind altering things like drugs or liquor. It makes a nice companion piece to 'Best Worst Movie'. Just don't watch it sober.... I could only muster 1 star out of 5 for this turd.

A Short List Of Movies Or Films Without Full Reviews: part 1

2011-07-28T02:09:00.021-06:00

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This is one of my favorite sci-fi films of the past decade. It blew me away the first time I saw it and is now proudly in my DVD collection. Easily 5 out of 5 stars.

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A decent remake, with a good cast and a good director. Not the best movie ever made, but well worth the time to watch and possibly to even own if it's a good price. 3 out of 5 stars.... why do I think of the 'Money Train' everytime I see this movie poster?

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Probably not a popular thing to be a fan of Mr. McConaughey, but I am. This movie was fluffy fun and doesn't leave much of an impression. 3 out of 5 stars.

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I think by now that it's a well known fact that I have a huge man-crush on Ryan Reynolds. Basically, what that means is that I want to see all of his movies. This one was pretty good. Funny, cute and romantic. 3 out of 5 stars.

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Poor Guy Ritchie was dealt a nasty hand when he married Madonna. His career just tanked after that. Then 'Sherlock Holmes' came out. This movie was everything he's capable of and I can't wait for the sequel. (and not just because Noomi Rapace is in it.) I awarded this one 4 out of 5 stars. A smart and fun piece of cinema.

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Gotten tired of all the typical serial killer movies out there? If you haven't seen this yet, then you should. It's a breath of fresh air and a 3 out of 5 star movie going experience.

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It's hard not to like this film, believe me.... I tried. It is just a simple story of redemption and family. There is nothing about this film not too enjoy. 4 out of 5 stars was the only rating that made sense.

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I wanted to like this movie so much, but it just isn't all it could have been. Perhaps I missed something or was expecting too much? I don't know. 2 out of 5 stars.

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Part anthology of terror, part comedy, part horror. This movie has it all and in just damn good fun. It's a 3 out of 5 star movie with not nearly a big enough audience.

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This is not the usual movie to see on my blog, nor is it a popular one for me to have enjoyed.... but I did. This movie reminded me of all the dogs I've had in the past and made me sad that they were gone. This is a well done movie that is designed to tug at your heart strings. I cried. (yeah, I know.) 4 out of 5 stars.

my thoughts on.... 'Insidious' aka 'The Astral'

2011-07-28T00:48:00.009-06:00

James Wan is a talented film maker. He started out really strong with the original 'Saw'. He's gone on to make the films 'Death Sentence', 'Dead Silence' and now 'Insidious'. All of these films have some really strong points to them and all of them are ones that I either own or have thought about owning. The only problem with James Wan's most recent films, are that they start off so incredibly strong that they can't possibly keep up the same level of awesomeness throughout. Perhaps he'll be able to overcome this little obstacle in future flims, but for now.... it feels like 'Dead Silence' and 'Insidious' just fell a bit short of the mark. I can see the potential in him and the influence he's already had on other film makers. He's a young guy with a long career ahead of him. I know I'll be watching his path closely. That being said....

'Insidious' is not your typical ghost story. It does have a lot of the same earmarks of other American ghost tales, but the twist on the theme is what sets it apart and actually kind of hurts it ultimately. I saw the ending coming within the first 15 minutes of the film and I think that Mr. Wan was intending on the big reveal to make his film stand out. What it really did was kind of take the wind out of its sails. There is some unsettling images, creepy music, 'jump' moments and an absolute fear factor. I don't know how he could have made it better, but it just felt unfinished and a bit cliche. Why would you spend so much time and energy creating some of the coolest ghost hunter gear and characters or the grab you by the throat ghostly beings and then just slap a lame excuse for it all? I mean, the scene with Lin Shaye wearing the gas mask and talking with the little boy was creepy as hell. It accomplished exactly what it set out to do. That's what we should have seen in the ending as well. Something along those lines.Without giving too much away, for those who haven't seen it or who don't catch on to the ending right away.... it reads a little like this: (according to Netflix.com) "After moving into a new home, Josh (Patrick Wilson) and his wife Renai (Rose Byrne) confront terrifying tribulations when their son Dalton (Ty Simpkins) falls into a coma and his body starts to attract malevolent forces from a mysterious netherworld. But when the family decides to move again, hoping to leave the evil spirits behind, they realize that their problems are just beginning." Sounds pretty cut and dry, right? James Wan takes that simple concept and mushes it up in the end, but it's still above a lot of other crap that's out there and based on that, I still recommend this movie.

One of the nice things about this movie is the casting of Patrick Wilson in a nice guy role. After the bad taste he left in everyone's mouth after 'Hard Candy', he deserves some positive press. I also am a fan of Rose Byrne, especially after seeing '28 Weeks Later'.... she was a stand out in the film. She proves again in 'Insidious' that she's destined to be a big star. And finally, Lin Shaye. I think most people will associate her with her roles in the different Farrelly brothers movies she's appeared in. (they're small roles, but she's a scene stealer.... not too mention her role in the original 'A Nightmare on Elm Street')

Despite its shortcomings, 'Insidious' still deserves some notice. I give 3 out of 5 stars for giving it the old college try. James Wan continues to impress me with his film making expertise. I can only expect that time will improve his abilities and that there are still great things to come. The man knows what buttons to push to get a reaction out of his audience and that's a gift that not everyone has. In the meantime, I'll be staying in my bed at night and not looking too closely at photographs of myself.

If you like this movie, check out the three other James Wan classics: 'Saw' (2004), 'Death Sentence' and 'Dead Silence'

my thoughts on.... 'Zombie Girl: The Movie'

2011-07-27T23:20:00.006-06:00

What was your biggest asperation when you were 12 years old? If you're Emily Hagins, then it's to make your first movie.... a zombie movie. Not a short film, but a full length feature. This documentary follows her from start to finish, as she attempts to complete her project. Along the way, she meets some amazing people, gets a cult following, builds a unique relationship with her parents (especially her mom) and tries to finish what she started. The crazy thing about this movie is the fact that whether you're 12 years old or 58 years old, it makes you wonder if you could make your own movie. This girl proves that anything is possible if you set your mind to it. Her dream took two years of her life and in the end, it was so worth it. This is a feel good movie and in a way is very similar to 'American Movie'. The only difference is age and background. I do wish that Emily's movie 'Pathogen' was included to watch, but maybe if I rented the DVD I'd have that option. I've also since followed up on her and she is still making movies, FYI.

The plot is pretty well laid out in my previous section of this review. The story revolves around 12 year old Emily Hagins and her pursuit of her dream of making a full length zombie movie. She enlists the help of her family, friends and a lot of local celebs. It's a story about blood, guts and determination. In the end, we all learn that it's not about how old you are, but how much desire you have to succeed. Here's another summary from Netflix.com: "Youth and inexperience were no deterrents to 12-year-old Emily Hagins when she set out to make her first full-length feature, the zombie flick Pathogen. This 2008 documentary chronicles her two-year endeavor from start to finish. With cameras focused on Emily and Mom -- who acts as agent, crew, producer and No. 1 fan -- the film illuminates indie moviemaking challenges and the wonder of being a plucky adolescent to whom anything seems possible."The only thing I wish about that they had done with this movie is included some more scenes from Emily's movie, 'Pathogen'. It felt like during the whole movie that we were on the road to seeing the end results, but it never paid off. Regardless of all of that, this is still a great documentary. Emily proves that she is an up and coming talent and shows that not all families are dysfunctional. It also proves that horror won't neccessarily destory the minds of the young. Granted, I think that Emily might be more of an exception that a rule.... but moderation is the key. She is a girl with a vision and it's so strong that it carries her all the way to completion of her project. That's quite a feat considering the fact that most kids her age are more concerned about puberty and self-image.... Emily is worried about whether or not her severed heads look real and if she's using enough blood or not. Those are real worries in my book.

All in all, a very solid 3 out of 5 star production. I would recommend this to documentary film lovers, horror film buffs, zombie movie goers and people who just love a good storyline. This movie has it all. I am curious to see the finished product and her other projects after this. I also kind of wonder where the future will take her? It seems like she has her own career mapped out, but how will the rest of the world see it? This also makes me regret that my zombie film project from college never got off the ground. It was in the final stages of production and only needed the okay on my main location, but sadly.... my college frowned on the use of it's buildings for production. Thus ended my zombie film. I instead, made a short experimental film called, 'Anybody's Taco?'. Anyway, check this movie out.

If you like this, also check out: 'American Movie', 'Hide and Creep' and 'Pathogen'

my very brief thoughts on.... 'Four Boxes'

2011-07-27T22:25:00.006-06:00

What does 'Four Boxes' mean? Well, it refers to 4 webcams set up and showing 4 different rooms in one house. It's an internet thing, you understand? I can honestly say after seeing this, that I wish I didn't know what it was about. This movie was about as pointless and dumb as they get. The characters were unlikable, the "villans" weren't interesting and in the end.... I felt like I wasted a lot of time for nothing. Think of the original 'April Fools Day', a huge let down. I don't understand why this movie had so much praise listed in the trailer, perhaps I'm missing something? I kind of doubt it though. This movie was nothing but a giant pile of crap with a tiny budget. 1 out of 5 stars at best. If you want to see a terrorist with a leaf blower of death wearing a studded lampshade on his head, then this is the movie for you.

My advice, eat a can of corn, take a crap in the toilet and count the number of corn in it, that would be more entertaining.

That's all I have to say about that.

my thoughts on.... 'Harpoon: Whale Watching Massacre' aka 'Reykjavik Whale Watching Massacre'

2011-07-27T20:13:00.007-06:00

How many times have you said, "I am so bored with all the horror movies out there, why can't someone make something new?" or "Why aren't there more Icelandic horror films?" I'm guessing you've said at least one of those two things before. I've got good news for you today, 'Harpoon: Whale Watching Massacre' is the answer to both of those questions. Believe it or not, despite the odd subject matter, this movie is actually really good. Consider the fact that Gunnar Hansen (the original Leatherface in Tobe Hooper's 'Texas Chainsaw Massacre') is in a decent starring role. That is reason enough alone to watch it. Add into the mix some amazing cinematography and direction as well as a somewhat original script and you've got a movie well worth your time. I mean, it just feels warm watching it. It is shot in such a way that it has a gritty 70's vibe. And the countryside is amazing to look at, hell it's a movie about whale watching right? I just wish I hadn't put this one off so long, it's one I'm even considering owning. It would make a nice bookend to my collection.

Okay.... so the plot, it's fairly obvious by the title that there is whale watching, harpoons and a massacre involved. I could probably only say that much and you'd get the gist. But here's the plot breakdown from Netflix.com: "During a whale-watching expedition in Iceland, a sightseeing group is left stranded when their captain gets wiped out. But when a seemingly helpful whaler sails by and brings the tourists aboard, he steers them to their deaths on a sadistic island. Gunnar Hansen -- who played the original "Leatherface" in The Texas Chainsaw Massacre -- co-stars in this graphically gory horror pic set adrift on the open seas." That's about it in a nutshell. It's a shame that it doesn't really give you the picture of how interesting all of these characters are. They're all very charasmatic and individual. They may be some of the stereotypes you've seen before, but they try really hard to keep it fresh and it works. So why bother with this one? Well, because I said so. No, seriously, this really is a good movie. It kind of reminds me of how I felt at the end of 'Cold Prey'. A somewhat original story told in a very well done way. I didn't see where this one was going exactly and even though there wasn't any big twist in the end or any super big surprises it still had that satisfying feeling like you'd seen something worthwhile. It made me wonder what else Iceland could offer up to the horror world in years to come? It also had a tribute to an Icelandic hero: Bjork. At a certain point in the movie, one of the women (who gets shit on by everyone), starts to sing 'It's Oh So Quiet' over the loudspeaker of the boat. It's kind of a tense moment. Also, at the end of the movie there is a quasi-death metal version of the same song. It's awesome. I've also mentioned the cinematography. There is several great scenes for that, but one in particular is where one of the men escapes by jumping off the boat. As he's swimming away, one of the killers uses a harpoon cannon to kill him. We see it from several perspectives and all of it is kick ass. (the trailer doesn't do it justice.)

All in all, I highly recommend that you put this movie in your queue tonight and watch it right away. You won't regret it or your money back! I gave it 3 out of 5 stars with a retainer that I'm going to come back to it and after a second viewing may update my decision. After all, this movie has everything a good horror movie should have. A decent plot, a high body count, unique kills, interesting characters, etc.... If you'll excuse me now, I'm going to go and cancel my reservations for my upcoming whale watching vacation. It's lost some of its appeal. Dig?

If you like this, check out other beautifully shot horror movies: 'Cold Prey', 'Let the Right One In' and 'Cemetary Man'

my very brief thoughts on.... 'Stan Helsing'

2011-07-27T19:56:00.006-06:00

I don't know why they bother making these movies anymore. This was a waste of time and energy for everyone involved. The End.

If you want to see a decent spoof movie, watch: 'Scary Movie'